


Help Me Understand.

by SapphiraHart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BDSM Scene, Eventual Romance, F/M, Miscarriage, Tragic Romance, eventual pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-05-18 11:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 157,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14851973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphiraHart/pseuds/SapphiraHart
Summary: “No, you don’t know what it’s like. Not like this.” His words seemed to be broken, giving her a glimpse at the broken man that resided in the deepest parts of him. It broke her heart to hear him this way, to see the strongest man she had ever met, and not just for the super soldier everyone saw, seem so lost and broken.“Then help me understand, Steve,” she said quietly and moved closer to him only causing him to take a step back and hold up one of his hand. He saw it there in her eyes, the actions broke her just a little bit before the emotions were quickly covered back up in her liquid green eyes.





	1. Merlin.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Sorry for the sucky summary!  
> Also, this story is also on my WattPad page, https://www.wattpad.com/user/SapphiraHart , I just really want to put this story out there for feedback!
> 
> Comments welcomed!
> 
> Also, anything in // // is a memory!! I couldn't get the slant to work on it lol. Anyways, enjoy reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, you don’t know what it’s like. Not like this.” His words seemed to be broken, giving her a glimpse at the broken man that resided in the deepest parts of him. It broke her heart to hear him this way, to see the strongest man she had ever met, and not just for the super soldier everyone saw, seem so lost and broken.
> 
> “Then help me understand, Steve,” she said quietly and moved closer to him only causing him to take a step back and hold up one of his hand. He saw it there in her eyes, the actions broke her just a little bit before the emotions were quickly covered back up in her liquid green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the sucky summary!  
> Also, this story is also on my WattPad page, https://www.wattpad.com/user/SapphiraHart , I just really want to put this story out there for the feedback!
> 
> Comments welcomed!
> 
> ((I edited the memory part so, go me lol))

Chapter 1:  
Merlin.

It was one of those rainy days England was famous for, the sky was gray, rain gently patting down against the windows and sidewalk that the typical Britain person would walk with black umbrellas. There were fliers taped to light poles and in shop windows labeled, “Have You Seen Captain America?” Steve Rogers face, half of it being his unmasked face and the other half being the masked part. Newspapers that were sold and held in bins had bold headlines of “Ten Years Since Captains Disappearance. Where Did You Go Cap?” Millions, if not the entire world, seemed to mourn the loss of him, even though he was hidden in plain sight.

Steve Rogers, wearing a faded brown leather jacket, dark washed jeans, a white t-shirt, baseball cap and carrying a black umbrella in one hand with two or three reusable fabric grocery bags in the other hand, walked up the cobblestone road of the small town named Rye. He was clearly recognizable to anyone who wanted to pay attention to him, but everytime someone asked if they knew him, he easily brushed it off with a British accent and shook his head. He had been hiding away in the small town for about six years, having moved around a lot the first few years to keep people from realizing who he was. It wasn’t that he didn’t want people to know who he was, it was just, he was so tired. He was tired of fighting the government's battles, tired of getting the hell beat out of him, tired of losing people no matter how much he tried, tired of not being able to tell the difference between dreaming and reality. After losing so many people to Thanos years ago, then the life draining experience of bringing them back, they all needed a break, but him the most. He was going on a hundred and eight in a few months and, even though he knew he could live to be in his late two hundred, his body felt like it was nearing the mark. Not to mention the accident that had happened the day he left.

He sighed quietly and shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts as he made a turn and walked up the small hill to a row of cottages that sat there, about a mile or so from the church that overlooked the entire town. He walked up to his home, going up the few little steps that were there, before setting his bags down under the little overhang in front of his door. He dug his keys out of his pants pocket, unlocked the door, then bent down to get his bags. He gently nudged the door open before walking in and kicking the door closed. He set the bags back down and closing the umbrella, putting it in the vase that held it originally. He tossed the keys into the bowl on the table by the door, along with the fake glasses, before he took his shoes off and pushed them under the table. He grabbed his bags, this time with both hands, and made his way to the kitchen. Everything in the house was neat and tidy, exactly how you’d expect a military man’s home to be, down to the retiled walls that had been off by a hair when he first moved in. He sat the bags on the counter before he started unloading them and putting the groceries away.

He sighed softly when he finished then started to make some coffee in a Moka pot, an old coffee maker that set on top of the stove much like the tea kettles, and smiled a bit at the old object. Everything in the house seemed to come from his time period, down to the old radio that was his only source of entertainment next to his many shelves of books. He knew better than to have any new technology in his home. S.H.I.E.L.D, Tony, anyone with a computer could easily track him that way. It was another reason he didn’t use a bank card or checks, instead, using cash and coins for his money. Of course, he had to use a bank, but he didn’t go by anything close to Steve or Rogers. No, he played it safer than he should have. All his ID’s and paperwork were under the name Arthur Kingsley, something none related to him even in the slightest and also very, very English. A smile came to his face at the thought of Natasha picking on him for it if she ever found out about it.

He sighed quietly, biting his lip. Out of everyone he could possibly miss, he missed her the most. They had worked beyond well together, and there for a while, they had even gotten closer than what they should have. He’d even dare say he got compromised. But after Thanos, and getting everyone back, he needed to be alone. Yes, they had both been compromised, something that neither one could have helped, but this was something that he had to straighten out himself. It wasn’t something he wanted her getting involved with.

He turned back around when the coffee finished brewing and got a cup down from the cabinet before pouring himself a cup and taking a sip. He smiled softly at the warm and oh so familiar taste before he looked around his quiet little kitchen then made his way to the stairs that lead to the second floor. He took them slowly, not particularly in a rush. Once he reached the floor he made his way down the hall, the walls bare of life besides a few pictures here and there of country scenery, down to the last door on the left that was partially open. He smiled when he saw a large lump in the middle of the bed, under the blankets, then a smaller one a few inches over.

“Hey guys,” he said and watched the larger lump move before belly crawling out from under the blankets. He laughed when he saw the foxhound dog stick his head out from under blankets, seeing the happiness in the dog's eyes of his human there. He hopped down from the bed causing the smaller lump to get up and move out from under the blankets, revealing a dark orange and black striped Bengal cat with lime green eyes. The pair took a moment to stretch before making their way over to their human who smiled happily and bent down to pet them. He had gotten the two a few years back at an animal shelter a few towns over because the loneliness had started getting to him. Apparently, his neighbors had noticed it too because they started trying to set him up with their aunts, cousins, nieces, granddaughters, and even a few great-granddaughters. One even went far enough to try and set him up with their nephew, which Steve found both interesting and funny. He would be lying if he said that he had turned them all away. He managed to go on a few dates with a handful, including the male just to see, but none of them were what he was looking for. They weren’t the petite five foot seven inches that could fit into his six foot two inches hold perfectly. Their hair wasn’t the right red that he seemed to love more than he thought he did. Their eyes weren’t that sparkling blue that he felt like he could get lost in the longer he looked into them, or as warm when they would turn to look at him. He pulled himself from his thoughts before he looked down at his pets in focus and smiled softly.

“Did you two have a good day?” he asked and smiled as he gently patted their sides before he called for them to follow him back down the stairs to the kitchen. He got out their food bowls and their food, putting each into the respected bowl it went into then sitting them on the floor. He smiled softly as he watched them for a moment before he opened up the laundry room door so they could go out the back doggy door to the backyard. He grabbed the coffee pot on his way out of the kitchen and headed back upstairs, to the first door he came to. He smiled as he went inside, revealing a large crafts room. One wall was nothing but shelves, holding all sorts of little odd end things from screws, bows, knobs, wires, little tiles, and even little tires that went on toy cars and trucks. There was another wall that held tools with a wooden box that held different sizes, sheets and poles, of wood. The last wall held deeper shelves with fabrics on one side and baskets with more crafting tools and items inside them. In the middle was a large table with a sewing machine on one side and on the other side was a wooden toy car, big enough for a toddler to get in and out of.

Yes, Steve Rogers had become a craftsman, secretly making toys for kids in the town. He was kind of like the Saint Niklaus of the town which made his happy to think about. It gave the small hope to kids that maybe a Santa Claus was actually real. He smiled as he sat his cup down on the table and looked at the almost finished car and bit his lip as he opened a drawer and got out a sheet of sandpaper. He gently started sanding the car down, smoothing out any rough spots, and humming gently to himself as he did. It didn’t take him long to finish that before he went over to one of the cabinets and opened it up to reveal almost every color of paint imaginable.

“Let’s see, Tommy said today that his favorite color was yellow,” he said as he grabbed the can of paint, getting a smaller black can and closing the door. He went back and set the cans on the table before he went to basket on the wall and got out two sized brushes, one looked more like it was for painting on a canvas than a wooden toy car. He nodded to himself as he grabbed two paint stirrers and went back to the table. He got a sip of his coffee and used a screwdriver from one of his draws to open the can of yellow paint. He stirred it thoroughly before he dipped the larger brush into the paint and started painting the car. As he painted, his thoughts seemed to drift off to times when he and Natasha had been together and he had picked up painting in his free time.

     _It had been a night that he couldn’t sleep and he had instead gotten up and began to paint her laying there entangled in the sheets of the bed, her back bare and her short red curls tousled over the pillow where she slept. He figured that she had probably felt that he had moved, but didn’t wake up enough to bother turning over. He smiled softly as he stared at her for a moment before he added a few darker lines to her back where some scars were._

_“You know Cap, it's rude to stare for so long.” He heard her say causing him to pause mid stroke and look over at her. He smiled softly when he saw her roll over and look at him from the bed, not bothering to cover her top half up before smiling softly at him._

_“Well, it's rude to interrupt a painter when he’s painting a masterpiece,” he replied causing her to arch an eyebrow before she got up. She walked over to him, his eyes remaining on her face out of respect, not to mention he had gotten fairly familiar with her skin over the past few months. She went behind him, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders and looking at the painting as if she was criticizing it._

_“Well, it would be a lovely painting if you didn’t add in the scars,” she said and leaned the side of her head against his before he chuckled and shook his head._

_“I think it’s a beautiful painting even with the scars in there,” he said and turned his head a bit to look at her. The comment earned him a small smile before she kissed him softly and whispered, “Compliments only get you laid Captain.”_

_He smiled gently at the kiss before laughing softly at her comment. “Well that’s not a bad thing, but I’m currently sitting in a chair so I can’t technically be laid.” He replied earning a bubbly laugh from her. She leaned in and kissed him softly before she whispered, “No, not technically, but I have another idea or two.” A wide smile grew over his lips before he pulled her around and onto his lap as he leaned in and kissed her again, the paintbrush falling from his fingertips as it moved up to her neck and his free arm wrapped around her to hold her there._  

He was pulled from his memory when he heard his doorbell ring from downstairs causing him to raise an eyebrow. He looked at the car and realized he had painted the entire thing already beside the wheels and inside part. He sighed quietly, assuming that it was his neighbor Mrs. Martha with his cat Merlin. He set the brush down on the lid before grabbing a rag and wiping his hands off as he made his way down the hall then the stairs. He went to the door, not noticing that Merlin and Winston, the foxhound, were sitting on the couch together.

“I’m sorry Martha, was Merlin in-” he said as he opened the door before pausing when he saw the shortcut redhead standing there, her big green eyes staring back at him.

“Hello Cap,” Natasha said looking up at the man she had once begun to love if it was even possible for someone like her to do such a thing.


	2. Winston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay so, if you checked my Wattpad, then you already know what is gonna happen here lol. Also, where my dumbass forgot to save the extra bits I edited in on Wattpad to my original draft, I had to go by what I could remember, so if something doesn't match up, please for the love of god don't go yelling at me for it. I have the proof that this is my original story with inspiration from a roleplay. Thanks.
> 
> Also, thank you all for the support, you have no idea just how much it means to me. I'm a very shy person when it comes to posting my writings, and I'm just now getting the courage up to post them. 
> 
> And also, I finally got the slants to work so the memories are now pretty clear lol. ((Gonna have to go edit chapter one now lol))
> 
> So, without further waiting, here is chapter 2. Enjoy, and until next time!

Steve stared at her for a moment, completely dumbfounded and shocked that she was standing in front of him. He closed his eyes and blinked a few times to make sure that she wasn’t a hallucination before staring at her again. She stared back at him for a few moments, lost in the sea of blue that was his eyes before she bit her lip. She had never been shy around anyone, not even him until they had started becoming more than friends. She remembered him telling her that it was cute, but also strange and that she should just keep being herself around him no matter what they were.

“It’s rude to stare Cap,” she said with a tiny smile which seemed to be real enough for him before he cleared his throat and looked down.

“Sorry, I’m just shocked is all,” he said and looked at her for a moment before he moved back and motioned her in. “Come in out of the rain,” he said, stealing little glances at her, still unsure if this was real or a dream. She smiled and nodded as she made her way into the house, Winston beginning to bark at the newcomer causing Natasha to look over at the animals and Steve to hush him quickly and shut the door. Winston jumped down out of the chair before going over and getting between the two, still growling as Steve was quick to apologize.

“Sorry, we usually don’t get visitors unless it’s Mrs. Martha next door bringing Merlin back from her garden,” he said as he reached down and got ahold of the foxhound's collar and petted him gently with the other hand.

Natasha looked at him for a moment, a hint of jealousy filling her eyes at the mention of “we” before she shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine. I’d be disappointed if he didn’t bark at me,” she said and forced a smile in his direction before she looked around the house. She couldn’t help but think that it was like walking into the past and that it looked to be like only one person lived there, but she was one that wouldn’t let looks deceive her. She reached her hand down and let Winston sniff it before the smile turned real when he licked her knuckles. “Good boy,” she said softly and started petting his head.

Steve sighed quietly when he saw the forced smile, then let go of Winston’s collar when she started to pet him. He bit his lip before looking around, then at her and feeling his cheeks warm up when he saw her looking at him. “We need to talk Cap,” she said softly causing him to raise an eyebrow. “We need you back at S.H.I.E.L.D,” she added as she looked up at him and saw his expression harden before he shook his head.

“I left that life, Natasha,” he said before he turned and made his way to the kitchen to close the laundry room door. He heard the clicking of her heels following after him and then her voice as she said, “Yeah, without an explanation or reason why you were going MIA.”

Steve paused before turning to look at her. He raised an eyebrow at her as he asked, “Do you not remember the conversation that we had?” She looked at him for a moment before she sighed and nodded. “I do, but, the reason you gave me wasn’t good enough.” She whispered before she looked down almost in defeat.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t do it anymore Natasha and I told you that. I needed to get my head screwed back on right from the damage it has taken over the years, and you’re saying that wasn’t good enough?” He asked, feeling his anger beginning to build as he looked at her. He thought, of all people who could possibly understand, she would be the one person that could understand where he was coming from with it. He looked down at her, seeing hidden emotions rise briefly before disappearing again into her eyes. It was then when he realized what he had said, and what it meant to them. He felt like his heartstrings were yanked on hard before he looked away from her for a moment.

“Cap,” she said quietly and held up her hands in a way to show she wasn’t trying to hurt him or anything. “I’m just saying we all have had the same problem. What you’re going through, we’ve all been there, we could have helped you.” She said quietly, easing her hands back down to her sides when she saw his blue eyes turn back and search hers. For a moment, she got lost in the seas of blue again. Remembering how happy, almost carefree, and lively they use to be. Now, they seemed to have lost their sparkle, their liveliness, and instead, they harbored restlessness, sadness, and pain that wouldn’t be seen to someone who didn’t know him or wasn't looking hard enough. The sight alone frightened her and saddened her because she didn’t know if the man she had these feelings for was still in there.

He shook his head as he looked at her before he said, “No you don’t know what it’s like. Not like this.” His words seemed to be broken, giving her a glimpse at the broken man that resided in the deepest parts of him. It broke her heart to hear him this way, to see the strongest man she had ever met, and not just for the super soldier everyone saw, seem so lost and broken.

“Then help me understand, Steve,” she said quietly and moved closer to him only causing him to take a step back and hold up one of his hand. He saw it there in her eyes, the actions broke her just a little bit before the emotions were quickly covered back up in her liquid green eyes.

“I can’t, that’s the problem. I can’t make people understand what goes on inside my head. They can’t see what I see or hear what I hear. This place has helped, but I’m not too stable enough to go back. And I don’t want to hurt anyone else,” He said softly before he turned and started back towards the door.

The last bit of the statement confused her. He hadn’t hurt anyone besides the people who needed to be taken care of. She racked her brain for any memory that could give her a clue to what he meant, and all she could think of was the people they had lost in fights. “Steve, I’m not leaving here without you.” She said quietly as she looked at him finally when he opened the door. His shoulders slouched, his head hanging a bit before he looked over at her. “Then I guess you’ll be calling Rye your new home,” he replied not moving to close the door or anything.

She watched him for a moment before she walked over to him and looked up at him for a moment. She hated seeing him like this, she hated that S.H.I.E.L.D and Fury wouldn’t leave him alone and wanted him back. She wished that she could show them what she was seeing, but she knew the answers she would receive. Get him back no matter what. That was always the answer she would get when it came to the team's main man, not to mention her own hearts answer. Yes, she had been compromised by Steve Rogers and it wasn’t one that she regretted. “I don’t think you heard me, Steve. I’m not leaving here without you,” she said as she looked at him, trying to make him understand that she wasn’t leaving the house unless she was leaving with him.

He sighed quietly and closed his eyes for a moment before he opened his eyes and looked over at her. “There’s a bed and breakfast right down the road. I know the owners, they’ll treat you right and won't bother you.” He said in an attempt to get her to leave. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her there, it was just, he didn’t want her to see him when he had his weak moments, no matter how many times she had seen it before.  
“Steve Rogers, listen to me. I am not leaving this house unless you are coming with me.” She said placing her hands on her hips and giving him the look that said she meant business. He bit his lip as he looked down at her, pushing down the teenaged boy in him that seemed to spark alive before looking out the door for a moment. He sighed before he nodded and closed the door. He had a moment's thought in wonder if this was how Bucky felt when Steve had been trying to get through to him on the Helicarriers during Project Insight. Bucky. The thought of his best friend’s death all those years ago and not being able to get him back made Steve feel like he had failed their friendship. That he had failed Bucky. He shook his head to rid himself of the thought before he broke down any more than what she was seeing him as now and before. “Okay fine,” he said quietly before looking at her. “There’s a room upstairs, if you want to follow me I’ll show you up.”

She nodded as he made his way towards the stairs and made his way up them. He didn’t know why he felt a bit nervous and slightly on the defense around her all of the sudden. He had never been nervous around her, in fact, he was always rather ballsy and when they weren’t working, well, that was another story. When they made it to the top floor he remembered that he had left his workshop room open, before he quickly went over and shut it. Natasha looked at him with a raised eyebrow, eyeing the door for a moment before she asked, “What’s in there?”

He looked over at her shaking his head and saying, “Nothing really, just a storage room.” She eyed him for a moment before she gave him a small smile and said, “You’ve improved in your lying Cap, but I can still tell you’re lying.” The comment brought a smile to his face before he looked down and shook his head with a chuckle. He looked back up at her for a moment and then went down the hall a bit more, stopping at the first door on the right before opening it.  
“It’s nothing fancy, but it should do,” he said as he looked inside the never used room. It was an off-white color, with two windows facing the backyard. There was a dresser across from one window and a chair with a footstool next to it. Against one wall was a twin sized bed, the sheets white with blue trim and a blue heavy down quilt with white trim and an oak wood bedside table with an antique touch lamp sitting atop of it. There was a closet that was empty besides a few old shoe boxes of old photographs he had put there when he first moved in.

He looked over at her and smiled softly as he watched her look around the room and smile. She couldn’t help but find the room rather cute and suitable before she looked up at him. “You should know that I like simple as much as the next person Steve,” She said softly as she looked at him, biting her lip. He stared at her for a moment before he said softly, “True, but I don’t know which Natasha I’m talking to.”

She would be lying if she said the reply didn’t hit her a bit too hard in the feelings. She looked up at him, tossing a strand of hair back out of her face as she did so, as she said, “Steve, you’re talking to me. Not a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, not your Avenger partner, not Black Widow, just me.” She didn’t know what had changed in him since he had left, but she knew that whatever had happened must have affected him enough to not trust anyone.

He nodded with a small sigh, feeling bad for the way that he had made her feel and the way that he had come off as. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly earning a small shake of the head. She looked up at him before biting her lip and pushing a small smile through. “It’s okay,” she replied gently causing him to shake his head in return.

“No it’s not, and I’d appreciate it if you quit faking your smiles around me,” he said slightly irritated. He expected her to make some remark but instead watched as her lips turned upward, her cheeks getting a little indention indicating that she was actually smiling and not forcing it. “There’s the ballsiness I remember,” she said with a small laugh, making him chuckle as well before shaking his head. He crossed his arms over his chest before looking at her for a moment, getting lost for a moment in the way she smiled before she raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” he asked when he realized that she looked to be waiting for him to reply to something. She laughed softly before shaking her head a bit, her red curls bouncing back than forth, as she sighed softly. He had always been one of the very few to make her smile, a real honest smile. “I asked where the bathroom was,” she answered as she looked up at him before smirking a bit. She guessed that he had got lost in thoughts, and couldn’t help but find it cute, no matter how hard she tried not to.

“Oh, it’s over here. Unfortunately, there’s only one though so we’ll have to share,” he said with a smile as he made his way out of the room and into the hall. He opened the door across from her room and nodded inside. “The towels and washcloths are in the cabinets there, the toilet paper and other extra bathroom needs are in the draws beneath it,” he said pointing out the black, slightly smaller, China cabinet that was between two sinks. There was a bathtub to the left, one that when you sat down in it, you could sink to your neck in. A shower stall with glass walls and door that was halfway open was to the right and on the other side of it was a sectioned off spot where the toilet was.

She smiled and nodded, finding everything in the house rather cute and suitable for him. It was like it was built for the man who was so far from his time and maybe that is why it helped ease him. Of course, when she had done her research of the town on her flight, she saw that some of the buildings could date back to 1156, and some even further back than that. She smiled softly as she brushed the thoughts away before she looked up at him and said, “I didn’t bring any change of clothes with me. I thought that maybe I would be able to get you to come back and that I wouldn’t need any.”

He smiled before shaking his head a bit then let out a small sigh. “I got some shirts and stuff you could wear. If you want that is,” he said and smiled at her as she bit her lip. She thought for a moment, wondering if it would be a good idea for her to wear his clothes again. Memories flooded through her head of the times that she would don one of his button-down shirts and nothing else around the little apartment of his. They were always so big on her that she could probably fit two of her in them.

“Natasha?” he asked and tilted his head a bit as he looked down at her. She shook her head a bit before she looked up at him and smiled softly then nodded. “Yeah, that will be fine. I can go into town later or tomorrow and pick up a few things,” she said causing him to nod before she bit her lip and stared at him for a moment. They looked at each other for a few moments, getting lost in each other’s swirling blues, before she shifted her weight onto her other foot. “I’ll, uh, I’ll get those clothes for you if you want to take a bath or shower.” He said with a small smile before turning and heading down the hall to his bedroom. She watched him walk away for a moment before she bit her lip and looked down at her feet for a moment. She couldn’t get over how different he seemed to be since she had last seen him and it made her think that maybe this mission was going to be a bit harder than she originally thought it would be. She made her way into the bathroom, looking between the bathtub and the shower before she settled on the bath when she realized just how stiff and achy her muscles seemed to be due to the flight from New York to London, then the two train rides from London to Rye.

Steve appeared a few moments later and stood there in the doorway for a moment, watching her fingers unknowingly dance over the edge of the tub before he cleared his throat. She turned and looked at him as he held up the clothes and said, “I got the clothes for you.” She laughed softly as she nodded her head and looked at him. “So it seems,” she said before going over and taking them from him. “Thanks,” she said earning a nod from him. “I’ll be downstairs or in the next room if you need anything.” He replied earning a nod and smile before he turned and walked out of the room, gently closing the door behind him as he went.

She bit her lip as she watched him go before sighing and nodding to herself. “Yup, a lot harder,” she thought to herself. She bent down and clogged the drain in the bathtub before she started the water, using mostly hot water and just a half a turn of the cold. She looked around for a second before she went over to the black cabinet and opened the draws. She found several bottles of bath salts as well as the little bead and soaps to go into the water. She smiled. He had always mixed her baths for her, using different herbal salts and soaps to help relax and ease the tension out of her body. Her thoughts seemed to drift off to one in particular as she opened a bottle of salts and poured them into the water before she stripped down and got into the nearly scalding water.

       _She had just home from a rather long training session with some new S.H.I.E.L.D members that would assist on missions when needed. She would admit, a lot of them were well trained as it was and had a lot up their sleeve, however she was better and stronger. She hated admitting it, but she was like marble. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t sporting any new bruises or cuts. In fact, she had a busted and swollen lip, as well as a bruised jawline and was pretty sure her abdomen had a few bruises on it as well. She knew that it wouldn’t sit well with Steve, but that was why they both agreed that if she was training new recruits, he would have the day off so he didn’t super soldier out and severely hurt anyone._

_She took her jacket off as she took a deep breath at finally being home before she caught the scent of her favorite meal. She smiled as she hung it up over one of the hangers on the coat rack, next to his old brown leather jacket. The sight brought a smile to her lips before she looked around and seen lily petals on the floor leading further into the townhouse they shared. She shook her head with a chuckle before she followed them through the living room and up the stairs to the second floor. She saw them leading to the bathroom causing her to bite her lip before she followed them in. The bathroom was sectioned off into two rooms and the first held the toilet and large sink area that contained makeup, perfume and cologne, two toothbrushes in a holder, toothpaste, hand soap and other hygienic needs, on the counter, all properly placed and orderly. The other held the walk-in shower and french bathtub. When she walked into the first room she smiled when she saw Steve standing there, leaning against the sink counter with his arms crossed. He looked over at her with a smile before a small frown appeared when he saw the markings on her face._

_“What’s all this about Cap?” she asked looking up at him and smiling softly with a tilt of the head. She saw the frown before shaking her head and saying, “I’m alright Steve. Trust me, they got it worse then what I have.”_

_The way she spoke brought a smile to his lips before he pushed away from the counter and took a step towards her. He gently cupped her cheeks with both hands, brushing his thumb over her bruised skin and feeling his own urge to find the person who had done it to her, whether they were an agent or not, and_ repay _the favor. She leaned into his touch and smiled softly as her eyes fluttered closed for a moment before he leaned down and kissed her red stained lips softly. They both smiled at the kiss before he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers with a sigh that sounded like he had been holding all day. “I missed my Duchess,” he said quietly earning a small, very rare giggle from her._

_“Steve Rogers, you’re such a gentleman and hopeless romantic. It’s hard to imagine that you can kick ass the way you do when I see you like this.” She said with a chuckle as she wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with the short hairs on the back of his neck. He laughed softly before he wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a squeeze. “Careful, you kiss me with that mouth,” he said with a chuckle before he leaned down and kissed her again earning a laugh and a kiss back. They pulled away after a moment before he reached down to the counter, her eyes following his movement intently. He picked up a white lace collar, with red roses and silver studs, and in the center where a loop should have been was the initials SR. Her eyes lit up with excitement as he undid the clasp and held up open for her causing her to step up almost eagerly. He chuckled softly at the look before he fastened the clasps back together then leaned down and kissed her nose gently. She looked up at him with one of the happiest and loving smiles, something only he had the honor of seeing, causing him to smile in return. He reached down and took her hand, gently tugging her into the second room as he said, “Come. I’ve readied a bath for you to relax and wash away the day with. Then I’ve made your favorite stew, Zharkoye for dinner, and also raspberry white chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I even went out and bought your favorite wine to go with it. And after that, I created a new playlist for our fondue time.”_

_Her eyebrow arched as she listened to him, her eyes lighting up as she listened to him, and followed him into the room before she laughed at the end of his sentence. “Sir yes sir,” she said with a chuckle before he turned around and tugged her closer with a bright smile. “Good girl,” he replied quietly before picking her up and going into_ _the bathroom, gently kicking the door closed behind them._  

She was brought from the memory by the sound of Steve tapping on the door. “I’m gonna make something to eat. You want something?” He asked through the door as she realized just how full the bathtub was getting. She sat up and twisted the knobs to turn the water off before she replied, “Yeah that sounds good.” She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but she had really missed his cooking. She couldn’t cook to save her life, besides toast and popcorn, and usually just ate out of at S.H.I.E.L.D’s or the Avengers compound cafeteria. When she heard his footsteps lead away from the door she sighed softly and sat back in the tub and sighed quietly. It was only then that she realized that her face was wet, signaling she had let a few tears fall.

Natasha cupped her hands in the soapy water before bringing them up and splashing her face with it. She gently rubbed her cheeks and face before getting a washcloth and wiping her eyes so the soap wouldn’t get in them. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the edge for a moment before she slid down and submerged herself under the water. _“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to take this mission,”_ she thought to herself as she let a few bubbles out. But she wasn’t going to walk away from this until he was standing beside her on the field again.


	3. The Heaven Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty then, here is Chapter 3 lol.   
> I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 3:

Steve stood at the stove, Winston, and Merlin at his side, in the kitchen stirring a pot of cut up beef with a sauce when he heard her coming down the stairs about twenty or thirty minutes later. He glanced back over his shoulder and bit his lip when he saw her dressed in his clothes and drying her wet hair. Memories flooded his head before he closed his eyes for a moment to clear them away before he heard her inhale a deep breath. "Is that beef and mushroom stroganoff?" She asked and looked at him as her bare feet gently padded across the tiled floor. She knew that he, much like herself, hated being snuck up on so she had always tried her best to make a little noise when walking up behind him.

He laughed softly when he heard her before nodding as he set the spoon down and got another before stirring the pot of Penne noodles next to it. "Yeah it is actually," he replied with a small smile. She had got him hooked on a few of her Russian meals that he had made her all those years ago when she would get slightly homesick. She made her way over to him and looked into the pots before she quickly stole a piece of the meat and ate it with a laugh when she saw the look he gave her. It was that of both, "you think you're cute doing that," and "you're freaking adorable." He shook his head with a small smile before he sighed softly and asked, "Well, how is it?" 

She laughed before nodding as she said, "Tastes just like it always does. Perfect." They both paused when they heard her, staring at each other for a moment before Steve cleared his throat and moved around her to get a strainer from the cabinet. He went over and set it down in the sink before grabbing the pot handle and pouring the noodles in to drain. She watched him move around the kitchen before looking down at her red painted toes. She couldn't help but feel a bit mixed up with referring to their past. Of course she wished that he would ball up and talk to her about it, why he really left in the middle of the night, why he didn't write or call, why he had moved to the most unsuspecting town on the coast of Britain, why he wasn't there when she needed him the most. She wanted him to talk to her like he had so many times before, but she could feel the wall that he had built, and she didn't have to be who she was to see and feel it. 

He looked at the noodles in the metal strainer and chewed on the inside of his jaw. He wasn't upset that she complimented his cooking, he had become used to that, in fact, he wasn't upset that much at all. It just hurt to be reminded of what once was. He shook his head before picking the dish up and gently shaking it, pouring the noodles in with the sauce, beef, and mushrooms once all the water had drained out. He stirred it for a few minutes before looking to her. "You wanna set the table?" He asked and gave her a small smile, trying to get her to cheer back up a bit. She looked back up at him, a tiny half-smile dressing his lips before she nodded as she said, "Just tell me where everything is."

He nodded before turning a bit and pointing to the large china cabinet by the small stove. "Plate, bowls, cups, pots, and pans are in the cabinets. The silverware is in the draws," he stated and received a nod in return. She went over and got down two plates and two forks before she went over and set them at the small table there. She bit her lip before she went over and got down two glasses and asked as she looked at him, "What do you want to drink?" He looked over at her and thought for a moment before he said, "There's some cold tea in the fridge. I got some wine too if you'd prefer that instead."

She chuckled before shaking her head a bit and making her way over to the fridge. Though he couldn't get drunk, she knew he liked the different flavors of the alcoholic drinks, besides beer, he hated beers and preferred ales over them. She knew everything there was to know about Steve Rogers, well, that was up until he had left. Everything after that was a blank sheet of paper that was slowly beginning to be written on. She shook her head to clear her thoughts before she went over to the refrigerator and got out the wine as he turned the burners on the stove off. She gently poured the wine into the glasses, turning and setting them on the table at their seats, as he platted the food for them. He put a pot holder in the center of the table then sat the pot on top of it in case they wanted any more. She took her seat before she smiled softly at him and said, "This looks great Steve."

He smiled softly before nodding and going over so he could feed Merlin and Winston. After he put their dry food in their bowls, he washed his hands then went over and sat down in his chair. He smiled softly at her before he picked up his fork, waiting for her to start purely out of habit. It seemed like, well to him anyways, that he was falling right back into his old habits of being with her. She looked up at him and bit her lip before smiling and shaking her head gently. She got some of the noodles and beef on her fork before she ate them, a small hum of satisfaction coming from her at the taste. Steve smiled softly, starting to eat after she started. They were silent for a moment as they ate, the only sound being that of their forks gently scraping against the plates until Natasha broke the silence. "So why Rye of all places?" She asked as she looked up at him with a tilt of the head and arched eyebrow.

Steve shrugged a bit and looked at her, sighing quietly as he looked at her. "It's quiet, no one knows me, its off the grid." He replied looking up at her and giving her a small smile. She nodded and looked around before sighing quietly. "How long have you been here? I tracked you all over the states and got left with a cold trail in South Carolina." She stated as she looked at him for a moment then took a bite of the stroganoff again.

He thought for a moment before he sighed softly and chewed his food. "I've been here for about six years. I bounced around for about four years, mainly so I wouldn't be found." He said with a small sigh, not looking at her. He would never admit to her that she was partially the reason he left, he knew that he wouldn't be able to bring that kind of heartbreak upon them again. He shook his head before he looked up at her finally to find her staring at him as if she was trying to look into his very soul. That was always the thing that frightened him the most about her. She had those eyes that felt like she could look into your very heart and see everything that you had ever done.

"Why?" she asked quietly, trying her best to keep her voice and emotions in check. If she was being honest, she really wanted to yell at him for leaving. She knew that he needed to get his head straightened out, but still, he could have at least stayed in New York and worked things out. Maybe then, things wouldn't have happened the way they did.

"Why what Natasha?" He asked looking at her with confused eyes.

"Why didn't you want to be found?"

He sighed quietly and looked down at his plate for a moment before shaking his head. "Because I knew that no one would wait for me to get straightened out. I would either be seen as a threat and eliminated or tossed right back into doing what I was doing and bring the first one around. Getting away, leaving, that seemed like the best choice at the time because people were already beginning to see me differently. Stark, Fury, the agents at the complex when it happened, Banner, they all looked at me like I wasn't who I was. Like, I was a monster," he said quietly. But it was the way that he said Banner's name that tipped her into the pot of knowing there was something else behind his leaving then just that alone.

"Steve, they were all shocked. They didn't think you were the bad guy. They were worried about you. We all were," She stated quietly as she looked at him for a few moments, seeing the broken man there that he kept hidden. He shook his head before he picked up his glass and took a sip of the red liquid. He couldn't count the times that he wished over the years, that he was able to get drunk, forget the past, and just be normal. But, he knew that, up until ten years ago, he wouldn't have changed anything. She sighed softly as she seen him shutting back down causing her to sit back in her chair. "Maybe you should talk to someone about it then, instead of keeping it bottled up." She said as she looked at him, pushing the same noodle around on her plate. He looked over the rim of his glass to her, Natasha watching his eyes flicker between anger and trying to stay calm before he sat the glass down on the table.

"I did. I talked to three different therapists, two psychologists, two different agents at S.H.I.E.L.D, Thor and T'Chella. Five of the nine wrote me prescriptions for sleeping and anti-depression medication. Four said I would be fine if I just pushed through it and take my medicine. Thor and T'Chella were the ones who said pulling out would help more than anything. I just didn't listen to them early enough. I thought I could push my way through it, throw myself back into it, take orders, serve. It just didn't work out that way." he said as he looked at her.

She bit her lip as she looked back at him, seeing him struggling to word everything right so he wouldn't give something away. He looked away from her, down to his almost empty plate and pushing the noodles there. "Steve," she said softly.

He got up before picking his plate up and taking it over to the trash bin, scrapping the remaining pieces off. She watched him and how tense his shoulders seemed to get before she sighed softly and looked down. "Why did you really come here, Natalia?" He asked not looking at her as he began to wash the plate and fork.

She looked back up at him, her eyebrows pulling together and a flicker of hurt flashing in her eyes at him calling her by her actual name before she covered it up quickly. "To find you. But I can see that it's going to take longer to get the man I once knew back." She said quietly and honestly before there was a clatter of the fork falling into the metal sink then silence. He gazed off out the window to the darkening street, the old lamps had begun to flicker on, before he said, "I'm not even sure he exists anymore."

She stared at him for a moment before getting up slowly and walking over to him. She reached up, her hand hovering for just a moment over his shoulder, unsure whether or not she should touch him. She swallowed hard before gently laying her hand there and giving him a gentle squeeze. He turned his head a bit and looked at her hand as she whispered, "He's still in there. I know he is because the Steve Rogers I know would rather get his ass kicked all day long, anywhere, as long as it meant he got to keep a bully and bad guy from bullying and hurting people, innocent people."

His head turned quickly to look at her, seeing a small smile there on her lips, before his eyebrows pulled together. "I'm gonna go up and lay down. I'm rather tired, I'll see you later okay?" She said, having to stop herself from leaning in kissing his cheek. She gave him a gentle smile instead and one more shoulder squeeze before she turned and made her way to the stairs. He watched her go, biting his lip as he looked down at the tile floor, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He leaned back against the sink, Winston walking up and gently nudging his hand causing him to smile a bit sadly before he petted his head as he heard the bedroom door close upstairs signaling that she was in the room. He looked down at his dog, giving him a gentle smile, as Merlin came over and rubbed up against his leg.

He smiled a bit more before shaking his head and going back over to the table to finish cleaning up. He put the leftovers in a Tupperware container then went over and set it in the fridge. He went about his nightly routine of cleaning up the dinnerware and cooking utensils that had been used. He wiped down the table and counters with a sigh before he glanced around, spotting the time on the wall clock and sighing. It was well after eight now, and he figured he could get a few hours of sleep in, hopefully. He chewed on his lip for a moment before he looked down at Merlin and Winston before he inclined his head towards the stairs. "Come on boys, let's go lay down shall we." He said and made his way towards the stairs and climbed them one at a time.

Once he reached the top of the stairs he went down the hall, passing Natasha's room and glancing at the shut door for a moment as he went. He finally made his way down to his room before gently shutting and locking the door. He sighed quietly as he reached behind him and pulled the white shirt off over his head before he went over and dropped it into the hamper. He undid his belt, taking it out and folding it up before sitting it on the counter. He tossed the pants into the hamper before he went over and pulled the Navy Blue sheets and quilt back. He climbed into bed then looked up at the ceiling before biting his lip.

He didn't want to go to sleep but he knew he needed to, he still had to run his mail route in the morning. He closed his eyes before he sighed quietly. He let his body relax into the bed before he felt Merlin move up beside him and curl into his side. He smiled as he started to pet the cat's soft striped fur, helping relax him a bit more. He loved how his pets always tried to help relax him as if they could feel his fear of falling asleep. Winston laid against his leg, laying his head on his leg as a pillow. A smile graced his lips as he petted the cat and his movements started to slow down, until they came to a complete stop while he slowly fell asleep, his hand slipping from Merlin's head onto the bed beside him. His final thought was praying that the night would be a dreamless sleep, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of Natasha, no matter how much she had helped him through before.


	4. I Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so here is chapter 4. Hope you enjoy.

Natasha sat in her room in the chair by the window with her feet pulled up into the chair with her, her knees held against her chest. She knew better then trying to go to sleep because if she did there was no telling what or how she would react. She knew Steve would understand, but even when they had been together, she hated being seen as weak. She knew though that he would never see her that way, no matter how much time had past. She looked out the window over the backyard, smiling gently at the flickering of the distant stars. She bit her lip as she looked at them, her eyes glazing over a bit as she seemed to drift off to another time, another world when everything was okay still.

 

_ It had been a few months since Steve had brought Bucky to Wakanda, leaving him in the capable hands of T’Chella and Shuri. He had brought Natasha with him on his visit this time, wanting her to see the wonders of the place and to see what kind of progress his best friend had made. He couldn’t get over the look on her face at seeing the place, having told her multiple times, each time he would see the amazed look there on her face.  _

 

_ The pair were currently located in a field, outside of the city and far from sight, laying on a red and white quilted blanket. His arm was outstretched beneath her head, letting her use his bicep as a pillow, while his free hand held hers both gently and protectively, their fingers intertwined tightly in a loving hold. They gazed up at the faraway burning embers, enjoying the silence and peace between them before she felt like someone was watching her. Her green eyes turned from the stars to him, finding his liquid blues watching her and a peaceful and happy smile on his face. She felt her cheeks warm up causing her to turn her face to his side in an attempt to hide it but knowing she failed when he chuckled softly and leaned down to kiss her head. She swore he was the only person who could make her react the way she did like she was a teenage girl instead of a professional assassin, spy, and special agent.  _

 

_ “I swear Steven Rogers, you’re the only person alive and dead who can make me feel like I should be running the halls of a high school instead of fighting to save the world.” She said quietly and looked up at him with a smile. The statement seemed to bring a bigger smile to his lips as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze and said, “Is that such a bad thing Duchess?”  _

 

_ She sighed quietly as she scooted closer to him for his warmth and looked up at the sky again. “Not really. It just makes it hard to ever want to leave,” she replied quietly and bit her lip. She felt his arm under her bend as he started to play with her short red curls on the back of her neck. “Then don’t. Stay with me, forever.” He whispered softly to her as he looked down at her, taking the time to admire her in the glow of the stars and crescent moon that hung high in the sky.  _

 

_ Her head quickly moved to look at him, her perfectly sculpted eyebrow arched as she stared at him for a moment. She could see the seriousness in his eyes. It was one of his things with her, he had always been honest with her since they became friends. “Steve, I’m not the best person you’d probably want to stay with forever. I’ve got too much red in my ledger, too much history.” She whispered, studying his face for his reaction that she knew would be there. He stared up at her for a moment before his fingers moved to play with the thin chain that connected and held an inch wide black leather strap in place around her neck, a single sapphire teardrop gem hanging down, cradled in the small hollow space at the base of her neck perfectly. She felt her heart pound against her breast cage as she felt his fingers move to the clasp, her eyes betraying her hidden panic when she felt him toy with it.  _

 

_ “Then just say the words Natalia, and I’ll let you go.” He said quietly, his voice holding the seriousness and honesty. She quickly shook her head as she sat up a bit. “No,” she whispered, her eyes showing that she meant it. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to leave him after everything that they had been through and done together. There was just no way. She would almost dare say that she was in love with him, but she couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud no matter how badly she wanted to. Because she knew that once she said them, it would be real and she wouldn’t be able to leave him then.  _

 

_ “I don’t ever want you to leave me,” she whispered as her green eyes bore into his blue eyes, revealing her very existence to him. He sat up a bit, his fingers moved from the clasp. “Good, because I never want to let you go,” he whispered softly, reaching up with his free hand and grazing his thumb over her bottom lip softly. She smiled at him before she leaned in and kissed him lovingly, causing him to kiss her back just as lovingly. She couldn’t help but love the simple fact that he knew she loved him, even if she couldn’t say the words. _

 

She had absentmindedly reached up to play with the gem, much like she used to, before her heart sank when she remembered it wasn’t there anymore. She curled tighter into herself and bit her lip as she hugged her knees closer to her chest. The lost and abandoned feeling seemed to grow within her a bit more as she stared out the window. She didn’t hate him for leaving to get his head right, she just hated that he thought she wouldn’t have been able to help him. She laid her head down on her knees as she tried her best to wear herself down some so she could sleep, but the truth was, she hadn’t been able to sleep right for years. He was her safe place, somewhere that she could curl into at night and keep her night terrors at bay. After he left, she didn’t have a safe place, she didn’t have anyone to comfort her and tell her it was okay. She didn’t have someone to kiss her head and dry her tears. She was forced to go back to doing like she had always done, being there for herself, taking care of herself. 

 

As the night carried on into the early mornings, her eyes stayed fixated on the stars, wishing that her Captain could come back from whatever mental hold was over him. She missed him, the way that they had been together, the way that he always seemed to see the good in her that she couldn’t see in herself. The way that he made her feel safe and loved. She missed the way he always encouraged her and told her that anything was possible, even when she didn’t believe it. 

 

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the faint sound of a man's muffled cry causing her head to jerk towards the door. She listened for a moment, hearing the restlessness and muffled cries coming from the hall, causing her to get up quickly and move towards the door. She looked around for a moment, not seeing anyone there before her head jerked in the direction of Steve’s room when she heard him cry out. Instantly thinking that something wrong, she quickly made her way to his room, barging in quickly and seeing him tangled in the sheets. His face was covered in sweat, his hands clenching the sheets as if he was trying to strangle the life out of them. Memories flashed in her head of the times that she had been woken up before, his cries of treatorus nightmares ringing in the night. 

 

She made her way over to him slowly as he tossed around, freezing when she heard him. “Not her, please, not Nat,” he said as a tear slipped down his cheek from his sleeping eye. Her breathing faltered for a moment when she heard him, hating that he was being tormented in his sleep to the point of crying. She had only ever seen him cry twice, once when Peggy had died and the other when they couldn’t bring Bucky back. 

 

She inhaled a deep breath as she made her way over towards the bed and gently shook his shoulder. “Steve, wake up,” she said softly, not wanting to frighten him any further or have him lash out. She knew the feeling all too well, having been through it before and had lashed out at him more than once. 

 

When he didn’t wake, she shifted around a bit and shook him again a bit harder. “Steve, come on, wake up,” she said as she watched his face twist up in what looked like agony before his eyes flew open and he grabbed her wrist tightly. She didn’t move as his lost blue eyes searched her green hues for a few moments. Then, it was like everything seemed to click as she seen him realize where he was and who he was with. He quickly let go of her wrist before looking around for a moment then sat up. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly and reached up to run his hands over his face, clearing the tears and sweat away as best as he could. A part of him felt slightly embarrassed at the fact that she had seen him like that. But the thoughts were overruled by the simple fact that she had seen him like that too many times so there was no point in being embarrassed by it.

 

“Don’t be, I understand,” she said softly and gave him a small, reassuring, smile, her eyes barely grazing over his well trained and toned skin then returning to his. Now was neither the place nor the time for any of that. He stared at her for a moment before he looked around and bit his lip. He hated that he had bothered her, that his dreams seemed to haunt him every night, threatening the very thing he had ever loved like he did. “Wanna talk about it?” She asked him quietly, knowing that it would probably be crossing a line for her to offer to sit with him and hold him like she used to when he would wake from the terrors. He shook his head at her question before giving her a small forced smile. “Nah, I’ll be okay,” he said softly before checking the time on the old flip clock radio. The time was just after four in the morning and he knew he still had a few hours to go before he would have to get ready for work. 

 

“You sure?” she asked quietly, her fingers twitching at her side. She was forcing herself to not reach out and brush his blonde hair down and into place, instead, playing with the fabric of the pants he had given her to wear. He looked up at her, plastering on his best smile before nodding. “Yes Nat, I’ll be fine. I promise.” He replied before nodding towards the door. “Go get some rest yourself, you look like you haven’t slept in years.” He said, noticing the dark bruisings under her eyes. He couldn’t help the small part of him that got angry that she wasn’t sleeping which made him wonder what else she wasn’t doing, but he had to swallow that side of him. It wasn’t his place to feel that way anymore, not after he had walked away like he had. 

 

_ “I haven’t. Not since you left,” _ she thought to herself, wanting to say it out loud but biting her tongue so she wouldn’t. She would never blame him for leaving, not entirely anyway. Instead, she gave him a small smile and nodded before she said, “Okay. If you need me, you know where I am.” He smiled softly in return before nodding as he watched her turn and walk out of the room, closing his door gently behind her. He reached up and brushed his fingers through his hair with a quiet sigh before chuckling softly when he saw Merlin and Winston asleep still. 

 

“You two would sleep through a hurricane wouldn’t you?” He asked them rhetorically as he heard the guest room shut gently. He sighed softly as laid back into the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He hated the night terrors he had, especially when they involved her. He could deal with anything, even if he had to step back and re-evaluate everything, but the one thing he couldn’t take was someone hurting Natasha. He knew she could take care of herself, that she wasn’t a damsel in distress that needed saving, she was a Queen who saved herself. But even though she could do all that, she still ran to him, she trusted him, she stood by him no matter what, and he knew, even though she never said it, that she loved him and he loved her. The thought of anyone hurting her sent his blood into a boiling frenzy. 

 

A deep sigh left his lips before he turned his head and looked out the window. He could see the stars twinkling in the early morning sky, bringing a smile to his lips. He rolled onto his side as he closed his eyes, pulling a happy memory from his thoughts to try and fall back asleep to. 

 

_ Steve sat on a couch in his bedroom, on the other side of a partial wall that held a television on both sides of it. He was currently drawing the Brooklyn skyline that could be seen from the bedroom window wall. He looked out at the window for a moment, smiling softly at the storm that was currently over the area. He had always loved the storms there. They were powerful, and not just full of rain. He sighed quietly before he looked back down at the picture he was drawing and went back to sketching the lines of the bridge there. His city had grown so much, but then again they both had.  _

 

_ “ _ капитан _ ,” He heard a small voice call out after a loud rumble of thunder and spider webbed lightning lit up the sky. He looked up from the picture while sitting on the couch and seen Natasha standing there. A small smile played at his lips when he saw that she was wearing only his dark blue button up and around her neck was the white lace, silver studded, red rose collar with his initials hanging from the center. Her green eyes though were frightened causing him to drop the pencil and move the sketchpad he held then get up. He went over to her, gently rubbing her upper arms as another round of thunder and lightning hit causing her to jump and cling to him tightly. “I don’t like it,” she whimpered quietly as she buried her face in his grey clothed chest, hugging him tightly. _

 

_ He tried his best not to smile but failed, finding the sight in front of him absolutely adorable. The world's most dangerous person, terrified out of her skin and mind by thunder and lightning. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to kiss the top of her head softly before he whispered, “I know baby girl.” He felt her grip tighten when the thunder rattled the building a bit and he swore, if she could, she would crawl into his skin. He gently bent down and picked her up, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist and locking her ankles together at the base of his back. She hid her face in his neck, tears locked in her eyes and threatening to spill at any moment.  _

 

_ “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked her softly as he made his way around the wall and towards the blue covered bed, feeling her nod. He smiled and nodded as he rubbed her lower back gently. He didn’t bother to turn the light on and instead went over to the bed where he pulled the quilt and sheets back. He gently and carefully climbed onto the bed, the small redhead not moving from the spot she had latched onto him at before he reached over and got the remote. He turned on the television, flipping through their downloaded movies and finding her favorite Disney movie. He pressed play before he laid the remote down on the table and whispered, “Come on baby, turn around a bit.”  _

 

_ She didn’t move for a moment until she heard the opening credits coming on, causing her to turn for a moment and look at the swirling ink lines paint the Great Wall of China. Steve reached over and got the red and yellow Mushu stuffie before he looked down at her and offered it to her with a small smile. Her eyes slowly lost the fear that she had felt, not only from the movie but also because of him as she took the stuffie and put it between them then returned her arm around him. That little piece made him smile happily as he switched between rubbing her back gently and calmly then tucking her red hair behind her ear when it would fall into her face. He could feel her slowly relax into him, making him happy. As the movie played on, he watched her more than it due to the simple fact that they both knew it word for word, note for note. He had even drawn and painted her a scenery of China, just like the Chinese painters would paint, and she had hung it up in the living room so she could see it every day. _

 

_ By the time Shang had found out that Mulan was a woman, he saw that Natasha was already fast asleep causing him to smile. The sight alone melted his heart, seeing her hand clutching his grey tee shirt, the side of her head using his chest as a pillow, her red hair tucked behind her ear and a smile painted on her lips. He leaned down and kissed the crown of her head gently before he whispered softly, “I love you, Natasha.” He didn’t care if she didn’t hear him, he never did when he would whisper it to her while she slept, he just wanted her to know. She mumbled something under her breath before snuggling closer to him, causing the already bright smile on his face to grow as he gently moved her legs so he could lay down.  _

 

_ It didn’t go exactly as planned, instead of laying flat against him, she was straddling him still holding on tightly to him. “My  _ капитан _ ,” she said quietly, causing him to chuckle softly as he pulled the blankets up over them. He kissed her head softly again before he whispered, “All yours Baby Girl.”  _

 

He was pulled from the memory/dream at the sound of his alarm clock going off, causing his eyes to flutter open to a sun-filled room. He blinked a time or two, getting his bearings together before he reached over and turned the clock off. A smile tugged at his lips before he sat up and ran his hand over his face. It had been too long since he had been able to go back to sleep and sleep peacefully like he had. He pulled the blankets back before he placed his feet on the cold wooden floor causing him to hiss softly before he stood up. His back popped a few times before he groaned and stretched, his shoulders popping loudly next. “Bloody hell,” he breathed out before brushing his fingers through his hair. He heard the gentle taps of Winston’s nails as he jumped down from the bed, then felt him nudge his hand causing him to smile and pet him. “Morning bud,” he said as the dog leaned his head into the touch. “Come on, let’s go make some coffee,” he said and started towards the door as Merlin joined them after stretching. 

 

Steve made his way out the door, quietly walking past Natasha’s closed door and wondering if she had slept any. He knew just by looking at her that she hadn’t been sleeping, no matter how much makeup she wore, and he knew he was partially to blame. Okay, he was a lot to blame. He sighed before going down the stairs, running his fingers through his hair and gently tugging at the blonde strands as he stepped down from the last step and into the living room. He saw the fire burning well causing him to raise an eyebrow before he smelled something burning that wasn’t the wood and a quiet, “Shit shit shit.” 

He made his way to the kitchen, pausing and looking there to where Natasha was grabbing a smoking pan off the stove and shoving it under the running faucet. 

 

A smile played on his lips as he crossed his arms and watched her attempt to save whatever it was she was cooking before she gave up and dropped the pan into the sink. “Stupid fucking oatmeal,” she said in a huff before turning around and freezing when she saw him leaning against the door jam trying his best not to laugh. Winston looked at her with a tilted head and Merlin sat between the two, his green cat eyes silently judging her as he looked at her then up at Steve for a moment and back to her, his tail flicking across the floor. She felt her cheeks warm up as she tried to find words, failing for the first time in years, before she finally found her ability to speak. “How long have you been standing there?” 

 

That’s when he lost his composure and laughed softly and pushed away from the wall. He walked over to her, reaching past her and turning the burner down from high to just below medium heat. “Long enough,” he said with a smile, bringing a small huff from her as she looked away. “I managed to make the coffee, I think,” she said, the last bit a little under her breath as she cast a worried look to the coffee maker on the back burner. He bit his lip as he looked at it as well before hiding his smile then shaking his head. “It works a bit better if you turn the stove on,” he said as he turned the burner on.

 

“Fuck it, I give up,” she said throwing her hands up in defeat then crossing her arms over her chest. He couldn’t help the smile that he wore, hiding his amusement in the situation, before he said, “It’s okay, you can take another shot at it tomorrow, just remember, medium heat and nothing burns.”

 

She sighed softly and nodded before he went over and opened the washroom door than the back door leading out to the backyard. Winston and Merlin went out before Steve turned back to her and gave her a small smile. “Did you get any sleep?” He asked, already knowing the answer due to the darker bruising under her eyes. “An hour or so,” she said with a small shrug before going over to the fridge, opening it and looking inside for a moment. He sighed quietly before shaking his head and glancing down. He wasn’t going to point out the small fact that she was lying, knowing that it would not do any good. He nodded a bit before he got two coffee cups down as she got out the milk and sugar before she asked, “Is there a shop that I can go here to buy stuff today?” 

 

He looked over at her before nodding a bit then said, “Yeah, if you feel like paying double the price you could go to London and pay.” She turned to look at him before chuckling. “Well I mean, I don’t exactly have a ride to London, and you said something about having to work today. Which makes me curious as to what you do.” She said as she shrugged a bit before putting her hands into her pockets and rocked back and forth on her heels. He looked around for a moment before nodding with a small smile at the end. “I’m a mail carrier,” he said, watching a smile play at her lips before she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the counter. 

 

“Captain America became a mail carrier. Got to say, I didn’t expect that one,” she said, finally letting a laugh slip through her lips. The sound made his eyes spark a bit before they were clouded back up again. He turned to the coffee maker when it sounded that it was done before he poured the black liquid into the cup. She came over and got the pot after him before pouring some into the cup then proceeded to pour milk and sugar into the coffee, making it a nice caramel color. She couldn’t stand the taste of plain black coffee, something he had always pick on her for.  

 

He shook his head as he watched her for a moment before reaching over and turning the burners off. “Alright alright, how about this, I get off at one. I’ll be home around one twentyish one thirty at the latest. I can take you to London then or if you want to go earlier than that you can take the truck.” He said, the last bit a bit hesitant, remembering the times when they would go for long rides out of the city and spend all day and night just riding. He looked at her, noticing how her eyes seemed to get lost for a moment before fixing on him. “I’ll just wait till you get home. I might go out and explore the town today,” she said and gave him a small smile and earning a nod. 

 

“Sounds good,” he said quietly then took a sip of his coffee with a small sigh. He pushed away from the counter before he got Merlin and Winston’s food down and put some in their bowls. “You won't need to worry about Merlin or Winston, they tend to care for themselves. I just ask that you make sure they have plenty of water before you leave.” He said as he got the water bowl and went over to the sink where he emptied the bowl then filled it with fresh water. She nodded with a smile as she saw the two come in, pausing at the door jam to shake their fur out. “There’s an amazing little bakery and deli down at the end of the street if you want something to eat so you don’t burn anything else. I really don’t keep any heat and serve things around,” he said with a chuckle and looked at her. She laughed softly and nodded, already knowing that he didn’t keep anything like that around from having lived with him before. 

 

“I’ll check them out if I get hungry,” she said smiling happily before he nodded and checked the time on the clock on the far wall. She studied him for a moment, seeing the man she had loved for so many years bleeding through just a bit before he looked over at her. He raised an eyebrow at her when he saw the way she was looking at him, a blush rising on her cheeks, before he said, “I need to get ready for work.” She nodded as she sipped the coffee at the same time he did, then set his cup down on the stove. He gave her a gentle smile before walking past her and to the stairs in the living room. He climbed them one at a time before going down to his room where he went inside and took the sleeping clothes he wore off, folding them neatly and laying them on the foot of his bed. He dressed in a pair of black slacks, a blue short sleeve button up shirt that he tucked into his pants before getting a gold name tag and pinning it into place over his right breast pocket. He ran his fingers through his hair before getting his post mail hat and putting it on his head. He got a pair of socks before sitting on the edge of the bed and putting them on, his work shoes going on after the black socks.

 

He found his belt, looping it through the loops there and buckling it once he finished. He made the bed up when he was finished then made his way out of the bedroom and back down the hall and stairs. He went to the kitchen, pausing when he heard Natasha snicker and cover her mouth. “I’m sorry, sorry,” she said and tossed a red curl out of her face as he gave her a look that said to be quiet. She bit her lip, feeling herself slip into submission before she pushed the feeling away. Those rules didn’t apply anymore. “I’ve, uh, I’ve got to say, that’s definitely a different look for you,” she said trying not to laugh, but also staring at him, finding the sight before her very much attractive. But then again, she would always find him attractive. 

 

“You know what Romanoff,” he said teasingly and gave her a smile as he moved around her to get his coffee. “Trust me, if I didn’t have to wear this stupid hat then I’d be a very happy person. But there’s only one Captain America and with my face plastered all over every newspaper across the globe, I’ll take all the extra caution I can take.” He said as he lifted his cup and took a sip of the still warm liquid. He watched her nod before he said, “I’ll be back later. If you need me before then, the number for the office is on the fridge.” He paused and got his wallet before taking some money out of it and laying it on the counter. “If you need more, there’s some up in my top dresser drawer.” He said and gave her a small smile before putting his wallet away. She smiled at him, taking notice that he hadn’t lost his caring and nurturing side that she loved. “I’ll see you later,” she said softly earning a nod and a hesitant look. He turned around after a moment and made his way towards the door, opening it and giving her one last look and a small smile before going through and closing the door. 

 

She bit her lip as she watched the door close before she released an over held breath, her heart thumping a bit painfully before she closed her eyes. She had to tell herself that it was okay, she didn’t need him anymore, but she knew that was a lie she always turned a blind eye too. He had been her hope, her favorite song, the oxygen that kept her collapsing lungs moving. He had been her safe place for so long, a place she could call home, and her shelter when she felt her inner storm ripping her apart. He held her together, brought a soothing peace to her chaotic world, and when he left, it was like someone threw her overboard into a twisting category five hurricane of a downward spiral in heartbreak, pain, loneliness, and anger. 

 

Her hand absentmindedly fell to her stomach, her thumb brushing over the clothed skin for a moment as she stared at the wall, tears pooling in her eyes. She had heard Steve say it many times, that when he went into the ice the world was at war and when he woke up everyone was telling him that they had won, yet no one ever said what they lost. She had lost much more than she could have ever imagined, more then she had ever lost in her entire life, after the Infinity War and with S.H.I.E.L.D pushing Steve beyond his limit. And she hated them for that reason. She felt a tear hit her cheek and roll before she quickly reached up and wiped it away. She pushed away from the counter and made her way towards the stairs, climbing them slowly and making her way down the hall to her room. She went in, hearing a buzzing sound causing her to look towards her pants from the previous day and walk over. She bent down before she pulled out her cellphone, seeing Fury’s number on the screen which made her answer with a small sigh.

 

“ **Agent Romanoff, why haven’t you called to update** ?” Fury said on the other end, no hello or anything. She sighed and shuffled around a bit as she held the phone to her ear. “Sorry, it was a long night,” she said quietly before she made her way over to the little chair and sat down, pulling her legs up into the chair with her. 

 

“ **Sorry to hear that. Did you find Cap** ?” He asked though she knew he wasn’t entirely sorry. It brought an eye roll from her before she bit her lip. “I’m still working on it,” she lied convincingly and sipped her coffee. 

 

“ **How can it be that hard to find a six foot two, two hundred and forty-five pound Steve Rogers** ?” He asked causing her to raise an eyebrow. “I don’t know Fury, you tell me. You haven’t been able to track him for ten years.” She said, her Russian accent slipping through. It really only ever happened when she was extremely pissed or drunk. She heard him sigh on the other side of the line before he spoke. “ **Just find him Romanoff, we need him back.** ” He said, earning an of course before they both hung up. 

 

She stared at the screen for a moment before she dialed an oh too familiar number and pressed the thin plastic to her ear. She listened to the ring for a moment or two before she heard a groggy, “ **‘ello?** ”

 

She smiled softly when she heard the voice then sighed quietly and asked, “Did I wake you Clint?” Clint had retired after helping them against Thanos all those years ago, but he didn’t retire from being friends with Natasha. He had been there for her those lonely years after Steve had left, and she couldn’t have been more thankful for it. He really was her best friend.

 

“ **Nat? No, no, I dozed off in the chair actually. You did me a favor waking me up,** ” he said causing them both to chuckle. She heard him move around before he asked, “ **What has you calling at one in the morning?** ”

 

She sighed quietly before she shook her head and leaned back in her chair a bit. “Remember that mission I started ten years ago?” She asked him as she looked out the window for a moment.

“ **Yeah** ,” he replied and paused for a moment before he continued. “ **Did you find him** ?”

 

She sighed softly and shook her head a bit, biting her lips and looking down. She knew she could trust him with the honest answer, but a tiny part of her was terrified that he would tell Fury. Steve wasn’t ready to go back yet, and she knew if they tried forcing him, he could disappear without a trace again and that time, no one would find him. 

 

“I did, but you can’t tell Fury Clint.” She finally said, a slight sign of panic in her calm voice that only Clint and Steve would be able to notice. “He’s not the same, not like I remember. He’s, he’s changed. There is so much brokenness, pain, and guilt in his eyes.” She said quietly as she looked back out the window. 

 

“ **Well I mean the man has taken one beating after another for how many years? He lost his best friend for good this time, nearly killed six agents without knowing it, then walked away from you because he walked in on you and Banner talking. That’s bound to create a bigger tear in his world than just a few hits to the head, willingly sacrificing himself to save the entire eastern seaboard of the United States, and being frozen for seventy-five years.** ” He said causing her to nod until she heard him mention Banner. She flashed back to the night before when they had been talking and the dislike in Steve’s voice when he mentioned Banner. It didn’t make sense to her.

 

“ **What do you mean that he walked in on Banner and I talking?** ” she asked confused and sat up a bit. She heard him sigh and the sound of a sink running for a moment before he spoke. “ **All I know is that he said he came home after the accident and heard you and Banner talking about how it was going to affect things and you didn’t know what you were going to do.** ” There was a pause as she listened to him, wondering when he and Steve had talked and why Clint was waiting till now to tell her, before she inhaled a shaky breath. “ **Tash, what did you say to Banner to make Cap feel like you didn’t love him after that** ?” He asked quietly as her eyes stared out the window to the green trees behind the fenceline of the property. The memory played in her head like a terrible song with scratching noise from the needle of an old record player.

 

“You had called and told me what happened and I was terrified for him. I was hurrying to go out and look for him when Banner showed up. He had a few cuts and stuff and he said that Steve had soldiered out and hurt those agents. He was panicking and saying that he had told Fury and Stark to let Steve take vacation multiple times, that his diagnosis for PTSD was starting to hit its peak and that it could be bad if it went into the red zone because of the serum. No one but me would listen to him, he said that is why I should have been there, to keep him from losing control. He said he saw him in the hall holding his head right before it all happened, that one of the agent’s had been joking around with one of the spears they were taking to storage. He tried to get the guy to stop before Steve seen him, but the guy wouldn’t listen, and then….” 

 

She trailed off as her mind made the images of that day that she seen on the surveillance cams. She had seen the shift in his posture, his back becoming ramrod straight when he saw the spears, his arm moving too quick to grab his shield. She had seen Banner holding his hands up, speaking to him calmly and saying that it was okay, but it didn’t work. All Steve could see was the past, and that’s when it happened and hell broke loose. All the Avengers had seen it, standing or sitting in the room, and she could feel the guilt pretty much rolling off of Stark and Fury. It was the first time she had ever gone off on one of her superiors and punched Stark’s pretty little face. 

 

“ **What did you say Natasha** ,” Clint said, not in a question, but in a quest to make her see. He knew once she said it, and heard where he could have gotten the thought from, she could possibly see why he left the way he did. 

 

She inhaled a broken breath before she started talking again. “I told him I was going to find him, but I didn’t know if I could. I knew Steve was a master a blinding in and not drawing attention to himself. He said he could help but I said no. It would only make matters worse and that he would probably feel like he was being cornered if someone from the complex came with me. He, he asked what I was going to do and…” She stopped, now in her head being able to hear the door open in her memory that she hadn’t heard at the time causing her mouth to hang open. 

 

“ **Natasha.** ”

 

“I said I-I didn’t know, that things were going to change and that I was going to have to take some time to figure the right approach on how to do it.” Tears began rolling down her cheeks as she could only have imagined how it sounded to him. “That’s when Banner took my hand and said if there was anything I needed or that he could do to help me through it, he’d be there. Oh god Clint,” she breathed out and hung her head. 

 

“ **Now do you see how he could take it the wrong way?** ” Clint asked earning a nod that he couldn’t see. “ **It’s gonna take time to get back to where y'all where Nat. He’s not going trust anyone related to S.H.I.E.L.D easily, no matter how much he wants to, especially him being the way he is. He’s not going to trust YOU after that, and I know it hurts to hear that, but still. And if he’s been hiding out as someone else for ten years, he may still have some of those qualities and personality quirks that Steve has, but it’s what anthropologist call ‘going native.’ He’s developed a whole new identity, a whole new defense strategy. He’s not going to be the same, no matter how much you and he wish he was.** ” Clint said quietly to her as she forced herself to stop the tears from falling. 

 

“I know,” she said quietly earning a quiet sigh. She took a deep breath as he said, “ **Just, remember the man you love is still in there somewhere okay? If you really love him, then don’t give up on him. You both have been through a lot and need each other more than you two realize. Even if you don’t think y’all do. It’ll take some time, but if you two really want it, then just stick with it.** ”

 

She laughed softly before she nodded and said, “I don’t have any plans of letting him go now that I finally found him. Even if that meant not going back. He’d have to force me away.” 

 

There was a moment's pause before Clint spoke, slightly shocked. “ **You’d give up S.H.I.E.L.D for him?** ” She was silent for a moment as she looked around the room and the thought of spending the rest of their lives there, hidden away from the world in the little town, even if it was no more than just friends. “Yes,” she whispered quietly earning a small chuckle. She laughed softly along with him, smiling softly before she bit her lip when she heard him speak. “ **Good, now, unlike you I need to sleep. I’m remodeling the kitchen and have to get up early in the morning to sign for the wood I’m having delivered.** ”  He said earning a chuckle and nod. “Alright old man, go get some rest,” she said, receiving a Hey and causing her to laugh. “ **I’m not that old, besides, Cap is older then all of us put together.** ” He said, making her laugh a bit more. 

 

“I know, I know. Now go get some rest, goodnight Clint.” She said with a much happier smile than when she had first gotten on the phone. “ **Good morning Tash,** ” he replied causing her to smile and shake her head before they hung up. She looked around for a moment before eyeing the bed, getting up after a moment and going out the bedroom door. She went down the hall to Steve’s room, opening the door with ease before standing in the doorway. His scent, the cologne he always wore and the soap he used for years seemed to be embedded in the room, it made her smile softly and walk in. She felt over the blankets and pillows, smiling softly as she looked around before her eyes landed on a red panda stuffie on the window seal causing her to inhale sharply. She moved over slowly to it before reaching out and running her fingers over the red, black and white fur. 

 

She couldn't help but smile softly, finally finding the stuffed animal that she loved and missed dearly. She picked it up and smiled as she looked at it before she moved over to his bed and climbed up under the sheets. She shouldn’t have been doing it, but she needed sleep, severely, and Steve was the only one to ever calm and relax her enough to feel safe enough to sleep. She figured that it would be almost the same to have his scent and the blankets that cradled him, surrounding her. She hunkered down into the sheets, cuddling the red panda and smiling softly as she inhaled his scent. God how she missed it. A few moments passed before sleep consumed her, pulling her under as she curled into his bed with the panda.


	5. Skinny Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm so so sorry for such a late update. I've had a lot going on with work and personal!   
> Also, I can't believe I haven't done this yet but thank you all so much for the likes and comments, it means a lot to me!  
> SO without further waiting, here's chapter five, enjoy!!

Steve sighed softly as he slowly made his way home that afternoon after work. It was a typical day at work, nothing special really having happened on his mail route. Most of the kids were still in school, making it just a bit easier for him to make the route, just a bit though seeing the little old women liked to have chats with him. He sighed softly as he kicked at a pebble there, watching it land a few yards ahead of him. He should have been in an ecstatic mood to have Natasha there, but according to her, it was just to get him back to S.H.I.E.L.D. This caused the super soldier to shove his hands deeper into his jacket pockets and sigh quietly. He had really messed up by leaving her, but after hearing her and Banner talking after the accident, he didn't think it would be a good idea to be around her, so he didn't hurt her or upset her even more than what he already had. 

He sighed softly as he looked around, he felt absolutely terrible having walked away from her. He knew he probably should have called or even stuck around to talk it out with her, but he couldn't at the time being. He was so screwed up in the head he didn't know if he could even trust himself at that time. He remembered a conversation they had had a few weeks prior to the accident when he noticed his head and dreams were starting to get worse.

_It was one of Steve and Natasha's days off together and they had decided to take a drive to Southampton for a beach day. He had finally talked her into wearing bikinis the year before, and it made both of them happy that she wasn't afraid anymore. He had parked the old Harley he was quite fond of, in a parking space there in the parking area before he shut the motor off. He looked back at her, loving the sparkle in her eye as she tried craning her neck to see over the sand dunes. They could hear the waves crashing in the distance causing him to smile before patting her leg, a signal for her to go ahead and get off. He got off after she did, reaching down to take her hand and intertwining their fingers with a smile. He was glad that they had the day off together, there were things he needed to talk to her about, plus he was just extremely happy to get out of the city for a while._

_"So, not that I'm complaining, but why did we have to drive all the way to Southampton just for a beach day?" She asked as she looked up at him, smiling as she swung their hands a bit. She never complained when he took her places, knowing that he always went out of the way to make her smile._

_He looked down at her and smiled before shrugging a bit. "I figured it would be better than going to one of the beaches we already went to. Plus, as you can tell, this is more private and no one can overhear us or anything like that." He said as he looked down at her and gave her a small smile. She could see there was something there in his eyes causing her to tilt her head a bit as they walked down the little lane in the sand. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, smiling softly up at him before leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Thank you капитан," she whispered softly to him causing him to smile down at her and give her hand a small squeeze. "No need to thank me, Duchess." He said quietly before looking around and smiling at how empty the beach was. There were a few people though scattered out around the area causing him to nod to himself before looking down at her. He felt her scoot closer to him, his eyebrow arched as he looked down at her. He gave her a small smile and let go of her hand, moving to wrap his arm around her waist as he asked, "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing, I'm just, still not use to wearing swimsuits out in public yet," she said with a small shrug causing him to smile and stop. He turned to her and smiled down at her before he reached up and cupped her cheeks in his hands. "Natalia Romanova," he said, using her full name, as his eyes searched hers for a few moments. He was really the only one that he could call her by her given name and get away with it. "Listen to me very carefully. You are a beautiful, smart, strong, and amazing woman, scars and all. No one else's opinions matter. Okay?" He said as he looked down at her with a dark arched eyebrow._

_She smiled up at him as she listened to him before nodding. "Okay," she whispered quietly, barely hearable over the crashing of the waves. He smiled softly and nodded, leaning down and placing a sweet kiss on her lips, before he wrapped his arm around her waist again and lead her further onto the beach. Once they got to a spot they both liked he turned to her and got the hem of her shirt, gently pulling it up and over her head, as she lifted her arms up for him, revealing a black bra-like top that covered her chest and extra thin pieces curving over her breast from the straps to the center. A small giggle escaped her from a look that an elder couple gave them before he reached down to the button on her shorts. She bit her lip as he undid them, pulling the zipper down with a smirk before he squatted down, dragging the clothing down her legs to take them off, revealing the matching black bottom piece that covered her waist and such. It was honestly one of her favorite pieces because of the way the could make different designs with the strings that tied it together. This time though, she went with a simple crisscross all the away and tied it on the front._

_She couldn't help but love the public displays of affection he showered her with when they were out, even something as simple as this. She also couldn't help but feel giddy when she saw the almost hungry look that flashed in his eyes as he looked up at her and slowly stood up. "See, absolutely beautiful," he said softly to her, bringing a light blush and happy smile to her face. He smiled softly before leaning down and kissing her softly causing her to kiss him back with a happy smile. His fingertips ghosted up her thighs and sides before pulling away when he felt her shiver a bit. He smiled and gave her a wink as he reached behind him, pulling the white t-shirt off and dropping it down with hers in the sand. He toed his boots off then took his pants and socks off, showing off a pair of black board shorts with a white drawstring._

_He smiled softly at her before taking her hand and leading her to the waves, smiling as they walked into the water hand in hand. He walked her further out into the water before they were neck deep, bobbling with the pull and push of the water. She smiled and grabbed his other hand as an anchor before she asked, "So are you going to tell me now why we're on a secluded beach and so far out from where others can't hear us?"_

_He stared at her for a moment, his blue eyes seeming to struggle for a moment before she gave his hands a gentle squeeze as if encouraging him a bit. A small smile tugged at his lips before he sighed softly and looked down between them. He was mentally struggling as it was, both work and personal, but when he looked up into her swirling green eyes, he felt grounded. "It's getting worse Natasha," he said quietly, almost as if he was ashamed to say it. She looked into his eyes, seeing the worry and small amount of fear there that only she could see._

_"And I don't mean just in my dreams. It's starting to affect me while awake. Yesterday, when I was walking down the hall past one of the training rooms, I stopped to check on them and it was like I was standing in Germany during the war again. The other day, it was Wakanda, and before that, it was New York. I'm starting to see things and it's scaring me 'cause when I came to all three times, I had my shield and was ready to attack." He said shaking his head and looking down at the water. She could hear the fear in his voice and knew that it was really starting to get to him. She knew that he hadn't been sleeping, instead, he was staying up all hours of the night in bed drawing or reading. If he did manage to sleep it was only less than three hours and he was right back up._

_"Steve," she whispered as she reached up and cupped his cheeks, lifting his head so they could look at one another. "Hey, it's okay. We'll get through this, just like we've done everything. Together. You don't have to suffer this alone okay? Even if we have to take a few years off and hide away in a little town in another country." She whispered softly as her eyes flickered between his, trying to speak words that she couldn't form with her look. He stared back at her before his arms went around her waist and pulled her into a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, cradling his head in the crook of her neck and holding him there protectively. "I promise Steve, I won't let you hurt anyone or let this get the better of you okay?" She whispered in his ear and kissed the side of his head softly. He squeezed her tightly before he responded, "Okay."_

_He didn't move though after he agreed to the promise, opting to continue holding her tightly to him. She petted his hair gently, whispering that she wouldn't ever let him go. She had no idea just how much she meant to him, how much she kept him grounded. She kept him human, kept him sane in his states of feeling inhuman. "There's one other thing," he said quietly, finally lifting his head to look at her. "If and when the day ever comes, and I look at you and say I can't do this anymore, it's not towards or about you. It means I love you and that I need severe help." He whispered softly, watching and gauging her reaction. She moved her hand to his cheek, brushing her thumb over his skin and giving him a simple understanding smile, though he saw it as the stars and sky. "And when I look at you and reply, Fine, then go, it means I understand and love you too." She whispered, finally whispering the words he so desperately wanted to hear her say._

_His eyes locked on hers as the words sunk in before he said, "Say it again." He didn't have to tell her what it was that he wanted to hear again, causing her to smile a bit brighter at the adoring and loving look in his eyes "I love you_ Steve _Rogers," she said quietly. He smiled brightly before he leaned in and kissed her, bringing a very unusual and abnormal giggle from her._

He was brought from his memory when he ran smack into his front door, causing him to groan softly and rub his forehead that he had hit. He had arrived at his house sooner than he realized it causing him to dig his keys out of his pocket and find the right key. He pushed it into the keyhole, twisting it and opening up the door, quietly going in and closing the door behind him. He looked around for a moment, finding the house a bit too quiet and wondering if Natasha had decided to go out. He shrugged a bit and made his way to the kitchen where he turned the burner with the coffee kettle on to warm the coffee from the morning up. He then looked around for Winston and Merlin before raising an eyebrow and heading to the stairs when he didn't see them. He climbed them one at a time, walking down the hallway to his room and looking into the room.

The sight melted his heart, seeing Natasha laying there curled up in his bed with Winston curled up against the back of her knees. He smiled softly as he walked in and seen Merlin curled into her stomach. He bit his lip, committing the sight to memory before he went over and got a pair of jogging pants and a shirt to change into. He quietly took his shoes off and grabbed his running shoes then made his way out of the room, pulling the door too but not closed. He went to the bathroom and changed, tossing the uniform into the laundry hamper. He made his way out of the bathroom and back down the stairs to the kitchen where he turned the stove off and got a green apple and a knife. He cut it up into slices on a napkin then grabbed it and his coffee, turning and leaning against the counter as he ate the apple. He sipped his coffee in between slices before finishing off the fruit and drink causing him to turn and rinse the cup out. He set the cup on the window ledge then walked over to the refrigerator where he got out a bottle of water.

He made his way back to the stairs then walking up them again, going down the hall to his workroom. He went in and over to a door that was supposed to be a closet and opened it, revealing a small storage area with a set of stairs. He climbed the stairs up to what was supposed to be the attic but instead was used as half a storage area and half an in-home gym with a punching bag, bench press, a couple extra weights and a treadmill. He set the bottle of water on the bench before he went over to a shelf and got a set of hand wraps and proceeded to wind them around his wrist and hands. He knew he didn't have to use them, but it was almost a comfort tool for him to use.

Once he finished he sighed softly and went over to the punching bag, staring at it for a moment before turning around to where he could see the vibranium shield that hung on the wall on the storage side. He stared at it for a moment, before pulled back and hit the bag as his head started going back in time. He didn't know why he tortured himself like this, staring at the shield that held too many memories and thoughts of the past, both good and bad, just to work out. He knew that he could go about it in a different manner but for him to get a good work out, one that would actually work for him, he had to get upset or emotional so to say. He pulled a memory from the back of his mind, of when they had all been on the Helicarriers after capturing Loki. He jabbed at the bag a bit harder as he remembered Starks smug face, even though they both knew that without the suit, Tony wouldn't be able to beat Steve. How he said that everything special about Steve came out of a bottle and that he was a lab rat.

But that memory wasn't doing the job, it was just warming him up. He thought for a moment, remembering when he had gone by the complex one day to take Natasha the lunch he had made. This one caused him to hit the bag a bit harder as he remembered walking down the hall, the look on a few of the Agent's faces when they saw him. They had that, "Oh shit" look which made him raise an eyebrow. He knew that today was her training day on hand to hand combat, and he had prepared himself for it, but they all knew how protective and possessive he was over her. His jabs and hits started getting harder, causing the chain that held the bag up to whine a bit from the force, as he mentally traveled back down the hall.

_He finally reached the door, opening it and stepping into the gym where they were training. His eyes landed on the petite redhead in the middle of a circle of trainee's, most of them being male with two or three females. His grip tightened on the bag he carried for a split second before he relaxed, telling himself that it was Natasha and she could hand them all their ass and do her nails at the same time. He stayed back where he couldn't be seen as he watched her motioned one forward with two fingers before easily putting him down, the sight brought a smirk to his lips. "That's my girl," he said quietly to himself as he watched her, defending herself and put two more down._

_It wasn't until she had one of the girls and guy come forward that his grip tightened back up when he saw the man land a hit in her side. "You're pulling your punches," she said, hitting the man a few times before flipping him and looking to the girl who aimed to take a cheap shot which Natasha barely missed. "And you're not paying attention," the woman said as Steve inhaled a sharp breath and held it for a moment. He watched Natasha smirk before she moved with lightning quick movement and drop the girl with a loud thud. "You're talking too much," she said as the woman gasped for breath, bringing a proud smile to Steve's face. Natasha motioned for two more to come forward, both looking a bit nervous before moving in. Steve would give it to them that they actually lasted longer than the others, working together before she put them down and looked at the last one standing._

_The sight of the guy caused Steve to stand at his full height and square his shoulders. The guy, whose name was Curtis, was always flirting with Natasha, giving her looks like he was pretty much undressing her with his eyes. Today was no different, and Natasha seemed to notice it too judging by the way she shifted her weight a bit, a hint only Steve knew when she became uncomfortable. "What do I get if I take you down?" Curtis asked as he looked at her, slowly moving almost as if he was circling his prey. The actions didn't sit well with Steve, nor did his words. "Bragging rights," she said with a shrug before swinging at him only for him to dodge it. "Is that all?" He asked as they went back in forth, swinging and missing each other's throws, the group watching with anxious eyes. Steve watched as the two moved before he noticed Curtis was backing Natasha into a corner, which caused his back to go ramrod straight and his body to stiffen up. He knew she hated being cornered, and sometimes she would get stuck in a memory and lash out._

_"I can see why Rogers likes you, I bet you two fight for dominance all the time," Curtis said smirking as if he knew something she didn't. Natasha didn't respond even though a look of murder flashed in her eyes as she took in her surroundings as they moved and realized what he was doing. She managed to get him back a bit before he advanced on her quickly, his_ fist _flying past her head and against the blue mat. Natasha used it to her advantage, slipping under his arm before taking his head and all but slammed it into the wall. He groaned loudly and grabbed his face, his nose now pouring blood, before he cursed, "Fucking bitch!"_

_She breathed heavily as she moved back before he came at her swinging, too quickly and erratically. She hated being cornered, not because it would give her attacker an advantage, but because of her times from the Red Room. She moved with grace but tripped over one of the group members foot who was trying to move out of the way. She fell and before she had a chance to get up he was on her, straddling her hips and using all his weight to hold her there, and hit her in the jaw, hard. It was a sickening sight and sound causing Steve to move from his spot as everyone called foul. There was a rule for safety during the first stage of training, which they were on still. If someone was to fall over or mess up because of someone else who wasn't in the fight the opponent had to give them seven seconds to up before they could take a hit._

_Curtis pulled back again to take another shot at Natasha who was squirming around trying to get out from under him but finding it hard seeing he used his full weight to pin her under him. "ENOUGH!" Steve shouted, causing the room to go silent and the_ fist _to stop midway. The others suddenly stood at attention, the same "Oh shit" look covering their faces at the murderous look on his face. "Get off her," he commanded, his voice cold and unlike the Steve Roger's they knew. He watched as Curtis scrambled to his feet, standing at attention and looking over Steve's shoulder with a look of mortal dread on his face. He knew he screwed up, badly. Steve bent down and helped Natasha up, who gave him a mixed look of "I had it" and "Thank you" before he_ onced _her over. "Go have Rhoddie look at it, I'll be there in a few minutes." He said quietly to her, earning a nod, as she moved her jaw a bit and winced as she walked past him and towards the door. She knew that it was dislocated and would hurt like a bitch for a few days._

_Steve looked at the group for a moment before his stormy blue eyes turn onto the man. "Do you know what you did wrong?" He asked raising an eyebrow causing Curtis to swallow hard before holding his head high. "I didn't follow the seven-second rule," he stated, knowing whatever happened wasn't going to be good._

_"A hundred laps around the complex overseen by Sam," he stated without hesitation, making it very clear that it wasn't negotiable. He turned and started towards the exit before pausing and turning back towards him. "After you've finished you'll wait in here, at attention, for me to return, no matter how long it takes. If you do not, you'll earn a city-run wearing full equipment every day for a month." He said, making an example out of him for the others before dismissing them for the day then walking out of the room and down to the medical bay._

Natasha woke with a jerk, sitting upright in the bed and looking around. She breathed hard for a few moments as it took her a few moments to realize where she was. She reached up and ran her fingers through her red hair before she heard a slight creaking and quiet thumping sound. She raised her eyebrow and looked around for a moment then pulled the blankets back and maneuvered around Winston and Merlin to stand up. Once she was on her feet she made her way towards the door, walking out of the room and down the hall. She saw the spare room open causing her to raise an eyebrow and walk in. She looked around in silent aww, biting her lip when she saw the open door and going over to it. She heard the thumping get louder as she walked into the small space and up the stairs. When she reached the top of the stairs she peeked around the corner and seen Steve hitting the punching bag, his skin glistening with sweat and the bag swinging almost violently. She bit her lip as she looked at him, getting lost for a moment in the way his muscles bulged, the look of anger and almost murder on his closed eyes face. She shook her head to rid herself of the thought before she seen the punching bag land halfway across the room.

Her eyes stayed on his body bitting her lip as she watched him breathe hard, then his blue eyes turn to hers when he heard the creak of a floorboard as she shifted her weight. He looked at her for a moment, much like he had when they were together, but it quickly disappeared. He gave her a small smile as her eyes finally flickered around the room, pausing on the circular shield hanging on the wall. It was then that she noticed that he had been facing it, wondering why for a moment before it seemed to click. He was punishing himself, or maybe, she thought, he was trying to find his way back.

Steve looked from her to the shield then back with a small sigh and hang of the head. "It's probably what it looks like." He said, finally breaking the silence that surrounded them. She looked at him and tilted his head a bit before she shrugged a bit. "I'd rather not assume, it makes an ass out of you and me," she said jokingly, getting a smile to pull at his lips and him to hang his head with a laugh. "Alright, I'll give you that one." He replied before sighing softly and going over to get the bag. He brought it back over and hung it back on the hook without so much as a strain then began to unravel the wraps from his hands. "Care to enlighten me though?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at him. He bit his lip, slowing his movements down a bit before sighing. "I was just working out, and I have to get angry anymore to get a good work out," he said with a small shrug.

"You sound like B-," she stopped herself when she realized who she was going to say. She watched his jaw clench then relax as he folded the wraps up and waved her on almost. "Go ahead, say it. You can't hurt my feelings, Romanoff," he said, clearly lying through his teeth and she knew it. She didn't know what bothered her more, the fact that he used her last name or the lie. She looked at him for a moment, his blue eyes finally coming up to meet hers, knowing the answer before she said it.

"Banner," she said finally, earning a nod as he put the wraps back on the table where he had got them from. "See, that wasn't so hard," he said giving her a smile that seemed jokingly but she could see that it ground his bones to say it or even hear the name. She looked down before shaking her head a bit and sighing as he made his way over. "Steve," she said quietly causing him to stop and look at her. "I just want to say, that day you came home, it wasn't what it sounded or looked like." She said quietly, watching his face and the way the muscle in his jaw moved for a moment before he looked at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, playing dumb before she scoffed, letting her arms fall to her side. "Don't pull that shit with me, you know damn well what I'm talking about." She said as she stared up at him seriously, her eyes searching his before he looked away and shook his head. He didn't want, no, he didn't need to talk about that right then, he wasn't in a calm enough state, his mind wasn't level. He started to move past her before she put her arm out to block his path, making him stop and look at her. "Natasha please, move your arm," he said quietly, trying to remain calm.

"Not until we talk about this," she said staring up at him. His blue eyes flickered between hers for a moment before he reached up and pinched the end of his nose, a sign she knew that she was pushing her luck. She just wanted him to know that nothing had ever happened, nor had she meant anything bad by what she had said. His angry and upset blue eyes searched hers for a moment, silently pleading for her to move her arm, not wanting to say or do something that would add to the guilt that was already piled up past his head. She saw and knew that she was really pushing it, having been in a similar situation before and her bottom had paid the price for it.

_She knew she had messed up this time badly. She had been talking to him about her jealousy, how she hated that every girl threw themselves at him. He had told her that there wasn't anything to worry about, that he only had eyes for her and her alone. But it had all started with Sharon Carter, who had all but smugly been talking to one of her friends in the hall which Natasha had overheard on her way to see Steve. She said that one day Steve would leave Natasha for her or someone else who didn't have as much blood in their past, who could give him a family, stability, children. It wouldn't have affected her as much if she been pmsing. The thoughts hadn't bothered Natasha till then and had caused worry to settle in that maybe one day he would leave her for the blonde bimbo that had connections to the one other woman Steve had ever loved. When she told Steve he assured her that he wouldn't leave her, but she kept pushing it. Saying that he could have everything she couldn't give him with Sharon, a family, children, a relationship that wouldn't be affected by distances when she had to travel. He told her to stop, and had she actually been paying attention to his facial expression, she would have known to stop._

_But she didn't, she kept on and told him he could kiss her ass when he told her that she needed to stop pushing her luck. It was only then that she realized what she had said and how far she had gone, and it was too late to take it back as she stared into his stormy blue eyes. She'd never forget it for as long as she lived. "Home, now. You had better be waiting for me in the study, kneeling, and with your collar on by the time I get home." He said calmly, while underneath he was boiling. She nodded before she all but ran from his barely used office and to the black Corvette parked outside, her insides a nervous wreck as she drove to their ClockTower home in Brooklyn._

_And that's how he found her, not bothering to remove his navy blue uniform with three silver lines across the chest, shoulders, and back with the star in the middle as he walked into his study about an hour or so later. He walked around the desk and sat down, staring at her for a moment with her head down. He had had time to calm down some, but he was still rather upset. He knew it was probably just her hormones that got the better of her, but he couldn't let it all go unpunished. "Have you had time to think about what you did wrong?" He asked after a few moments earning a nod and a quiet "Yes_ капитан."

_"What was that?" he asked her as he raised an eyebrow at her. "I said yes_ капитан," she _said louder, still not raising her head._

_"And what did you do wrong?" He asked as he sat back in his chair a bit._

_"I didn't stop when you told me to. I was over thinking and letting my emotions run wild with the thoughts of you leaving me for someone else. And, I told you to kiss my ass." She said, pausing a bit at the last of it and taking a chance to glance up at him. She'd be lying if she said that seeing him like he was didn't turn her on a bit, but now wasn't the time or the place. He nodded at her answer before he sat forward, and motioned for her to stand._

_"I can overlook the simple mistake of your emotions running high because you're pmsing due to your period next week. However, not stopping when I told you to and telling me to kiss your ass is not something I can. You'll get a set of twenty, each offense being a total of ten, understand?" He said, earning a nod and a yes sir. He scooted the chair back and curled a finger for her to come to him. She knew the drill, having been across his knees a few times before. She went over to him as he scooted forward a bit so she wouldn't have to lay across the arms of the chair and laid across his lap._

_He tugged her pants down followed by her black underwear before he said, "You know what to do."_

_She nodded, knowing that she had to count each one and if she missed, he'd start over. She waited for the first blow, feeling the sting of the sudden skin to skin contact. "One," she breathed out and gripped his leg. That was the thing with him though, even though she had a similar serum of the super soldier coursing her veins, it wasn't like his and he knew it. So he could be a bit rough with her but was still mindful of the limits._

_With each stinging whack that fell upon her bum cheeks, seeing that he rotated cheeks and was gradually getting harder, she counted them and by ten she was saying them through gritted teeth. Her nails dug into his pant clad legs as she fought back the tears that were now stinging her eyes as they progressed. By the fifteenth whack though she failed at keeping the tears at bay and she was letting them fall freely as she breathed out the number. It was getting harder to say the numbers and not let on that she was crying, though she guessed he probably knew it by the way she stumbled over the number eighteen._

_When the final smack was delivered, she felt them both let out a long breath before feeling the gentler touch of him rubbing the red skin as if to sooth it. It lasted for about five or so minutes, and though it was a comforting feeling, it didn't take the sting and burn away. He righted her pants and underwear when he was finished before helping her up to sit across his lap. She wrapped her arms around his torso and buried her face in his neck._

_"I'm sorry_ капитан _," she whispered, having finally stopped crying by now as he gently rubbed her back. "You're forgiven Baby Girl," he whispered softly to her before kissing her head gently. They sat there for a few more moments, each coming down from the punishment before she lifted her head to look at him. He smiled softly before he brushed a strand of her hair back out of her face. "Come on, let's go get something to eat." He said softly earning a nod before she got up, followed by him._

She moved her arm down out of the way before she hung her head a bit. "I'm sorry," she said quietly and bit her lip. She moved out of the way as she looked down at the floor before biting her lip. He nodded a bit when he heard her before he said, "S'kay." They stood there for a moment, neither knowing exactly what to say or do before he sighed quietly. She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, shuffling her feet a bit, and asked, "Wanna go get something to eat?"

The question tugged a smile at his lips before he laughed softly and hung his head. The sound of his laugh caused her to smile as she saw him nod. "Yeah," he said and looked up at him before he motioned for her to go ahead of him. She walked back down the stairs, Steve following behind her and closing the attic door, and looked around the room when she reached the bottom. "Some storage room you got here Rogers," she said as she cast him a look over her shoulder and a laugh to come from him before he nodded.

"I didn't want you to laugh or poke fun at me for it." He said causing her to snicker softly and shake her head. "Honestly Steve, I find this cute. Being a mail carrier is something I will never let you live down though," she responded as she walked towards the door with a laugh. He rolled his eyes gently at her before shaking his head as they walked out, him closing the door behind them, as she turned to him in the hall and asked, "Would it be too much to ask if you'd take me into London?" He looked down at her before chuckling softly and shaking his head a bit. "Not at all, just let me shower first then we'll go," he said earning a smile and nod. "I'll meet you downstairs then," she said with a nod as he started down the hall to his bedroom while she went towards the stairs after agreeing to the meet.


	6. Lost In You Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am so so so sorry for such the long wait. Work has been busting my ass all week plus I had some personal relationship issues going on! But here is chapter 6!

Chapter 6:

Getting Lost In You Again,

It took him about twenty minutes to get ready all together before he made his way down the stairs, dressed in a fresh outfit of dark washed jeans, a white t-shirt, and his favorite dark brown leather jacket. He wore a pair of lace-up boots, a normal for him if he wasn't wearing his work shoes or running shoes. The weight of them wasn't too heavy or too light, instead, they fit just the way he liked his shoes to fit. He looked around for a moment when he arrived in the living room before spotting Natasha, changed into the clothes she had arrived in, standing in front of the fireplace admiring an old-fashioned wood lantern with carvings of star constellations on the sides. He bit his lip as he watched her for a moment before he spoke up, "I made that when I first moved in. You light a candle or use one of those LED light things and put it inside. Then you wind it up and it spins slowly, casting the shadows of the images on the walls." Natasha turned and looked back at him with a smile. "Now that is amazing. Something so simple and plain looking makes something beautiful," she said quietly.

 

He smiled almost bashfully, looking down for a moment at his feet after her compliment. He would never admit it, but he had carved their zodiac constellations, her Sagittarius and his Cancer, signs on the sides across from each other with Scorpio and Pisces on the others. She carefully set it back up on the mantle, having noticed the three significant signs, one she was sure he didn't realize just how significant it really was. She turned to him, skillfully slipping on a faux happy smile before she asked, "Ready?"

He saw through the fake smile but said nothing, and instead, he nodded at her question while giving her a small smile. "We'll have to go out the back," he said and lead her through the arch of the living room wall then the kitchen after grabbing his keys and wallet from the small table by the front door. He made sure everything was off as he opened the door for her, waving her through then going through himself and shutting the door behind him. He locked the top lock followed by the bottom after closing it then turned to her. His hand fell on the small of her back without thinking and began leading her down the small walkway towards the back part of the fence. Neither really paid that much attention to it, well, he didn't. Natasha though, she seemed to notice and lean into the touch a bit, not enough to be noticed by him though. She chewed on her bottom lip before she looked up at him out of the corner of her eyes.

_"I shouldn't be letting myself get so caught up in him again. This is a mission. That's it. Nothing more."_ She told herself, also wondering how long that she would be able to keep telling herself that stupid mantra, as she looked down while they passed a shed. But all too soon he removed his hand to unlock a section in the fence, and open one of the doors, revealing another street lined with trees and cars of all makes and models. Next to his part of the property though sat a dark blue 1940's Ford pickup truck with whitewall tires. Natasha laughed softly at the sight of it before looking up at him and saying, "It suits you perfectly." He smiled with a small shrug before leading her over and opening the passenger side door. He helped her in with a smile, gently shutting the door once she was in, and then went around to get in on the driver side. He started the old but well cared for truck, pulling away from the curb after checking for vehicles and people, and started down the road.

Natasha looked around on the spotless clean inside before chuckling softly to herself. It was so typical of him, always having everything neat, clean, and spotless. But then again, she knew he had always been that way and it was thanks to the ARMY and his upbringing. She looked over at him, noticing there tucked between the metal of his speedometer was a picture of her. Her heart thumped a bit harder and a bit more erratically as she stared at the photo, wondering why he had picked that picture, out of all the ones he probably had, to keep in his truck.

"You kept it," she said quietly slightly dumbfounded, her cheeks heating up to a bright red when she realized what she had said. Steve looked over at her before chuckling softly as he switched out his faux glasses for a pair of dark aviator sunglasses. "I kept all of them," he replied and looked at the road as he drove. She bit her lip as she watched him, looking away after a moment and chewed on the inside of her lip. He seemed to be in a better mood and she didn't want to spoil the fun of asking or saying anything because everything she had to say could ruin his mood. But she wondered why, after all these years, he still had that one in particular. It wasn't a fancy picture by any means, in fact, it was more of an emotional picture than it was visual. Her red curls were tousled about, she was in a sitting fetal position with one hand around her middle and her other hand in her hair. The red sweater she wore was off her shoulders and the side of her black bra was showing, the end of the sweater covering her bottom just barely. He had edited it on his computer to be a bit blury around the edges, which seemed to enhance the effect more so it seemed. She wouldn't have called it exposed, but, in a sense, it sort of was.

"Why that one?" she finally asked as she looked up at him with curious green eyes. He shrugged a bit as he stared at the road, sighing quietly as he thought for a moment. "You looked so, peaceful, like the universe could collapse in on itself and you'd go with no regrets. But there was something else there too. Like you were longing for something," he said and looked over at her for a moment then back to the road, making the turn to pull out of the town and onto the main road heading towards London. He had studied the picture on repeat for years, trying to place what it was and finally getting it just a few years back.

She bit her lip as she looked at him then looked down at her hands in her lap after a few moments. In truth, she had been longing for something, something that she had thought was impossible to obtain. She looked out the window as images flashed in her head. People shouting around her for a doctor as she laid there on the floor of SHIELD Headquarters in agonizing pain. His name being the only thing she could say in hopes that he would appear out of thin air and take it all away.

Her hand fell to her stomach again as she stared out the window, tears pooling in her eyes as she tried fighting back the images, not noticing that Steve was looking at her. He noticed her thumb brushing over her stomach causing him to reach over and take her free hand gently into his. Her head whipped in his direction, her stormy green eyes watching him for a moment as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. A small, almost sad, smile colored her lips as she returned the gentle squeeze with one of her own. It was almost like a silent understanding, something that didn't need words, but in truth for full understanding, did. He looked back at the road after a moment, still holding onto her hand as the scenery outside passed by causing a small smile to tug at her lips.

The rest of the ride was held in comfortable silence, Natasha having turned on the radio halfway there and joked about the new age songs coming from an old time truck. It was too much like old times and felt too familiar, but neither seemed to mind it. He found a parking spot in the Westfield Mall parking lot before he shut off the truck with a sigh. He took the aviator glasses off and put his black-rimmed glasses back on. "Ready?" he asked earning a smile and nod, her mood much more chippery and happy again, for which he was thankful.

He got out, pushing the lock down on his door before going around and helping her out with a smile. "Thanks," she said smiling while earning a nod from him as he locked that door as well before closing it. "No problem," he said as he put the keys in his pocket then reached down and took her hand again. She bit her lip and smiled softly as she held his hand back gently, following after him when he started walking towards the entrance.

He sighed quietly as they walked into the mall, looking around for a moment before holding his free hand out as he said, "Lead the way. There's a map there if you're looking for specific shops." He nodded to where the large map was causing her to lead him over and look at it for a moment. She grabbed one of the smaller ones for a reference then nodded to herself and tugged him in the direction she wanted to go. He couldn't help but smile a bit at the memory of when they had been running from SHIELD after Fury's "death" and the times after that when they had went, which was far and few between. They had both liked going to smaller less crowded places to do their shopping.

He followed her along, his eyes scanning the surroundings and faces of people in case anyone was trailing her and looking for him. He sighed as he bit his lip, wondering how long he would be able to keep SHIELD off of Rye. It was such a peaceful and godsent place that he didn't want anyone going in and destroying it or putting it on anyone's radar.

Natasha pulled him into a Rue21 and let go of his hand, walking off in a specific section to find herself some clothes. She usually tried to stick to clothing shops she knew, and that store had always been one of her go to places. Steve smiled softly as he followed after her, placing his hands in his jacket pockets and watched her begin looking through the clothing. It didn't take her long to find shirts she liked, a mix of green, black, blue and white. He didn't really pay that much attention, knowing that he would see them later on when she was actually wearing them. Had he been, he would have noticed that they all seemed to be slightly enticing, but modest. She walked around to the pant sections, looking through them for a moment before laying as many pants over her arm as she had in shirts.

He smiled and shook his head with a chuckle as he reached over and gently took the growing pile from her and holding them. She looked up at him before smiling softly, finding the act oh so familiar, as she continued looking. She felt a flair of butterflies grow in her stomach as she moved on to another rack. She bit her lip as her eyes landed on an army green jacket, picking it up and looking at it for a moment as she remembered when they were fighting Bucky all those years ago on the bridge and she wore one similar to it. She bit her lip and laid it on the pile in his arms, moving on to get a few tank tops as well. She moved over to the pajama side and looked around, picking up a pair of flannel shorts as well as a long pair and putting them with the clothes.

Steve couldn't help but chuckle softly, unable to help but find her adorable on her little mission to find clothing.  _"Careful Rogers,"_  he thought to himself before glancing down at the clothing. It felt like they were falling back into old habits, and he was unsure if that was a good thing or not, especially seeing that it had only been a day or so since she had come, hips swinging, back into his life.

"Alright, that's all I can really get here," she said, pulling him from his thoughts causing him to look down at her and nod. "Alrighty then," he said before leading her to the front counter and laying the clothes down. He gave the woman a small smile, almost bashful when he saw how she was eyeing him like she was mentally stripping him down. "And how are you today?" she purred out causing Steve to look around almost uncomfortably.

Natasha saw it as well as she approached, her eyes narrowing for a moment before going back to normal.  _"Don't get possessive Romanoff. He's not yours anymore,"_  She thought to herself before looking up at him and seeing how uncomfortable he was. "We're good, thanks. How are you?" She replied to the woman and looked at her causing Steve to give her a small thankful smile. She seen the slightly defeated look and also a hint of jealousy flood through the woman's eyes, then watched as a fake but convincing smile came through. "I'm good, did you find everything okay?" The woman replied earning a nod from Natasha as Steve got out his wallet.

"I can get it," Natasha said as she reached into her back pocket to get her little wallet. He shook his head as he took out a bank card out. "I got it, it's okay," he said with a smile not minding at all. Natasha smiled softly as she looked down at the ground for a moment, shuffling her feet as she thought about all the times that he had bought her things even though she had the money and means to do it. He was always provider, protector, someone she could look to for help no matter what.

She shook her head to stop herself from remembering the past again when she heard the total, looking up at him as he swiped the card and proceeded to enter his pin. Her jaw slacked a bit when she noticed it was her birthday, before looking up at him as he took the bag and receipt. He took her hand without thinking and lead her to the exit as she whispered, "You're something else Steve."

He looked down at her with a raised eyebrow and tilt of the head as he asked, "Why do you say that?" She laughed softly, shaking her head as she lead him towards another store so she could get her bra and underwear.

"You have little subtle hints of me all over your house, your truck, your banking. It's like you tried to forget, but couldn't." She said as she looked up at him with a small smile, her green hues though showing that she was both touched and wounded by the thought.

He sighed softly and shook his head, looking forward again as he bit his lip in thought. "I did try to forget, for the longest time. I fought everything in me to keep from going back. I refused to cry so it may have been easier, but it never worked. I tried busying myself with other things to keep the regret, guilt, and anxiety over leaving you from affecting me so much. You don't know how many times I picked up the phone and started to dial your number but stopped and listened to the busy signal. Every redhead or blonde that I passed, part of me was hoping one of them would be you. How many times I stared into the fire, wishing that I could get drunk and feel like a human. Thor helped me out a bit and brought me some of his Asgardian liquor, it was the first time I had cried that much in years. I thought he would think of me weak or something, but he just gave me a clap on the shoulder and told me he understood, and he'd be there when I needed him." He said quietly, Natasha looking up at him with heartbroken eyes. She felt her heart literally breaking, realizing just how much it had hurt him to leave.

She stopped walking and turned to him, reaching up and wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders, not caring about the people who moved around them. "I'm sorry," she whispered, closing her eyes for a moment as she held him there. It took a moment before his arms went around her waist, hugging her back tightly as he laid his forehead against her shoulder. "So am I," he breathed out, his shoulders slumping a bit as he held her. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she whispered to him, one hand coming up and brushing her fingers over his blonde hair there. "I have everything to be sorry for," he said quietly and started to lift his head before a camera flash engulfed them.

They both looked over quickly, seeing a dark-skinned teenage girl with heavy-rimmed glasses like Steve's, wearing a dark purple with pink trim blazer jacket with a school crest of P G H and a flower on the breast pocket, pleated skirt, a pink shirt with white collar, what looked to be a school bag at her side with the strap going across her chest and over her shoulder, and a small straw hat with purple ribbons around the top. Her hair was pulled into a long braid over her shoulder and reaching down to her stomach.

"I-I'm sorry, I just, I seen and heard the two of you say sorry there and the sight touched me and goes with a poem I wrote for a contest I'm entering at my school and thought it would make for a nice background picture. If you're okay with it that is," she explained quickly. Natasha eyed the girl for a moment, wondering if the story was true. She glanced at Steve who seemed to be thinking the same thing before he spoke, using the British accent that had become so custom over the years to hide part of himself.

"Do you have the poem on you?" He asked, wanting proof almost, and received a nod in return before she dug around in her bag for a moment. She pulled out a notebook, setting her camera in her bag before she flipped through the pages for a moment. She walked closer to them before handing the spiral ring notebook over hesitantly, biting her lip as she looked up at them. Steve took it, both Natasha and him eyeing her for a moment before looking down at the paper.

_If I could tell you one thing_

_And one thing only_

_It would be that I'm Sorry._

_I'm sorry for screaming in your face_

_And the way I called you terrible names._

_I'm sorry for telling you I hate you_

_When in truth_

_I hate myself for every mean thing I said._

_I'm sorry for leaving you out in the pouring rain_

_I'm sorry for all the hurt, confusion, and utter despair._

_I'm sorry for ignoring your calls on the streets,_

_And running to hide in Mr. Hall's bakery._

_I'm sorry for every single tear drop you shed_

_The day that I said that we simply could not be._

_I'm sorry for the way_

_My father threatened you that day._

_I'm sorry for not telling you the truth_

_On so many things._

_I'm sorry for not telling you the secrets I held_

_Like the little life I held._

_But one thing I will never be sorry for_

_Until the day I die_

_Is loving you._

_Because loving you was like a single spark_

_That lit hundreds of candle wicks._

_They kept my nights alight,_

_Even after we were split._

_And in a perfect world_

_You'd tell me it's okay_

_That you understood_

_And still loved me all the same._

_You'd wrap your arms around me_

_And tell me you forgive me._

_You'd tell me it wasn't my fault_

_That I was just doing what I was told_

_And what I thought was right._

_But it's not a perfect world._

_And you're no longer here,_

_And for that,_

_I'm the guilty party._

_I'm sorry,_

_And that's all that I can say._

_Because begging for you back_

_Just doesn't seem to be in my vocabulary._

_Not because I can't_

_And not because of my pride,_

_But because you've gone somewhere_

_Where only death can find._

_I know I'll see you again one day_

_When my time comes to move away._

_((??))_

"It's not quite finished yet. I still have to edit it," she said quietly as she watched their faces. Steve looked up at her and gave her a small smile before handing the notebook back over to her. "It's good," he said with a smile, a nod coming from Natasha who was unable to form words due to being a bit emotional at how close the poem related to her.

"Thank you," the girl said with a small smile before closing the book and returning it back into her bag. "So is it okay if I use the picture? If not I will delete it," she said causing the two to look at each other for a moment. She could see different levels of understanding on their faces, different levels of hurt that they seemed to keep from one another.

"Sure kid," Natasha said with a small smile and nodded, understanding the heartbreak the girl felt. "Just make sure to send us a copy," she added with a chuckle causing the girl to smile brightly at them and nod. "I will, is there an email or something I can send it to?" She asked looking between the two.

"We're more old-fashioned, you can send it through the mail," Steve said and smiled before giving the girl an address. She smiled brightly at them, thanking them multiple times before she continued on her journey around them. Natasha looked up at him for a moment before smiling softly as she said, "You know someone from SHIELD could have paid her off to do all that right?"

Steve nodded as he turned and took her hand before gently tugging her along with him. "Yes, that's why I gave her my friends address who lives here in London instead of my home address." He said with a chuckle as he looked down at her. She smiled up at him before laughing and shaking her head a bit. "Of course you did," she said nodding a bit as she lead him into Victoria Secrets earning a small groan from him.

"What?" She asked with a small smirk up at him.

He shook his head and smiled before he said, "Nothing."

He looked down at her as she looked up at him, smirking at the look of torture in his eyes. "Oh come one Rogers, it's not like I'm going to model them for you. You know that this is the only place I can get bras that are actually comfortable and support me like I like." She said as she all but dragged him into the store.

It wasn't that he didn't want to go in with her, it was that he didn't want to know what she was possibly wearing under her clothes since they were no longer together. He sighed and finally resigned to his path, following after her and not paying that much attention really. He looked around the store, seeing other women in there and one other guy, but he seemed to be enjoying the time there with what Steve assumed was his girlfriend. It brought a sigh from him as he watched them, remembering when he and Natasha use to look and do things like that. He looked down for a moment, biting his lip as he followed behind her. He knew that he had royally screwed up in leaving her, and he knew that it would probably be a snowball's chance in hell of her letting him back into her life.  _"Maybe not Rogers,_ " He thought to himself as he looked at her, looking at the fabrics there.

Natasha smirked a bit to herself as she lead him towards the section she needed, biting her lip as she looked over the items hanging there in pairs. She bit her lip before she got the ones she wanted, not paying much attention to the colors, just the fabric which consisted of more cotton and one or two lace sets. She liked lace for when she was being a tease or when she was getting ready to have sex. But the last time she had done that was ten years ago, and she didn't think that it would be happening anytime soon. "Alright soldier, let's go pay." She said with a chuckle as she looked up at him and smiled. She chuckled softly before she lead him to the front and bit her lip at the way the woman there eyed him like a piece of candy, running her eyes up and down his figure.

Steve noticed the woman's actions and internally groaned. He couldn't go anywhere anymore without someone looking like they were fixing to eat him alive, but he learned just to ignore it. He watched as the woman looked at Natasha, her eyes narrowing for a split second before she started scanning the items. Natasha raised an eyebrow at her, her hand tightening around Steve's before she looked up at him. He gave her a smile, one that easily read "It's okay," and got his wallet out of his back pocket. He got his card out and waited for the woman to give them the total.

When she did, Natasha raised an eyebrow and said, "That can't be right. I had it figured for about twenty pounds less than that, tax included." The woman looked at Natasha and raised an eyebrow before shaking her head. "I guess you figured incorrectly ma'am." She said almost smugly causing Natasha to raise an eyebrow. "I got them from over there," she said pointing to a wall that had a sign about it that said "Clearance wall." She felt herself getting a bit riled up, gripping Steve's hand a bit tighter as she looked at the woman.

The woman didn't even bother to look before she said, "Ma'am, your total is a hundred pounds and ninety-three pence. There is nothing I can do to fix your total."

"I want to talk to a manager," Natasha stated and looked around, spotting the manager actually helping a customer at the same wall. "Nat it's fine, I'll pay it," Steve said quietly to her when he saw others get in line behind them only to earn a shake of the head. "No. I'm not going to let you pay extra for something that is supposed to be at a cut price." She said, her green eyes showing that she wasn't going to let it go.

"Look, I don't have time to listen to you whine and complain about the total. So either pay the damn total or you can leave." The woman said causing Natasha and Steve both to look at the woman a bit shocked at the rudeness. Steve heard one of the people behind them make a comment about how rude she was being as his spine straightened itself out.

"Okay, you know what, lady. I didn't go to war multiple times for you to stand there and be like this with your customers. If you dislike your job that much then just quit," Steve said then looked around for a moment and spotted the manager. He let go of Natasha's hand before he made his way over to the woman. Natasha's eyes widened a bit at the way he spoke, biting her lip to hide the smile that played on her lips. She'd be lying if she said she didn't find it attractive. She watched with curiosity in her eyes as he approached the woman they both assumed to be the manager. She could see a shade of pink rise on the woman's cheeks from his smile, which brought about a flair of jealousy and narrowed eyes as Steve talked to her for a moment. He always had that effect on women, making them weak in the knees, flirty, and just about anything a warm-blooded female could feel with Mr. America. She could tell by his body language and facial expressions that he was being polite but also giving a very upset complaint, one that the manager seemed almost too eager to fix.

Natasha cast a look at the cashier who was chewing on her lip nervously, causing the redhead to smirk. She seen Steve and the woman make their way back over, Steve winking to Natasha as he wrapped his arm back around her waist. She bit her lip, feeling butterflies flare up in her stomach when she saw the wink and felt his hold. She wasn't sure how to feel about it aside from giddy but she shoved that feeling down, repeating her small mantra in her head of not letting him get to her like that. She looked up at him for a moment before looking to the Manager when she spoke. "I'm sorry about that Ms. Rushmoore, it seems that Blair scanned the wrong barcodes. I'll gladly fix this for you and for the inconvenience and the rude service you and your partner experienced here with us today, I'm going to give you a twenty percent off discount as well." The woman, whose name tag read Kaddie, said.

Natasha smiled, slightly shocked that Steve remembered the alias name she sometimes went by and nodded to Kaddie. "Thank you," she said, leaning into Steve a bit and sighing softly. When the lady had finished ringing the items again and said the total causing Steve to swipe his card. He took the bag and receipt as the woman wished them a good day before he lead Natasha out of the store. She looked up at him with a chuckle before she asked, "What did you say to that woman?"

He looked down at her for a moment, smiling with a laugh before shrugged a bit. "I just told her what happened and how you shop in the store frequently in other places and this was by far the worst experience that we had ever had in one of them," Steve replied with a smile, causing a smile to tug at her lips. Natasha laughed, leaning into him a bit before shaking her head a bit. "You're amazing you know that?" She said as she looked up at him, biting her lip as she stared into his ocean blue eyes for a few moments. She looked away after realizing that she had been staring for too long, a small pink coloring her cheeks. Steve bit his lip and looked ahead of them as he sighed softly. He knew that nothing was going to be easy from the moment she walked through his door and into his life again, no matter how hard he tried.

"Wanna grab something to eat in the food court or go somewhere else?" He asked after a few moments and looked down at her. She nodded in response as she replied, "We can get something from the food court, that's fine." He nodded and lead her in that direction with a small sigh. She bit her lip as she followed him, looking around at the shops they passed and the people around them. It felt like old times, stuck in a loop of comfortable silence as they walked. That was the thing with them, they didn't have to be talking or anything. Some found it odd, but it was just them. After spending and being as close as they were for nearly fifteen years, they just didn't need words to communicate or enjoy their time together. 

"Alright then, what would you like? They got almost everything here besides a home-cooked meal," he said jokingly with a smile causing her to laugh before she nodded. "How about some Chinese?" She asked raising an eyebrow as she looked up at him. He chuckled with a nod before he lead her over to where the small Chinese restaurant was before he sighed softly, both taking a minute to look over the menu. Once they decided what they wanted, they placed their orders and got their cups and making their way over to the drink station. "So, hiding out here for ten years as a mail carrier. That sounds very boring really," she said with a chuckle as she skipped the ice and put her cup under the nozzle for water, followed by Steve.

He shrugged a bit and sighed softly before he said, "I've found things to keep me busy." She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow as she remembered the "Storage" room they had passed through earlier coming down from the attic. "Like that little workshop of yours?" She asked raising an eyebrow as she smirked a bit at him. He laughed softly and nodded when he heard her as he said, "Like my workshop." When their number was called he went over and got the tray, thanking the man before he let her pick out what table she wanted.

"So what do you make?" she asked, remembering the wood pieces and fabrics there along with everything else. They sat down at a booth, before he replied, "A little bit of everything, though it's mainly toys for kids for Christmas." He sat her beef and broccoli in front of her as well as the fried rice she had ordered then got his sesame seed chicken and fried rice. There was an order of fried dumplings as well which he sat between them as she awed quietly. He shrugged a bit as she said, "That's sweet Steve."

"I started it my first year here. There was a family on the other side of town where I originally started delivering mail at. The dad had just got laid off of work and had three kids to care for. The mom had passed away giving birth to their last child and the dad was struggling. The bills were piling up and he was doing just odd end jobs to make sure they had a roof and food. I uh, I kinda paid off his bills for him and purposely would be in front of him at the grocery stores to pay for his groceries here and there. He never knew it was me, but he would always talk about the things this mysterious person would do and wish that he could thank him. One day he was talking to me about how he was unsure if he would be able to get his kids gifts for Christmas seeing that the rent and car payment took up most of his check. So I started making toys, jewelry boxes, clothes, things like that for them, even for the other kids in the town so no one felt left out. I even invited them over to the house for lunch and dinner and sent the leftovers home with them. No one's figured it out that it's me that has been doing all of it all these years." He said as he stirred the chicken and rice together before looking up at her.

Her eyes had misted up as she listened to him talk. She had always known that he had such a big heart, but hearing his story made her heart melt. She bit her lip as she stared at him, that same boyish smile playing at his lips that she loved so much when he saw how she was looking at her. She couldn't help but feel that she didn't deserve him, even as just as a friend. She was so messed up, she had done so much bad in her life, brought so much chaos and destruction to so many people and places making her a dark contrast to his brightness, no matter how much she tried to make it all up by working with SHIELD. He had fought for good and justice, for the little people, for the kids, all his life. Even now, hiding away from society and keeping a low profile, he still found ways to help people.

She reached over and took his hand before giving it a squeeze as he said, "That's honestly the sweetest and most selfless act I've ever heard. I don't know what else to say about it besides, you have the biggest heart that I've ever had the privilege to see and be around." She gave him a smile, earning one back from him before he gave her hand a squeeze back. They stared at each other for a moment, blue eyes searching green hues and vise versa, as their smiles grew.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they started eating, their fingers interlocked together on the table, momentarily forgotten by both. When they finished, they got up and discarded their trash before he looked down at the watch on his wrist. "It's getting late, we should probably be heading back unless there's something else you need to get." He said as he looked down at her and smiled softly. She grabbed her bags with her free hand before shaking her head a bit as she said, "I think I got everything I need for the time being." He nodded before he lead her back through the mall towards the exit they had entered through. They passed a cosmetic shop causing her to stop and pull him inside suddenly. He was confused for a split second until he realized where they were going into causing him to hang his head a bit. He should have known better than to assume she'd with go her make up.

It didn't take her long to get everything she needed, looking up and giving him an apologetic smile. He chuckled softly before shaking his head a bit and smiling at her as he said, "Don't be." They waited in the line for a few moments before they reached the counter. The girl there was rather chippery and friendly, making small talk which both Steve and Natasha found refreshing. Once he paid they made their way out of the store, Natasha looking up at him as she said, "I'll pay you back for all of this." Steve chuckled and shook his head before he said, "Don't worry about it, Natasha." She shook her head, having every intention of paying him back. They weren't together now, and he didn't hold the right to deny her paying him back.

As they neared the entrance he could see that it had gotten incredible dark outside causing him to bite his lip. He glanced down at her before biting his lip as he wondered if she was still afraid of thunder and lightning storms. The ones that tended to hit London and Rye were worse than the ones in New York, to which he didn't mind but he knew she would. He opened the door for her before he smiled softly and lead her outside, feeling her tuck into his side a bit more when she saw how dark it had gotten at such an early hour. He bit his lip as he lead her to the truck, his thumb brushing up and down the side of her hand with a gentle smile as if to encourage her that everything was okay.

Natasha bit her lip as she walked with him, mentally smacking herself for shying into him at the sight. She shouldn't have been doing such a thing. She shouldn't have been letting herself get caught back up in him like she was. All she had wanted for ten years was this, to be with him, to feel safe with him again, and now that she had it she was fighting it left, right, and center. She couldn't help but ask herself why, and the only reason she could come up with was that she didn't want to go through that hurt again. When they reached the truck he unlocked her door and helped her in, gently shutting the door once she was in then going around and climbing into the driver's side. He set the bags down in the floorboard and started the truck before he shifted into reverse and backed up. After switching to drive he pulled out and left the parking lot before looking over at her. "You good?" he asked, seeing her as tense as a banjo string when a small flash of lightning colored the clouds and distant thunder rolled. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good," she said and gave him a smile though he could see right through her lie.

The drive home was much like the drive there, spent in silence and listening to the radio, which was broadcasting a thunder and lightning storm warning for London and surrounding areas. He bit his lip as he looked over at her out of the corner of his eye, he could see her green eyes trained on the sky as if waiting for something to happen. He reached over and gently took her hand in a reassuring way before biting his lip. "Remember when I was first teaching you how to use the shield?" He asked trying to get her mind off of the weather. She looked over at him, a smile forming on her lips before she nodded. "It took me hours to finally be able to use it in a semi-decent way," she said with a laugh causing him to laugh and nod as well.

"I remember you getting so angry because it kept bouncing off the dummy we were using. Sam and Rhodey were walking by and seen it so they decided to come in and watch. Eventually, everyone was taking lunch and sitting in the bleachers watching but you were so focused on getting it to stick that you didn't even notice." He said with a laugh, bringing a laugh out of her and a nod. "You were doing so well with it by the time Tony came in, but you couldn't get it to stick and he started breaking down the statistics of you actually being able to get it lodged. I'll never get the instant look of horror when you threw it at him instead." He added in between laughs as he looked over to see her laughing inaudible. His smile grew on his face at the sight and sound, realizing just how much he had missed it.

"He was lucky that Sam caught it before it took his head off," she said after she calmed down bringing a nod of agreement from him. "What the hell Romanoff? Are you trying to kill me?" Steve said, impersonating Tony very poorly. This brought another round of laughter from her before she said, "Maybe."

They laughed, fully belly laughs, before Steve shook his head and sighed softly. He looked over at her to find her green eyes staring back at him, the happiness of having come back to life in them. Natasha smiled softly, seeing a spark of the man she had once known there, making her feel a bit giddy and excited. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to get back to him as she thought it was. She bit her lip and looked down at their hands when she felt his thumb brushing over her skin. She bit her lip in thought before she said, "Can I ask you something?" He looked over at her and raised an eyebrow before nodding. "It's never stopped you before," he said with a smile before looking back at the road.

"Earlier in the mall, you said that you tried everything to forget," she said quietly as she studied his side profile. "Did you ever stop loving me?" She added quietly as she watched him, noticing the way his hand tightened on the steering wheel and the way his jaw clenched a bit. She looked down for a moment after he didn't answer before she started to pull her hand away. His grip on her hand tightened as he looked over at her, his blue eyes shining with the emotions he had kept bottled up for so long. "Never," he said softly, honesty shining in his eyes as they stared at each other. Her green eyes searched his ocean blues for a few moments, giving his hand a gentle squeeze after a few moments before she said, "Neither did I."

He smiled softly, lacing their fingers back together and giving her hand a squeeze. He looked back to the road and made the turn onto the road heading into Rye. They went silent again as they held each other's hands in comfortable silence. He drove up to the house and parked back in the parking spot at the back of the house. He shut the engine off then got out of the truck, Natasha following him out and grabbing the bags on her side before a loud clap of thunder and spider web lightning lit up the sky. Natasha jumped about a foot in the air at the sound and sight, moving closer to Steve out of habit. "It's okay," he said and wrapped his arm around her and leading her to the house a bit quickly. She looked down as they walked, unable to help the small amount of disappointment in herself for reacting the way that she had. After he had left she never got used to storms, she would curl up under the blankets with her Mushu stuffie and one of his shirts that he had left. It wasn't the same though, and it only seemed to make her fear double.

She gripped his shirt tightly when another round of lightning and thunder shook the sky. Steve tucked her into his side, quickly unlocking the door once they reached the house and tugging her inside as tears started forming in her eyes. They were greeted by Winston and Merlin who he let out into the backyard. "Come on then," he said with a softly and lead her into the house. Her grip loosened up a bit on him before she all but climbed him like a tree when another round of thunder came. He held onto her before he said, "Shhh, it's okay. I got you." She didn't say anything as he held onto her, taking her to the living room and turning the dial on the old-fashioned radio to a channel that played gentle classical music. He gently took the bags from her, laying them on the blue cushioned table, before he held her to him. She buried her face in his chest as she let out a small shaky breath before she said quietly, "I'm sorry."

He brushed his fingers through the ends of her hair gently before shaking his head as he whispered, "Don't be." He couldn't help but kiss the top of her head, causing Natasha to close her eyes for a moment when she felt it. She shouldn't have been letting any of this happen. She shouldn't have been letting herself fall back into such old habits all day, letting him get as close as she was. But it felt so right like the fates and world had brought them back together for a chance at something again. She felt him sit down, gently moving her down onto his lap with him before she surrendered herself into the hold and feeling of being there with him again. He rubbed soothing circles on her back, smiling softly as he held her there and felt her relax into him. It both scared him to death and overjoyed him to have her there, holding her, after ten long lonely years.

"I've missed you Steve," she whispered quietly to him causing him to close his eyes and breathed out a breath that seemed to be way over held.

"I've missed you Natasha," he said quietly and gave her a gentle squeeze as she wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him as she heard rain start to fall between the thunder and lightning. She closed her eyes as she buried her face into his shoulder, focusing on the music and steady thump of his heartbeat which was helping her calm down some. She knew that nothing after this was ever going to be the same now, and she came to the decision that she didn't care. She had him back, and that's all she had wanted for years. So she decided that she would take everything in strides, no matter what.


	7. Still Sleeping Like We're Lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE!! I had a lot going on this week and had a severe case of writer's block! But for the wait, I went back and made this chapter a bit longer. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for all like likes and comments I've gotten from this story. It means so much! So without further waiting, here is chapter seven!! I hope you enjoy!!!

 

The end of summer weeks passed into the early, still warm fall weeks. With each passing week, Steve and Natasha found themselves falling right back into old habits. They were laughing more, going out together, holding hands or her holding his arm in the crook of his elbow. They had cooked meals together, she had waited for him in the living room to get home from work, they worked out together. She would run to his room and hold him when his night terrors would wake him, and he would do the same for her. It was just like old times when they had started dating. Like nothing had changed, but as Natasha sat on the couch with Winston and Merlin that afternoon waiting for Steve, she wondered if they would ever be able to get back to where they originally had been before he left. She knew that it was a shot in the dark but knowing Steve, she knew that if he really wanted it, it wouldn't be long before they were actually back to where they had been. She looked down at her hands for a moment as she thought for a moment and bit her lip, did she really want that? Could she trust him not to bolt again? Could she continue to keep the secret she kept bottled up for ten years from him? She bit her lip before she heard the lock click to unlocked and looked over to see Steve walking in with a box in his hands.

He gave her a smile, receiving one back, as he said, "Well isn't this a lovely sight." She laughed softly when she heard him before getting up and going over to him. "I don't know, is it?" she replied with a chuckle before she gently took the box from him. "What's in here?" She asked as she lifted the lid on the box. He laughed softly and nodded yes to her first question before he said, "I stopped by the little bakery on my way home and got some of their cinnamon rolls. I love them, I'd dare say they are better than the ones on the little corner bakery in Brooklyn." She arched her eyebrow when she heard the statement causing her to take the lid off the box and hum softly at the smell. That alone made her mouth water before she nodded in the direction of the kitchen as she said, "I'll be the judge of that."

He laughed and held up his hands as he followed after her, biting his lip as his eyes trailed over her figure just out of habit. She felt the familiar gaze on her, a small smirk tugging at the corners of her lips as she grabbed plates down from the cabinet then grabbed some forks and made her way over to the table. "How was work?" She asked as she glanced up at him. She had been able to see over the weeks that he enjoyed the job, yes, but he didn't love it, not like he loved being Captain America. With that thought alone she had been silently putting together a strategy to try and get him to come home with her to New York. She knew she would have to be gentle with it and do it when he was expecting it, because if she caught him when he wasn't expecting it, it could blow up in her face, badly.

"It was like normal, helped a little old lady get her cat down from a tree. Stopped a kid from getting bullied." He said as he went over and poured them a cup of coffee, smiling at the simple fact that she had made it. He wasn't going to lie, everything over the past few weeks seemed to be going way too smoothly. They were falling into old habits, and he didn't mind it, not one bit. It was the simple fact that everything seemed to be going too well and without a hitch that bothered him.

"Awe, look at you, being a good citizen and community member with helping everyone," she said jokingly as she got the cinnamon rolls out of the box and sat them on the plates. They were still warm and gooey which made her smile happily as she sat down at the table and picked up her fork. He laughed and shook his head as he walked over and sat down across from her then said, "I try to be." He gave her a smile as he picked up his fork and cut a piece off. He ate it, chewing it slowly and looking over at her. "What did you do today?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing too important. Went down to the library, made a few calls, stopped and got some groceries, got questioned left right and center by some of the people who know you as well as your neighbors." She replied and took a bite before a hum came from her at the taste. He stared at her for a moment, wondering what kind of calls she had made before smiling when he heard her hum of satisfaction.

  
"Okay, these are better than the ones back home," she said with a laugh causing him to laugh softly and nod in agreement. "Told you so," he said and gave her a smile. He watched her for a moment, smiling softly before looking back down at his plate as he ate his rolls. "So which neighbor and who questioned you?" He asked and tilted his head a bit, deciding to leave the phone calls alone for the time being. "Well, Martha, JoAnne, Bethany, Brittney, the cashier at the grocery store Hannah, another girl named Tatiana, some guy named Derek, Brandon, William, and this little girl who has the biggest crush on you just so you know." She said and smirked just a bit, a laugh following suit after it. She pushed down the jealous feeling about some of the girls. Martha, JoAnne, and the little girl wasn't anything to worry about, but the other three were on her radar.

His back stiffened up when he heard the names, Tatiana and Derek, hoping and praying that they didn't talk very much. The two were his only and closest friends there. They knew who he was, and had been there for him when he had no one else. He bit his lip before looking down for a moment and sighing softly, the actions not going unnoticed by Natasha. "Who is she?" She asked, trying her best to hide the slight hostility she felt. Did he find someone to keep his mind off of her while here? Were they close? All those kinds of questions ran through Natasha's mind as he looked up at her. He saw the look there in her eyes before getting a sip of his coffee.

"She's one of my closest friends and Derek's girlfriend. They're both my only friends here, and know who I am, who I really am," he replied and gave her a slightly amused smile. He found it downright adorable that she still got jealous over other girls when they would try to flirt with him or just smile at him.

A blush crept up her neck and onto her cheeks, a nod coming from her until it settled in that he said they knew who he really was. "Wait, they know you're Captain America?" She asked, a small panicked look flickering in her eyes as she looked over at him.

"They know I'm Steve Rogers. Don't worry, they haven't told a soul. And I'm not Captain America anymore, I've told you that." He said shaking his head as he finished off the cinnamon roll and looked over at her. She raised an eyebrow as she looked at him, sitting forward and resting her elbows on the table. "I'll come back to the first part of that comment later. Right now I wanna address that last stupid ass comment." She said, her eyes burning with anger at his comment about not being Captain America anymore. Whether he liked it or not, he'd always be Cap, point blank.

Steve bit his lip so he didn't laugh too hard at her remark before tilting his head a bit. She had spent too much time with Fury judging by her choice of words. Her green eyes seemed to get even angrier when she saw the way he was trying not to laugh. "Steven Grant Rogers, you listen to me and you listen well." She said as her eyes narrowed a bit at him, causing him to raise an eyebrow. She only used his full name a handful of times, and none of those times had boded well for him. "Just because you snapped and needed a break from that role does not mean you are not Captain America. You don't need a uniform or shield to be that man." She said as she looked at him for a moment.

He sighed quietly and shook his head before he got up and went over to the sink where he began to wash his plate. She watched him for a moment, getting up and taking her empty plate over to the sink so she could wash it as well. "Do you remember when you told me why you were chosen over everyone else?" She asked him as she looked up at him, the question bringing a sigh from the man there. "I do," he said after a few moments and looked down at her. "It wasn't because you were strong enough, or the best soldier, or anything physical. It was because you have such a good heart, you treat everyone like they mean something in this world. You help little old lady's get their cats out of trees. You stand up for people who can't defend themselves. You are a voice for millions that believe everything would be okay if you just do the right thing. You are a great man, then and now, and anyone who says differently doesn't know the real Steve Rogers." She said quietly but seriously as she looked up at him, her green eyes searching his for a few moments in hopes that he understood what she meant.

Steve looked down at her, her words reminding him of everything that Abraham Erskine had said to him before the serum. He looked down to his feet again as his fingers fiddled with the washcloth, thinking over everything before meeting her gaze. "It's a promise I made to the doctor who made me into a super soldier. He told me not to be the perfect soldier, but a good man. I live every day trying to make sure I uphold that promise. Even if it means hurting some of the people I care about the most." He said quietly, flashing back to the Accords and disagreeing with everyone but Sam. It had really surprised him then that Natasha was for them, but it also destroyed him at the same time. He thought out of everyone, she would understand and agree with him. But she had chosen Tony's side of the argument.

She looked up at him for a moment, raising an eyebrow at his comment and biting the inside of her cheek to remain quiet. It was obvious that he always tried to do what was right and she had been witness to it too many times, and also on the receiving end of it. "All I'm trying to say, Steve," she started and looked up at him. "Is that just because you no longer wear the suit or use the shield doesn't mean that you aren't Captain America. To millions, you are. To me, you are. You have been my saving grace since I first met you and was assigned to help you through everything. Yes, you've seen horrors in your life, but you've done so much good and saved so many people. Nothing is ever easy, but you showed me over our time as partners, friends, and lovers, that with the right person and the right motivation and train of thought, it can be."

He looked down at her, gripping the cloth in his hand a bit tighter before he sighed and walked away from the sink. "But how many people have I hurt along the way, Natasha? How many times have I let everyone I care about down? How many times has my actions screwed up everything and hurt innocent bystanders?" He asked her, his voice raising while he spoke and arched an eyebrow as he turned to face her, his eyes searching hers as he asked the questions. This was what he had been waiting for to happen, something to come along and ruin the peace that had settled in.

"A lot, but you have also taken every precaution that you could to make sure people didn't get hurt. There have been casualties yes, but you tried your damnedest to make sure that there wasn't that many. You are Captain Steve Rogers, you are Captain America, whether you wear the uniform or not! Whether you like it or not!" She said to him, her voice going up a notch or two by the end of it. She was starting to get upset by this point, not liking one bit how he tore himself down and denied himself the simple fact of he was who he was.

She let out a huff of air as she put her hands on her hips, looking to him with almost pleading eyes. He stared back at her, his eyes swimming with hurt, waves of anger, and confusion. He looked down after a moment with a sigh then shook his head. He grabbed his coffee cup before turning and walking away so he wouldn't say something to upset her even more. She watched him go, her hands falling from her hips in almost a defeated stance before she hung her head and took a breath that seemed to shake her to her core. She wanted to call out to him, to make him come back, but she knew him better than anyone else alive. She knew that he needed to find it in himself, and that would work better after he calmed down a bit. Winston came into the room, tail wagging gently, and walked up to her, nudging her hand with his nose. She couldn't help the small smile at the dog's actions before she patted his head softly with a sigh. "Your daddy is being a pain in the ass you know," she said quietly earning a deep sigh from the dog. She laughed softly as she patted his head again and went over to the back door. "Come on bud," she said, holding it open for the dog then going through it once he went out.

Steve walked up the stairs and down the hall to his workroom, going in and pushing to door to but not closed. He walked over to his table, looking at the blue doll house he had been working on that week. He smiled a bit then seen Merlin hop up on the table beside him. He raised an eyebrow before chuckling and reaching over to scratch behind his ear. He was silent as he petted the cat for a few moments, then walking over to the cabinets and got down a small can of white paint as well as a black one. He got two brushes before going over and sitting down on his stool. He opened the paint and dipped a brush into the white after stirring it then proceeded to paint the shutters and trim on the house. As he painted, he began to think of what she had said. It reminded him of when they had went into hiding after his and Tony's falling out, the night that everything seemed to push them together into a closer bond than any other two people could be in.

_He looked out the window of the hotel they had been staying at, his arms crossed over his chest as he bit his lip. He had ruined so many people's lives, Clint's, Scott Lang, Sam's, Rhodie's, Wanda's, Natasha's. All because they stood with him trying to protect the one thing he still had in this world and for what he thought was right. He bit his lip so hard that it broke the skin, not paying it that much attention because he knew it would heal soon enough before he felt someone behind him. He didn't have to turn around and look to know who it was, they had worked for so long together that he knew it was Natasha just by the very faint hint of honeysuckle scent._

_"What?" he asked quietly, staring at the moon from the third-floor window._

_"I just came to see how you were holding up," she said quietly as she stared at his back._

_He shook his head before sighing quietly and hanging his head. "I think I screwed up," he said quietly causing her to raise an eyebrow. "Why do you say that?" She asked as she walked over beside him and looked up at him. She could see the distress on his face causing her to bit her lip. She didn't like seeing him this upset._

_"Because I ruined seven lives. I got my friends thrown into a prison because they stood by me to protect one person and prove he was innocent. Rhodie is possibly paralyzed from the waist down. I made the others fugitives of the law by asking them for help." He said quietly before looking over at her, his eyes showing just how upset by this he really was._

_"Steve," she said quietly as she turned to face him completely. "They chose to help you, willingly. They knew what they were signing up for."_

_They looked at each other for a moment, assessing the others reaction before he sighed and shook his head. "But still," he said quietly, stopping though when she put a hand over his mouth and raised an eyebrow._

_"They chose to help you because they know you, Steve. They know you don't go into a fight without a damn good reason to. They know you would have done whatever it took to protect each and every one of them. Tony tried calling in Clint, he said no. He asked Wanda, she said to go to hell. But they stood with you because they know you're a man of his word and who wasn't going to change halfway through it. You don't have an agenda that could change at any given moment, you just make sure everyone is safe and protected." She said as she gave him a small encouraging smile._

_"Then why did you choose his side?" He asked the question that had been burning at him since they had been discussing the Accords together as a team in the Avengers Complex. She looked at him for a few moments, sighing quietly and shaking her head a bit._

_"I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I thought that maybe, he had a point, but internally, I knew that you were right. The safest hands were still our own, even if they were and are caked in blood. That's why I helped you get away, not just because I knew you weren't going to stop." She replied with a quiet sigh and small shake of the head. She looked up at him before he nodded a bit and sighed._

_"I'm just sorry that I caused you to lose what you had." He said quietly as he looked down at her. She laughed softly before shaking her head a bit. "Don't be. I never really fit in anywhere or had a place to call home and family until I met Clint. Besides, I still have what I had back there. But I know these people actually care about me and just don't want to use me." She said smiling up at him as he turned towards her and smiled. They stared at each other for a moment, Steve's fingers absentmindedly playing with the curtain of the window. "You know, I never really fit in anywhere either. Not in art school, S.H.I.E.L.D, even the Army. But I realized home wasn't a place, it was the people around me who gave me that sense of peace, that sense of serenity. That's why I had to protect Bucky at all cost. He was and is the last piece of my original home that I have left." He said quietly while looking down at her and giving her a small almost bashful smile._

_She laughed softly and nodded before shaking her head a bit. "It's hard to imagine you in art school." She said with a chuckle, smiling when he laughed and nodded in agreement, before biting her lip. She looked at him for a moment, both staring at each other as if waiting for something. "Can I ask you something, Steve?" She asked him quietly as she searched his blue eyes for a few moments._

_"Sure," he replied with a nod._

_"If it was me in Bucky's place, or any other one of us, would you have still done the same?" She asked with a tilt of the head._

_"Yes," he replied nodding without hesitation. He would have done anything to protect them, no matter the outcome. They had become some of his closest friends, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to let them down._

_She smiled softly and nodded, looking around after a moment then sighing, "I should probably get going and let you be." She leaned up and kissed his cheek softly before she turned and started towards the room door. Steve watched her go, chewing on his lip before he spoke up as she grabbed the handle._

_"You could stay, if you want," He said quietly as he looked over at her with slightly pleading eyes. For some reason he didn't want to be alone, a problem that he had never had before._

_She turned back to him and tilted her head a bit before she smiled. "The others may talk," she warned him only to earn a shrug._

_"I think I can handle it," he replied with a laugh before going over and sitting down at the little table where a glass bottle of unlabeled amber liquid was. He pulled the cork from it and poured some into the little cups there, holding one out to her as an offer to join him. She chewed on her lip for a moment before sighing and going back over to him with a smile. She sat down across from him and took the cup with a smile as he said, "It's not your normal liquor. Thor gave it to me as a birthday gift, it's Asgardian liquor."_

_She brought the cup up to her nose and inhaled the strong alcoholic scent before she shrugged a bit and took a sip. She was familiar with drinking strong liquor but this one caused her to cough a bit. Steve gave her an apologetic smile after taking a sip of his own and said, "Sorry 'bout that, Thor did say it wasn't for mortals."_

_She laughed softly and nodded in agreement before waving his apology off. "It's all good Rogers. It just takes some getting used to, that's all." She replied causing him to laugh and nod as he lifted his cup to hers, receiving a tap against the thin plastic cup from her before they took a drink together. He smiled as he refilled the cups again and looked at her for a moment and smiled softly. She had mentioned something about having to change her hair color earlier, and it saddened him a bit. He really liked the red on her._

_"So, why do you drink if you can't get drunk?" She asked and tilted her head, looking at him as she took a sip of her drink. He chuckled softly and sat back in the chair as he answered her. "Technically I can, I would just have to drink back to back without stopping and hope that my stomach didn't explode or my liver didn't. However, this," he pointed to the glass bottle, "isn't man-made. Higher alcohol content, quicker buzz, and my body don't try to burn it out as quickly as I drink it. Plus, I like the different flavors. Most people don't take the time to enjoy the different taste of alcohols, I guess because they have their favorites and stick to them. Or maybe it's just where my taste buds are set four times higher than the average person."_

_She nodded a bit as she listened to him before sitting forward on her elbows a bit. "So what does this taste like to you then? Cause to me it tastes like a Hurricane I had down at a Mexican restaurant Clint and I went to. It had twenty-one different rums in it if I remember correctly." She replied to him causing him to laugh and nod. He took another sip, thinking for a moment and nodding a bit. "I can taste the barley, the oak barrel it was aged in, the smokiness from the fire that was in the building with it. I can taste the light hints of orange and mint and something else that I can't quite place." He said as he looked over at her and smiling softly._

_She smiled back t him before she said, "That's quite the taste buds you have there Rogers. Is it always that way or can you turn it off?" She tilted her head a bit as she looked at him, watching the way he took a sip of the liquor and swiping his tongue across his bottom lip to get the residue off. She sucked her bottom lip in, tapping the side of the plastic cup with her nail, as he looked back at her. "I wish it was that easy. I don't have an on or off switch," he replied with a chuckle, smiling when she laughed softly. "No you don't do you," she said rhetorically, both chuckling quietly before she took a sip of the drink. It was still pretty strong for her, having had some of the strongest alcohol in the world before, but this was a higher grade and top of the line causing her body to feel like it was already floating._

_"How did Sharon manage to get your shield and suit back to you as well as the wings and such?" She asked offhandedly and looked up at him. He shook his head a bit before sighing. "I've no idea," he replied and sat up to lean his elbows against the table. She stared at him for a moment, shifting around in the chair as she remembered Sam talking to Clint about the kiss Steve and Sharon shared. She'd be lying if she said it didn't make her jealous, but then again, she had no right to be so. Besides, she was the one who was trying to get him to give her a call a few years ago. "Do you like her?" She asked him as she lifted the cup and took a sip of the burning alcohol. He raised an eyebrow at her, wondering what she was trying to get at. He thought about it for a moment then shook his head a bit. "I don't know. She's a nice person, well trained, a fighter, but I don't think I can see myself with her." He replied as he looked at her, giving her a smile._

_"Why not?"_

_"Because, I've had someone else in mind for a few years," he said giving her a knowing smile. Had it not been for the liquid courage running through his system he might not have had the courage to openly admit it. But, he hadn't said it was her, so maybe he wasn't as brave as he should have been._ _ "The hell is wrong with you Rogers? You can run blindly into a fight but not tell a girl you've been crushing on her since you first laid eyes on her?" _ _He thought to himself as she looked at him with a tilt of the head and smile._

_"Have you told her?" She asked as she looked at her before sipping her drink again then holding it out for him to refill it. She felt an unfamiliar emotion course through her, causing her to raise an eyebrow. Was this hope she was beginning to feel course in her? She mentally shook the thought from her head as she watched him for few moments. She shouldn't have been feeling that at all, she didn't deserve him even in the slightest. He smiled as he filled her cup than his own before shaking his head no and looked up at her. "Why?! Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you crushing on them!" She said shocked and bit intoxicated. Though she had a similar form of Super Soldier Serum in her system, it wasn't like his. It just helped her fight better, and age slower._

_He chuckled softly before shaking his head a bit and sighed quietly. "I guess I'm just waiting for her to be ready for such a shock. Not only that, but I think she's still hung up on someone. Not to mention she's the type of girl that every guy dreams of having. I don't know if I would stand a chance with her." He said with a small smile as his blue eyes met her green ones. He saw her look at him, her head tilted a bit before she bit her lip. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been crushing on him since they first met on the Helicarriers when Coulson introduced them. Maybe that's why she didn't like the idea of him being with someone else. Secretly, she had been a fan of what he had done in the forties, sacrificing himself for his country and just his work in general. How he was always doing everything to protect everyone, no matter where they were from. "You never know if you don't try. Maybe it's what she needs, what she wants. Maybe she's felt the same way for years and she's just been waiting on you to say something because she's afraid you might not feel the same." She said quietly as she looked at him and bit her lip, her eyes seeming to add more to the statement than her words._

_"But if she's hung up on someone, and he comes back," he started but stopped when she reached over and took his hand. "Steve, you have what no other man of this time has. You have class, respect, a love that's ageless. Even if whoever she wanted at one point came back, I think she'd stick with you because I feel like you could give her everything she has ever wanted, what she has needed for longer then she realizes. Someone to call hers, a warm embrace at the end of the day, a life outside of your job. You could give her so much more than she's ever wanted, all without knowing it." she said quietly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze and a small smile as her grass green eyes held his blue-eyed gaze._

_He stared back at her, his ocean blue eyes staring back at her and searching her eyes for the confirmation he needed. "So you think she would say yes?" He asked her quietly, his heart beginning to beat a little faster as he watched her. She looked back at him, her eyes watching his as her breathing picked up a bit and her cheeks getting a very light shade of pink to them. She swallowed the jealous feeling again, forcing a smile as she said, "I think she would yes. Besides, who wouldn't want to be the proud and honored girlfriend of Captain America?"_

_Steve chuckled at the last comment and looked down for a moment in thought. He glanced back up at her after a few moments, debating if doing what he wanted to do was a smart move. He let out a small breath of air before he leaned up out of his chair and across the table seeing that it was rather small. He leaned in slowly, his eyes flickering between her eyes and her lips, Natasha's breath hitching in her throat as she realized what was fixing to happen. Her heart started beating erratically, her eyes going wide as he pressed his lips to hers. He watched her for a moment, wondering if he had made a wrong choice before it disappeared when she finally kissed him back._

_He smiled against her lips as she set the cup down and reached up to cradle his cheeks with her hands and smiled against the kiss. He pulled back after a few more moments when he needed air, before leaning his forehead against hers. "She'd definitely say yes," she whispered quietly, leaning her forehead back against his and smiling happily. She caressed his cheek softly, feeling the light stubble growing there, as she looked up at him. "I've been wanting to do that for almost nine years now," he said with a smile as he looked down at her, biting his lip in anticipation._

_She laughed softly when she heard him, her thumb gently moving back and forth over his cheekbone. "What kept you waiting for so long?" she asked quietly as she looked up at him, her eyes shining with curiosity and happiness. Steve smiled as he thought for a few moments, trying to find the right words before he spoke. "Two things, the right time, and the confirmation." The answer brought a laugh from her and a small shake of the head. Her thumb brushed across his bottom lip as she whispered, "And this was the right time? While we're on the run and hiding from every official we know besides T'Chella?"_

_Steve laughed softly and shrugged a bit as he sighed quietly. "Well, I could have risked taking you to a fancy restaurant, treating you to dinner and standing in line behind every other guy that wants your attention. I figured since we're alone and in a safe place, with no other competition around, now was as good as time as any." He replied with a chuckle, pressing his lips to her thumb and smiling softly at her quiet giggle. She bit her lip as looked at him for a moment then shook her head some. "Trust me, Rogers, there's no competition with you," she said with a happy smile. She leaned up and kissed him again softly, her heart thumping crazily at the simple fact that the poster child of America was interested in her, a once double agent, spy, and once murderer. But it also put her on edge a bit, what if it was just a joke, or he just wanted her for one thing? What if he woke up in the morning and told her that he didn't mean what he had said and that it was just the alcohol talking? That he had said all of that just to get her on her back?_

_The thoughts chewed at her like a bad cramp during her periods as Steve kissed her back happily, reaching up and cradling her cheeks with his slightly calloused hands. He felt the shift in her kiss, pulling back after a moment and looking down at her. "What?" He asked her a bit confused as he seen her masking the worried look in her eyes to show nothing. She looked up at him, brushing her fingers over the light stubble on his cheeks. "How can America's Golden boy want me? Someone who is everything he's not?" She asked him, looking up at him with curious eyes._

_Steve looked down at her and bit his lip in thought for a moment, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. "Because it's hard to find someone with shared life experiences. Even if she isn't everything he is, he still finds her to be one of the best people he has ever had the honor in meeting. She may have done horrible things in her past, some of those things he might not know, but he knows that she wouldn't have changed her ways if she hadn't felt some sort of remorse for what she had done. He sees the good that she has done since he joined S.H.I.E.L.D and they've saved each others lives one too many times for him to view her as a bad person, even if that's how she sees herself. And he'll constantly remind her of that every day until she finally believes it." He said quietly to her as if it was a secret that only she was allowed to know. A look of aww covered her face as she listened to him, and a rare blush covered her cheeks._

_"You really think all those things about me?" She asked in a whisper, looking up at him with the same look on her face._

_"I do," he said, honesty shining in his eyes as his blue ones searched her green ones for a few moments._

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a small whistle going off from downstairs. He bit his lip as he looked towards the door then sat the brush down on the lid of the paint. He had managed to paint all the shutters, along with the porch, while being lost in his memory. He got up and made his way down the hall and stairs, going over to the kitchen to see her pouring some tea into a cup. He bit his lip as he watched her for a few moments, his eyes meeting hers when she turned around and looked at him, unknowingly to him that she too had been remembering the same memory.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as he looked at her. She stared back at him and raised an eyebrow, raising her cup and taking a sip of the hot liquid.

"For what?" she asked as she leaned back against the counter, holding the cup with both hands.

"For earlier," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the frame of the entryway. "It's just, I've been away from that life for so long. I've done everything I could to make sure that I stay out of the fight, picking a place where I wouldn't have to be surrounded by something that could trigger me, that has the lowest crime rate possible. I guess I just gotten lost in being Arthur Kingsley for ten years that I almost forgot who Steve Rogers really is." He said quietly as his shoulders slumped a bit and his eyes slipped to the ground between them, not able to look at her concern filled eyes.

She stared at him for a moment, sitting the cup down after a moment and making her way over to where he stood. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders, her way of silently telling him it was okay. He wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her back tightly before burying his face in her hair causing her to close her eyes and lean further into him with a small sigh.

She wanted her Steve back, not just so he could be Captain America again, but because she needed him. She needed her Steve Rogers back. She was so tired of trying to fight what she wanted. It had done more damage than good over the course of ten years. Steve had become her mountain, something that couldn't be moved, and she wanted, no needed, that back. She needed him, but she knew how hard it was to love someone that was broken. He had done that for years with her, and she knew it took a toll on him, but he did it. He never gave up on her when she would wake up screaming and hitting him. When she would wake him up with a pistol pointed at him and her finger on the trigger half a flinch away from shooting him. When she would be choking him out still asleep but with open, wide eyes. He never retaliated, he always used calming words, quiet gently movements, to assure her and bring her back. And when she felt like she was caving in on herself, he was there to hold her together, to tell her that everything would be okay and that he wouldn't leave. They had met each other's demons, had conversations with them, and made promises that shouldn't have been broken, but were. They had ultimately found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of them, and it was both the best thing either had ever had or felt and the most terrifying.

Steve held her a bit tighter as he released a deep breath that caused him to slouch a bit more. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to run back to her, but he knew if he did that, he'd be running back into his old life. Could he honestly do that? He didn't know. It was like someone was playing tug of war with him, making him think and feel like he both could do it and like he shouldn't. For the longest time, he just wanted to do what was right, to protect and serve those who couldn't do it for themselves, to fight the wars they couldn't. But then, after coming out of the ice and defrosting, he realized that everything had changed, that the people who he worked for weren't like those he had once worked with. Sure they wanted to protect people, but they had their own agendas and agenda's always changed and he learned that first hand. He didn't have anyone he could fully trust until he met Natasha and Sam. But even at first, Natasha had her own agenda. He assumed though, saving her in the bunkers that day really brought them closer together than anything else because then, they were always looking out for each other.

She pulled back to look up at him, giving him a small encouraging smile. He looked down at her when she pulled back his eyes searching hers for a moment before he smiled back at her. "Thank you, Natasha," he said quietly causing her to chuckle softly and nod. "You're welcome Steve," she said as she smiled up at him. They stared at each other for a few moments before the sound of her stomach grumbling echoed in the room. A dark blush colored her cheeks at the sound causing him to chuckle before he asked, "How does a pizza sound?" She looked up at him for a moment and tilted her head as she pretended to think for a moment then asked, "From the pizzeria down the road?" He chuckled in response and nodded causing her to smile then nod in agreement. "Sounds good. You know what I like on mine," she said with a smile earning a nod in return.

"I'll be back in about twentyish minutes," he replied causing her to nod back in acknowledgment. "I'm gonna run up and shower while you're gone," She said as he went to the front door and bent down to put his shoes on. "Sounds good," he said with a smile and stood back up before grabbing his keys and wallet there from the table and putting them in his pants pockets. He grabbed a lightweight jacket, slipping it on and zipping it up before he grabbed his glasses and put them on. He had to blink a time or two so his eyes adjusted, then grabbed a black baseball cap from the hook where a row of hats where. He had done some remodeling to the living room, moved the furniture around, put up some different paints, and put his hats in a easier access. "Don't answer the door for anyone okay?" He said a force of habit before a light pink rose on his cheeks from the comment. "Yes sir," she said in a mock salute causing them both to laugh before he made his way out of the door and down the steps. He made his way down the street with a small smile on his face, his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets.

Natasha smiled as she watched him go before sighing softly and grabbing her teacup again, taking a sip as she made her way to the stairs. She saw Winston and Merlin coming down the stairs causing her to laugh softly. She had noticed that the two were always doing things together, like two peas in a pod. It always brought a smile to her face. She sighed quietly and made her way up the stairs and to her bedroom, going over to the dresser and setting the cup down as she got out a pair of black pajama bottoms and a tee shirt that said, "Ninja's Don't Need Sleep." She heard her phone vibrate causing her to look towards her bed and go over to the piece of furniture. She lifted the mattress, pulling the device out and seen she had several missed calls, text, and voicemails.

She bit her lip and made her way to the bathroom where she started the water for the bath, laying the clothes on the counter and the phone by the tub. She added some soap to the running water causing it to make bubbles before she stripped down and got into the scalding hot water. She sighed quietly as she sat there for a few moments, then reached over and got the white piece of technology. She went to her missed calls first and seen that Fury and Clint as well as Stark, Rhodie, Sam, Bruce, and a few others had tried calling her. She hadn't made any contact with anyone since the day they had gone to London a little over a month ago, and now she realized that maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

Next, she listened to the voicemails, all of which said the same thing, Call Back, Report In. Except for one of Fury's and most of Clint's. The one she heard from Fury sent chills down her spine, and she had to listen to it again to make sure she heard it correctly.

**_"Natasha, this is the umpteenth time I've tried getting ahold of you. I don't know whether you're ignoring us, compromised, or other. Unfortunately, you've left me no other option here. I've sent agents out to look for you as well as Cap, I've got plenty of agents to spare one for each country. I didn't want to have to do it, but I'm to the option of calling in and sending Barton out after you seeing as he would be the only one to actually find you. Report, back, asap Romanoff."_ **

Her breath hitched in her throat as she gripped her phone tighter. None of it was good. She let out a deep breath before she went and listened to the latest one from Clint which was two days after Fury's, and one day ago.

**_"Damn it Natasha answer your phone. Fury is blowing up my house and cell phone trying to get me back in to find you. He's got agents crawling the world looking for you with orders to bring you and Cap in if they find you. Call me back, now."_ **

She could tell he was aggravated by the tone of his voice, something she rarely had directed at her. She let out a long sigh before she dialed the number familiar number and pressed the phone to her ear. It rang once before she heard Clint answer.

**_"About damn time you called me back,"_** He said causing her to look down at the bubbles and use her foot to turn the water off when it was high enough.

"I'm sorry, I just kind of forgot about the phone and stuff over the past few weeks." She said quietly before running her fingers through her hair.

**_"As much as I like to disappear too Tasha, you can't do that with Fury. He's losing his shit right now because his best soldier and best agent are currently MIA."_** Clint said as Natasha heard a zipper zipping shut.  ** _"We need to talk, face to face. Give me some coordinates,"_**  He said causing her breath to stop in the middle of her throat.

"Clint," she started until he cut her off.

**_"This isn't negotiable Natasha, I'm not coming to bring you two in. I'm coming as a friend, and alone."_**  He said as she listened to the background sounds. She could tell he was on the move, hearing the sound of a child's show on in the background then a quiet love you to Laura.

"Okay, I'll text it to you. But please, don't let anyone find or follow you. If Steve finds out about this alone, I have a feeling it wouldn't end well." She said quietly as she lowered the phone and switched it to the speaker for a moment as she texted him the coordinates for the farmers market on the other end of the town.

**_"I won't,"_**  He said as she heard the sound of a door shutting.  ** _"Well, I guess if he'd go anywhere that's the best place to go. Kind of has a home-ish feel to it. I'll be there tomorrow morning and will text you when I'm thirty minutes out."_** He said causing her to look down and bite her lip. "Okay," she said quietly, feeling guilty already for doing such a thing.

**_"One other thing, call Fury and tell him you're okay. That you're close on Cap or something so no one does find you two."_**  He said causing her to nod.

"Right," she said and bit her lip. She felt like she was betraying Steve already, and it was a feeling that gnawed at her.

**_"Alright, I'll see you soon,"_**  he said to her before hanging up causing her to sigh and stare at the screen for longer than she should have. She trusted Clint with her life, but she knew that Steve didn't trust anyone right now beside her and she was breaking that trust. She would have to keep this under lock and key, something that she was fairly good at unless it came down to him asking questions. She pushed her fingers into her hair and pulled sharply at the red locks before she looked at her phone and called Fury.

The ringing lasted longer than Clint's, all of a ring more before she heard the angry one-eyed man answer.  ** _"Romanoff, you better have a damn good reason for not reporting in."_**  He said causing her defenses to go up on high.

"I've been in Argentina, you know the cell phone service gets spotty down there." She said, lying right through her teeth convincingly.

**_"Have you found Rogers yet?"_**  He asked causing her to sigh and shake her head. She didn't care to lie to Fury, she had done it on more than one occasion, her relationship with Steve being one of them.

"No not yet, but I feel like I'm getting close. There were traces of him down there and a few locals said he may have gone to Germany, said he talked about it and had an accent like them. He's covering his tracks really good Nick." She said as if it was all the truth. That was the thing with Natasha, she could twist a lie so damn well that it could convince anyone, even the devil that he was truly an angel.

She heard Fury sigh before his reply came through the earpiece.  ** _"I've sent extra Agents out. Stark is even out trying to find him. Barton isn't returning my calls. I've got eyes and ears everywhere, however, if he's not found by the end of the year, I'm gonna have to pull you out of finding him and call the search off."_**

She was shocked when she heard him before she bit her lip. "You'd give up searching for him?" She asked as she stared at the wall across the room from her, she found it a bit hard to believe Fury would drop looking for him. S.H.I.E.L.D and Howard Stark hadn't stopped looking for him for seventy-five years after he put the jet in the ocean. Yet here Fury was, saying he would give up if he wasn't found. It honestly pissed her off.

**_"No, but it won't be as high of a priority. We'll still look for him, but I can't have my best Agent out looking for someone who apparently doesn't want to be found."_**  Fury said causing her to shake her head. She had a feeling that he was lying or keeping something from her, which didn't sit well with her.

She heard the door downstairs open causing her to check the time real quick before a few silent swears came from her. "I've got to go, I got to board my plane." She said and hung up before laying the phone on the counter beside her. She let out a long sigh before she submerged herself completely in the water. She had a feeling it was going to be a long day tomorrow and it wasn't even there yet. She stayed under the water till she felt her lungs burning for air, which was much longer than a normal human, then came back up and ran her hands over her face to get the soap and water off. She sighed deeply, leaning down and pulling the plug before she got up and grabbed a towel. She wrapped it around herself and stepped out onto the fluffy white rug there with a small sigh. She toweled off as she heard Steve call out, "I'm home!"

She smiled softly and bit her lip as she bent down and wrapped her hair up in the towel. "Alright, I'll be down in a few minutes!" She shouted back as she got her clothes and got dressed. She gathered her previous outfit and tossed them into the hamper there then grabbed the phone as she left the bathroom and made her way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. She went over to the mattress and slipped in back where it had been, releasing a long breath of air and biting her lip. For such a small device it felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, and maybe it was where she had given the coordinates to Clint and broke the trust Steve had been giving back to her. But she couldn't say no to Clint. He was like family.

She shook the thought from her head before she made her way out of the bedroom and down the hall to the stairs, going down them and into the living room where she seen him sitting. She could smell the pizza when she hit the bottom step causing a huge smile to color her face. "That smells amazing," she said earning a chuckle in return. "I figured if you wanted we could eat in here tonight and have a drink if you want." He said showing her the two bottles he had, the one she recognized to be Asgardian Liquor and the other a hard Scottish whiskey. "Sounds fine to me, do I need to grab anything from the kitchen?" She asked as she toyed with the end of her shirt, Steve reading the print on the front before laughing softly and shaking his head. "If you want anything to go with it then yeah if not, then no," he replied as he sat down in the chair closest to the fireplace, Winston going over and laying by his feet.

She shook her head before making her way over to the couch, where Merlin was laying with his tail flicking back and forth across the cushion. She sat down beside the cat who looked up at her and looked to have waved its paw at her, bringing a laugh from her. She leaned over and grabbed a piece of the pizza, as well as a glass of the whiskey that Steve handed to her. "Thanks," she said and smiled at him before sitting back and taking a bite of the pizza. She hummed softly, having had the pizza a few weeks prior and enjoying it. It wasn't New York pizza, but it was still really good seeing that an old Italian man was the one who ran the business. While she chewed the pizza she thought of what to say to him so she could go alone tomorrow, but then, her answer came with a blessing when she heard him start to talk.

"I've got to work tomorrow so you'll be here by yourself. I won't be home till after one cause I've got to stop by my friend Derek's and help him move some stuff." He said and took a sip of the amber colored drink from having mixed it with the whiskey.

"Oh okay, that's fine. I was actually going to ask if I could borrow your truck tomorrow. I need to go get some girl stuff, eyeliner, soap, shampoo. I thought I might go by the farmers market too and get some fruits. I noticed we're running low," She replied, her thumb grazing over the side of the glass she held.

He eyed her for a moment before he nodded and said, "Yeah that's fine. Just don't wreck it. Took me a year to get it in the shape that it's in now."

He chuckled softly while she rolled her eyes a bit at the little joke then nodded. "I'm not going to wreck it. Besides, it's all steel anyways, it would do more damage to whatever I hit instead of the vehicle itself." She said and laughed softly before shaking her head and smiling.

Steve laughed and took a sip of the drink then took a few bites of the pizza with a small hum. "Very true, but still."

She laughed and shook her head before she sighed softly, the pair falling into a comfortable silence as they ate and drank. When they finished, Natasha was feeling a very heavy buzz, having refilled her glass once and was currently refilling it again. "I should probably stop," she said as she sat the bottle back down. A drunk Natasha was a horny Natasha unless she was upset, then she was a very depressed and sometimes pissed off Natasha.

Steve looked over at her and chuckled before shrugging a bit as he lifted his glass. "Only if you plan on going to bed with your clothes still on then yeah probably."

A blush rose on her already red cheeks from having drunk as much as she had before she shook her head a bit. "Okay look, that was a 'Drink to get rough fucked' drunk. Besides, you mixed some of Thor's magic potion in with that one alcohol we were drinking because of that play scene that I finally convinced you to participate in. And if memory serves me correctly, you where highly intoxicated yourself because you drank the magic potion with that Polish alcohol we got on one of our missions. What was it called again? Spirytus?"

Steve chuckled as he listened to her, nodding as he listened to her then shaking his head a bit at the memory. The sex had been amazing, one that they had repeated multiple times afterwards, and he'd be lying if he said the thought of it alone didn't get him a bit aroused. If anyone ever found out half the things that he and Natasha had done, he didn't think anyone would be able to look at him as Captain America again.

"Yes, but again, you were the one who convinced me to finally participate in the scene there for you knew you were going to get drunk beyond reason and that your clothes were coming off." He said and pointed a finger at her from the hand that held his cup.

Natasha tucked her feet under her bottom as she laughed before she shook her head a bit. "Okay fair enough. But you can't sit over there and tell me you didn't like it. You had complete and total control, not that you never had it when we had sex." She said with a smirk, knowing him too well and what he liked. She saw his blue eyes darken a bit, the same look she had seen on one too many times, and it still had the same reaction on her body that it always did.

"I never once said that I didn't enjoy it. In fact how many times did we, and I quote, 'Drink to rough fuck?'" Steve replied with a smirk in return as he finished off the rest of his drink and watched her.

Was it wrong to want to advance on her like he felt he wanted to? Maybe, possibly, probably. Natasha looked at him and bit her lip, chewing on the bottom lip as if she would find the will to look away from the look, but she couldn't help herself. It felt so good to have him looking at her like that again, but she knew that she shouldn't be enjoying it. It wasn't wrong, but god how unright it was.

"A lot," she breathed out, her green eyes dancing over his features like a performer warming up to take the stage. He watched her, biting his lip as he felt his pants becoming slightly uncomfortable and nodded in response.

"We should probably change topics," he said quietly, fighting the devil inside him that wanted to cross a line.

"Why?" She asked, listening to her inner demon thanks to the alcohol.

"Because if not I don't want one of us to wake up in the morning and regret anything," he said as he set his glass down on the side table beside him.

"Why would we regret sleeping with each other again?" She asked as she tilted her head. She got up and walked over to him, even intoxicated she still walked a like a cat with her hips swinging slightly. She knew how that alone affected him, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't want him to reclaim what was his and had always been his since they first got together.

Steve watched her closely as she straddled his lap after sitting the glass on the table and looking at him. She could feel the effect she wanted on him but seen in his eyes that he was resisting it.

"Because I feel like there's still something blocking us off from each other," he breathed out as he looked up at her, his hand sitting on the arms of the chair and gripping them tightly so they wouldn't move to her hips.

She pretended to think for a moment as she slipped her hands up over his shirt clad chest and onto his shoulders. She leaned down and began to pepper his neck with small kisses, wanting him to give in to her. "If you mean you not being Steve Rogers or Captain America, that's not blocking us at all. The fact that you're a living legend wasn't the reason I was with you in the first place. But, if that's what's stopping you, I'm sure I can easily bring those walls down a bit." She breathed out as she brushed her hips against his and hummed when she felt the reaction she had caused. A smirk formed on her lips as his held tiled to the side bit and she heard him bite back a small groan.

"I'm sure you could," he said quietly as he looked back up at her.

"Come on Steve, if it is the Cap thing, I can help you. Just like you helped me. We can catch a plane to New York and I can help you get back to who you were." She said as she looked down at him. She realized though she had screwed up when she saw the shift in his eyes, going from almost lust to disappointment real quick. She felt his hands finally fall on her hips before he picked her up when he stood and all but dropped her on her butt in the chair he had been sitting in.

"Why would we have to go all the way back to New York just to help me Natasha, that just proves there is something blocking us off. If you really and truly want to help me then you can do it here. Somewhere I'm comfortable in, where I don't feel like my lungs and head is about to explode, where I know I won't be able to hurt anyone." He said as he got the bottles and empty pizza box then made his way to the kitchen.

She watched him go before she got up and followed after him, realizing that she had made a mistake. "Steve, I didn't mean it like that." She said and looking at his tense shoulders.

"How else am I supposed to take it Natasha?" He asked and turned to look at her with a hand on his hip after he put the bottles away, having sat the empty box on the table beforehand.

She stood there in the archway looking at him, her eyes casting downward after a moment from the look he was giving her.

"We don't have to go back to New York, it's just," She went quiet for a few moments as she looked at the ground. It was almost as if she was expecting the words to jump out from the floorboards for her and say what she wanted to say.

She looked up at him after a few moments before sighing softly and clicking her nails together. "It's just what?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head, waiting for her response. His mood had dropped considerably low now.

"It's just," she started as she tried to choose her words wisely. She finally sighed and decided to tell him the truth, well, part of it anyways. "It's just I won't be able to stay here forever. I'll have to go back one day, and if I'm being completely honest, I want you to come back with me. These past few weeks, it's all been things I've craved for ten years. Your hugs, your smiles, greeting you when you come home, listening to your day at work. Attempting to cook but instead I end up burning it. Even if we're just friends, I need you back in my day to day life Steve. If I lose you again, it'll break me beyond the barely mended crack of the first time I lost you, and I can't go through that. Not again." Her eyes sparkled with a few unshed tears that she forced to stay at bay. She didn't want to cry in front of him.

Steve looked down at her as he listened to her, his heart breaking at the brokenness that colored her voice. He hated that he had hurt her, and it gnawed at him every day for ten years. He couldn't put not only her but himself through it again, the first time nearly killing him. He had gotten used to having her there again, having her around him.

He looked at her for a moment before he went over and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug that felt like he was trying to hold not only her together but himself as well. She wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his chest as she took a small shaky breath. "I can't make you any promises that I'll go back to being Captain America. But, I can promise that one day, I'll be Steve Rogers again. I can promise though that even if we're just friends, I'll be with you in New York, one day." He said quietly to her, his lips pressed against the top of her head as he spoke. She sighed quietly and nodded against his chest as she gave him a gentle squeeze. "I can deal with that," she said with a smile then nodded.

He gave her a gentle smile before nodding in return and pulling back a bit to look at her. He bit his lip for a moment, nervousness getting to him a bit before he asked, "Do you want to stay the night with me?"

She smiled up at him before she chuckled softly and nodded. "If it's not too much to ask." She said with a nervous little smile.

He chuckled and nodded his head before he gently took her hand and lead her to the stairs then started up them. They went down to his bedroom before he started getting undressed, slipping on a pair of pajama bottoms and a white tank top. She, on the other hand, dropped her pants, hating to sleep in the offending material, before climbing under the blankets and smiling as she watched him. He looked over at her and smiled before he went over and climbed in bed beside her, laying back with a quiet sigh of relief. She laid down beside him and smiled softly as she looked at him. "Can I scoot over and lay my head on your shoulder?" She asked quietly as she looked up at him, waiting for his response.

He chuckled softly before nodding as he opened his arms for her to join him. She smiled happily before she scooted over next to him and did exactly what she wanted to do, laying her head against his chest and sighing deeply in relief. Steve wrapped his arms around her and smiled softly as he looked down at her. He was quiet as they laid there, watching her for a few moments and seeing the look of happiness coloring her green eyes. He couldn't help but let his own happiness be visible of finally having her back in his bed, and not sexually, but because they both brought each other a form of security in their sleep. Well, he brought her a form of security, he wasn't sure about himself though.

"Goodnight Steve," she whispered quietly as she curled up against him, the sleepiness clear in her voice. He smiled softly down at her before he whispered back to her, "Goodnight Natasha." He watched her fall asleep before he felt the bed dip at the foot of it and looked down to see Winston and Merlin curling up against each other. He chuckled softly before being cut off by a yawn. He sighed quietly and sent a silent prayer for a peaceful night's sleep as he closed his eyes and felt sleep claiming him for the night.


	8. You Broke Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I am super super sorry for such a late update! I've been helping a friend get through his depression after a bad break up with his girlfriend so I've been making sure he's okay and stuff the past couple of weeks! Thank You for being patient with me!!!

 

**Chapter 8:**

**You Broke Me.**

The night passed by relatively smoothly, neither having nightmares or waking the other up until the early hours in the morning. Natasha shifted around in Steve's arms, a small groan coming from her as she curled tighter into a ball against him. The movement caused Steve to stir a bit and look down at the sleeping redhead. He blinked the sleep from his eyes, realizing that it was the most sleep, and most peaceful, he had gotten in a while. His brow furrowed when he saw the distressed look on her face, gently giving her a squeeze as he whispered, "Shh Natasha, it's okay." He seen her tighten up a bit more, and having spent many nights with her like this, he knew she was having a night terror.

He gently rubbed her lower back, having done it so many times before to try and calm her, as he spoke a bit louder. "Natasha, wake up," he said, bringing his other hand up and gently shaking her shoulder. He felt her loosen up against him a bit and thought for a moment that she was okay and awake until she moved with lightning-fast reflexes. She went from at his side to straddling him with his hands pinned under her knees and her hands clamped down around his throat. "Shite," he breathed out as he looked up at her still asleep but open wide green eyes. Her hands, though small, wrapped tightly around his neck and was applying more pressure to his windpipes. He knew he could get her off of him, but that could result in hurting her, and he really didn't want to do that but he wasn't going to lay still either and willingly let her strangle him.

"Не заставляй меня делать это," She hissed, glaring down at him unknowingly but he could also see the fear and the brokenness there. He bucked his hips a bit, trying to get her off but that only seemed to make her tighten her hold. He felt tears stinging his eyes as the outer edges of his eyesight started to get dark.

"Наташа! Это я! Это Стив! мы не ... в R-Russia!" He gasped out, wondering where in the hell his dog was. His foot moved around a bit but didn't feel the warm bodied animals causing him to mumble a few curse words. But then it was like something clicked in her eyes as he felt himself starting to go unconscious. "Steve?" She asked confused as she looked down at him, her eyes going wide as she realized what she was doing. "Hi~" he replied breathlessly as her hands snapped back away from his neck and he gasped for breath. He had never been more thankful for having learned Russian all those years ago when they had first gotten together, especially when it came down to situations like this.

She moved off of him and the bed quickly as he laid there for a moment to catch his breath. He sat up after a second and looked over at her, getting up out of the bed as her back hit the wall and she slipped down to sit on her bum. She threaded her fingers into her hair and tugged at the strands as tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't believe that she almost strangled him to death, well, it wasn't the first time, but it was still the fact that she had done it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered out, trying to keep her voice calm and at bay from the emotions that were threatening to spill out. She also felt like she was going to be sick, not just from what just happened but also from how much she had drunk last night.

"Don't be," he said quietly as he walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. She looked up at him and shook her head before she whispered, "I could have killed you."

"But you didn't," he pointed out.

"But I could have," she said staring at him with wide doe-like eyes.

"Natasha, you were having a night terror, I can't be mad at you for that, even if I tried." He said to her quietly with a small smile and watched her piece it all together. After a few more moments she nodded her head gently, swallowing down the terrible taste in her mouth. She bit her lip and looked up at him before seeing him with his hands outstretched for her to take. She gently took them, pulling herself up as he helped get her back to her feet.

They didn't say anything as he pulled her into a gentle embrace, her arms wrapping around his middle and burying her face in his chest. She let out a deep sigh against the cotton tank top as he rubbed her back gently before she felt the vomit rising in her throat. She ripped herself away from Steve, bottling from the room and leaving him rather confused. He watched her go, following after her and stopping when the bathroom door was slammed in his face. "Natasha?" He asked confused, only registering what was going on when he heard the sounds of her throwing up. "Oh," he said quietly to himself and wrinkled his nose up. He was very thankful for not being able to have hangovers. Any effect he had when he went to bed seemed to be burned off in his sleep.

He backed away from the door and made his way to the stairs, going down them and spotting the dog and cat asleep on the couch, Winston lifting his head and looking at him for a moment then going back to sleep. "Some guard dog," he said with a chuckle and shook his head with a small sigh, making his way to the kitchen. He went over and prepared some coffee for himself before getting a small pot and filling it with four cups of water, sitting it on the stove and turning the burner on so it could start to boil. He went over to the large spice rack, with handwritten labels on glass bottles, jars, and other size containers, where he looked around for a moment then got down a medium size jar with a label that said "Ginger Roots." He took that over to the counter, taking the lid off and getting a few pieces out then returning the lid to the jar. He retrieved a knife before cutting the roots up into small pieces and adding them into the water. He chopped a few more pieces and added them before he went over to the fridge and got out a lemon and orange, seeing that they were indeed running low on fruits.

He took them over to the counter and cut them both in half, squeezing the juice of the orange from both halves and half the lemon into the almost boiling water. He grabbed a microplane grater and grated some of the orange peel and lemon peel into the water. He nodded to himself, putting the knife and grater into the sink to be washed later before he got the jar of ginger and went to return it to the shelf. He looked around for a moment before a quiet "Ah" came from him when he found a jar of local honey. He nodded to himself and made his way back over to the now boiling pot, adding half a cup of the golden thick liquid with a wooden spoon. He nodded to himself and began to stir it all, watching the honey dissolve into the water and humming to himself at the smell. He let it boil for a few more moments as he moved to get a tray and a few cups down as well as a barely used teapot. His neighbor Mrs. Martha had gotten it for him as a gift on his first Christmas there.

He turned the burners off for both his coffee and the tea he had just made, using a strainer to pour the contents of the pot into the teapot. He then proceeded to pour the coffee and tea into its respected cup then sat both the coffee pot and teapot on the tray. Once done he returned the honey to the shelf then went over and got a few bananas then laid them on the tray and picked it up. He sighed quietly and made his way to the stairs, going up them and to the bedroom where he found her curled up in the bed, hugging the red panda to her chest. He paused when he saw it, finding it absolutely adorable causing him to smile softly for a moment before it was covered up by a bite on the inside of his cheek. "Sit up, I've made you some tea," Steve said to her and smiled softly as he walked over.

She groaned when she heard him before shaking her head. "I don't want it," she mumbled out and hunkered down into the bed a bit more causing Steve to raise his eyebrow. "You want to suffer through a hangover in the heat outside while you're at the market today?" He asked as he looked at her for a moment. It took her a moment to register what he had said and remember that Clint was due in Rye today. She groaned at that thought alone, causing her to sit up with guilt beginning to eat at her. He sat the tray down on the bedside table before handing her the cup, Natasha taking it and slowly taking a cautious sip, not because she didn't trust Steve but because it was hot.

She hummed softly as he sat down then grabbed his coffee and brought it up to take a sip. He sighed softly as he looked over at her and smiled when he saw that she was drinking the tea with a fond smile. "You always know the right things to make to help," she said with a smile as she looked up at him. He chuckled softly and nodded before he said, "Well, it helps when you're over a hundred years old and know about every home remedy there is. Not only that but also because I've drunk with some of the best and they always tell me their hangover cure."

She laughed and nodded a bit in agreement before she said, "Very true." She went silent as they both nursed the liquids in their cups, and leaned back into the pillows. She seemed normal on the outside, but on the inside, she was a boiling mess of worry, guilt, and self-anger. She couldn't believe that she had sent Clint coordinates for Rye, why couldn't she have picked a couple towns over or even London for crying out loud?

 _" Because you're an idiot, you didn't even stop to think about what would happen if Steve found out. He's well known in the town, and if someone he knows sees you with Clint, did you stop to think of if they would tell him? No, Natalia, you didn't."_She thought to herself before she groaned, Steve looking over at her with a small worried look. He had no clue of what she was thinking, instead, he thought that it was just the hangover.

"Well the plus side is that you didn't have that much so it shouldn't last that long." He said earning a nod from her before she bit her lip. He refilled both of their cups then sighed quietly as he asked, "Do you need me to leave you some money?" She shook her head quickly as she said, "No, I can pay for this. You're always buying everything Steve, I have more than enough to pay for my things as well as stuff for the house." She didn't want him to spend his earned money on her lies. It wasn't fair to him.

He nodded as he took a sip of his coffee, then checked the clock on the flip radio. He sighed quietly before getting up and setting the cup on the tray again. "I need to start getting ready. I'll be back," he said as he went over to his closet and got out a hanger that had a pair of black slacks as well as a blue short sleeved button up, a patch on the breast pocket of the post mail logo. He also got a pair of clean boxers before he made his way out of the room and down the hall to the shower. She waited until she heard the water start, causing her to get out of bed and head to her bedroom and lift the mattress. She pulled the white cellphone out from hiding, turned the screen on, and seen two texts from Clint.

**'I'm thirty minutes out.'**

She groaned quietly, seeing that was exactly thirty minutes ago, then switching over to the most recent message.

**'I'm here, by the little knick-knacks. How long till you get here?'**

She didn't know how she was going to contain all these emotions within a day's time. It sucked. She thought for a moment before she quickly typed back her reply.

'Steve is showering and getting ready now. He'll probably have another cup of coffee before he leaves, then he'll stop by the bakery on his way to work so I won't be able to leave for at least another thirty minutes to an hour.' She typed back quickly and glanced back over her shoulder to make sure Steve hadn't snuck up on her. God how she hated lying to him, it felt wrong, it was wrong and she knew that the guilt would only manifest itself deeper into her unless she found a way to shut it down. Her way of doing that though was very different from everyone else's, she just shut down all feelings, but it was only a temporary fix in need of a long-term solution.

She looked down at her phone when it vibrated, reading the message quickly then nodding to herself.  **'Take your time. I'm in no hurry.'**

She let out a long deep sigh before she heard the water shut off causing her to mumble a quiet 'shit'. She shoved the phone under her pillow and bolted to the door, her steps as silent as the wind while she quickly made her way back to his bedroom and climbing under the sheets on the bed then grabbing her teacup again, taking a sip as she heard the bathroom door open. Her heart was all but coming out of her chest, feeling like it was going to explode at any given moment from the worry of getting caught. It had never bothered her before, well, it had never gotten to her like this before, but this was a completely different scenario. She knew that if Steve was to find out, he would lose every bit of trust and or feelings that he had built back up for her. She knew that, if he felt like he was being cornered, he'd bolt like lightning and it could take even longer to find him next time if they could even find him at that. And, she knew that if that happened, losing his trust alone would rip her apart from the inside out because it would be all her fault.

"Why do you look like someone just killed Bambi?" Steve asked as he walked into the room, fully dressed, looking at her with a tilt of the head. She shook her head and gave him a smile, one that seemed to be a little forced and didn't go unnoticed by him. "Just the pounding head is all," she said as she lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip of the tea. He nodded as he got a pair of socks from his draw then grabbed his work shoes as he sat down at the end of the bed to put them on. "What time did you say you'll be home again?" She asked, brushing her thumb over the side of the cup.

He glanced back at her before he said, "Probably not till after one thirty. Which reminds me, I'll leave the truck key on the kitchen table. Just please make sure that Winston and Merlin have water before you leave. I'll check it on my way out after I feed them, but still."

She nodded as she watched him get up and come over to get his coffee cup. He finished it off before he stared at her for a few moments. He could tell something was off about her, something more than just the hangover, and it made him wonder what it was. "I'll be back later," he said with a smile earning a nod as he got the coffee pot and gave her a final goodbye smile.

"Have a good day," she said as she watched him go out the door, smiling softly at him as she saw him cast a smile over his shoulder to her. "You too Natasha," he replied, gently pulling the door to and going down the hall. It was only then that he noticed her door was cracked open, knowing it had been closed when he first went to the bathroom. He chewed on his lip for a moment, looking back down the hall and watched as a shadow passed across the light that came in through the window and across the floor and wall where the door was still open.

 _"What are you up to Natasha?"_ He asked himself mentally before shaking his head and going to the stairs, heading down them and to the kitchen where he sat his empty cup. He got the dog and cat food, pouring each into their respected bowl before he got his keys and took the truck key off. For some reason, just like this feeling in his gut, the key felt heavier than normal but he quickly shook his head and laid it on the table.

Natasha got out of the bed a few moments after he left the room and pushed her fingers through her red hair. The gnawing feeling wouldn't go away as she went to the window and watched the street below.  _"This is wrong,"_  She thought as she waited for him to appear below and make his way down the street. A few more moments passed before she heard the door close below, peering out the window as if she was waiting for an important package. When she finally saw him appear on the sidewalk, a breath of relief escaped her, her shoulders slouching and her head hanging a bit. She shook her head as she turned and made her way out of the bedroom and down to her room, noticing that she had forgotten to close the door. "Shit," she whispered before going in and automatically checking to see if her phone was there first.  _"Yup, you've officially crossed a line, Natasha,"_  she thought to herself and sighed as she grabbed the device, texting Clint that she was getting ready before going over to her closet. She found a pair of black jeans, a white T-shirt, and the green army jacket before she went over and got her underwear and bra, as well as a set of fake glasses then making her way to the bathroom. Once inside, she set her clothes and phone down before going over to the shower and starting it, stripping down to nothing and climbing in.

When she finished about fifteen minutes later, she got out, wrapping her towel around her and going over to the sink. She looked at herself in the mirror for a moment, biting her lip when she saw the worry lines in the corner of her eyes. She huffed in aggravation before she got another towel and bent over, wrapping it around her hair to dry then standing back up and getting her makeup bag from the china cabinet. She did her makeup quickly, foundation, powder, eyeliner, and mascara then began to get dressed. She returned the bag to the shelf which it set on, grabbing the phone after tossing the clothes into the hamper then making her way out of the room. She went back into her room where she got a pair of converse sneakers and socks then going over to the chair there in the room and sitting down to put the items on. When she finished she took her hair down, tossing the towel over the bedpost there then brushing her fingers through the damp locks in an attempt to brush it. She grabbed her wallet on her way out the door, then headed downstairs.

She went and checked the water bowl, seeing it was only half full. She put the phone and wallet in her back pockets, not paying attention that she didn't get the phone all the way in before she got a bowl and filled it with water. She went over and squatted down as she poured the water into the bowl so it didn't splash up and over onto the floor. She sighed softly before she got up and put the still clean bowl away, turning and finding the key on the table where Steve said he'd leave it. She picked it up and frowned a bit at the weight of the key then shaking her head and sighing quietly as she made her way to the back door and going out. She seen Merlin and Winston there causing her to chuckle before she called for them to come in. They ran up to her making Natasha squat back down, this time, her phone falling out and landing inside the door while she smiled and petted the two. "You two be good okay?" She said, seeing Merlin's judgy green eyes stare up at her as he leaned into her hand a bit. She raised an eyebrow before chuckling as she said, "You're a little sass ball aren't you?" A deep sigh came from Winston at the question causing Natasha to laugh and shake her head, feeling better than she had all morning. She let them in before closing the door behind her and locking it.

She then made her way to the truck, getting in and starting it. She shifted the gears down into drive before she made her way to the market, her thoughts occupied with the wonder of what Clint wanted to talk to her about face to face that he couldn't say to her over the phone. She made the turn onto the street that would take her directly there as she reached into her back pocket for the device to text Clint. Panic set in when she didn't feel the device before she told herself to calm down, that it might have fallen out when she got in and she was just sitting on it. When she finally reached the market parking lot, she found a parking spot and parked, shutting the truck off before climbing out. She frantically searched the truck for the device, a numb and chilling feeling coursing through her when she couldn't find it.

"Lose something?" She heard the familiar deep set of Clint ask, causing her to turn around quickly and look at him. He chuckled softly as he looked down at her, seeing the small smile appear there on her lips.

"Just my phone, which I'm hoping I didn't leave it or drop it at the house," She replied before she moved in and hugged him, unaware of the tall curly-headed man with a five o'clock shadow watching them from a fruit stand.

"It's good to see you, Tash," Clint said as he hugged her back, pulling away after a moment and looping his arm around her to lead her into the market. "You too Clint," she said with a sigh. They were silent for a few moments as they walked, looking like a normal couple, but she realized that maybe that wasn't a good idea since everyone knew "Arthur." She slipped out of his hold before giving him an apologetic smile. "Everyone knows him here, and I'm already risking everything by meeting you. So what's got you all the way in England when you don't even work for S.H.I.E.L.D anymore." She said quietly causing him to shake his head with a sigh.

"Disappointing my kids," he said and looked down at her. "Fury is losing his patience, Nat. He's giving you till the end of the year to bring Steve back. He's already got every spare Agent out looking for him, including Stark and Sharon. They have orders to bring him in when they find him no matter what state of mind he's in, and you if you're with him. He's even thinking of bringing in James if you don't get him. Now, you know the friend side of me doesn't care about how long you take to get him back. We all know how much he and you both as individuals and together have been through. But all three of us know S.H.I.E.L.D does care, Fury does. He wants his supersoldier and agent back, doesn't matter if their healed or not." He added on and looked down at her as they stopped at a stand that had different berries.

She looked up at him, her eyebrow arched when she had mentioned James. "He can't send James. Steve won't be able to handle it. He thinks that he's dead," Natasha said shaking her head and getting her money out to get a couple small baskets of blueberries, strawberries, cherries, and raspberries.

Clint looked at her a bit wide-eyed before he said, "You haven't told him that they found a way to get Barnes back?"

Natasha sighed softly and shook her head as she whispered, "No."

"Natasha," Clint said, a hint of disappointment in his tone. "I know, but you don't understand Clint, it's taken him this long just to trust me. We've already had a small fight about me trying to explain what happened between Banner and I. If he found out that I haven't told him about Barnes, on top of what I'm doing now, and everything else that's happened, it would be a miracle if he didn't disappear again, and this time, no one would find him." She said as she paid the lady and looked up at him, sadness shining in her eyes. "He's not the same," she added quietly and took the bag from the lady with a small nod.

"I told you, Natasha, after everything he's been through, how could he be? You both lost this huge part of your lives, it was literally ripped in half, not to mention what the man has been through. Let's put you through getting picked on as a child, teenagers, and as an adult, a World War after losing your mother and knowing your father died in the first War, super juice everything about you, sacrifice your life for seventy years, unfreeze you in a time where you know no one and can see that a good amount of your sacrifice wasn't even worth it, put you through everything that man has gone through, and see how you come out." Clint said almost sarcastically but also very serious as he looked at her while he walked beside her. She sighed quietly and shook her head when she heard him.

"No, I mean, he's not the same Steve. He's gotten so lost in being Arthur that he's almost forgotten who Steve is. Literally, he even said so the other day that he's been someone else for so long that he's lost touch with Steve." She said sadly before looking up at him and biting her lip.

Clint sighed softly before she shook his head, wrapping his arm around her and giving her a one-armed hug.

"I'm sure with time you'll get him back. Besides, I think deep down, he still cares for you." Clint said as he looked down at her and gave her a small encouraging smile. He knew how much the two had really loved each other, being witness to only a handful of times where the two were inseparable. Also having been there for Natasha when Steve left, it literally breakings his heart to see her so upset for months, years, without an end.

Natasha sighed and nodded as she looked ahead of them. "I think he does, to what extent, I'm unsure of though." She said before she shook her head a bit then pushed her fingers through her hair. "I mean, sometimes I catch him looking at me like he use to, then it disappears and he's right back to being this persona that he's come up with. I mean, he still somewhat acts like Steve, but, it's almost like two sides of a coin."

Clint nodded as he listened to her before he let out a sigh and small shake of the head. "Just give it time Natasha. You can't build a house overnight." He said as he gave her shoulders a squeeze while they walked, earning a nod in return as they continued talking and shopping, losing track of time.

Across town, Steve had just finished his mail route seeing that it was shorter than normal due to it being middle of the month and such. He had clocked out and was making his way to his friend Derek's house when he saw the tall, dirty blond with a slight curl to his hair walking up the street with a few bags in his hand and a five o'clock shadow on his cheeks and neck. "'ello Steve," Derek said with a heavy British accent, much like everyone else in the town, once they got close enough.

"Derek, how you been?" He asked as the two started walking together. Derek nodded a bit before he said, "Alright, went to the market this morning, saw something rather interesting too."

Steve raised an eyebrow and looked over at him, a hint of wonder in his eyes. "Natasha was going there this morning, did something happen to her?" He asked, concern evident in his voice. Steve had told Derek that Natasha had found him, and all the things that had been happening between them.

Derek shook his head a bit as he dug his keys out of his pocket and chewed on the inside of his cheek. He was curious as to how to tell him about who he had seen her with, or even if he should. "Let me ask you something," Derek said as he unlocked the gate in his yard, holding it open for Steve, then making his way to the door. "Are you sure you can trust her? With not taking you back in yet or bringing someone here?" He asked, casting a look back at Steve with a raised eyebrow.

Steve looked at him oddly for a moment as Derek unlocked the door and pushed it open. They went in as Steve said without a doubt, "Yes."

Derek looked back at him for a moment and nodded, sighing quietly then shaking his head a bit. "Does she have any friends around here?"

Now Steve was really confused. Why was he asking these kinds of questions about Natasha? "Not really, she's not exactly the type to make friends easily, just acquaintances." He replied, following him to the kitchen through the warm wooden and rustic house where he saw him set the bag down on the counter. "Why are you asking me these questions, Derek?" He asked, following the man to the back door then heading out to the back porch where a freshly painted farmhouse table and benches stood.

Derek usually had no problem being honest and blunt with Steve, it was how they both were with each other, but he knew his past life was a sensitive topic. That Natasha was an even more sensitive topic. They had become friends quickly when Steve first moved to the town, even rooming with him at one point while he was waiting for the approval of his house. Steve knew that he could trust him with his secret because he had understood what taking a break was like, Derek having served in the Royal Army for around six years. He remembered the first time Steve started talking about Natasha and how he missed her, in fact, that was the thing that had originally brought them together. He sighed deeply before shaking his head and looking over at him, thinking of how to bring this to him as gentle as possible. "I saw her there with a guy. He was about an inch taller than you, maybe ten pounds heavier. Blond spiky hair, couldn't see his eyes though, he was wearing glasses. They seemed pretty cozy together." He said finally, letting out an over held breath as they both grabbed the table. He saw Steve's hands tighten on his end of the table while anger and hurt flash in his eyes.

It really didn't take Steve long to take a guess, having a fairly good idea of who the man was. He didn't think for a moment that Derek was lying, having never been given a reason to distrust the man. He also knew he wouldn't try something as stupid as telling him a blatant lie it to get him pissed off for nothing. But on the other side of that was Natasha, someone he trusted with his life even after everything. He didn't want to believe that Natasha would give out his location to anyone, so he lied to himself and said that it was just a really good friend of hers that she had made there, even if they did look cozy together. He lifted the table with ease and helped him move it inside to the dining room silently, Derek wondering what he was thinking.

"Steve?" He asked as he looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe she moved on," he said simply, but Derek could tell just how hurt he sounded by saying it.

"Has she given you any indications that she has?" Derek asked as they set the table down. He didn't want him harboring any hard feelings, knowing that he was trying to get back to who he was originally.

Steve sighed quietly and shook his head a bit then looked over at him. "No, quite the opposite actually. Last night she was trying to get me in bed." He said as they grabbed a bench before he continued. "All this time it's like we've been falling into old habits. She's always there waiting for me to get off, she asks me about my day, we keep each other company. Even when we aren't saying anything, having the other around says more than enough. I've gotten used to having her back around and I've been catching myself staring at her, even when she's not doing anything besides sitting there helping me paint or she's sitting there reading. And this morning, even though she tried strangling me, it still felt right. Like, that is what was supposed to be happening."

"Do you still have feelings for her?" He asked as they took the bench inside and set it on the floor. "Yes," Steve replied with a quiet sigh as he looked over at him for a moment while they walked.

He knew that he shouldn't be falling for Natasha again, but mixed with old feeling, it was hard to ignore the fact that yes, he was still very much in love with her. "Then talk to her Steve. Maybe she hasn't moved on, maybe she's bottling up everything and preparing for the worst. You can't stand there and tell me that she hasn't been feeling anything over all these years and since she found you again." Derek said as they got the last bench and went to move it inside.

Steve sighed and nodded. He knew that he was right, on all of it. He wasn't sure though on the fact that Natasha was falling for him again either, but, he guessed that she was simply by the way she acted around him, the way that he had caught her staring at him over the weeks. It was a lot like old times, and he guessed that's why there was hurt filling him at the idea of Natasha betraying him and bringing someone there.

"But what if I talk to her, and she did tell someone from our past of where I am now. I can't have them coming here and ruining this place, finding my safe haven, a place where I don't have to be Captain America. Where I can be Arthur Kingsley who is a mail carrier with a dog and a cat. I can actually be Steve Rogers where I still look out for the little guy and gals and makes wooden toys, trinkets, house decor, and paintings freely without everyone knowing." Steve said and looked down at the bench for a moment before continuing in a quiet more somber tone. "Everywhere S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers go, there's always a body count and destruction, no matter how many people we try to save. It's never just a go in and talk, and that's exactly what it's been like. It's been the calm before the storm" He said, sitting the bench down once they got it there with the table.

Derek sighed and shook his head at that statement. "I don't know, but I do know that running around assuming and guessing can lead to even more hurt, guilt, and confusion that what you two are already feeling. You know how it gets for a submissive when they harvest guilt, and she's a secret sub so I bet it's three times worse. Not only that but if you trust her like you say you do, talk to her, give her a chance to explain. Don't do like you did last time." Derek said as he put his end down with him then brushed his hands off.

Steve sighed quietly and nodded before checking the time on the watch he wore. It was about twenty minutes before one causing him to nod a bit then look up at him and ask, "Anything else you need to do? If she's out with who I think it is, then I got a little while longer." Derek shook his head before he said, "Not unless you wanna stay for drinks. Tatiana and some old friends are coming over, you actually met them a few years ago. Her name was Chloe and his name was Thomas."

Steve nodded in agreement, remembering who they were by the names. "Yeah, I remember them. But I don't think having alcohol in my system before we talk is a good idea," He said as he shook his head a bit at the end. Derek laughed softly before giving him a playful serious look. "That's not an excuse because alcohol doesn't affect you like it does the rest of us." He said jokingly before clapping his shoulder.

Steve laughed as he shook his head once then looked at him. "I'm kidding," Derek said as Steve nodded with a smile replying with I know. "If you need me mate, you know where to find me. And hey, thanks for the table again, it's amazing and pulls the room together." He added as they "bro" hugged and Steve nodded with a smile. Steve had made him a farmhouse style table from some driftwood he found at the shore. "Thank's, and no problem," he said nodding and pulling away. Derek walked him to the door, opening it for him, and saying, "Best of luck mate." Steve laughed as he shook his head and started down the pathway. He wasn't exactly back in a better mood, but he the laughs had helped bring his mood back up.

As he started home, he thought about what Derek had said, and what he had said also. He did trust Natasha, he had since she had saved him the first time, but it hurt knowing that she might have brought the man who he guessed was Clint to the town. Not only that but lying flat out to him about what she was using the truck for. He might not have been that mad if she had just told him flat out, then they could have talked about it and made a better decision. One that didn't even involve Clint coming to Rye. Clint, he trusted that man too, but not enough. He trusted him on the field, to be there, and as a person both in and out of the Avengers, just not on as a S.H.I.E.L.D Agent.

He sighed and pushed his fingers through his hair roughly as he walked, trying to think about how to ask Natasha about the situation. Maybe it wasn't even her, maybe it was just someone that looked like her. He nodded to himself, almost affirming it as he made turned onto his street. That was one of the good things about Derek as well, they lived rather close to each other. It didn't take him long to reach his house and climb the stairs while he dug out the keys in his pocket. He unlocked the door, getting his own mail out of the little mailbox by his door, and walked in.

He looked around for a moment, finding the silent house a bit off after the weeks of having her there to greet him after work before he shook his head and made his way to the stairs then up them after taking his shoes off. He went down to his room as he opened the bills with a nod, just the water and electric as well as trash pickup. He looked over at the bed and seen Winston and Merlin laying there causing him to smile as he laid the envelopes and papers on the dresser before he changed into a pair of faded jeans and a grey shirt. He tossed the clothes into the hamper as he said, "Come on guys." He stopped by the bed and petted them for a moment then making his way to the door after getting the tray from that morning, the two stretching and following after him.

He went down the hall to the stairs then going down them and over to the kitchen. He set the tray down on the counter, getting the coffee pot and setting it down on the stove to heat after he turned the burner on. "You guys ready for lunch?" He asked, turning and going over to the shelf where he kept the pet food. He got both bags out and poured some into the respected bowl, petting them both then put the bags away.

He sighed as he went over to get an apple and a knife before he leaned against the counter and started cutting slices off the apple. He ate the first slice and sighed quietly as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. His brain couldn't help but feel like this actually made more sense than it honestly did. He just decided to ask Natasha how her day went and see if she brought it up. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, not to mention a chance to tell him first. He remembered the first time she had kept something from him, it was their second Christmas together and she was beyond excited for him to open one of the gifts she had made for him. She tried so hard to keep it a secret from him, leading him to think it was something else. She had finally lost her patience before finally just giving him the gift to open on Christmas Eve. It was a scrapbook of both of them, where they came from and how they got together. It told their story of being just single bodies then to them being together. He still had it, in his room in the bedside table with three journals.

He bit his lip as the coffee finally finished, causing him to turn around and pour himself a cup with the same cup from that morning after turning the stove off. He slowly took a sip as he remembered spending so many nights staring at it when he had first moved there, reading and looking at the clever ways she put things together.

He felt a nudge against his leg causing him to look down and see Winston standing there with the look of will you pet me. He chuckled softly and set the items in his hands down before kneeling down and petting his soft fur. "You like Natasha hmm?" he asked the dog causing him to lick the end of Steve's nose. He laughed softly as he scratched behind his ear and said, "Me too bud. I just don't know if I accept it if she'll try and get me back to New York sooner rather than later. There's still so much." He trailed off with a shake of the head before he heard a buzzing sound, causing his eyebrow to arch. He looked around, spotting something on the floor by the back door scooting across the floor with each vibration. He raised an eyebrow before he stood up and went over to it, kneeling down and picking the white technology up. He saw Fury's name and number there on the screen before it ended, his grip on the phone getting tighter as he stood up.

He saw a few messages on her phone, the names jammed together but he could see Clint, Fury, Laura (Clint's wife), and surprisingly Stark. He knew he shouldn't have done it, but curiosity got the best of him causing him to open the phone screen and go to her messages.

 _ **Natasha, call me back. We need to talk about the places you've covered and the highest possibility of where Cap is. - Stark**. _ He read from Tony, feeling the thin plastic device bending in his hand a bit from the grip. He moved on, simple messages from Fury to call him back, but Clint's is what both made his lungs to freeze with panic, and his veins to course with anger. He felt his breathing becoming quicker and more labored, realizing if he didn't calm down he could send himself into an anxiety or panic attack. He had to take a few minutes to try and control his breathing, walking back towards the living room as he inhaled deeply a few times to try and get control over his lungs again. But his panic was replaced by anger, his free hand balling up into a fist tightly. Before he even registered what he was doing or what happened, his fist went through the wall, breaking the two by four behind the drywall and paneling.

He breathed hard, the anger displayed on his face as nothing but pure hurt and brokenness shone in his eyes. He felt like he did the day he walked in on her and Banner talking. His mind played all sorts of images in his head from the moment when they first met, how he felt like she was going to mean something to him one day. How she was around him during his time at D.C, their first time ever getting that close and personal. But they both thought it was a one-time thing until he fell from the Helicarrier after fighting Bucky while bleeding out and trying to save millions of people. She had taken care of him those days while he healed, and not just his physical wounds, but also his mental and emotional wounds, then one thing led to another and they were beginning to get closer all while being friends even after just two sleepless nights with each other. Then here came Banner. Steve had willingly taken a step back, though jealousy, want, and hurt coursed his veins every time he saw them together. But when Banner disappeared, she came back around to him, which made him feel like a rebound in a sense and he had voiced it to her, but she didn't say anything about it other than they were all just friends.

He pulled his hand from the wall, turning from the damage and walking towards the back door. He needed to get out of the house before he destroyed anymore of his property. He went out the back door, slamming it so hard that the little window in the top center part shook and even cracked and the hinges coming loose from the frame. His steps fell angrily against the little pathway, passing Winston and Merlin who looked at him curiously, before making his way out of the gated yard, making sure the gate latched so his animals didn't get out. He walked down the cobblestone sidewalk, in the opposite way Natasha had gone that morning, and down towards the beach. He needed to be far from people right now, not only because he wasn't wearing his disguise, but because even he thought he didn't feel safe to be around at the time being.

It wasn't until he reached the sandy shoreline that he realized that he was still clutching the cell phone in his hand, and it now had several spider webbing cracks across the screen. He had half a thought to throw it into the ocean, but then his conscious overcame the raging voice yelling in his head causing him to pocket the phone instead as he walked away from the crowd there on the beach. He walked a good mile or two till he came to a secluded area with no one around. There was a large piece of driftwood there that he went over to and found himself sitting down on the dried out log. He was still beyond angry, but now betrayal and hurt were filling the empty spaces in his veins, and mixing those three was brewing a cocktail of tears in his ocean blue eyes. He bit his lip and looked down at the loose sand, his head hanging and his fingers finding their way into his blonde hair, hissing at the pain that came from his left hand. He guessed it was broken, but knew it would heal soon enough. So he pushed through the pain in his hand while his eyes shut for a few moments. He felt once again, broken and betrayed.

Across town at the Farmers Market, Natasha and Clint had lost track of time while talking before she asked him for the time. When she heard the reply of almost one thirty she cursed quietly before she said, "I need to be getting back. I don't need Steve finding my phone, he doesn't even know I have it, not to mention all the text from me and you. Plus, I'm always there to greet him when he comes home." A flash of worry appeared in her eyes, her green hues falling from his face to the black t-shirt he wore.

Clint sighed and shook his head with a small smile, looking down at her as he moved in to give her a hug of encouragement. "Don't worry Natasha, I'm sure everything will be fine. Besides, you're the toughest cookie in the box." He said and laughed softly when he felt her chuckle. Clint was one of the only two to joke with her like that, give her nicknames, things like that.

"Thanks, father time," she said and rubbed his shoulder blades a bit. Clint laughed as they pulled away from each other, Natasha breathing out a small sigh as if to let off some of the worries as she spoke again. "You know, no matter what, it was good to see you again Clint."

He smiled down at her and nodded before he nodded to the parking lot and began to lead her towards it. "You too Natasha," he said happily as they walked. "Oh, Laura did the thing you asked her to do the other day." He added, looking over at her with a sudden realization look there on his face.

"Tell her thank you for me please," Natasha said with a smile. It had been Steve's mothers birthday a few days ago and every year, Steve would go to her grave and place flowers there that he had hand-picked himself. He even started taking Natasha with him when he would go. She remembered it vividly, going to a little park and picking some of the planted flowers there, no one saying anything about it either. Then they would drive across town to his parent's cemetery then walk hand in hand to the back where his parent's graves were and place the flowers there, pausing to visit in silence for a few moments before Steve would tell her a few stories of his mother. After Steve left, Natasha continued to do it, for both Sarah and Steve. She felt like she had somehow connected to the woman she knew only by someone else's memory.

"I will," Clint said as they reached the dark blue truck. She smiled and nodded as she opened the door as she said, "Be safe. Give the family a hug for me."

"You too Tash, and I will," He chuckled before gently shutting the door once she was inside. She nodded and gave him a smile before setting the bags in the passenger seat. She got the keys out of her pocket before she started the truck, her eyes falling on the picture there in the dashboard. She stared at it for a moment before shaking her head and pulling out of the parking lot and starting on her way to the house.

She chewed on her lip as she stared out the windshield, deep in thought, trying to think of where she could have dropped it at. She then guessed it was probably in the kitchen when she had bent down to refill Winston and Merlin's water bowl. She really hoped that Steve hadn't made it home yet. _ "_ _But what if he has?"_  She thought to herself and sighed as she pushed her fingers through her hair. She didn't know what to do if he had found it. She could try explaining it to him, but it wasn't that simple. She had made a promise to not tell anyone where his hideout spot was, but she broke that promise by telling Clint, and she knew that broken promises didn't sit well with Steve.

 _"But he broke his promise, to never leave. So you breaking your promise just levels the playing field."  _She thought to herself before she realized how guilty she felt still.

"Then why do I still feel so guilty," she said quietly to herself as she made the turn onto the road which Steve's house was on.

She took the last few minutes to calm and compose herself, parking the truck on the curb and shutting it off. She got the keys and the few bags there before she got out after making sure the doors were locked. She looked up to see Merlin sitting on top of the fence post as she went to the gate, opening it and seeing Winston sitting there with a wagging tail. She chuckled softly and reached down to pet him as she said, "Hi boy, did you miss me?" She laughed a bit when she felt him lick her hand. "Well I missed you too," she said before looking up to Merlin who was staring at her with his green judging eyes. "I missed you too you sassy cat," she said causing him to jump down and walk off in front of her. She raised an eyebrow before shaking her head, Winston and her following off after the cat. She lifted the keys and found the back door key before she got to it and stuck the key into the lock and twisting it before pushing it open. But she didn't pay attention though and there was a loud clatter as the door fell in against the shelves there across from the washer and dryer.

"Shit!" She said loudly as Winston and Merlin both moved back out of the way. "What the," She said and moved to get the door straightened back up and moved out of the way. Worry shot through her before she went in and called out, "Steve?!"

She went to the kitchen and sat the bags down before she made her way to the living room, calling his name out again. Her eyes landed on the gaping hole in the wall as she felt worry and slight fear running through her veins. She knew that no man was strong enough to put his hand through a two by four and a few layers of drywall and paneling beside Steve causing her to mumble a quiet shit and go in search of her phone. She searched the bathroom, both bedrooms, the living room and the kitchen. She even went back outside and searched the yard and the truck again, but coming up empty. That only meant that Steve had got home before her and found it. This caused panic to fill her and also dread, her heart rate starting to go higher as she backed up against the wall.

Thoughts of what he was thinking, what he was doing, and how he would react when he returned later filled her head until one screeching thought sent her into overdrive.  _"What if he doesn't come back?"_  It was like all the air was sucked out of her body and she felt herself beginning to tremble, tears beginning to sting her eyes. She couldn't lose him, she wouldn't lose him, not again. She could pretend to be the big badass who didn't need anyone, but the truth was, she needed Steve like she needed air. After so many years together, as both friends and lovers, he was the only one to know Natalia Romanova.

He knew the scared little girl who hated thunder and lightning. He knew how much she loved candy and milkshakes and going to old drive-ins. He knew her fear of being alone even though that's all she had ever been her entire life even with people around her who said they cared for her. He knew that she liked to get up extra early on Sundays and go to the park where she could swing on a swing, slide down the slides, and just be a complete child for a few hours. He knew that her favorite color was actually two colors, royal purple from the very first dress she ever wore. It was the first color she ever looked at and fell in love with. The second was Steve's shades of blue in his eyes because they were never just one color, it was all based on his mood. He knew that she had a secret love for Disney and Pixar movies and cried every time Winnie the Pooh would sing Wherever You Are in Pooh's Grand Adventure and when Mufasa dies in The Lion King. He knew how to make her smile when she felt like she was caving in on herself or when she didn't feel deserving of his love, and even when she was just in a mood or trying to ignore him.

He knew everything there was to know about her, and she knew everything there was to know about him. Losing him would be like losing everything and she knew that she couldn't go through that again. It nearly killed her the last time. She knew it sounded cliche, but she knew that she couldn't live without him. She needed him, even if it was just as friends. Out of everything she had and hadn't had, she had always had Steve for nearly ten years and in those ten years, she found him to be someone that she had grown to love and would do anything for.

She sat there for only God knows how long, her knees pulled to her chest in a tight hug and still trembling. She didn't even hear the scooting of the back door and a quiet shit from the all American coming in the back door. When she heard the footfalls and Steve's voice greeting Winston and Merlin, she came to with worry coursing her veins again causing her to quickly bolt up the stairs. She all but ran down the hall to her bedroom, closing the door and quickly flicking the lock into place then froze. Did she really just run and hide and lock herself away to avoid talking to him? Disappointment and hurt filled her at the simple fact that she ran from him and locked the door. She knew never in a eternity would Steve Rogers ever physically hurt her, even when they were together and he would tie her up, he always made sure the ropes or fabric wasn't cutting into her skin, and the spankings never bruised, just hurt and stung like a bitch. She leaned her forehead against the door for a moment and breathed out a sigh of relief when she heard him come up the stairs and walk down the hall to his bedroom, the door swinging shut, not hard but not gentle either.

Steve had calmed down a great deal the time he had made it back home about an hour or so later, but he was still angry and hurt and neither were good. He had seen her run up the stairs, making his heart hurt even more and anger to hit him again. He shook his head, pausing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room to allow her the space she felt she needed from him. After a few moments, he went up the stairs, deciding to get the sandy clothes off. Once upstairs, he cast a look to her door, his fingers curling into a fist causing him to hiss quietly from the still fractured hand as he went down to his room. He took the pants off, trading in for a pair of loose sweatpants then pulling the tee shirt off and grabbing a blue long-sleeved shirt and putting it on. He slipped his tennis shoes back on as he got the phone out of his pocket on his jeans and putting it into the sweatpants pocket. After tossing the clothes in the hamper, he stared at the bed, remembering that morning when she had been there with him, having had a few small moments where it was actually them, but then also realizing that she had been there and knew what she was going to do later. His emotions kept going between being wounded that she had lied and broke her promise, to being enraged that she had done those things and brought Clint there. When he heard the door down the hall open up then gently close, he hung his head knowing that he'd have to face her eventually. So he took a breath and gave her a few minutes by going out the door and going down to the bathroom.

As he was in there, he made a plan for what to do, and it was rather simple. He planned on waiting to see if she mentioned it to him first, to see if she had just forgotten or if she really was trying to keep this from him. If she didn't tell him anything, he didn't know what he would do because he hadn't come up with a plan that far ahead by the time he finished. He just hoped that she would tell him about it first. He sighed deeply and pushed his fingers through his hair before he made his way to the door, going out and walking down the hall. He took the stairs one at a time, going down them almost as if he didn't want to have the confrontation he knew was coming. When he reached the last step, he heard the water in the kitchen running causing him to make his way to towards the sound. He didn't say anything, didn't even bother looking at her as he went over to the fridge and got out a bottle of apple juice.

"How was your day?" He heard her soft voice say from across the room as he stepped over to get a cup from the cabinet. She saw the slight swelling in his hand, the deep bruising and scarring on his knuckles causing her to feel even worse.

"It was good. Nothing exciting happened today though," He said, clearly miswording the truth a bit as he poured himself a glass of the juice. "What about you?" he asked, going over and putting the bottle away then finally looking at her. He could see the slight reflection of worry in her eyes as she looked over at him before she shook her head.

"It was good, went to the market and got some fruit. Spent most of the day there and lost track of time looking at all the different things that were there." She said deciding not to touch the Clint issue in case he didn't have her phone or didn't see anything. But she knew that wasn't the case when he simply nodded as he got his glass and took a sip. She could see his already angry sea blue eyes darkening as his eyes flickered up to meet hers again as if telling her she had another chance to talk. When neither said anything he nodded before looking down to the floor and shaking his head. She felt her heart beginning to thump harder, threatening to break out of her chest, as she watched him reach into his pocket and pull the thin white cell phone from his pocket and lay it on the counter.

"Might wanna call Stark and Fury back, they've been blowing it up." He said stoically as his eyes fell on her again, Natasha able to see the anger flaring in his eyes mixed with the hurt that laid there. She knew he was trying to remain calm, to not say anything or do anything he'd regret. Then his back was to her, walking towards the living room and leaving her standing there.

"Wait, Steve," she called out after him, following him as if she was planning to chase him down if need be. She watched him stop in the middle of the entryway next to the stairs, his back still facing her as she stopped just a few feet from him. "It's not what it looks like," she said quietly, only earning a humorless bark of a laugh.

"Oh, it's not? Then tell me, Natasha, what is it? Because to me, it looks like you all but held S.H.I.E.L.D's hand and walked them here." He said as he turned around to look at her, the anger finally falling onto his face as he stared at her.

"Okay first off, I didn't tell S.H.I.E.L.D anything. I've been dogging them and not telling them jack shit of you or where you are. The only one who knows is Clint and that's because he had to talk to me. Besides, he's retired now." She said defensively as she looked up at him, her walls starting to build up.

"Of course Clint knows, why else would he have come to Rye without his family? It can't be for the fact that Fury and everyone else has been trying to get him back in to come and find you which in turns would lead them straight to me. No, he just came here alone for the history embedded in this town and take a walk on the beach while he uses a camera to take pictures of the sunset and beach to show his kids and wife when he gets home. "Hey, kids look at these pictures I took of Rye where Auntie Nat and Cap totally aren't hiding out in." He replied sarcastically, his voice and eyes shining with the emotions he felt boiling inside him.

"Now you just wait for a goddamn second Rogers. Clint didn't come here as an agent or as a bounty hunter. He came here as a friend to warn us of what's going on and what could happen." She said, her voice raising a bit.

"Of course he did Romanoff! We both know that Fury told him you went MIA and wasn't answering your calls or text while looking for me! Because he and everyone else including me know's that Clint would always come and find you! And he came as your friend, not mine, because I know for a damn fact he agreed to never try and find me once I left. It must be the trend with S.H.I.E.L.D and its agents, they're always breaking promises and lying." He said, his voice dripping with rage like acid, burning her to the core for not only of how true it was but also because he was being a hypocrite. Neither noted the tightening grip on the glass as they stared at each other as if they were beginning to hate each other to the core. "Says the man who broke the biggest fucking promise he had ever made and has been running around lying for ten fucking years! You're right, Clint will always come to find me! Unlike a lot of people who say they care and really don't, he actually fucking cares about me and my well being! So fuck you and the horse you rode in on and kiss my ass!" She said, her voice rising into a yell by the end over her sentence.

The grip on the glass Steve held tightened so much that it shattered by the end of her reply, but he didn't even pay that much attention to the glass shards that sliced into his skin, nor the blood dripping from his hand and fingertips onto the white decorative rug there on the floor.

"What fucking promise did I break Natalia?! I kept every word that I ever gave you," he half growled out, half yelled. He was beyond pissed now. Not for the fact that she thought that he didn't care about her or hadn't missed her or didn't keep tabs on her while he was gone. Thor and T'Chella knew how to get ahold of him if anything ever happened or if anyone needed him if she needed him.

"Really? Every word Steven?" She bit out as she took a step closer to him and poked a finger sharply into his chest. Her eyes filling like pitchers with violent tears as she spoke in a quiet but very outraged voice. "You broke your promise you made to me when we lost the first battle in Wakanda! You promised never to leave, or go somewhere I couldn't go! That you'd always be there when I needed you! That you'd never let anything or anyone ever hurt me! That you would never in an eternity ever hurt me!" She looked up at him with nothing but pure hurt and agony as she continued, "Every promise you made me, you broke that night you left with nothing but a goodbye kiss to the head and a slip out the back door in the middle of the night like a fucking teenager! You broke me, Steven Rogers! You took the only two things I ever wanted in my life away from me when you left!"

"Did you forget the part where I snapped and put those agents in the ICU?! How about the part where I was walking around in a constant day terror?! I'm sorry Natalia but I didn't feel safe to be around, and physically hurting you would have killed me! Emotionally hurting you shattered me! Trust me when I say, I hated myself for leaving you because I did make those promises! But I always had someone watching out for you!" He defended himself back to her in an infuriated tone.

"Well guess what Rogers, you and your little failure of spies fucking failed because you leaving caused me to lose our baby!" She replied in a partial sob and completely broken voice, the tears pinned in her eyes finally falling as her white-hot anger got the better of her and causing the secret she had kept for so long to slip through. But she didn't care at that moment. Not even in the slightest.

The words brought Steve's anger to a screeching halt and swung right into confusion. "What?" He asked her, his confusion clearly evident on his face.


	9. All I Want.

**_Chapter 9:_ **

**_All I Want._ **

Natasha looked up at the blond all American angrily, her eyes flaring between hate, anger, and pure brokenness there. "I was pregnant Steve, with your baby!" She shouted at him causing Steve to take a step back out of shock.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" He half yelled half spoke back to her, his anger rising again due to finding out she had been pregnant and had kept it from him.

"I didn't know until I fucking collapsed in the hallways of the complex in pain that I had never felt before and was bleeding out! I woke up in the ICU with Clint there telling me that I had been pregnant but I lost it due to stress and work and the goddamn emotional rollercoaster you fucking sent me on when you left!" She yelled back at him before she turned away from him and threaded her fingers through her red hair and pulled sharply at it.

Steve felt floored, worse then floored actually. It was like the fight and anger in him had fled his body leaving him in shock, confusion, and this sinking feeling of self-hatred. Silence filled the room aside from her heavy breathing and quiet sobbing.

"Natasha," he said quietly as he took a step towards her but stopped when she shook her head and moved further away from him.

"I can't, I can't do this right now," she said, not giving him the chance to speak or do anything as she made her way towards the broken back door and out it. Her world was ripping apart at the seams that she had tried stitching back together, and it felt like she couldn't breathe. Her footfall landed quicker, the soles of her shoes slapping the walkway as if it was the one that had hurt her. Once she was in the safety of the truck, she held the steering wheel tightly as she stared out the windshield trying her best to try and stop crying but failing as she felt the betraying tears keep hitting her cheeks. She was mad at him for everything, yelling at her, leaving her, causing her to lose one of the two things she had ever wanted since she was old enough to. She dug the key out of her pocket, needing to put some distance between herself and him for the moment, before she pulled the truck key out and started the old vehicle, pulling away from the curb and driving down the small road.

He watched her walk away from him, his body moving a few steps forward before stopping. He felt his world spinning chaotically, threatening to fly out of orbit as it all started to settle in. He felt like the walls around him were closing as he stared out the back door, his breathing becoming short as if he couldn't get enough into his lungs. He backed up against the door, his chest feeling as if it was going to collapse and his hands trembling a bit. He realized he was having an anxiety attack, causing him to try and get control over himself but it wasn't happening. His hand that was fractured fumbled with the doorknob for a moment before, the stinging pain from the hand being ignored for the time being as he got the door twisted and opened. He halfway stumbled out the door and down the steps as he went out into the cool night air, the door closing a bit sharply behind him. He bent over, his hands falling on his knees as he took a few deep breaths, trying to get them under control again. His mind didn't even register that his hands were screaming in protest, just that he needed to get away from the house and the suffocating feeling that was claiming him. His feet, as if they were on autopilot, set off down the sidewalk towards a park not too far away. His hands curling into balls before he let out a small string of curses, looking down and finally seeing the glass in his hand.

"Damn," he breathed out, using his somewhat decent hand to get the largest pieces out and tossing them down the drains he passed. He knew he couldn't go back to the house right now, his mind threatening to send him into another spasm as it was. He changed routes, heading towards Derek's instead so he could get the smaller glass out, as his head tried to process the news she had yelled at him. She had been pregnant, with his child, something that he never thought would be possible to have with her. He knew her story, where the Red Room had sterilized her, and the ability to have a child was impossible. He remembered once, they had talked about the possibility of having a child, and he knew that even though she never said anything about it after then, that she wanted one. Yet here he walked today, with the knowledge that by some unearthly miracle she had both carried a child, his child, and lost it all because of him.

All too soon, he arrived at the house before raising his somewhat good hand and knocking on the door but still wincing and hissing at the pain that shot through his hand. He waited for a few moments before a smiling Derek answered the door, watching the smile fall when he saw Steve and the way he looked. "Bloody hell mate, what happened?" He asked, holding the door open for Steve to go inside.

"We got into a fight," he said in a disheartened tone as he held up his hand. "Can I use your bathroom to clean this?" He asked earning a nod, Steve turning and heading down the hall to the bathroom. He heard Derek tell his guest he'd be back before following after Steve to the bathroom where he found the tall emotional trainwreck getting a medical kit out from under the sink.

"Wanna talk about it?" Derek asked as he crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame while he watched Steve get the tweezers out with a shaky hand, hissing as he started to get the pieces of glass out of his hand.

Steve shook his head as he dropped the pieces into the toilet, watching the blood drip onto the white seat. He felt numb like everything couldn't possibly affect him at the moment when in reality, he was being torn apart from the inside out.

Derek stared at him for a few moments, seeing the broken and numbness etched on his face and wondered just how bad the fight had been. Before he could ask anything though, Steve spoke first, his whisper of a voice letting on to how much hurt he was actually feeling. "Thank you for this," he said as he went over to the sink and turned the water on, sticking his hand under the running water and gritted his teeth.

"It's no problem," Derek replied, watching the man there rinse the wounds and get some paper towels to clean up around him. He wanted to ask what happened but he knew that if Steve didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't no matter how much Derek tried.

When he finished rinsing the wound Steve shut the water off before he got some gauze out of the kit and placed them on the open wounds. He got a bandage wrap and started to twist it around his hand, becoming irritated when it kept slipping. Derek pushed away from the wall and walked over, taking the wrap from him as he looked up at him and began to wrap it for him.

"Thank you," Steve said quietly earning a shake of the head.

"It's okay," Derek said and smiled a bit at him as he worked on wrapping her hand. When he finished he tied it off then looked up at his broken friend who turned away and started to clean up his mess.

"I'll let you get back to your friends," Steve said once he had everything back to how it was when he first came in. He looked over at Derek who shook his head and said, "Why don't you join us? It beats running around outside with bloodstained pants looking like a depressed monkey who just got it's bananas stolen."

Steve tried his best not to chuckle at the phrase he used but failed and looked down with a shake of the head. It was one of Derek's best qualities, he was always able to make Steve laugh or feel somewhat better when he felt like nothing.

"I don't have my glasses or a hat so they don't recognize me," He said as he ran the thought through his head a few times before he sighed. "They won't remember you by morning anyway, they're already three shades to the wind," Derek said with a smile and small shrug.

Steve thought about it a few more moments before sighing and nodding, knowing that he couldn't go back right now anyway and that Derek was right. Though he wanted to be alone, he knew if he went out into the fall night, his brain could send him into overdrive and right into another anxiety attack.

"Alright, but I can't stay long," he said earning a nod before the two made their way back to the dining room. The table was dressed with several large pizza boxes and different bottles of alcohol. Sitting on one side was Thomas, who was about the same size as Derek and had copper colored hair in a fauxhawk flip style with light blue eyes. Beside him was Chloe with shoulder length brownish red hair, dark brown eyes with a Spanish look about her. Across from her was Tatiana, with long waist length black hair, her caramel colored skin standing out against the white shirt she wore.

"Guys, you remember my friend Arthur," Derek said causing them to nod and say hello, each holding very heavy British accents besides Chloe who had a soft Spanish accent.

"Didn't you have glasses last time I saw you?" Tatiana asked as she got up and went over to give him a hug, an underlining hint of worry in her voice. Tatiana was just as close to Steve as Derek was, which made sense since Derek and Tatiana were together.

"Yeah, I kinda ran off and forgot them," Steve said in his convincing British accent, not exactly lying.

Tatiana gave him a shake of the head before she went over and sat down, patting the bench beside her. He sighed softly as he joined her, Derek pouring him a glass of one of the alcohols and handing it over to him.

"What happened to your hands?" Thomas asked, nodding towards the bruised one and wrapped one.

Steve took the glass from Derek as Tatiana seen the busted up hands and sighed, getting up and going to the kitchen. "Oh uh, I kinda smashed this one in a door by not paying attention, and this one was an accident," Steve lied in the same faux accent and shrugged a bit as if it wasn't a big deal, but in reality, it was the biggest deal of his entire life.

Tatiana came back over with an ice pack in her hands, sitting down beside him and laying the ice pack across his hand. He gave her a small smile and quiet thanks before he took a sip of the amber liquid in his cup, noting it to be a whiskey. She had become his emotional support when they had first met, kind of like a therapist, which was what she was by profession.

"What kind of accident?" Chloe asked as she got another piece of pizza. The question was innocent enough, but Derek and Tatiana saw the way he shifted a bit and looked down at the table.

"I broke some glass in my hand after an argument," he said quietly as he stared at the dark wooden table.

"Was it with that girl who's been staying with you?" Thomas asked raising an eyebrow, everyone in the town knew about Natasha but not knowing she was who she was thanks to small town talk. They simply knew her as Natalie Rushmore, Arthur's American friend that he met while on a tour in Afghanistan.

Derek looked over at Thomas and gave a slight tilt of the chin, his eyes saying drop it when he seen Steve's hand tighten slightly on the table under the ice pack.

"She has a name and it happens to not be called that girl," Steve said, looking up at him with dark blue eyes. It didn't matter how Steve felt about Natasha at the moment, he didn't like how Thomas referred to her as "that girl." Thomas saw the small shake of Derek's head and the way Steve looked at him before he nodded and said, "Sorry, I couldn't remember her name."

Steve nodded and looked down at the table again before lifted his glass and took a sip again. He didn't say anything as he stared at the table and sighed quietly. Derek took the opportunity to stir the conversation a different way, everyone but Steve falling into the conversation again. Tatiana looked over at Steve before she reached under the table and laid her hand against his knee. She gave it a gentle squeeze as he glanced up at her, seeing a small smile cast in his direction before she looked off to conversate with Chloe. He saw Derek give him a look that seemed to say they were there for him if he needed someone. He dipped his head a bit as if saying thank you before he started to listen back into the conversations.

A few streets over, Natasha parked the truck in front of a tavern slash pub that didn't seem to have many cars there. She looked at the building for a moment before she grabbed the keys and got out of the truck, making her way across the pavement to the door. She pulled it open, stepping into the almost medieval ish style pub before making her way over to the bar. She sat down there, not paying attention to the two women, one brown-headed and one blonde, sitting a seat down from her as she looked to the bartender who asked what he could get her. "Three shots of the strongest whiskey, rum, whatever you have," she said, her voice filled in a disheartened tone.

"Put it on my tab Will," she heard a woman say causing Natasha to look over at the one who spoke after a moment. "You look like you're ready to kill someone while bawling your eyes out as you do it." The brunette, whose hair was pulled back into a loose and casual ponytail, her bangs swept to the side and behind her ear and a simple pair of jeans a white shirt and brown jacket, said as she smiled and the man known as Will filled three shot glasses with a dark amber liquid. Natasha couldn't help but think of Winston for some reason, thinking maybe it was the soulful brown eyes they both seemed to have. She nodded in thanks to her before she got the first glass and tossed it back, her eyes clenching shut at the burn that ran down her throat but finding comfort in the pain.

She down the second one right after then the third and motioned for him to refill, Will nodding and refilling them as she stared off at one of the bottles on the shelf. The walls she had built up around that day started to fall and little bits of it flashed in her eyes.

_It was just like any other day that morning in the Clock Tower when she woke up in the bed across from the Brooklyn Bridge. She stared at the giant bridge for a moment before she sat up with a wince at the soreness on her stomach. She lifted the white SSR shirt that was two times too big on her and looked at the dark bruising there for a moment with a sigh before letting the shirt back down. She had just gotten back from a mission the night before, and to say she walked away without a hair out of place was a bold face lie. She had a busted lip, a butterfly stitch bandage on the corner of her head, and the bruising on her shoulder blades and stomach were just some of her injuries. She pushed her fingers through her hair, pulling it up into a messy bun before she made her way out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom._

_Since Steve had left over a month ago, she had thrown herself into work, taking mission after mission without a break. She had put on a little weight, which she quickly shed off, and it seemed to just keep to fluctuating between gaining and losing the weight. It could have been due to the fact that she barely ate, and ran completely on coffee and the occasional meal here and there. A lot of foods just didn't appeal to her anymore, some of them even going as far as to make her nauseous. She made her way into the bathroom and to the toilet, sitting down and using it before she noticed a few blood spots on her underwear. She sighed quietly as she reached over to the little shelf and retrieved a tampon before finishing up. She then proceeded to go over to the shower and turned the hot water on after she washed and dried her hands. She barely twisted the cold nob, liking the burning and stinging against her skin, giving her something else to feel besides the crushing weight of loneliness, broken, and anger._

_She got in after stripping her pajama shorts and Steve's white SSR shirt off before stepping into the shower and hissing softly as she stood there for a few moments. She breathed out a deep breath while she tilted her head back into the water, getting her hair wet before she began her routine of the day of washing her hair followed by her body and if needed, shaving. When she finished she got out and grabbed her towel, drying herself off before wrapping it around herself and getting the other towel to wrap around her hair. She gathered the discarded clothing then made her way out of the room and back down the hall, her movements almost robotic as she walked into the bedroom, tossing her underwear and shorts to the hamper bin then folding and laying the shirt neatly on her pillow. She made the bed before going over to the large walk-in closet and getting her outfit for the day. She wasn't looking to impress, not even in the slightest, and seeing that it was weapon's training day, she decided just to wear a pair of too big dark grey sweatpants and a black long-sleeved shirt._

"So, from the looks of it you've either caught your partner cheating, or you had your first fight," she heard the blond say causing Natasha to be brought out of her memory and glance over at her for a moment.

"He wasn't cheating, and it wasn't our first fight," she said quietly before shaking her head and looking back down at the table. Her eyes brimmed with tears but she fought them back down and pushed her fingers into her hair, tugging sharply at the roots. It had always been her "coping" mechanism, cause herself just a little bit of pain to keep herself grounded and level.

"Then it couldn't have been that bad love," the blonde said as she turned to Natasha, her blue eyes cutting into Natasha and arching a perfect eyebrow. The emotional redhead couldn't help but think of a human version of Merlin at the way she looked at her and just her posture in general. She was very long-legged, with an hourglass figure donning a pair of black heels, white skin tight jeans and a black as night off the shoulder loose top.

"It wasn't that good either. I lied to him, and went behind his back, along with other things," she said as she looked back at the shots and downed the second. She knew that she shouldn't drink anymore after the third shot because she still had to get home later but that wasn't going to happen. She wanted to be numb, to not feel this crushing weight of anger and hurt building inside her. She paused when she realized that she had referred to Steve's home as her home, her heart thumping a few beats off before looked down and closed her eyes. She took a few breaths trying to calm down and succeeding a few moments later.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you, besides, if Arthur moved you in and you've known each other for years, that's gotta be something yeah?" the brunette said as she gave her a small encouraging smile. Natasha couldn't help but find her optimism both cute and intolerable. But then she realized that she knew she lived with "Arthur" and for split second she wondered how. It didn't take her a minute to come to the conclusion that it was a small town, so of course, everyone knew who she was. She sighed softly as she shook her head and looked back down at the table.

"I broke a promise and he found out," she whispered quietly as she stared down at the shot glass and twisted it a bit.

"So you cheated on him?" The blonde said with a flip of her hair as she took a drink of the dark drink she had in a short square like glass.

"Neither one of us cheated," Natasha said, her voice holding irritation as she looked over at her, her eyes showing anger in them for a split second then disappearing again. She looked back down at the counter as she sighed deeply. The brunette shook her head at her friend then looked over at Natasha as she nodded a bit before she said, "Ignore her. Her bloke cheated on her is why she keeps throwing that out there." The reasoning didn't matter to Natasha as she stared down at the glasses and table. The girl got up and moved around to sit next to her, between Natasha and blonde. "I'm Elisabeth, and big mouth is Alexiss by the way," she said giving the redhead a friendly smile.

Natasha bit her tongue to keep from smarting off with I don't care, instead nodding as she said, "Natalie."

Elisabeth nodded and brought her cup to her lips to take a drink before she asked, "Anyways, have you tried talking to him yet?"

Natasha shook her head as she brought the glass up and drank it. She looked back at William and just had him make her a Dr. Pepper and whatever had been in the shot glasses.

"We just had the fight, I don't think either of us is calm enough or ready to talk," she said quietly as she stared into the glass. "We were angry, and hurt, two things that we have never been with one another. It was always the opposite in the past, we always were in a good mood with each other and always looking out for each other. We were always fighting on the same side besides once, and even then I couldn't fight him, everyone else yes, but not him. This time though, it felt like I was trying to hurt him the way he had hurt me." Natasha said quietly and even quieter by the time she finished talking.

"So he hurt you in the past?" Elisabeth asked as she stared at the crumbling woman there.

"He didn't mean to," Natasha said in a broken whisper as she hung her head and inhaled a deep breath as if to cement her composure.

"But he still did it," Elisabeth said looking over at her.

"You don't know him like I do, no one does," she said ever so slightly, the underlining tone of "don't cross that line" laying there. "He would never in an eternity ever do anything to hurt me intentionally. Quite the opposite really, he'd do everything in his power to protect me even if it meant getting himself killed. I know when he left he was doing it to protect me, that it had to hurt him just as much if not worse like me. I wanted to blame him, to make him the bad guy, but I could never find it in myself to actually hate him. I was finding ways to try and fill the void, working too much, going to Goldies Boxing Gym not too far from where we lived, wearing his shirts. Then I realized that I was trying to fill an unfillable hole that throbbed each and every day for the medicine it needed most. And everything I was trying to do kept tearing open a scab covered wound over and over and over again to where it's nothing but a bloody mess and I was trying to do anything to fix it. It's never been like that with anyone else but him." She whispered as everything finally started to settle into her, seeping into every nook and cranny it could find.

"Do you still love him?" Alexiss asked as her blue eyes stared at her, waiting for her answer as sad green eyes found hers. The redhead looked at her for a moment, thinking about what she had asked.  _"Do you still love him?"_  She asked herself as her eyes cut to the shelves of bottles there across from them. She thought about the past few weeks and how everything was like it had been in Brooklyn, even before then when they were on the run and living at the complex and other things. The hole in her chest hadn't hurt at all, in fact, she would dare say that it had even healed some. She thought of what she herself had said only moments ago, how it had never felt like that with anyone else, and how that was the god's honest truth. Even when Banner had left, it didn't hurt as much as when Steve had left. Even taking the pain from losing their baby out of the equation, the anger she had felt at first had turned somewhere over the course of nine years to sorrow for Steve, knowing how much it had probably killed him to walk away from her. She had promised to not add to that broken feeling, yet she had broken her promise to herself, to spare that hurt from Steve, to protect him from that kind of hurt.

"Yes," she replied quietly as she looked over at her again as her thoughts swimmed around at how she really felt of Steve.

"Then talk to him, if he still feels the same towards you, your words and his will be forgotten," Elisabeth said as she gave her a warm and encouraging smile, one that was accepted easily by Natasha and giving her a very small lift of the lips with a nod of the head.

Back at Derek's, Steve had finally just gotten up and went out the back door after a little while. He had made his way to the yard with his glass in hand to get away from everyone because his thoughts were too loud with what had been said between him and Natasha and everything else. He found himself sitting out on the rock fireplace in the middle of the yard, bent over with his elbows on his knees as he stared off at the flower bed across from him with a streak or two of tears on his cheeks. He had been trying to remember a time before he left when Natasha could have possibly shown signs of pregnancy, and he barely could. There was maybe twice, but he summed them more up to hangovers instead. "Care if I join you?" he heard Derek say, causing him to look over at him before he inhaled and sat up a bit, not bothering to try and cover the fact that he had been crying.

Derek took that as a yes and went over to sit down beside the blond, reaching over and pouring some more whiskey in Steve's almost empty glass. "Thanks," he said quietly earning a nod as Derek poured himself some then sat the bottle on the ground.

"That bad was it?" Derek asked as he took a drink of the whiskey, leaning forward to match his friends' posture.

"She was pregnant," he breathed out, still not looking over at him.

Derek, on the other hand, looked at him wide-eyed, not saying anything as he tried to process it. Steve shook his head a bit as he looked down between his feet and let out a deep sigh. 

"All my life I've always tried to do what was right. When I came out of the ice and defrosted, I thought I could throw myself back into that life, serve and follow orders, but I couldn't. Things had changed a great deal over the course of me being in the ice. I tried integrating back into society, but it was harder than I thought it would be. Then I met her for the first time and, there was something that I felt that I couldn't explain so I just pushed it to the side for the time being and worked alongside her. Even when I barely knew her I was making sure she was protected. Then when I started working for S.H.I.E.L.D and we got partnered up, it was both a dream and a pain in the ass because the more time we spent together, the harder I was falling and there she was trying to match me up with girls at work. After I saved her more than once, and we were safe with Sam for the night, one little smile was all it took and I was climbing the ladder to a whole new high. It happened again after I was released from the hospital and was still healing. She was there, through it all. Then when Banner came into the picture, I stepped back because that was what she wanted, no matter how much jealousy and hurt I felt. Then after Ultron we were back together and felt like a rebound, so we stayed friends for a while until we were on the run together after mine and Tony's fall out. Every moment I've spent with her from day one, I've always protected her, cared for her, and loved her even when she didn't need it or know I was doing it. Until I left," He said barely above a whisper, bringing the glass up to his lips and taking a long drink.

"And you did the one thing you swore never to do," Derek said for him and earned a defeated nod as Steve looked down at the ground. A small sigh came from Derek before he shook his head and sat back up a bit. "Honestly mate, nothing you did was wrong. You left to protect not only her from you, but yourself, there's no foul in that."

"But me leaving cost her our child, something that we may never get the chance to ever have again. Something  _SHE_ may never get the chance to have again." Steve said, looking over at him with hurt and anger filled eyes, not towards his friend, but towards himself.

Derek nodded as he refilled his glass while Steve finished off his own then poured the blond some more as Steve threaded his fingers through his hair. "But maybe she can, maybe all it takes is some supersoldier sperm," Derek said, trying to make a joke at the end and watching it work out a bit when he saw a smile tug at his lips.

"Please, never say those two words together ever again," Steve said shaking his head before looking over at his smirking friend.

"Fair enough, but in all seriousness, maybe that's the key to it. Maybe, even though she was sterilized, it ended up not working with you because you're not normal." Derek said with an arched eyebrow.

"So you're telling me that out of all the times we had sex, and I know for a fact that I always came inside her, she got pregnant once because of my, enhanced sperm? Derek, you're a great friend, but sometimes I wonder how many hits you've taken to the head over the years." Steve said as he looked over at him, a hint of confusion in his eyes as he watched his friend hold up his hands in a surrendering motion.

"Hey, I never claimed to right in the head. Whoever you bought that lie from, you might wanna go get a refund," Derek said, watching a laugh fall from Steve's lips. He smiled a bit more to himself before he shook his head and sighed quietly. "All I was trying to say Steve is that there are a lot of variables as to how she could have gotten pregnant. Maybe it was the right time in the right position with the right influences. I don't know, I'm not a doctor let alone an OBGYN or anything of that nature. All I can truthfully and honestly tell you, is talk to her. If you still want to love, protect, and care for her like you claim you do, you need to. Not just for yourself, but for her as well. She went through that alone, without you, without the one person she needed most. You need each other right now," Derek said honestly as he looked over at Steve who was processing everything Derek had said.

After a few minutes, Steve nodded and looked up as he sat up and inhaled a deep breath. "You're right," Steve said, earning a nod of the head as he stood up. Derek joined him before Steve handed him the glass and said, "I'll take my leave now."

Derek nodded as he took the still half full glass and said, "You know where to find me if you need to." Steve nodded before he thanked him again for everything, then turned and started towards the back gate. He sighed deeply as he started on his way home, unsure of if she would be there or not, but planning to wait for her.

At the bar, Natasha had just finished her whiskey and Dr. Pepper when a tall heavy set male sat down on the stool beside her. "Hello there lovely," he said as Natasha got out her wallet to pay. She glanced at him for a moment but didn't say anything as she gave William more than enough to pay for her drinks. She looked over at Elisabeth and Alexiss before giving them a small half smile. "Thank you both for talking with me," she said, slipping off the stool and sighing softly.

"No problem Natalie, just remember, talk with Arthur. Whatever happened, it hurt him too," Elisabeth said with a small smile back to her.

"Or, you could forget Arthur by coming back with me tonight, I guarantee that you won't even remember his name come morning." The man said again causing Natasha to cast him a disgusting look.

"I don't think so. I've known this man for nearly twenty years, and he's the only one who can make me forget others names. Besides, I have standards, married men cheating isn't on that list." Natasha replied back before she turned and started to walk away. She was stopped though when he reached out and grabbed her elbow, but under the influence of the alcohol and still stinging pain of the emotions she held inside, her fist came around and caught him in the jaw.

"You little bitch," he said, letting go yes, but advancing on Natasha causing the others in the bar to move to help the redhead as he swung back at her, hitting the side of her head. His ring causing the skin to tear at the contact, and that seemed to only piss her off more.

Though intoxicated, Natasha moved with grace and elegance, putting a few hits to his head before one swift roundhouse kick knocked him unconscious to the ground. She breathed hard for a moment before her eyes looked around at the surprised and amused faces, including Williams and the two girls who she had been conversating with.

She turned and made her way out of the bar after that, not casting a second look as she walked, deciding that she or Steve could return for the truck later or the next day seeing she was slightly intoxicated and remembered what Steve had said about not wrecking the truck. She shoved her hands into her pockets on her jacket as she walked, staring ahead without really looking, as her thought seemed to drift back to that day.

_She had walked into the complex, pausing for a moment and holding onto the glass railing for a moment when a wave of what she thought were cramps hit her, except they were higher up in her stomach. 'Odd,' she thought to herself but just brushed it off thinking it was just where she hadn't had a period in a while mixed with the soreness of the beating she had taken on the mission. She was like that, her periods a hit and miss, sometimes not having one for a year, and others every month, she was different. Her hand fell to her hip, holding it tightly before she took a deep breath and straightened herself out. She breathed out the breath before she made her way to her office, passing by the vacant office that used to be Steve's. Her heart thumped painfully against her chest as she looked down at the ground for a moment before another wave of pain hit her, this time her stomach felt as if someone was sticking her with knives over and over again. Her footfall faltered a bit as her hand came up to support herself against the wall, her other coming up to hold her stomach as she sucked in a breath of harsh air. She felt, what seemed like, blood discharge from her causing her to raise an eyebrow and look down at herself. She had never been a heavy bleeder during her periods, but she just brushed it to the side thinking that it was due to all the stress and stuff from over the past few weeks._

_She righted herself again and decided to go change the pantyliner and tampon before she began her day. It was just weapon's training, easy enough yet difficult to master alone. That's why Sam was going to be working with her on it, that was until she started to feel light headed and her hearing and sight became disoriented. "Woah," she breathed out as she reached out to brace herself against the wall again, her fingers just barely grazing the surface as she began to sway._

_"Romanoff?" She heard someone that sounded an awful lot like Fury say from behind her._

_"I d-don't fe-el so g-good," she mumbled out as she felt her thighs get wet and sticky. A quiet "the hell" came from her before she swayed too far forward and hit the floor, the agents around them looking over in confusion, others in concern causing them to rush over._

_Fury shouted for a medic as he knelt down beside her, Natasha's face twisted in pain and anguish before he saw blood pooling there beneath her. He looked back up at her with a worried look as he asked, "Romanoff, what's going on?"_

_She mumbled something that he couldn't make out as she curled into a fetal position as if it would stop the pain she felt. "Steve~," she breathed out, seeing his picture across the hall hanging there on the wall in his dark blue uniform with the star in the center of his chest. Tears filled her eyes as she stared at the picture, wanting nothing more than for him to come and take this pain away._

_Fury chewed on the inside of his cheek, unsure whether or not what to say until he saw her eyes fluttering closed._

_"Hey, come on Romanoff, stay with me. It's gonna be okay, we'll find him," he said as the medical team got there with a stretcher._

_"H-he's go-ne b-because of y-you," she breathed out as her vision started going dark. By now there was a growing circle around them, Wanda and Sam pushing through to see what they could do._

_Before Fury could say anything though Natasha blacked out, the two women getting her onto the stretcher before shouting for people to get out of their way._

Natasha found herself running into the gate of the backyard causing her to bit her lip. She unlocked the latch before she walked into the yard and took the pathway to the still broken back door. Her eyes stung with tears as she walked into the house, unknowingly at the same time that Steve walked in through the front door until they looked up and broken blue eyes met breaking green eyes. His eyes stayed on her for a few minutes, noticing the bleeding cut on her temple that caused his anger to flare again but not towards her, towards the person who had done it to her.

She seen the bandaging on his hand and the bruising on the other with a few healed cuts, the guilt and hurt she felt seemed to worse a bit by knowing that she had been the cause of it. But, for some unknown reason, there was this tiny part of her that was at peace that she had hurt him and that alone seemed to make her feel even worse. She moved across the kitchen, seemingly still on autopilot, to the living room, Steve's eyes following after her as she went. She sat down on the sofa, pulling her feet up into the chair with her then pulled her knees to her chest as she stared into the empty fireplace.

He looked down at the ground for a moment before he made his way to the stairs and climbed them. He made his way down to the bathroom, going in and over to the cabinet there where he got a small medical kit then making his way back out the door and to the stairs. When he reached the bottom step he looked over at the broken redhead who hadn't moved from her position on the couch. He looked down at the medical kit for a moment before he went over beside her, showing her the medical kit as he did. She looked up at him and nodded a bit causing him to sit down beside her, pulling the padded table closer to him and setting the kit on it. He opened the lid and got out an alcohol pad that he used to wipe the blood off and clean the wound.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you about Clint," he whispered quietly and looked down for a moment after getting the blood off and seeing that the wound wasn't that bad, but the skin would probably still have a bruise.

"I'm sorry for telling him and breaking my promise," she whispered, her voice thick with the unshared tears she was fighting to keep at bay. Steve shook his head as he got a small butterfly bandage, turning back to her and gently putting it on.

"Don't be. I was angry and didn't stop to think that Clint trusted us not to tell S.H.I.E.L.D about his house and where it was. I realized that he'd do the same for any of us," he said quietly as he shut the lid on the box and looked at it for a moment.

There was silence between them before Steve started to get up to go throw the used items away, stopping when her hand fell on his arm to keep him there. He looked down at her hand for a second then over at her, watching her fight the tears back that were in her eyes before she moved to lean against him. His arm moved around her when he saw the need to be held, to be kept together so she didn't break apart, flash then disappear into her green eyes. She curled against him, silence continuing on between them for a few more moments.

He held her there, his other arm moving to wrap around her when he felt a few tears leak through his shirt while hearing her small sniffles. "I-I'm s-sorry for k-keeping it f-from you," she whispered as she gripped his shirt a bit tightly in her fist.

He shook his head before pressing his lips to her head as he whispered, "Don't be." He closed his eyes for a moment as he held her there, inhaling a deep breath as he felt his emotions begin to stir again. "You didn't know Natasha," he whispered against the top of her head so quietly that had they not been that close together, she wouldn't have heard him.

Natasha closed her eyes as she tried not to cry any more than she was but the images and words that threatened to spill out of her mouth was beating her black and blue from holding them in. Steve rubbed her back gently, trying to calm her but it was hardly helping as her head dragged her back in time.

_She woke up to the gentle beeping of a heart monitor, what felt like a breathing tube at her nose, and that over sterilized smell of the medical bay. She had to blink a few times to focus in on everything, noticing Clint in the chair next to her, clasping her hand in his with his head leaning against the bed. It was dark outside the window next to the television in the far rooftop corner that was playing what looked to be like a Halloween movie, making her think to what day it was and remembering it was October twenty-sixth. She gave Clint's hand a gentle squeeze before watching the man's head pop up and look over at her with half asleep eyes. "Hey, hey, you're awake," he said with a tone of relief, sitting up and pulling the chair closer to the bed as he forced himself to come to more._

_"What happened?" She asked quietly remembering coming into the work and walking down the hall towards her office and pushing through the pain in her stomach and hips. She looked to her best friend and watched as his face twisted up into a bit of confusion followed by a whole lot of despair. Her heart began to beat erratically as she watched him before she asked again, "Clint, what happened."_

_Clint looked down at the bed for a moment to gather himself, knowing how much it would kill her when she found out. He took a breath before looking back up at her as he said, "You were twenty weeks pregnant Natasha."_

_Her breath froze in her throat when she heard him, her eyes searching him for a sign that he was lying but found none before her eyes fell to her stomach. The wording he had used finally processed causing her lips to part in a small gasp, and a shaky breath to be inhaled. Clint held her hand as he watched her process it all, seeing the tears pool in her eyes before she whispered, "I want to see it."_

_"Natasha," Clint started to protest against it before she stopped him with her tear filled eyes._

_"I have to see it Clint. It won't be real if I don't," she breathed out as she searched his eyes pleadingly._

_He let out a deep breath before sighing and glancing down. "I'll go find the doctor," he said quietly, getting up after a moment and going over to the door then out it._

"They had to cut her out of me, by a cesarean section they called it because I had blacked out and wouldn't wake. It was all my fault, taking mission after mission, not taking care of myself, not sleeping, the stress and hurt of losing you mixed with the anger at the fact and Sharon Carter's smug face till that day. Every beating I went through on those missions, every denial of self-preservation, it caused me to lose her. I lost our baby girl because of me, not you." She said as she remembered when the doctor had brought a little box in and showed her the baby girl she would never get to hold. "She was so small," Natasha whispered to him as tears fell from her eyes and down her cheeks and his shirt. She shut her eyes tightly as the walls finally crumbled down around her and a heavy heart clinching sob racked her body.

Steve held her as tightly as he could to her, his own tears forming at his eyes again as he heard her speak and the heavy sob. She curled into him tightly as she cried, her entire frame shaking from the force of her crying and his shirt caught in her hand as if to keep him there.

"I gotcha," Steve whispered, fighting his own tears off by closing them and pressing his lips to the top of her head. His heart had shattered for her, for the lost child he would never get to see or watch grow.

"I c-can't l-lose you a-ag-again. P-please S-Steve, i-it w-will k-kill me," she said in between her sobs and burying her face in his chest. Steve brought his hand up to the back of her head, holding her there as he made small "shh" ing sounds, his own tears finally falling from his eyes as he held her.

"I'm not going anywhere Natalia," he whispered to her as his arm around her tightened and his large frame gently shook from trying to get air into his lungs. "I promise, and I won't break it, never again," he whispered to her as she continued to sob into his chest. Her body seemed to relax into him as she wrapped her arms around him, holding her old lover and one of her best and closest friends to her in an attempt to comfort the breaking man and herself.

After everything they had been through, both in the past and recently, her faith fell right into the man she held and who held her. She should have been apprehensive about his promise, but she knew that Steven Rogers was always honest, especially when it came to her. He had never lied to her, never physically hurt her, and had always done his damnedest to make sure she was safe and protected. Even when they were having a sex scene, he'd make sure that she was okay with it and that she didn't get hurt by it. She finally nodded her head as she cried, her body becoming heavy as she leaned into him for the much-needed support to which he both gave and received. They needed each other at that moment, and not as Arthur Kingsley or Natasha Romanoff but as Steven Rogers and Natalia Romanova. 

Silence played on between them for only God knows how long before he felt her breathing even out causing him to look down and find her asleep against him. He couldn't help but stare at her for a moment and noted that she was indeed one of the strongest people he had ever met. He looked over at the clock on the mantle next to the lanterns where he saw that it was almost one in the morning. He sighed quietly before he started to move and felt her hold onto him tightly causing him to pause then look down at her when she mumbled a quiet, "No."   
He bit his lip as he sat there thinking for a second then looked behind him. He fixed a few of the pillows there before he gently and carefully laid back and got comfortable before he reached up and pulled the quilt on the back of the couch over them. He felt her nuzzle down into him, bringing a small smile to his face before he wrapped his arm back around her he sighed deeply as he closed his eyes. It didn't take him long before he felt the physical drainage from the day hit him. He felt sleep claiming him as an old friend, a similar feeling that he had felt when he put the jet in ice all those years ago, and he didn't even try fighting it at all knowing that his body needed the rest from the mental, emotional, and physical hits it had taken. 


	10. Take Me Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am so so sorry for the late update! I've had A LOT going on including a break up with a really close friend and helping another friend through his depression and a hard break up which in turn gave me an idea for later on in the series. And yes I say series because I've already got a plan for Book 2. Anyways, Thank you all for being so patient and waiting. Also, with everything going on, my post may not be every week but I will try my hardest, I promise!
> 
> Songs that helped write this chapter:   
> Let Me Love The Lonely - James Arthur.   
> Eastside - Benny Blanco, Halsey, and Khalid.  
> Better With You - Jesse McCartney.  
> Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, ft Bebe Rexha.  
> I Found - Amber Run.  
> A LOT of Jazz music lol.  
> The Video Above. 
> 
> Okay okay, enough stalling here's what you all waited for---

 

Chapter 10:

Take Me Home.

_When morning came, Natasha came to first, blinking her eyes a few times as she took in her surroundings and heard old forties music coming faintly from a radio. She didn't remember it being on the night before causing her to raise an eyebrow and looked around. She recognized she was in the living room, laying on top of something, someone, soft. She looked up at Steve, finding him still asleep, the sight causing her to take a few minutes to stare at him. She always found him the most peaceful and adorable when he was asleep, like nothing in the world could affect the man who had been through so much in his short life. She said short life because in reality, though he may have technically the oldest by age, he had been frozen in ice for seventy years that he wasn't able to live his life through_ _._

_It was then that she remembered what had happened the night before when she saw they were still in their clothes from that day. It was also then that she realized that she didn't feel nearly as guilty or torn up over keeping everything bottled up and hidden from him, causing a small smile to tug at her lips._

_"You know, it's not polite to stare," She heard his groggy voice say as his blue eyes opened to find her green ones. She couldn't help the small blush that colored her cheeks at being caught staring at him causing the blonde to chuckle a bit as he looked up at her and smiled softly. He studied her for a few moments and noticed the bags under her eyes didn't seem as dark making him smile when he realized that they had both slept through the night; no waking up in terror, no choking one another, no screaming or shouting in the night, nothing._

_She smiled back at him, biting her lip as the same thoughts, unknowingly to him, went through her mind as well. It reminded her of times in the past, when they went rogue otherwise called independents. "I wasn't staring, I was admiring, there's a difference," She said with a small laugh causing him to laugh softly and nod in agreement._ _  
_ _"Fair enough," he replied as they stared at each other for a few minutes._ _  
_ _"Do you work today?" She asked and earned a shake of the head._ _  
_ _"Was there something you wanted to do?" He asked before she shook her head and gave him a small smile._ _  
_ _"We probably need to fix the hole in the wall and the hinges on the door." She said causing a small hint of red to rise on his cheeks and nod in agreement._ _  
_ _"I am sorry, about the way I acted yesterday," he said after a few moments of silence causing her to nod a bit._ _  
_ _"It's okay," she replied, resting her chin on the center of his chest as she stared up at him. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have kept it from you. I should have just told you that way we could have talked about it."_

_He nodded in agreement at that, wishing that she had as well but it was done and over with. He reached up and brushed a few strands out of her face, thinking quietly for a few moments as he looked at her. "I meant what I said last night. I won't leave again. I may not trust S.H.I.E.L.D. or anyone else for that matter, but I trust you. And I know that it's going to take time, on both of our sides, to get back to where we originally were, but I will not break this promise. No matter what we are, I won't leave again." He said quietly as he looked at her, seeing her eyes reflect relief and happiness with a hint of worry before they were hidden again and she nodded with a small smile. "Okay," she whispered softly, staring back at him her still half asleep brain wondering if that meant he would go back to New York and Brooklyn with her, but her more alert brain said not to ruin the moment or tick him off again by asking._

_They heard the gentle taps of Winston's nails against the hardwood floor causing them both to look over and see the gentle-souled dog and cat,walk into the room. "We should probably go ahead and get up," he said with a small smile causing her to nod before she felt his hold on her loosen up on her waist. She gave him a small smile in return before she slowly got up, several of her bones popping before she looked down at him, offering him her hands to help her up. He smiled and took them before they pulled him up, his back popping loudly causing him to groan softly and reach back to rub the spot._

_She gave him an apologetic smile before she asked, "Is it the same spot where you landed across the dash of that Hydra jet?"_ _  
_ _He nodded as he leaned to the left then again to the right. "Yeah, well sleeping on the couch the way we were didn't help it any." He said causing her to laugh softly and bite her lip not to say anything about his age._ _  
_ _"If you want I'll rub it down for you later, help ease some of the tension," She said and gave him a smile in return for his nod at the suggestion._ _  
_ _"That sounds good," he said, remembering the time she had done it for him in the past. That was the thing with Natasha, though he had always been the one protecting and looking out for her, making sure she was okay and healthy, she always did the same for him. It was a give and take relationship really, they always took care of each other on every level whether it was as friends or as lovers. They were always making sure the other was taken care of._

_They made their way to the kitchen as Natasha started feeling a bit queasy, causing her to sit down at the table and lay her head against the wooden surface. Steve went over and let Winston and Merlin out the broken back door before he went back to the stove where he started making the coffee, glancing back at her and shaking his head with a smile. "Want some tea?" he asked raising an eyebrow in her direction as he went over and got a bottle of Tylenol as well as a bottle of Sprite from the fridge. He sat them beside her when she nodded and made his way back over to the shelves where he gathered the same ingredients he had used the day before to make the Ginger Honey tea._

_He went about making the tea as silence fell around them, Natasha watching him as he made his way around the kitchen before she heard him ask, "I, I don't mean to bring up a sore topic again, but you said we had a daughter. Did you give her a name?"_ _  
_ _Natasha paused as she looked at him for a few moments before she lifted her head and gently shook it a bit. "No, I didn't know what to call her. Had I known about her and actually been able to develop a bond with her more than that lost feeling, I probably could have named her." She said quietly as she looked down to the cabinet there beside him._ _  
_ _Steve bit his lip as he watched her before nodding. He could see the lost and brokenness surrounding her again causing him to go over and gently wrap his arms around her shoulders. She leaned into him, pressing the side of her head to his stomach and taking a deep calming breath. They were silent for a moment before he leaned down and kissed her head softly. "I am so sorry Natasha," he whispered causing her to shake her head a bit._ _  
_ _"I know, but you don't have to be is the thing. It was both of our faults, not just yours, not just mine, but both of ours." She said earning a nod in return as he gave her a gentle squeeze. They went silent again as she leaned against him, both still processing things, Steve still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he had unknowingly had a daughter._ _  
_ _  
_ _"I buried her next to your mother," she whispered quietly causing him to look down at her in a slight bit of surprise. "I thought that maybe if heaven is real and then again even if it isn't, your mom would be there to protect and hold her and stuff that way she wouldn't be alone." She said quietly, her green eyes turning up to meet his emotional blue ones. He gave her a gentle squeeze and a small sad smile before he leaned down and kissed her head again, pausing there for a few moments and letting out a deep breath. "You might not think so, but your heart is bigger than you think it is," he whispered quietly, thinking of the time she came to Peggy's funeral and every other time she always showed up to be with him through something hard. She didn't want anyone to be alone, and maybe it could have had something to do psychologically with the fact that she was alone all those years when she was growing up and after that until Clint found her. When they heard the coffee and teapot whistle signaling that they were finished, he slowly let go of her after a few moments, Natasha sitting upright in her chair as Steve went over to the stove._ _  
_ _  
_ _Her green eyes followed him around the room as he got them both a cup and poured the respected drink into them. He brought hers over and sat it on the table for her before he went back over to the counter where he got a loaf of bread then sat it on the counter as he pulled a bread knife from the knife block. He cut off four slices before he put them into the toaster and pushed the lever down. He got two apples from the fruit basket before he used the same knife to cut the apple into slices. He got a jar of peanut butter down from the cabinet, retrieving the toast once it popped up and spreading the peanut butter on there. He put the apple slices on the top before he got a small plate down and put the bread on it then cleaned up the area. He grabbed his coffee and plate, taking it over to where she was slowly sipping her tea and sitting it down in front of her. "Thank you," she said softly as he sat down in the chair next to her._

_He shook his head a bit before he said, "No need to thank me." She looked over at him and gave him a small smile before she shook her head a bit. "Would you just shut up and take my thanks?" she asked jokingly, the small smile there telling him that she was joking._ _  
_ _He laughed softly as he sipped his coffee before shaking his head a bit. "Okay, okay," he said with a smile as he reached over and took a piece of the toast, sighing softly as he sat his cup down and took a bite then looked at her. They stared at each other for a few moments before she picked up the toast and started eating it as well._ _  
_ _It made her smile knowing that he still knew what she liked to eat and drink, which made her wonder what else he remembered. But then again, she knew Steve Rogers, and she knew that his memory was like an encyclopedia. She couldn't help the small chuckle that came from her at the images in her head of his head being like a massive filing cabinet room that had a few people running around pulling memories and exact moments from each cabinet when he needed to recall something._

_"What's so funny?" he asked with a raised eyebrow as he looked over at her. She had just taken a bite of the toast before she shook her head with a smile and covered her mouth a bit. "Just thinking of a huge filing cabinet room," she said causing him to arch his eyebrow even higher in confusion then laugh and shake his head._ _  
_ _"Okay then," he said as Winston and Merlin came back inside. He reached down and petted the animals before getting up and going over to put food in their bowls. "Oh, we'll have to go get your truck from the bar. I kind of left it there last night because I had been drinking and didn't want to wreck it." She said causing him to look over from the sink where he was refreshing the water bowl._ _  
_ _He gave her a small smile before nodding, quite proud that she hadn't attempted to drive while under the influence. He remembered when she had done it once, when they had just been friends with benefits before they even got together, it was another time her rear paid for it and she had asked him to do it the next day because she felt guilty for doing it even though she had made it to his apartment not too far from where the bar was without hurting herself or anyone else._ _  
_ _"That's fine, we can stop there and get it then go to the hardware store and whatever else we need to go," He said as he walked back over with the coffee and tea pots in his hands after sitting the water bowl down for the two. He smiled softly at her as he refilled them both and sat them on the table before he sat back down and got his coffee. Blue eyes met green ones, both seeming happy at that moment for some reason, but also still lost. He looked back down to his coffee after a moment as she bit her lip and looked down to her bread. He knew neither could rush right back into things where they left off. Ten years apart, living the lives they lived, he knew that they had changed, that he had changed. And yes, even though he still held a lot of his old values and morals and all around personality and such close, he wasn't the same Steve Rogers she knew ten years ago. He nodded a bit to himself as he started coming up with a plan before he bit his lip and got another piece of toast._

_"What do you want me to be Natasha?" He asked after a long stretched silence, his blue eyes flickering over to her green ones. She stared back at him in wonder for a few moments, thinking of the question as she swallowed the food in her mouth before getting a sip of the tea._ _  
_ _"Eventually I want you the way I had you. But for now, I think we both know that we have changed since we were last together, let's just see where it goes?" She said softly and met his ocean eyes again. Silence passed between them for a few moments before he nodded with a small smile and said, "Okay."_

Steve was pulled from the memory when he heard the chair across from him in his workshop scoot across the floor. He looked up from the wooden baseball bat he was sanding down to Natasha and smiled softly when he saw that she had brought him some coffee and a plate of apple slices and honey. He took the cup with a thank you after laying the sandpaper and bat down on the work table then taking a small sip of it.   
"How's it going?" She asked as she looked at the wooden toys with a smile. It had been almost three weeks since the night they had fought and made up, causing the two to spend more and more time together. It was like learning each other over again, just minus the sex, and able to still see so much of the old in the other as well as the new.   
"Pretty good. I've almost got Tommy's baseball gear finished," He said with a smile as he motioned to them. She reached over and got the two already cut pieces of white cowhide as well as the large sewing kit he had laying on the table and pulling them over to her. She had started helping him, in a way of getting to know the new slash old Steve Rogers there, then again, she already knew he could paint, draw, and sew. It was the woodcraft and quilting he did that surprised her. So she had him teach her basic things for each, both for her own knowledge and to spend time with him.  
"You know I think it's adorable that you make the kid's actual kids toys, whether they're seen as common American toys or not," she said with a smile as she picked up a leather needle as well as a large spool of red thread. She proceeded to thread the needle before getting a little spool stand and setting the spool on it. She smiled softly, as she wrapped the leather around the wooden ball and pinned it before she started triple stitching the pieces together creating the red stitching seen on an everyday baseball.   
"Yeah well actually, the Britts do play baseball and even have a few teams. It became really popular after the first world war but dwindled down afterward. That's why it's not as common or assumed as America's." he said as if they were talking about the weather. She looked up at him and laughed softly before shaking her head some. "Thank you Captain Obvious," she joked as she looked back down at the ball as she continued to sew.  
He looked up at her and laughed before shaking his head and began to wrap some red leather strip around the handle of the bat. They were silent for a moment as he got one of the needles out and a smaller spool of red thread. "How would you feel about going out tonight?" He asked and looked up at her with his boyish smile. She bit her lip as she looked at him, trying not to let her smile show at the thought and the simple fact that he was asking her if they could go out.

"Where to?" She asked as she looked back down, putting a few pins back in the pincushion. He shrugged a bit as he threaded the needle and double stitched the end of the strip to hold it in place. "Well they're having an art and jazz festival tonight in the park from five to eight I think. I thought maybe if you wanted to go-," he said, trailing off a bit as his blue eyes flickered up to hers.  
The smile she was trying to hide grew to what she thought felt bigger than Cheshire cats' smile as she nodded. "I'd love to," she said causing Steve to smile brightly when he saw and heard the answer. She knew how much art meant to Steve, she also knew his love for the jazz music, both coming from pre-serum days. Every time they went somewhere that had either one like that in New York, she could see the happiness coming from him and it just added to the love she had for him, also to the adorableness she found in it too.

"Great," he said happily before cutting the string and tying it off. He then melting down the string and pressed it to the leather so it would stick before holding it up to inspect it with one hand as he pinned the needle in the pincushion with the other.   
"So should I dress up?" She asked as they both looked up, Natasha smiling still but softer and with an arched eyebrow.  
He laughed softly before shrugging a bit as he replied, "Well it's not a black tie event, but if you want to get dressed up it wouldn't be frowned upon, especially not by me."  
She felt her cheeks heat up to a very light pink before she nodded as she looked back down at the stitching and smiled. Steve smiled when he saw the reaction she had before nodding and getting up, going over to his equipment table where he kept his saws, clamps, and other tools. He stood the bat upside down before twisting the clamp shut at the top then walking over to get a small can of high gloss and a paintbrush.   
"What time are we leaving?" She asked, halfway finished with the ball now, and glanced over at him before looking back down at her work.  
"It's not far from here so I'd say about twenty till," he said as he shook the can a bit before sitting it down and opening the lid. He got a thin cut off piece of wood before stirring the paint and setting the stick back down once he finished. He dipped the brush in, brushing the extra off on the sides before he started to paint the bat as she glanced at her watch.  
"Alright," she said, followed by a comfortable silence as the two worked together on separate things for the same cause. 

They both finished at the same time, cleaning up after themselves before she got up and went over to show him the ball. He smiled and took the ball from her, looking it over as she stared up at him waiting for his approval. That had always been a thing with Natasha, she always wanted approval, she wanted to be praised or rewarded for her good work, and it always came without having to ask how she did.   
"Very well done Natasha, You wouldn't be able to tell the difference if you got one in the store. Well, besides for the missing branding, but I'll burn it in later when I finish the bat." He said smiling as he looked from it to her, watching as her green eyes filled with excitement. This caused his smile to double, knowing how much she liked the praise before he handed her the ball back "It's almost four now. Let's go get ready shall we?" He asked with an arched eyebrow earning a smile and nod before she turned and walked over to the table and sat the ball down then made her way out the door. Steve smiled happily and followed after her, going out and gently pulling the door to.   
"I'll need the bathroom to do my hair and makeup if you need in there beforehand," she said with a smile and looked back at him as she stopped at her door.  
"Not at all, I took my shower this morning and currently don't have any need for said room," he replied, going down the hall to his bedroom and looking at her. She laughed softly before shaking her head, going into her room and shutting the door as he did before smiling like an idiot.

She bit her lip before going over to her closet and looking for a moment at the clothes there. She was thankful for them going shopping the other day where she had picked up a lacey black cap sleeve dress that stopped right above her knee. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if it was too dressy for such an outing before shrugging as she made her decision and thought,  _"If it keeps him looking at me like he has been, then I don't care."_

She paused when she thought about what she had thought. Was she really that obsessed, that needing of Steve's attention and love that she would do anything to have him all to herself? To make sure that she was all that he could see? She looked back to the dress with a small smirk before she sighed softly.  _"When you have Captain Steve Rogers holding your frozen heart in his hands, I guess anything is possible."_  She thought to herself before going back out the door and over to the bathroom where she closed and locked the door. She went over to the China cabinet where she hung the dress up before she got out her hair curler and makeup bag, setting them on the counter and plugging the curling iron into the outlet and turning it to high. She brushed her hair out while she waited for it to heat up before she began to curl the short red hair. When she finished she brushed her fingers through it to give it more of a natural bounce and look before she started on the makeup.

She didn't put on much, knowing how Steve liked a more natural look with bold hints. He had always been that way and had told her when she was playing with her makeup one day in Brooklyn. He stood in the door jam watching her for the most part, and even a few times helping her when he felt like babying her. She found it absolutely heart clentchi0ng that he wanted to do it for her all those times he had, and it made her fall a little harder for the man. So she just put on the foundation and concealer, followed by eyeliner on her bottom lid and mascara. She smiled softly as she got a tube of deep red lipstick out, applying it gently to her lips followed by a coat of clear gloss.

She smiled at her work in the mirror before she nodded to herself and started undressing, in the end standing in her black as night bra and underwear. She took the dress off the hanger before she slipped it on, pulling it up and over her hips. She hummed softly at how well the dress clung to her, defining her figure to a tee. She smiled and nodded to herself when she looked in the mirror before she turned and made her way back to the bedroom to get her shoes. She'd need Steve's help with zipping and buttoning the back.

Steve, on the other hand, stood at his closet looking at his clothes, trying to decide on what he was going to wear. He sighed softly as he got out a pair of nice dark washed jeans followed by a dark Navy blue button up. He laid the items on his bed, reaching back and pulling his shirt off by the collar of the shirt before tossing it into the hamper. He pushed his jogging pants down before tossing them into the hamper as well then walking over to the dresser. He applied a bit more of the deodorant before getting out a white tank top and slipping it on. He grabbed the blue button up from the bed before he put it on and began buttoning it. When he finished he got the jeans he had laid out and put them on, going back over to the closet and getting his black belt out.   
He looped the belt through before he made sure his shirt was tucked in nicely before he fastened the buckle on the belt. He then rolled the sleeves up to his elbows before going back over to the dresser and getting out a pair of sock to which he put on then went over to his closet where he got out his laced up boots. He proceeded to put them on before he heard the door down the hall close gently then the gentle tap of heels against the hardwood floor going towards the stairs.   
  
This brought a smile to the all American's face before he bit his lip and looked down. To be fairly honest, he had been a bit nervous when he asked her if she would like to go, mainly before he was unsure of if she would accept the invitation. He knew that they were getting closer again, she was always spending her free time with him, and he with her, they worked on projects together, worked out together, even slept in the same beds' together whether it was hers or his. And the truth was Steven Rogers was falling for Natasha Romanova-Romanoff again, not that he had fallen out of it with her in the first place just that the feeling was seeming to double.

When he finished he headed to the door and went out, going down the hall to the stairs and going down them. He smiled as he reached the bottom, looking over to where he saw Natasha bent down petting Winston before she turned back to him when she heard him come in. The smile that grew on her face was reflected back at her by one from Steve as his blue eyes took all of her in.

"You look beyond beautiful Natasha," he said softly causing her to blush softly and glance down for a second. She looked back up at him with the same smile before she walked over and fixed the collar of his shirt, knowing how he disliked when his collar was messed up.   
"Thank you, you look rather dashing yourself," she said before she turned around. "Help zip me up?" She asked glancing back at him in the mirror that hung over the fireplace.   
He smiled softly when he heard her before he reached down and dragged the zipper up her back, making sure to hook the clasp at the top, his fingers brushing over her skin gently causing her to shiver slightly. She held up a thin golden chain necklace when he finished causing his eyes to flitter to the round locket that had a compass design on it with a blue sapphire in the middle. "Will you help me put this on as well?" She asked as a smile covered his lips when he saw it, remembering when he had given it to her on their first anniversary, how he had written a little note on a tiny sheet of paper that said "I Love You" and put it inside. He had had the date they got together engraved on one side with his vocal pitch of saying I Love You engraved underneath it, a picture of them shrunk down and put on the other side.

He reached over and gently took the necklace from her, unclasping it and draping it around the front and hooking it together. "There we go," he said with a smile as she turned around and looked up at him. They stared at each other for a moment, smiles playing on their lips as green eyes searched blue eyes, before she asked quietly, almost as if she wasn't ready to leave the setting they were caught up in. "Ready?"

He blinked a few times, bringing his attention back to the current time before he smiled softly and nodded. He smiled as the two made their way to the door, pausing for Steve to get his faux glasses, keys, and wallet as well as his leather jacket just for safety purposes. He put his wallet in his back pocket after putting the glasses and jacket on before he smiled softly and lead her to the door where he opened it then let her go through first. She smiled and made her way out the door, pausing to let him shut and lock the door behind them before she took his arm as he put the keys in his pants pocket. He looked down at her, his smile still there and clearly happily as they made their way down the steps and towards the park.

Natasha looked around the street as they walked, smiling softly at the peacefulness of it all. "You know, I see why you picked this place. It's quiet, off the grid, has that peaceful feeling. It's cute," she said with a smile causing him to laugh there when she spoke of his time era.

"It does have certain qualities about it that does remind me of the era I grew up in. I think just the friendliness of everyone and stuff," he said with a smile and small shrug. She laughed softly and nodded as she looked up at him before she said, "It suits you though."

He laughed and nodded as they walked, the clicking of her heels against the cobblestone street filling the air around them. "You know, it both does and doesn't surprise me that you kept the locket." He said before looking down at her with a small smile.   
"I kept everything you ever gave me." She said almost instantly as she looked up at him with a small blush before she bit her lip.

"I know it's a stupid question, but why?" He asked her as they took a right, able to see the park entrance from where they were now.   
"Because I always had a bit of hope that you would come back. I didn't want to throw everything out and you return. It sounds silly, I know, because in a typical scenario if it was anyone else, I would have thrown everything out the door and moved on. But you're a hard person to move on from," She said softly as she looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

He smiled softly down at her before shaking his head a bit as she added, "Honestly, I think it would have been easier to do if I hated you. And I did for a while. But then my sensible side, the side that overthinks everything, kept telling me that you had left because you were afraid of hurting me, that you were doing it to protect me. Even if you did hurt me emotionally, I knew and know that you wouldn't be able to handle it if you hurt me physically. You're such a rare breed Steven Rogers, and I can say that in complete honesty because I know you inside and out. Even if you have changed and went by different names and lived completely different lifestyles over the past ten years. There's still so much of the same man there that shines through, even if you don't see it."

He listened to her as they walked, his emotions ranging everywhere from happy to broken when he heard her little speech. He couldn't help but lean down and kiss the side of her head softly and sighed. "I am sorry for hurting you, even if it's overdue or already been said. But you're right, hurting you would have destroyed me in ways no one else could have." He said quietly as the sounds of the festival began to grow around them.

She smiled softly when she felt the kiss before she looked up at him and nodded when she heard what he had said. "I know," she whispered before giving his arm a gentle squeeze then looking towards the park that was illuminated by the sun that hung low in the sky as well as the lamps littered throughout the park.

They fell back into comfortable silence as they walked the rest of the way to the entrance, where they stopped and Steve got his wallet out to pay for the admission.   
"Well, if it isn't Arthur Kingsley," he heard the familiar voice of Derek say causing him and Natasha both to turn and look at the man who was holding hands with Tatiana as they walked towards them.

"Derek, how do you always know it's me even from the back?" Steve said with a chuckle, using his faux accent seeing how many people were around. Natasha couldn't help but eye the man suspiciously for a few moments before she heard the man's reply.

"Well, two ways really. One, no man around here has the physique that you do. I mean seriously, you have the broadest shoulders for a guy around here. Not to mention you have the nicest buttocks I've ever seen on a man." Derek said causing all of them to laugh, Steve's cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he shook his head. "And two, you're hair. It's a natural blonde where everyone else's around here is a dyed color." Derek added after they calmed down.

"He's not lying," Tatiana said as she gave him the usual warm smile, not going unnoticed by Natasha who's eyes narrowed a bit. The woman was pretty with her long dark hair and flawless skin, making Natasha look from her to Steve who smiled back at the woman fondly. She felt jealousy flare up inside her when she seen the exchanged looks, had there been something between the two at one point during the ten years?

She was pulled back to when she felt Steve tugging her along gently once man she had heard be called Derek had paid for him and the woman.

"Guys this is Natasha, Nat, this is Derek and Tatiana. I told you about them a while back." Steve said as he looked down at her with a small smile. He saw the fleeing jealousy in her eyes which was replaced with faux but convincing happiness with her one-sided smile.

"Yeah, I remember. Pleased to meet you," she said nodding to them.

"The pleasure is ours. Our blonde Yank here has told us so much about you," Tatiana said chipper even though she could see the red head's on guard posture due to her work.

"Only the good I hope," Natasha said, letting Steve lead the way while she looked at the woman.

"Always," Tatiana said with honesty coating her words and smiling. Natasha chuckled with her eyes fluttering up to meet Steve's who was looking down at her with an I'll explain look.

"We'll see you later mate. I promised little lassie here a dance first," Derek said when the pathway forked off. Steve nodded as he kept leading Natasha down the right lane while Derek and Tatiana took the left. "See ya," Steve said with a wave, Natasha waving as well but remaining quiet as they walked.

The lane started getting a little more crowded as they neared the different art pieces, some paintings, others sculptures, and some wood carvings. "Go ahead and ask," Steve said quietly as they slowed down.

"How and what do they know about me?" She asked as she eyed some of the paintings she saw, most of them looking like young but very skilled artist had done them.

"When I first moved here I roomed with Derek for a few months while I found and bought my house. Tatiana is a therapist by profession and Derek just became my friend quickly and I opened up to them. They know you're an Avenger, how much we worked together and how I fell for you. They know some of our dates and just how much you meant to me. They know how much it killed me to leave and they even saw me on some of my darkest days." Steve said quietly as he stopped at a painting of an ocean sunset with small waves and a man sitting out at the end of a broken dock. There were seagulls smudged in the shades of green, blue, yellow, and orange sky.  **"As Lonely As The Sea."**  The white card attached to the easel read.

Natasha looked from Steve to the painting before her, her breath catching for a moment when she saw it. She didn't have to look at the signature of an SGR in the bottom corner of the painting to know that it was Steve's, all she had to look at was the brush strokes and attention to detail to know. "When did you do this?" she whispered as she stepped closer, looking at it more closely almost able to feel the loneliness coming off of it.

"Towards the beginning of the year, before you came. A few of my paintings are here, and some woodwork too." He said as he looked at the painting for a few moments before looking down at her, smiling softly as he added, "I turned them all in the day you showed up before I went grocery shopping."

She smiled softly as she looked back up at him before she moved her hand from the crook of his elbow down to take his larger hand in her smaller one. She laced their fingers together and gave it a gentle squeeze before she said, "I look forward to seeing them."

He smiled and looked down for a moment before he felt her tugging him along to look at the others there. He followed after her almost hopelessly, smiling softly as he looked at the other artworks there. "Why didn't you do this in New York?" She asked quietly as she looked up at him for a moment.

Steve shrugged a bit as he looked ahead of them for a moment, looking at the lovers and families and artist there. "I was too busy for the longest time. Then the paintings and drawings just kind of became more personal, more private." He said before looking down at her and shrugging a bit before he added, "Besides, I had my biggest fan looking at them every day. I didn't need thousands of others looking at it and trying to figure out what I was trying to say or was trying to express. I knew no one else would see the muse the way I saw it because people aren't very open-minded. Well, not all of them anyways."

"So what made you start doing it here?" She asked as she walked with him towards another painting.

"I'm not sure honestly, I just kinda did." He said as his eyes fell to the painting she was leading the way to.

When she saw it better, she felt like she got hit in the chest with a thousand bricks. It was from the Clock Tower, with the Brooklyn Bridge illuminated by the lights out of the window as well as the city behind it. In the tangled sheets of the bed was a redhead, her redhead, her bottom was covered up but her legs and scared back exposed. This painting had several people standing around it, her eyes scanning the painting as she leaned into Steve before her eyes fell to the place card.  **"She Coloured My City And Gave It Life Again."**

"Steve," she whispered quietly as she looked at it, not paying attention to the people carrying clipboards who seemed to be judging the painting and nodding as they pointed and looked at it. She couldn't believe that he had actually let the painting be displayed with how personal it was.

"I painted it from memory," he said quietly as he looked down at her. A small smile painted his lips when he saw her green eyes searching the painting. She looked up at him with a smile before she boldly leaned up and kissed his cheek. "It's beautiful," she whispered causing a bright smile to replace the small one there.

She smiled happily at the smile there as he looked down at her. "Why did you put this one up for display?" she asked with a smile before tugging him along to look at the others.

"Because, even if people don't see what I see, the woman there deserves to be admired by everyone." He said as he followed beside her and looked down at her. She looked up at him as they walked, a light blush coloring her cheeks before she shook her head a bit. "You really know how to make a girl feel special Rogers." She whispered as they stopped to look at a few other paintings.

"Only one," he said with a shrug as he looked at the scenic painting of cliffs and the ocean below. She bumped his hip with hers and smiled as he looked down at her while she spoke. "She must be pretty special if she's held your attention all these years."

He nodded in agreement before she walked him down the lane again. "She is, even if she and everyone else doesn't see it." He said as he put his free hand in his pants pocket. She felt her cheeks warm up a bit more before she looked down at the cobblestone path. He always knew how to make her blush and feel like she was the center of his world.

They walked in silence, looking at the other paintings and eventually coming to the sculptures. She bit her lip as she looked at them, trying to find which ones were his but finding it a bit harder than the paintings. However, she paused at one that had people gathered around it. It was a large wooden sphere, hollowed out with intricate designs and carvings almost like a cage. She could see a few stars and what looked like a few shields, as well as a few helmets and other things hidden in the curving lines, but the feeling that she got from looking at it didn't sit well with her. She could feel desolate, emptiness, and loneliness coming from it and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he was the one to have carved it. She gripped his hand tighter, her other hand coming over to hold his hand as well before tearing her eyes away from the sphere and looking up at him, her eyes asking the question she couldn't form with words.

"Everyone sees Captain America, they never see the war veteran who suffers PTSD and anxiety attacks. They don't see Steve Rogers who just likes to play with different art things, bake, cook, or lay in bed with his dog and cat because he needs some form of companionship, " he said barely above a whisper with a small shrug as he looked at the sphere sadly. "I made it a few years back when I hit an all-time low. My night terrors had been keeping me awake for nights on end for a while, reliving the wars I had fought in, in different scenarios, seeing things happen to you. It was getting worse and worse and I started drinking the Asgardian liquor heavily. I was running on nothing but coffee and it and very little actual food, which caused me to lose some weight and start looking and acting differently. Derek and Tatiana ended up pulling me out of the funk and helping me sort through a lot of it. That's when I got Winston and Merlin," He said quietly as a smile grew on his face at the mention of his animals.

She listened to him closely as he talked, guilt slipping into her bloodstream as she looked up at him. She didn't know why she felt guilty, maybe it was because of the jealousy she had felt towards the woman earlier, or maybe it was because of the hate she had felt towards him for leaving those first few years. She had never really stopped to think about how much it had hurt him, how much it had affected him. She hadn't stopped to think about his PTSD or his night terrors, she only thought about herself. She let go of his hand causing him to look down at her before feeling her arms wrap around his waist in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, her face buried in his chest and giving him a gentle squeeze.

He couldn't help the small, soft smile as he hugged her back, returning the gentle squeeze before leaning down and kissing the top of her head without thinking. "You have no reason to be sorry Natasha," he said softly causing her to sigh softly.

"Yes I do," she said softly before she looked up at him. "I didn't think about how badly all this could have effected you. I didn't think that you're emotional makeup is four times bigger than mine. I should have come to find you sooner than just searching nationwide." 

He shook his head a bit before he said, "It's okay Tash, you were going through a lot too. I don't blame you one bit." She stared up at him for a few moments before finally nodding with a small sigh. They gave each other a gentle smile before they returned to holding hands and walking, looking at the odd sculptures and such. Sooner rather than later they rounded the corner onto another less crowded lane where they could hear jazz music coming from the speakers in the distance.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, enjoying the peacefulness there between them. She scooted closer into him and smiled softly before she laid her head against his shoulder, the action bringing a smile from Steve. He bit his lip as he looked down at her for a moment, lost in his thoughts. He had actually been thinking of going back to New York with her, but he was still afraid. He was afraid that if he went back and something happened again, he wouldn't be able to pull himself out. He didn't want to feel trapped again. He didn't want to be America's Golden Boy and have people looking up to him again, not because he couldn't do it, but because he didn't want to disappoint anyone. He had spent so long pleasing everyone, being the perfect soldier, that he had nearly forgotten why he was chosen all those years ago. When he was finally able to pull himself out and reassess everything, he saw just how far away from himself he had gotten.

"What's going on in that blonde head of yours?" Natasha asked him quietly as she looked up at him. She could always tell when something was going on in his head that was bothering him, his eyebrows always pulled together a bit and made a wrinkle above his eyebrow.

He looked down at her and raised an eyebrow when he heard her before shaking his head. "Just thinking," he said with a small smile when he saw her give him a "really" face.

"About?" She asked as she raised an eyebrow as they reached the area where the Jazz music was coming from.

He smiled when he heard the tempo slowing down, the people dancing switching smoothly into the rhythm of the music with their steps. Steve bit his lip as he looked down at her and smiled softly, "Asking you to dance."

He knew she would probably see through the lie, and he could tell she did in her eyes but it faded to the back as she smiled up at him. "Then what are you waiting for?" She asked quietly and raised an eyebrow.

He smiled as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze before shaking his head a bit. "Would you do me the honors of allowing me to step on your toes a few times?" He asked, part of him joking while the other part being completely honest causing her to laugh. He always managed to step on her toes no matter how many times that they danced. A bright smile coating Steve's face when he heard the sound of her laughter, he loved her laugh more than anything and it always brought a smile to his face when he heard it.

"Yes Mr. Rogers, it would be my utmost honor to have you step on my toes a few times," she said smiling as she looked up at him before biting her lip. He smiled softly as he nodded and lead her to the outer ring of the group dancing before he gently spun her around then pulled her in. Her free hand fell on his shoulder while his hand landed on her hip and their conjoined hands held up, bent at the elbows.

She smiled up at him as they gently swayed back and forth to the music, getting lost in his baby blue eyes that didn't look away from her sea green eyes. A laugh bubbled from her lips when she felt the end of his foot clip hers making him blush softly before laughing alongside with her. "No matter how many times we dance you always end up doing that." She said with a giggle as her hand slipped down a bit to the side of his shoulder, Steve knowing that she was relaxing even more by the simple gesture. She always started out properly, and he assumed it was thanks to her time in the Red Room, but as the song and dance went on she would slowly lose the stiffness and properness.

"Well I mean, I did warn you when you first started teaching me that I was a terrible dancer and would probably always step on your toes at least once or twice. Even in something as simple as a swaying dance." He said with a smile causing her to chuckle and nod in agreeance.

"True, true," She said with a smile and bit her lip.

They fell back into comfortable silence as they stared at each other, Steve feeling like a sixteen year old again as he held her and swayed back and forth around in a circle. He liked the simpleness of the dance, it wasn't trying to impress or trying to win anything over. It was them, slow and close, finding their way back to one another and it seemed that someone else was attempting to push them closer together as the song slipped into It Had To Be You, a female vocalist beginning to sing along with the notes from the instruments.

"Remember when we first moved in together, and we took the record player up to the glass lookout in the Clock Tower for your first lesson?" She asked looking up at him, memories of them playing in her head from the song. He laughed when he heard her before nodding. "I had to replace the glass before that storm came in the day after and I swear I stepped on your toes more that I should have," he said with a smile as he heard her laugh.

She nodded as she said, "I swear you blushed more than in that time frame than I had ever seen you blush too. But it was so cute watching you learn, not to mention I was finally able to teach you something."

He laughed softly and nodded before spinning her out then pulling her back in and smiling as he pulled her a bit closer this time, his arm slipping tighter around her waist as they swayed back and forth.

"Well, you also taught me how to use knives, and how to be a better spy and not just a soldier. Not to mention everything else you taught me." He said smiling causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"What else could I have possibly taught you that you didn't already know?" She asked with a tilt of the head causing him to chuckle softly as the song changed over to another he knew by heart. Though he was asleep through the sixties he had gone back and caught up on the things he had missed via the internet and And I Love Her by the Beatles that he liked especially when it came to Natasha.

"Well even when the seas of darkness in my head where and are swallowing me whole, you taught me how to swim even while I was alone. You taught me what it was like to feel like a burning star on the edge of the world as one night ends and another one begins. You taught me what it was like to be scientific poetry and poetic science and even though people think it's the same it's really not. You taught me what it was like to feel pure elation, wrapped in a blanket of danger, and basked in waters of ecstasy. You taught me what it was like to be more to someone than just Captain America. To be someone that you could rely on to be strong when you were breaking, to be steady when you were ready to run and to be illuminating during your darkness and help lift you up. You taught me how to love on an intimate level that no one else has ever been able to touch. Not even Peggy Carter," he said as he stared down at her. He watched her lips part in a small gasp as she listened to him, her eyes going wide listening to the man before her talk to which she knew was straight from the heart.

"Steve," his name barely above a whisper as she looked up at him. It was like her vision zeroed in on him and he was all she could see swaying back and forth in the illuminated scenery around them.

He smiled down at her, committing the image to memory as he laced their upheld hands together. "I guess what I'm trying to say Natalia is that I still love you. That I never stopped loving you even after ten years. Every face I've passed on the streets, I couldn't help but try and look for you. Every flash of red hair, I had this small amount of hope that maybe one day you'd find me, or that I would have enough courage to go back to find you. And since you waltz right back into my life through the open door, everything I originally felt for you came back ten times more." He said quietly as they came to a stop there, looking down at each other.

Natasha felt like the air had been sucked out of her and replaced with a billion tiny butterflies just learning to fly. She could see the emotions swimming in his breathless ocean blue eyes, and even if he hadn't had said it she would have been able to read it within them. She tried finding the words she wanted to say but nothing was coming forward, it was like someone pulled the plug on her brain and had plugged the cord in to play what he had said on repeat.

Finally, she managed to find her words, even if they weren't the ones she was looking for completely. "Do you mean it? Because if you don't then I can't stay here and continue falling back in love with you Steven. I can't risk-" She said but was cut off when he lowered his head and caught her moving lips with his.

The kiss caught her by surprise, causing the natural redhead's eyes to go wide in surprise. He held her gaze as he kissed her until he seen her green eyes flutter closed and her body moved in as close to him as she could possibly get while she kissed him back. Steve couldn't help but smile against her lips as they kissed before he pulled back after a few minutes, giving both a chance to get air into their lungs. He leaned his forehead against hers and smiled softly as blue crashed into green and saw the smile there in the liquid happiness.

"Yeah Natalia, I mean it." He whispered quietly causing her to let go of his hand before both arms wrapped around his neck in a tight hug. He smiled, wrapping his arms around her waist, lifting her up a bit and burying his face in her neck as he hugged her back tightly. She smiled ecstatically as she laughed softly when he picked her up.

Over at the stage, Derek was craning his neck over the crowd to get a glimpse at the happy couple, a smile covering his face when he saw the pair. "I'm a genius," he said to Tatiana who laughed and shook her head a bit as the man did a little happy dance causing her to laugh even harder.

"Alright Fearless Leader, calm yourself," she said as she looked at Steve and Natasha standing there. "Are you still going to try and get him back into the suit and shield?" She asked looking up at him and tilting her head after a few moments when she saw the pair fall back into dancing, but not in the same stance. Instead, the two where holding each other close bringing a smile to Derek and her faces.

Derek thought for a few moments before sighing softly. "I don't know Ana, we both know how much all that affected him, how bad his night terrors can get. I think it's gonna take more than just us trying. I think he's gonna have to find his way home on his own this time, maybe with just a nudge or two in the right direction." He said looking down at her with a small smile before she smiled back at him and nodded in the direction of the two.

"I think if anyone can do it, she'll be able to do it. Besides, she is his home. You and I both know that." She said smiling, watching the two sway back and forth to the music.

He nodded in agreement with a smile before reaching down and taking her hand. "That she is, now, how about we head out of here? I think they can handle the rest on their own." He said causing her to laugh softly and nod in agreement to both.

Natasha couldn't keep the childlike grin off her face, her head against Steve's chest so she could hear and feel the steady thump of his heartbeat. His cheek was rested atop of her head with his arms wrapped around her waist and holding her as close as he could to himself. All of it made Natasha feel giddy and as if it was the first time he had asked her to be his girlfriend, or as he had said at the time, to go steady with him.

Steve's smile seemed to match hers, maybe just a smidge brighter as he accidentally clipped her toes again causing her to laugh. "Never fails," she said with a smile, giving him a gentle squeeze as she looked up at him, resting her chin against his chest.

He laughed before shaking his head a bit. "I told you, even after all the lessons I'm still not the best of dancers." He replied with a chuckle as he looked down at her, his fingers ghosting over the lower part of her back. She giggled in response to him before a small yawn escaped her causing him to smile softly as she curled back into him with a small shiver. He knew that she enjoyed the chill of the cold, but it was in him to let her go and take off his jacket. She watched him before a small fond smile fell on her face when she felt him drape the jacket around her shoulders. The warmth left over in it from where he had been wearing it causing her to hum as she slipped her arms into the two times too big sleeves and pull it around herself, the jacket seeming to swallow her, just the way she liked it.

"Would you like to head back to the house?" He asked, looking down at her as he returned his arms around her. "Just one more dance, I'm not ready for this to end yet," she said with a smile causing him to chuckle and nod.

They resumed their gentle swaying as he kissed her head softly and she laid her ear back over his heart. They were silent for a moment as they slow danced, getting lost in the moment and losing track of time as song after song played before he heard her speak a bit nervously. "Does this mean you'll come back to Brooklyn?"

He bit the inside of his lip as they kept swaying, lifting his head when she moved her head and looking down at her to find her curious and hope-filled green eyes staring up at him. "I've been thinking about it actually. I just haven't found an answer yet, but I think I'm finding my way to it," he replied causing her to nod with a small smile. At least he had been thinking of it.

She tried to stifle a yawn but failed, causing him to laugh softly and say, "Come on then sleepy girl. Let's get you home." She chuckled softly at the little pet name before nodding as she leaned into his side, his arm falling around her waist as she tucked her head into his shoulder. She swore she couldn't have been any happier than she was in that moment. She had Steve back in her life as her partner, and not as a work partner but as a life partner, even if he hadn't properly asked her yet and she said yet because she knew that it would be on his list to accomplish soon. She also knew that no matter what she would do whatever it took to make sure she kept him in it this time. Even if it meant being in hiding with him again.

The walk to the house didn't take long and all too soon he was digging the keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door. He ushered her through, gently kicking the door to as they were greeted by Winston and Merlin. Natasha chuckled sleepily before bending down to pet them, causing Steve to smile happily as he locked the door and tossed the keys into the bowl there on the table. "Go on up and get changed and I'll be there in a few minutes after I feed these two," he said causing her to nod and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"Okay," she said with a smile before she headed to the stairs and climbed them slowly. He watched her go, smiling as she disappeared up the stairs before he went to the kitchen where he put dog food in Winston's bowl and cat food in Merlin's. He refreshed their water before watching them for a moment then making his way to the stairs and going up them. He saw the light on in his bedroom causing him to smile softly and go in, pausing in the doorway as a huge smile covered his face when he saw her laying there in only her undergarments and the compass like locket resting in the center of her chest. The dress was pooled by her feet that were still clad in the black heels and his jacket trapped beneath her.

He bit his lip, unable to look away from her as his eyes traveled over her white skin, one scar, in particular, standing out just above her underwear banned. It was about six inches in length and was nothing more than a thin white line, but it was a perfect thin white line and Steve knew instantly what it was from. His smile slipping from his face before he looked down at the ground, his heartbeat hitting him a bit harder and filled with guilt. He stared at the ground for a few moments, thinking of what could have been then shaking his head and making his way over to his dresser and got out a t-shirt for her. He turned and took the few steps to the bed where he laid the shirt down on the covers then knelt down and gently took the heels off of her feet. He picked up the dress before he got up and set both items up in the chair next to the dresser. He went back over to his sleeping love, picking the shirt up and as gently as he could put the shirt on her. He smiled softly when he heard her mumble his name quietly causing him to make a soft "Shh" noise and reassuring her that he was right there.

He gently picked her up bridal style in his arms before he went around and laid her back down, pulling the blankets up over her unable to take the smile off his face when he saw her hunker down into the sheets, turning on her side to face where he would be laying down at. He removed his jacket from the bed, laying it with her dress and shoes in the chair before he went over and took his shoes off, quickly getting undressed before slipping on a pair of flannel pajama pants then going over to turn the light off as Winston and Merlin came into the room. He chuckled softly as they hopped up on the foot of the bed and curled up, causing him to gently push the door to but not closed and make his way back to the bed.

He climbed under the sheets, pulling them up over himself and feeling her scoot closer and press herself up against him. She curled into him, the same happy smile Steve wore seeming to double at the extra warmth at just how perfectly she fit there. He wrapped his arms around her as she laid her head against his chest and mumbled quietly, "Вам больше не разрешается уходить."

Steve chuckled softly when he heard her causing her to shake his head a bit as he said, "I'm not going anywhere Natalia."

He swore if he could have taken a picture of the look of pure happiness on her face, he would have and never let anyone ever see it. But that was what memories were for, so he committed the image to his thoughts as he held her tightly and closed his eyes, tucking her head under his chin with a quiet sigh of relief that seemed to be too long held.

It didn't take long for the super soldier to follow in her footsteps to sleep, a silent prayer to let there be no nightmares or for one of them to wake up hurting the other. And it seemed like he would get his wish, for the time being anyway, as what he thought was a blank white canvas appeared in his pre-sleep dreams. Different colors beginning to appear on the all-white space causing him to smile as his body relaxed into the bed as sleep claimed him as an old friend. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! I am sorry for the delayed post, I've had a lot going on between work and a mild case of depression. But I'm posting finally!  
> Okay, so first off, just a few warnings:
> 
> 1.) You'll need a translator!  
> 2.) This chapter may or may not send you on an emotional roller coaster!  
> 3.) We'll be seeing how Steve and Nat's... fondue times work in the next chapter lol.  
> 4.) If you're not into the whole Dom/Sub thing or don't think that's what Steve and Nat's sex life is or should be like then I advise you to just ignore the last bit of this chapter. I get that some of you may not like it or think their relationship wouldn't work like that, but this is fanfiction and I am the writer and I can see it working that way. If you're not one hundred percent how a relationship like that works, then just ask me and I'll tell you seeing I'm experienced in that department.  
> 5.) Don't hurt me for what happens.... I have my reasons for plot and story development!
> 
> As always thank you all for your patients and constant love and likes! It means so much and as a bonus to you all, I lengthened the chapter a bit haha. Anyways! Here ya'll go, you've waited long enough!  
> __________________________________________________________________________________

 

**Chapter 11:**

**Angels**

_ Steve ran through the snow-covered woods, bombs exploding around him sending dirt and bits of trees flying through the air. He raised his arm to block some of the debris, only to realize that his shield was strapped to his arm and he was wearing his suit. He paid it little attention though as he took cover behind a tree, pressing his head back against the trunk and taking a deep breath. _

_ "Someone help!" he heard what sounded like a child's voice call out over the shouting of the bombing. _

_ "Cap, I got a visual on her, she's about half a mile north from where you are but I've got one too many scramblers on me. You're gonna have to go in and get her yourself." He heard Tony say in his ear from the earpiece he was wearing. _

_ "I'm on it," he replied before he took off running in the direction that he was told. He heard shouting from behind before the sound of rapid gunfire causing him to bob and weave between the trees for cover. _

_ "They must know you're heading that way because they're doubling up the defense lines," Tony said causing Steve to huff out a deep breath. _

_ "Thor it seems like their getting excited. Wanna drop down here and help me out?" He asked only to hear a laugh of what sounded like glee. _

_ "I shall help you, patriotic Captain!" Thor replied as a bomb whistled and dropped a little too close to Steve causing him to stumble and roll his ankle. He hissed loudly before he resumed his running again, pushing the pain from his thoughts, a mental exercise he had been taught in boot camp all those years ago. He could see the soldiers lined up less than two hundred feet from him before the sound of thunder caused him to glance up and see Thor land beside him. _

_ "My my, they are excited aren't they. Shall we?" Thor asked as he raised his hammer, Steve raising his shield as well before Thor brought the hammer down against the red, white, and blue shield. The vibration from the shield mixed with the lightning from the hammer barreled down at the line, knocking and shocking the group standing there. _

_ "Thanks," Steve said with a nod to the man who nodded back before Thor started swinging his hammer in a circular motion then shot off into the air. _

_ A small sigh came from the man dressed in the red, white, and blue uniform before he stared at the gaping entrance way that seemed to be holding one too many variables there. "Steve!" He heard the shout again, but this time he could hear the faint familiarity of Natasha in its voice. He looked around, pausing for a moment before he saw the child standing there, tied to a tall pole less than two hundred feet away. _

_ "Natasha!" He shouted before he started running towards her, wondering how she had gotten changed into a child. _

_ "Steve! Help me!" She cried, trying to wiggle her way out of the ropes she was trapped in. He felt his already simmering blood beginning to boil when he got close enough to see the dark bruising on her cheeks with a few knicks and scratches on her. He could hear the sound of a bomb whistling through the air causing him to look up and see one free falling. His eyes followed the line of target it would hit and saw that it would hit where childlike Natasha was. _

_ "No no no," he breathed out before he pushed himself faster, racing against time itself. _

_ "Stark! I got a bomb coming in, can you get it?" Steve shouted as he ran, looking down when it felt like his feet were climbing through mud only to see the once white snow turned a deep crimson red and slushing over his red boots. "Stark!" He shouted again as he quickly looked up to see the bomb getting closer. "Thor!" He shouted, trying to get any sort of help but only hearing static for a few moments before he hears a loud screeching sound. He ripped the piece from his ear, shaking the ringing out of his ears before his head snapped up when he heard a voice he only heard in his night terrors anymore. _

_ "There's no one to help you, Captain Steven Rogers. Your greatest love will die and all your efforts to save her will amount to the same as when you sacrificed yourself in 1945 by crashing my jet into the Arctic. A zero-sum." The voice of Schmidt echoed in the woodland surrounding him followed by a psychotic laugh. _

_"NO!" Steve shouted as he pushed himself to move through the bloody mud and snow to get to Natasha. He glanced up at the bomb and saw that it was getting too close to the spot but still holding enough time for him to save her until he slipped and landed on his side causing him to slide a bit to the pole but not close enough._

_ "STEVE!" He heard Natasha shout right before he watched as she started turning to ash and drifting away with the wind. _

"NO!" Steve shouted as he shot out of the bed only to land on his hands and knees on the floor beside the bed. He felt like his lungs were on fire and he couldn't breathe, trying and failing to get the much-needed air into his lungs. His nails dug into the floorboard, ten curls of wood shavings pulling back under the force he dug into the wood with and dragged his hands back as tears built up in his eyes. He couldn't hear the sound of the sheets ruffling or the sound of Natasha's hurried footsteps over the sound of his heart slamming against his chest, threatening to break out of his breastplate. His teeth ground together as his dream lingered in the front of his mind, seeing the childlike Natasha screaming for help and then disintegrate into nothing. It was like his first war and second to last war combined, which was utterly terrifying.

"Steve, hey it's okay, you're okay. You need to calm down, you're having a panic attack," Natasha said as the blonde pressed his forehead to the floorboard and squeezed his eyes shut. To him, her words were like hearing them through a long tunnel with an intensely loud ringing, unable to make out what she was saying but able to know who it was.

He felt her hands on his back, the gentle touches of the woman he loved moving her cold hand up and down over his too hot skin. "Come on Steve, I need you to listen to me. Focus on you breathing alright. When I move my hand up, take a breath in through your nose, then when it goes down breath out through your mouth okay. Can you do that?" He heard her muffled voice over the ringing as he tried focusing more on her than the current situation his body and mind was in. He nodded his head quickly as if his life was depending on her and her guidance before he did as she had told him to with the slow and steady movements of her hand on his back. She could feel the tension in his body, how wired up he was and hating just how bad his dream had affected him.

He focused in on his breathing then hers, the way her hand felt against his skin, the gentle encouraging ways she guided him through it, thanking whatever God was above them for giving him such a blessing of a woman. He knew he could have done it himself but for some reason, maybe due to the dream, he didn't know, it helped more having her there to help him. It took him a good five minutes to get his breathing under control again and his heart to stop slamming into his chest as the stiffness in his body slowly seeped out of him.

"There we go," she whispered as he leaned to the side against her. She pulled him against her, wrapping her small arms around him and holding his head against her chest, his ear over her heart which unknowingly or maybe knowingly to her was helping keep him grounded. "It's okay, just focus on my heartbeat okay? Keep breathing like we were," She whispered softly and calmly to him causing him to nod a bit as he continued to breathe with the motion of her hand. He shifted around a bit, wrapping both arms around her and holding onto her for dear life as she rubbed soothing circles on his back. His arms tightened around her as if he was trying to keep her from slipping away, her nimble fingers pushing his sweat-drenched hair back out of his face and not caring when she pressed her lips to the top of his head.

"I c-couldn't save y-you," he breathed out, his tears still slipping down his cheeks.

"I'm okay Steve, I'm right here okay. I'm not going anywhere," she breathed out against the top of his head. She felt his shoulders shake a bit, feeling a few tears seep into his shirt she wore making her close her eyes and hold onto him tighter. She had only seen the man cry a handful of times, and she wished everytime that she could take his hurt and fears away so he wouldn't have to deal with them. He was one of the strongest men she knew, and not just muscle wise. He had a strong moral core as well as his ability to deal with his emotions the way he did. He had this ability to deal with so much more on such a larger scale than anyone else that she had met and she knew that crying was a part of human emotions, but every tear he shed made her think that what he was going through was too much for him. That's why she wished she could carry whatever he was going through on her shoulders, just so he wouldn't have to even though she knew he could handle it. It was just her want to care for him in ways that he had cared for her on more than one occasion. And that's why she hadn't told him sooner about their little girl because she didn't want him having to sort through that kind of pain and feeling of helplessness.

She blinked back the tears that threatened her eyes, cradling his head to her chest as she made quiet "shh" ing sounds.

"I'm right here," she breathed out as she brushed her fingers through the hair on the side of his head, repeating the small three words over and over again quietly in hopes of calming the man. She felt him inhale a deep and shaky breath as he nodded, turning and burying his face in her chest and staying there for a few moments. At one point the action may have made her blush, but after so many years of loving him, both together and apart, it just made her heart flutter a bit. His arms tightened around her as he held her there for a few moments before he sat up, her arms slowly slipping from around him but his pulling her into his lap as he sat back against the bed.

"Thank you," he whispered quietly, his voice shaking a bit before she shook her head a little.

"There's no need to thank me Steve," she stated quietly, looking up at his still emotional blue eyes that were a dull blue.

"Yes, there is," he replied as his eyes searched her face, committing every inch to his memory as he looked at her. "It was easier to do this time with your help. Knowing you were right there, feeling your touch, able to familiarize your rosemary and mint soap and hear your voice through the tunnel in my head. It helped ground me," he said softly as his eyes fluttered over her face, locking onto her eyes and giving her a bashful smile at how needy and desperate for her he sounded in that moment. But after all their time together both before their break up and since she had walked back into his life, he realized just how much he needed and wanted her in his life.

She gave him a gentle smile as she reached up and pushed his damp hair out of his face before she whispered, "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Even if you tell me to leave, I'm gonna be that annoying thorn in your side the entire time fighting to stay. You'll only ever be able to choose me for the rest of your life. No one else."

Matching smiles appeared on their faces, Steve chuckling softly and shaking his head a bit as he looked down between them. "I'm fine with that," he said as he looked back up at her, seeing her smile with her eyes, a smile that he had been in love with since day one.

"Good, cause that's how it's gonna happen," she said, earning a bright and happy smile back in return. He reached up and cradled her cheek, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her softly earning a smile against his lips as she kissed him back.

It was a simple kiss, but not one that wasn't understood. She could feel the love he held for her, the thankfulness he had of having the woman he cared about there, and the understanding that he wasn't letting go this time. All of it reflecting back to him from her as she reached up to return the cradle. When they pulled apart, their foreheads rested against each other and smiles danced on their lips as he looked at her. "I feel like I need to make up so much to you," he whispered softly, his smile slipping a bit before she shook her head.

"You don't," she stated simply and honestly. She didn't feel or think he had to make anything up to her, not in the slightest.

"But-" he started only for her to press a single finger to his lips and make an "shh" sound.

"Steven Grant Rogers, you do not have to make anything up to me. Not for leaving to help yourself. Not for anything that happened while you were here. Not for anything that happened while I was in New York by myself. Not for having a panic attack in your sleep and reacting the way you did. Not for anything. You understand?" She stated almost commandingly as her green eyes locked on his blue ones. To be honest, the way she talked made his heart flutter before he nodded, much like a scolded child, and responded with a quiet, "Yes ma'am."

He smiled softly when she smiled at him before she nodded and said, "Now, how about you come back to bed with me hmm? It's only four and you don't have to be up for a few more hours technically. We don't have to sleep either, we can just lay there and talk or be quiet, whatever floats your boat."

He chewed on his lip for a moment in thought, before he nodded causing her to smile softly and get up. She held her hands out to him causing him to smile softly and reach up to take both of her hands in his, using most of his weight to pull himself up so she didn't topple backward. "I can help lift you up," she said with a chuckle and shook her head causing him to laugh and motioned her to get into bed which she did, scooting over to her side under the covers.

"I know, but still," he said smiling as he climbed in bed next to her, hearing her laugh softly as he pulled the covers up over them after laying down. She curled up next to him, laying her head on his chest over his heart and looking up at him after a moment. "Did you change me last night?" She asked as she looked at him with a raised an eyebrow before he shook his head.

"Not entirely. When I came upstairs last night you were only in your undergarments, heels, and the locket. A lovely sight to be honest, but I put one of my shirts then took your heels and bra off before putting you in bed." He said with a smile as he wrapped his arms around her and looked down at her.

She laughed softly as she looked up at him before she bit her lip, staring at him for a moment. "You got new scars," he said quietly as he remembered the scar on her lower abdomen, just above her pantie line.

She nodded in agreement as she said, "I threw myself into work when you left so I would have to do something to do and keep me distracted." She paused as she looked up at him, seeing the look of sadness returning in them before she realized he must have seen the one from when they had removed the baby from her.

Her eyes fell to his chin for a moment before she whispered, "It still hurts from time to time. Not a lot, maybe it's all psychological, but sometimes it feels like it's being cut open." His arms tightened around her as she talked, almost as if he was holding her together. It wasn't so she didn't break, he was always the one saying it was good to let stuff out, he just didn't want her to be alone in it.

"Maybe," he said quietly before a thought popped into his head. "Can I do something?" He asked and looked down at her causing her to raise an eyebrow before she nodded a bit causing him to roll them over to where he was on top of her. Her eyebrows arched a bit higher before she saw him disappear under the blankets causing her to look down before she felt him lift the front of the too big shirt. Normally she wouldn't blush but there was something about how gentle he was and the fact that he was doing it in general. She felt the blonde press his forehead against her stomach gently, his eyelashes fluttering against her skin as he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her stomach just below her belly button.

He stayed like that for a moment, feeling her hand come to the back of his head under the blankets and gently brush her fingers through his locks. She didn't know that he was silently praying a quiet prayer for himself, for her, for the tiny soul that didn't get a chance to meet the outside world. He didn't realize that tears had formed in his closed eyes again until he felt his wet lashes against her skin as he scooted further down to the scar that laid there, standing out against her white skin that had once not been scared.

Natasha didn't realize either that tears had formed in her eyes as well until she felt his lips pressed against the scar, her eyes closing to try and keep the tears at bay but failing when she felt his body inhale a deep shaky breath. One slipped down the corner of her eye and into her hair as he nuzzled into her stomach and continued his silent prayer against her skin.

It was a good five minutes before he laid the side of his head against her bare stomach, feeling her fingers comb through his blonde locks gently almost like a calming mechanism for them both as his ear pressed against the flat muscle there. His arms found their way around her, holding her in place as the pair laid there, unspeaking and unmoving for a while until he heard her whisper, "I remember the first time you held me like this. It was after the battle in Wakanda, you were out on the balcony that night still in your suit when I came back from being checked out by the medical team. You had this lost look in your eyes and surrounding you, you didn't even turn around when I came outside even though you knew I was there. I thought I was going to lose you to the demons in your head. I covered your hand that gripped the railing so tightly that your knuckles were white as snow. To me, it looked as if you were doing it to keep yourself grounded. At first, you didn't move, but then I felt your hand loosen up on the railing, and then you crumbled. You turned into me and I never felt someone's grip so tight as yours was like it would keep you from breaking at the seams. You buried your face in my neck, and I was doing everything I could do to try and sooth you. It was the second time I had ever felt and seen you cry."

Steve listened to her tell the memory, the night playing in his head like a record player within his blue projection machine like eyes.

_He held her with a grip that was tighter than anyone or anything else he had ever held. He had tried not to cry, but the fear of losing her still was greater than anything else which caused the tears to fall like rain. "Shhh, I got you Steve. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere," she whispered to him, holding the back of his head while her fingers embedded themselves in his hair._

_"It's not okay Natasha," he breathed out, his warm breath soaking into her skin like lotion. He took a deep shaky breath before he continued, his voice still just as broken and lost as he felt. "Everything that happened, everyone that's just disappeared like some sort of magic trick, it's not okay. I could have lost you just as easily."_

_"But you didn't Steve_.  _I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere, ever." She whispered quietly as her own tears fell. He could feel the slight tremors in her body from the crying causing him to hold onto her tighter as he lifted his head from her neck and leaned his forehead against hers. He saw the tears there on her cheeks leading to him reaching up and wiping the tears away with his fingers. He cradled her cheeks in his hands, staring down into her tear filled green eyes before he pressed his lips to her forehead. Both green and blue eyes closed at the small but more meaningful kiss, one that held so much in so little space. It was then that he realized what he needed, causing him to reach down and take her hand before leading her back into the room they shared._

_He stopped at the bed before turning back to her, his blue eyes showing what he couldn't say, that he needed human contact, more specifically, he needed her in skin to skin contact. His fingers unzipped the dark blood and dirt stained green vest, gently pushing it off her shoulders causing it to slid off and hit the floor followed by the belt she wore around her waist._

_Natasha looked up at him, slightly confused until she felt him dragging the zipper of her black jumpsuit down, peeling the second skin off like peeling an apple. He dropped to his knees before he helped her get the boots off, Natasha holding onto his shoulders as she stepped out of them followed by the suit. He stood back up, looking down at her bruised body as anger fueled his blood cells, before toeing his boots as her fingers unclasped the belt around his waist. He looked back up at her as she moved around him to unclasp the shield belt from the back, gently taking it off of him before coming back around to the front. He looked down at her as her nimble fingers worked the shirt off of him, revealing the deep bruising on him that would be healed by morning. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss over his heart, feeling the muscular organ beating beneath his skin and breastplate, as her hands worked to get the pants undone and pushed down over his hips and legs. When she reached for the hem of his boxers though, she felt his fingers wrap around her wrist to stop her before she looked up at him._

_"Not tonight," he whispered, earning a gentle nod before he pulled her over to the bed. They climbed onto the soft mattress, both thinking that the material was too soft but neither saying anything as they got comfortable._

_He scooted down the bed a bit before laying his head against her bruised stomach and wrapping his arms around her waist again. It was comforting to her, more than she thought it would be, and it was definitely comforting to him seeing he was able to be skin to skin with her._

_They laid there for only God knows how long, neither saying anything for the longest time even when his arms began going numb as he held her there. After a few hours though, he moved back up to where he was laying beside her, keeping her trapped in his arms as he looked at her._

_"I love you Natasha, more than anything in this world. I would do anything to make sure that you're safe and protected. And I know that you can handle your own with the need of little to no help in doing so, but I promise, I'll always be there to make sure you're safe. I promise to always be there for you and to never go anywhere that you can't go." He whispered as he looked into her green eyes. He wasn't expecting the words to come out of her mouth, but he knew from the look in her still glossy eyes that she loved him too._

_She leaned up and pressed her lips to his in a bonding and passionate kiss that Steve returned instantly, reaching up and cupping her cheek as they kissed. She threaded her fingers through his hair, gently tugging at the roots as the kiss became more heated._ _  
_ _"I need you," she breathed out into the kiss her hips brushing against his causing a low hum to come from him. He could never say no to her, even if his intentions started out innocent, they always became something else with her._

Steve was pulled from the memory when he felt her gently tug at his hair before he looked back at her to see her lifting the covers with one hand as she smiled down at him. "Back from memory lane?" She asked causing him to chuckle softly before he moved up to lay beside her again. His eyes landed on the flip clock when he saw light beginning to light the sky outside the window bring a sigh from him before he said, "I should probably go ahead and get up. Take a shower and all that for the day." He'd be lying if he said that he was thankful for her pulling him out of the memory or else he would have been in a very compromising position.

She chuckled softly when she heard him before nodding a bit as she said, "I would say I'd join you, but~"

He laughed softly and shook his head as he gave her a squeeze. "Well, if you really want to take your shower now then I mean there's a bathtub while I shower. I promise I'll keep my eyes to myself." He said with a wiggle of his eyebrow causing her to laugh before he kissed her forehead bringing a bright smile from the woman who nodded a bit.

"It'll be okay, besides it's not like you've never seen everything a few hundred times before anyways," she said with a chuckle before he got out of the bed, laughing softly as he held out his hands to help her out of bed.

"Very true," he said with a smile as she got up, holding onto his hands and giving them a gentle squeeze before letting only one go. She let him lead her out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom before he walked her over to the bathtub but stopped when he felt a small resistance from her. He looked down at her with an arched eyebrow, only to see her smile and tug him over to the shower.

He smiled softly as he followed after her, biting his lip as he looked down at her and watched as she reached into the glass shower and turned the knobs on for both shower heads. She reached down and peeled the two times too big shirt off, dropping it to the floor before she took her underwear off. Steve couldn't help but let his eyes rummage over her skin, pulling his blue eyes away when she took the undergarment off. It was then that he pushed his pajama pants off as she got into the shower before he joined her, stepping under the hot water with a small hiss at the stinging against his skin for a moment before he relaxed and let the water start working the tension out of his shoulders. He let out a deep breath before tilting his head a bit and leaning back to let the water hit his neck after a few moments.

"Does the cold still bother your old injuries?" he heard her ask as the familiar rosemary and mint scent filled the air making him look over and see her washing her hair.

"From time to time yeah," he replied, reaching over and getting his shampoo to pour some into the palm of his hand. "Last year's winter was rough during work. The snow was up to my calves yet I still walked my normal route and even more to help get the jobs done. I even went and shoveled a lot of snow-covered driveways for some of the elderly couples who couldn't do it themselves." He added as he began to wash his hair, turning to face her as she did the same.

"That's adorable," she said with a chuckle causing him to laugh softly and shrug a bit.

"I suppose," he replied smiling.

"Oh, it is, considering that you're over a hundred years old and still physically a spring newborn." She replied, leaning her head back into the water to rinse the soap out. She bit her lip in thought for a moment as she finished, grabbing her conditioner and pouring some into her hand. She coated her hair evenly in the thick white oils before she asked, "Has no one asked how you don't seem to age or how you resemble Captain America?"

He looked down at her and arched an eyebrow before thinking for a few moments as he rinsed his hair. "Not really. There was one older gentleman who said he thought he knew me but it was an easy brush off." He finally replied after a stretched silence of only the sound of running water. "I try not to socialize much really. Derek helped with that, told a lot of people I have really bad anxiety and still recovering from PTSD from two tours in Afghanistan and that old saying of "There are three forms of communication. Telephone, television, and tell a woman," worked like a charm. So if they do end up talking to me, it's brief and they tend not to ask too many personal questions."

Natasha looked up at him as he spoke and nodded a bit, biting her lip as she got a bath sponge and put some of her cherry blossom soap on it. She looked down at the sponge as she suds the bubbles up, thinking on what he said for a moment before looking back up at him. He could see there was a question nagging at her through her eyes causing him to raise an eyebrow, almost asking her to go ahead and say it as he reached over to get his soap and sponge.

She ended up shaking her head, deciding it was best not to ask the question of if he had been with anyone else during those ten years. Mainly because she didn't want to answer the question herself because yes, she had been with two others sexually about halfway through the ten-year gap. If Steve ever found out who they had been, she didn't know how the all American would take it.

A slight guilt consumed her at the thought, she seemed to be keeping so many secrets from him and the bad part was that she didn't know if it was for his or her benefit.

Steve looked down at her and raised an eyebrow before he stepped back under the water and rinsed himself off. When he finished he turned his side off, moving around her but pausing to lean down and kiss her cheek with a small smile. He got out before he grabbed a towel and started to dry himself off and wrapping the towel around his waist when he finished as he said, "I'll be in the bedroom getting ready for work."

She looked over at him before nodding a bit as she rinsed herself off. She bit her lip as she watched him walk away and out of the room, feeling her breath hitch for a moment in her throat at the sight. She closed her eyes for a second, mentally beating herself, as she frowned at herself when she realized what she had felt was a slight fear of him not returning. She reached behind her and turned the cold water off, leaving the hot water on and letting the burning liquid singe her skin for a few moments.

She bit her lip as she thought. The pain had always been one of her coping mechanisms, along with sex and alcohol. None of it was healthy but after the life she had lived, the things she had been through and done, she still did them because they were what she was used to. She had always really not cared, seeing her body healed much faster than the average human. That was until Steve came along and he gave her other ways to cope, things she had never had in a lover, but he wasn't just a lover. He was so much more to her. She needed him like she needed air.

That thought alone caused her to chuckle and shake her head, finally reaching back and turning the water off after she knew all the soap was off her. She had once been that woman who said that love was for children, yet here she stood claiming that Steven Rogers was everything she needed and so much more. She grabbed a towel as she got out, drying herself off and wrapping it around herself with a goofy little smile playing on her lips.

Yes, Steve was her saving grace, that person she could bare her soul to and trust not to show her any judgment, that one person who knew her on a level not even Clint knew her on. As she went to her room, she remembered when she had told him of one of her most personal kills.

_It had been after they first got together, while they were on the run from government officials who wanted them incarcerated. They were currently staying on the outskirts of the Wakanda city, T'Challa having granted them immunity there due to knowing the full reason as to why Steve and his group had done what they had done._

_Natasha had all but locked herself away in her room until she couldn't take the feeling as if the walls were closing in on her. She made her way out to the "living room" where Sam, Wanda, and Steve were and told them she was going for a walk as she went to the door._

_"Hey," she heard Steve call out as he stood and took long strides to reach her. She stopped and looked up at him, her eyes glossy with unreadable emotions, as she raised an eyebrow._

_"Yeah?" She asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper._

_"You want me to come with you?" he asked her, seeing the flickering of her wanting to say yes, but the affirmative shake of her head saying no._

_"I need to be alone for a little bit," she said softly before leaning up and kissing his cheek softly. "I'll see you in a bit," she whispered to him before walking out the door._

_She stepped outside of the little hut like house, looking at the lake that was there before she started walking aimlessly towards an unknown destination through the forestry. Even though her eyes were turned to the cloudy deep orange, yellow, purple, and pink painted sunset sky that slowly disappeared as she walked into the woods, she was years away and looking at a dull grey sky._

_Images played in her head of a younger her walking down an abandoned street where houses used to stand but were now burnt to a crisp. She stopped at one that was centered in the middle of the row in her head while her feet stopped a few feet from a steep drop off. The night of the fire played in her head and in front of her eyes like a projector, remembering the smell of the smoke and creaking of the fire that was consuming the houses one by one._

_"_ Наталья!"  _Her mother cried as she ran into the room frantically and grabbed her both gently and unmeaningly a bit too rough._

_"_ Мама, что происходит?"  _Little Natasha asked as the woman when to the window and used her wrapped elbow to bust the glass out. She put Natasha through the broken glass, unknowing that a shard of glass cut the child, a scar she still had to the day._

_"_ Я не знаю. Найдите своих братьев. Они должны быть на другой стороне."  _The woman said gently to the child who had tears gathering in her eyes. She got her teddy and handed it to Natasha, who accepted it in a hurry. Natasha watched as her mother hurriedly threw a change of clothing in a small bag for the girl as smoke started to come through the door of Natasha's purple room twice as thick._

_"_ Мама, ты идешь?" _Natasha asked only to earn a small, encouraging smile as she gave Natasha the bag. Natasha now understood the smile, but at the time she did not and only thought it to be hopeful and not hopeless._

_"_ Сначала я должен получить Натаниэля. Просто помни, я люблю тебя, детка. Никогда этого не забывай. Неважно, что происходит. Хорошо? _" Her mother said to the crying child who held her stuffed bear to her chest and nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood there in the cold night air next to the forest line._

_"_ Я тоже тебя люблю, мама,"  _she said, earning a small encouraging smile from the red headed woman before there was a sound of glass breaking and timber falling in as the roar of the flames got louder._

_"_ Найдите своего брата,"  _her mother said before disappearing from the window._

_She was so lost in her memory of that night that she didn't hear the heavy yet gentle footfalls of Steve approaching her cautiously. He stood back from her for a moment, noticing her shoulders tensing as she looked off to the drop-off, unknowingly to him that she was years away._

_"Nat?" he called out gently, not seeing her move at all before he slowly approached her. When he was at her side he could see the tear stains on her cheeks, making the man's heart break for her and wonder what caused her to be that sad._

_"There was a fire," she breathed out, still staring off into space. "It burned the whole block that we lived on. My mother got me and my older brother out, though at the time I didn't know because he had run off and left me alone. I was maybe three or four at the time, but I remember them," She added just as quietly._

_Steve looked at her and could tell that she was trapped there in her head and that didn't sit well with him. "After I was trained in the Red Room, one of my missions was to find and take out a man known as Vindiktor. He was a cyborg and a member of the Russian Underworld who had crossed the KGB. I tracked him to the block where I had lived as a child and I found him living in the bomb shelter by the forest behind our house. At first, I didn't recognize him, there was a huge scar of missing flesh from his missing right eye to the right corner of where his mouth should have been. He was this mass of half human, half metal, and I was developing a way to kill him when he called me by my full name. I was shaking, especially when he started telling me things only Kir, my older brother, would have known. He blamed me for our family's death, for abandoning them, and then he tried to kill me. But instead of him killing me, I-"_

_She trailed off as more tears spilled from her eyes and she shut them tightly. Steve, unable to help himself, wrapped his arms around the woman who didn't return the hug at first. She clenched his shirt in her hands as she sobbed into his chest, never having told another soul of having killed her brother until now and even then she couldn't get the words to come out of her choked throat._

_Steve didn't know what to say, so instead, he just held her as she broke down for the first time in front of him._

She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the gentle tap on her door, causing her to shake the thoughts from her head and look down. She saw that she managed to get dressed in a long-sleeved deep V shirt and pair of jeans earning a nod to herself before she looked over towards the door to see Steve dressed in his slacks and mail button up shirt while leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed. He gave her a gentle smile when he saw her look up at him before he said, "I'm fixing to head out. Wanna walk with me to the bakery for breakfast?"

She smiled softly when she heard him before biting her lip and nodding. "Yeah, that sounds good," she said as she got a pair of socks and sat down to put them and her boots on. She loved how even the simplest smile from the man could change her mood from one of sadness and emotional to nothing but pure happiness.

He watched her with a fond smile before his smile grew when she got up then came over to join him. They reached over and took each other's hands at the same time, causing their smiles to grow before he gently lead her down the hall and stairs and over to the little table where he got his keys and glasses as well as his hat. Once he was completely ready he lead her out of the house, locking the door behind him as they set off down the finally rising sun filled scenery.

"What time do you get off today?" She asked him as she leaned into his side, causing him to let go of her hand before he wrapped his arm around her waist, his fingers slipping into her front pocket causing her to chuckle softly. He had always done that and she always found it cute.

"I'm scheduled for two, but you know how it goes. Plus, I told Mrs. Whitmore I would come over and clean her gutters out and mow the lawn for her. Since Mr. Whitmore passed away and her boys live on the other side of London, she's not able to do them." He said looking ahead of them for a few moments before looking down at her smiling face. He raised an eyebrow as he looked down at her before he asked, "What?"

"You're such a good human. I don't know what you see in me because heaven and earth know I don't deserve someone like you." She said, shaking her head slightly and glancing down. They had had this conversation a few times before, and it always ended the same and it seemed that it was going to now as well when he stopped and looked down at her.

"Natasha," he said softly, both of his hands reaching out and gently taking hers. He laced their fingers together as she turned to look up at him, knowing what he was going to say before her eyebrows shot up when he spoke. "Thor told me about you being able to lift Mjölnir, how he would show up at the complex or the Tower and just leave it somewhere in your way after I left. Even take that out of the picture, your past does not define who you are. Sure you've done things that a lot of people can't even begin to imagine, but that does not make you any less worthy or deserving of someone who cares for you and loves you. So stop degrading yourself and saying you're not deserving of someone like me. Because trust me, you are." He said softly, making a mental note to actually ask Thor if he had known anything about Natasha's pregnancy and losing the baby. He assumed he didn't, just because it was Natasha and the only person who would have likely known was Clint. If he had known and didn't tell him, he didn't know how he'd feel about it honestly or what he'd do. Pushing that to the side, he smiled softly when he saw her leaning up and causing him to lean down to meet her in a kiss. He hummed softly against her lips as she gave his hands a squeeze, smiling into the kiss before she whispered, "Yes sir."

He laughed softly before nipping at her bottom lip, lifting a small giggle from the redhead before he stood back up, tucking her back into her side and returning his arm around her waist. She smiled softly as she wrapped her arm around him in return, humming softly as she laid her head against the side of his chest. "I was going to go grocery shopping today, we're running low on some stuff plus I should probably call and check in with Fury before he sends out the strike teams." She said as they walked, earning a nod in return.

"That sounds fine to me, I was thinking of calling for pizza tonight and just have it delivered." He said as they neared the bakery at the end of the street, the sweet smell of the baking goods filling the air around them.

Natasha smiled softly and nodded before she said, "That's fine with me."

He nodded with a smile as they reached the door, Steve reaching out and opening it for her before motioning for her to go ahead and go in. She chuckled before walking in, tugging him in behind her causing the blonde to laugh softly as he went into the blue painted shop. There was the sound of traditional Irish instrumental music playing softly in the background, small tables lined one portion of the shop with chairs, benches, and little booths. There were three large blackboards hanging behind the counter that listed the baked goods and sandwiches the shop sold.

"Morning Arthur!" They heard an elder gentleman call out from the back and over from where a few older men sat causing the two to laugh softly.

"Morning Charles," Steve called back to the back then turning and waving over at the others who smiled and waved back.

"Ah, and you brought Ms. Natalie with you, morning lassy," Charles said as he came around the corner carrying a tray with plates on them causing the men in the back to get up and go over to get them.

"Morning," Natasha said with a smile as she leaned into Steve and watched the others. She giggled quietly at the thought of Steve being like them before looking up at him when she felt him looking down at her. She saw his eyebrow arched causing her to smile even more before she said, "Every time I see older men like that I can't help but imagine what you would look like at their age, joining in on conversations of kids nowadays, and how corrupt the world and politicians are with stories of when you were growing up."

He laughed softly and shook his head at her comment before leaning down and kissing her head softly. "I do that anyway, just word things differently," he said with a smile causing her to laugh and nod as Charles came around the counter to stand in front of them.

"Alright love birds, what are we getting this morning," Charles said to them, the nickname causing a very light pink to color Natasha's cheeks.

"I'll take the usual," Steve said causing the elder man to laugh and nod before looking at Natasha.

"Can I just get two cherry danishes with a large cup of coffee with three creams and five Splenda's?" She asked causing the man to nod.

"Of course you can," he replied with a smile before he turned to get their coffee's for them. Steve retrieved his wallet from his back pocket before getting the money out, exchanging the currency for the cups with a smile once Charles handed them over.

"Come on," Steve whispered to Natasha before hurrying her away from the counter. The action caused Natasha to raise an eyebrow and look up at him slightly confused before she heard Charles speaking in a joking chastising way.

"Arthur Kingsley, you get your bottom back over here and get your change."

"Keep it Charles, I know you and Martha are trying to take that vacation this winter to the Caribbeans," Steve called back causing the group that heard the exchange to laugh.

"Don't deny it Charles! You know youngsters don't give up their money so easily in this time and age!" One called out causing the others to nod in agreement as Charles waved them off, yet still slipped the change into his pockets and went around to the back.

Natasha smiled up at Steve as they went and sat down at a window booth, not too close to the talkative men, but close enough seeing it was a small shop anyways. She couldn't help but think that the man was honestly too good for her, even if he didn't think so.

He helped her into her seat before sitting down across from her and smiling softly as he took a sip of the black coffee. He hummed softly as he reached over and took her free hand, unable to help himself in wanting to still have the skin to skin contact with her. He played with her fingers for a few moments, Natasha smiling softly as she sipped her coffee before he laced their fingers together. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as his blue eyes turned to her set of green orbs, smiling softly behind the black-rimmed glasses.

"Is there anything, in particular, you want me to get while I'm shopping?" She asked and raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"Are you going to the farmers market?" he asked as he sipped his coffee and looked at her with a tilted head. She nodded as Charles brought out their food and set them in front of them causing her to say thank you to the man.

"It's no problem lassy," he said with a chuckle before shaking his head as he nodded to Steve. "I swear I don't know where he puts it. Even at his age, two filled me up."

Natasha laughed before shaking her head as she eyed Steve and replied, "He's got a super fast metabolism. Plus he likes a big breakfast, keeps him going all day." Steve bit back a smile at the look in her eyes and the underlying tone he was thankful that Charles didn't catch.

"Well, still," Charles laughed and shook his head. "I'll see you guys later," he added before he turned and started back to the counter as the two sitting there nodded but kept looking at each other.

"You're a sly little fox you know that," he whispered to her as he gave her hand a squeeze.

"Best not let Winston find that out, I don't feel like being treed by him," she smirked as she lifted her cup and took a sip of the coffee as she eyed him. Steve noticed her eyes seemed to sparkle with life that made him smile even more.

"Oh, I don't think he would. His human would though," he responded with his own smirk as he got his fork and cut off a piece of the roll and took a bite as she hummed softly at the thought.

She smiled at him, a small blush coloring her cheeks at the response, as she watched him eat before she started to eat as well before humming softly at the taste. She usually just had the cinnamon rolls like Steve but wanted something different today and god was it good.

"Okay, I can definitely say that this place is better than any bakery in New York. I might force you to stay here just for this place." She said with a laugh causing him to chuckle and nod a bit before he sighed quietly as he chewed the food in his mouth.

"I've been thinking of that actually," he said as his eyes flickered up to her before offering her a bite of the roll on the end of the fork. She tilted her head a bit when she heard him, looking from the bite he offered her then to his face with a raised eyebrow before she took the offered bite.

"I'm not going to work for  _them_  again. I can't, not after what happened last time. If I ever do go back though, I go back as an independent and there will be stipulations set by me and if they don't follow them or like them then I'll leave again. I can't put myself in the same situation I was in before I left. My mental health and others physical beings come first above holding a job position that they're hell-bent on keeping me in. I'm not going to be cornered or feel like I don't have a way out next time." Steve said quietly and seriously to her. He would give it a try again for her, but after the holidays, and only if they followed what he wanted. Like he had said, he wasn't going to feel like he was being cornered or didn't have a way out this time if he went back. He refused to hurt anyone again, including himself.

Natasha was prepared to say okay when he said he wouldn't work for them again, not expecting him to continue. She listened to him though, feeling pride and love fill her as she saw flickers of the Captain there, her ankles crossing as she leaned forward a bit and nodded when he finished. "You set the rules, we'll make sure they follow them," she said and gave his hand a squeeze, her eyes showing that she'd support him in any way he needed.

He gave her a gentle smile and squeezed her hand softly before lifting it and kissing her knuckles. He was thankful for her, in more ways than one, and loved that she would stand beside him no matter what. She let go of his hand for a moment to cradle his cheek, gently brushing her thumb over his stumble filled cheek as he leaned into her touch a bit.

"You need to shave," she said softly causing him to laugh softly and her to smile as she returned to holding his hand.

"Do I?" He asked as he laid the fork down before getting his coffee and taking a sip. He set the cup back down and returned to eating as she did, watching as she nodded.

"Yes," she said and took a sip of her coffee. "Don't get me wrong, I love every version of you. With the beard, you look sexy and very independent. But without it, you're just sexy as hell with this reserved forties sass. Not to mention it's easier to read your facial expression, like when that muscle in your jaw twitches when you're mad or aggravated."

He laughed softly and shook his head before he bit his lip and said, "Alright then, I'll shave later." She smiled softly and nodded almost in an agreement before they fell into silence so they could finish eating.

When they finished Steve checked the time before seeing that he had just enough time to get to the post office for work, causing him to sigh softly. "I need to be heading out," he said causing her to frown a bit before sighing and nodding. She wasn't ready for him to go yet, but never the less, they got up as Steve gathered their plates while Natasha got their foam cups before they made their way to the front.

"Arthur I swear, I'm capable of cleaning up my own shop," Charles said jokingly causing the blonde to shrug a bit.

"I know, but it never hurts to help," Steve said as the elder man took the plates and put them in the back. He grabbed the coffee pot before refilling Steve's and looking at Natasha with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh no thank you, I still have half a cup, I'll be okay." She said with a smile causing the man to nod with a chuckle.

"I like her Arthur, you better make sure you hold onto her or I'll have to knock some sense into you," Charles said to Steve who laughed and nodded in agreement.

"I'd let you too Charles. But trust me, I'm not letting her go this time." Steve said, taking Natasha's hand and giving it a squeeze as she leaned into his side and smiled happily. It warmed her to the core to know that Steve wouldn't be letting her go this time, even if there was this tiny sliver of her brain that warned her to not fall for it due to the last time when he left. She trusted him like no other, even possibly as much if not more than she trusted Clint.

Charles nodded to them as they started to the door, Steve reaching out and opening the door for her and motioning for her to go through first. She chuckled softly before she went through the door, turning and looking back at him with a smile as he joined her. He dug his keys out of his pocket before handing them over to her with a happy smile. He couldn't help but be and feel happy any time he was around her.

"Alright then, I'll see you later. If you need anything-" He started before she cut him off with a nod and smile.

"I'll call or run to the office," she said with a chuckle before she leaned up to kiss him. He smiled as he kissed her back softly and hummed, reaching up to cup her cheek before they unwillingly pulled back for air.

"I'll see you later," he said quietly causing her to smile and nod as they looked at each other.

"Be careful," she whispered causing him to nod before kissing her forehead as he responded.

"You too."

She laughed softly and nodded before the two turned and went their separate ways, Natasha walking back towards the house as Steve made his way towards the post office. Over the course of time since Natasha had shown back up, the people in the town had noticed a great change in Steve, well Arthur. They noticed he seemed to be more lively, more outgoing, more smiley. And that wasn't to say that he wasn't that way before, but it seemed to them that he was a whole lot more of it since the woman had walked back into his life. He reached the office after a few more moments where he went in, smiling at Betty there who told him good morning as usual as he clocked in before he made his way to the back to start his day.

He grabbed the bag he usually used, noticing the threading on the bottom seemed to be loose but he figured it would be okay till the end of the day and he could take it home to fix it. He went over to one of the presorted mail before he started stacking them into his bag. He noticed there wasn't really a lot for the day causing him to nod a bit before he went over and got one unsorted mail crate and began to work on it for an hour or so before he would set out on his journey of work for the day.

By the time Natasha got back to the house she had decided she would go ahead and go to the store, causing her to go back inside before going up to her room and getting her wallet. She grabbed the phone out from the dresser where it had laid since her last check in. Slipping the device in her hand into her pocket made her bite her lip as she made her way back down the steps, thinking of what she would tell Fury when she called and checked in.

She made sure that the door was locked then made her way to the kitchen where she made sure that Merlin and Winston had enough water and food in their bowls. She hummed to herself before pausing in thought. She wanted to take the two with her today for some reason causing her to go over to the cabinet and get a large bowl with a removable lid. She went over to the sink where she filled it to the top with water then capped it. She made her way to the back door and outside, spotting the foxhound and Bengal cat in the yard playing. A small laugh came from her as the two came over to her, her smile growing as she reached down and petted them. "You two wanna go out with me today?" She asked with a raised eyebrow and smiled when Winston barked causing her to laugh softly.

"Alright then let's go," she said, scooping the cat up into her arms before motioning with her head for Winston to follow her over to the gate. She used her elbow to unlock the gate then her foot to open it before she went over to the truck where Winston sat down on the curb and looked up at her. "Good boy," she said with a smile as she opened the door, gently setting Merlin inside then patting the seat for Winston to get in. She laughed softly as he did before closing the door and going back over to shut the gate then hurrying back over to the driver's side and getting in. She started the truck and smiled to herself before leaning over and rolling down the window for Winston then sitting back up and putting her seatbelt on.

"Alright boys, let's get going then shall we," she said as she shifted the truck into drive and pulled away from the curb. She bit her lip as she watched the roads carefully for pedestrians walking or early morning runners. She bit her lip before looking over at Winston to see his head out the window and Merlin standing on his hind legs, his nose barely out the window causing her to laugh softly before she got her phone out of her pocket and opened the camera. She couldn't help the childlike giddiness that filled her causing a small laugh to bubble out of her lips again as she took the picture before looking back at the road.

She bit her lip and smiled as she thought for a moment of how Winston and Merlin had become just as much her pets over the past few months as they were Steve's. The thought alone caused her to smile softly as she drove, enjoying the scenery that passed her while she went. She bit her lip when she passed a car that reminded her of the ones SHIELD issued but saw a mom and her children getting into it instead. That, however, did not lower the woman's guard at all seeing that a lot of SHIELD agents had children or how they would go on stakeout missions and some take their families just to blend in and not draw too much attention to themselves. She would never be able to do that, put her family in the line of fire like that, but it wasn't like she would ever get the chance to do it. After losing the baby, the doctor had told her the chances of her getting pregnant again, even with Steve, was half a chance out of a million.

She pulled into the parking lot of the market and looked around a few moments later with a small sigh. It wasn't busy yet which caused her to nod to herself as she said, "Alright guys, I'll be back. Don't chase any cars or birds." She chuckled to her little lame joke as she reached over and rolled the window up enough so neither could jump out before putting the driver's side down just as much and nodding to herself then opened the lid on the bowl for then. She sat it in the floorboard where they could both reach it before she got the keys out of the ignition, getting out and pocketing them while she opened her call log on her phone and found Fury's number.

She held the phone to her ear as she walked towards the market, putting her hand in her pocket as she gave a small smile to some of the people she passed.

" **Agent Romanoff, it's about time that you finally called** ," Fury answered as she stopped at a vendor and looked over some fruits.

"Well, I figured I'd go ahead and get it over with." She said as she pointed to some apples and oranges, holding up six fingers to the man there who nodded with a smile and started bagging them for her. The people there had gotten used to seeing her there both by herself and with Steve.

" **Status report**?" Fury said, cutting to the chase causing her to sigh as she handed over the current amount then took the bag.

"I still haven't found him. I'm currently searching Ireland seeing that Germany was a bust. Pretty much everyone I talked to knew who he was just because of his face being flashed everywhere and all the older men who had been in the war said that was the only and last time they saw him aside from the news." She said as she walked, looking around before stopping at a vegetable vendor with a small smile to the elder couple there working it.

" **You know, part of me is starting to think you're not trying hard enough Romanoff,** " the man on the other end said causing her to pause and her eyes to frost over.

"Oh really? Says the man who wouldn't let me go and find him when he sent his other quote-unquote best agents out to find him and they turned up empty-handed every time. At least I have some form of leads that I can narrow down my search on." She hissed quietly into the phone and hearing him sigh.

" **I didn't send you Natasha because you seemed to have been too overwrought about it all.** " Fury said causing her to dig her nails into her palms bit as she turned away from the vendor and hissed her reply back into the phone.

"Gee I wonder why Nick? It's not like the only man I had ever loved had to leave because he went super soldier and nearly killed six agents because you and Stark wouldn't listen to him or anyone else when told he needed a break. It's not like I spent every day for ten years in a state of depression that no one can even begin to imagine. It's not like I took mission after mission to keep myself busy while also just to look for him which in turn caused me to collapse in the complex. No, none of that has anything to do with why I was overwrought." She breathed out sarcastically before shaking her head. "I gotta go, I'll miss the train if I don't." She added before hanging up, barely hearing her name fall from the director's lips. She knew that she may have crossed a line but she also knew that Nick Fury wouldn't do anything to her because of who she was and what she knew and could do.

She took a deep breath as she pocketed the phone before turning back to the stand, seeing the elder man and lady biting back their smiles. "That'll do lass, that'll do," the old man said causing her to chuckle nervously and nod a bit before she cleared her throat.

"Sorry bout that," she said earning a shake of the head from them and smiles.

"Don't be, so what can we get for you?" The lady asked causing Natasha to smile before she told them what she needed, earning nods before they started bagging what she had asked for. She paid the couple with a smile before taking the bags and looking around. She needed to pick up some meats as well and looked around before shaking her head. She could kill countless people, but she couldn't watch or stand the thought of someone going and killing a cow or chicken there on the spot.

She sighed softly before she started back up the market towards the parking lot, deciding she'd go over to one of the meat stores where she would get the rest of the groceries and house items. When she reached the truck she smiled when she saw Winston there, his tail wagging happily, and Merlin laying up in the dash. She shook her head with a quiet sigh before going over and setting the bags in the back of the truck then getting in. "Alright boys, to the store," she said before starting the truck and pulling out.

The drive there was a bit slower due to people now getting out more, children on their way to school, elder people out doing whatever they were doing for the day. The sight made Natasha smile softly and sigh, she had been slowly realizing why Steve picked this place of all places. It was quiet and down to earth, no one was trying to impress anyone, well, they probably were in another section of the town but not the side Steve lived on.

She bit her lip as she reached the store a little bit later before she parked near the back just for the extra walk. She got out and started to the front when she heard her alias name being called. She looked around before she saw Elisabeth, the woman from the bar a few weeks ago, running over to her. She smiled softly as she stopped to wait for her before she said, "Hi there."

"Hey," Elisabeth said once she reached her. They started walking side by side again before Elisabeth asked, "Am I correct to assume everything between you and Arthur made up?"

Natasha laughed softly and nodded as she said, "We did actually. Your advice was rather helpful."

Elisabeth chuckled and nodded as they walked into the store before the two grabbed their shopping carts and headed down the aisles. "That's good. I saw you two last night at the park. I was going to come over and say hi but I didn't want to interrupt you guys. You looked so happy and in love, it was adorable." She said causing Natasha to laugh softly and nod in agreement.

"I think we're falling back into the swing of things," she said offhandedly causing Elisabeth to laugh softly and nod.

"Well that's good, you two deserve to be happy," Elisabeth stated as they stopped at the meat section where a man stood ready to help. Natasha went first, telling him how much of everything she needed before he started getting it together.

"How's Alexiss? Has she moved on from the cheating ex?" Natasha asked looking over at her and earning a laugh.

"Oh yeah, she's moving on nicely. She's been having multiple one night stands with every single bachelor she can find. I love her to death, but her sex habits are a bit frightening sometimes." She said with a shake of the head. "Not that there's anything wrong with one night stands, I've had a handful myself. But I believe she's had a new partner for every night of the week," she added as she looked up at Natasha.

The topic caused Natasha's head to flicker back in time a few years, to a night she wished had never happened. "Well, I guess as long as she doesn't regret it then there's nothing wrong with it." She said quietly causing Elisabeth to shrug a bit.

"I suppose so yeah," The brunette said as she looked up at Natasha. "Have you ever had any one-night stands? One you regretted? I have, but it doesn't bother me so much now. It was an experience to say the least."

Natasha hummed softly and nodded a bit before she said, "I've had some over the course of my life. Only one though I regret to this very day because of who it was and how badly it would affect Arthur. We weren't together at the time though, so I mean I know I shouldn't be as bothered by it as I have been all these years. I was blackout drunk and wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't woke up naked on the couch next to him. He had security cameras everywhere too so that solidified the fact that I had done what I did." The images of the night as she watched in horror on the cameras played in her head before she forced them down.

"Well, I mean, I'm sure Arthur would understand," Elisabeth said only for Natasha to shake her head as she took the wrapped meats from the man there with a small smile.

"You don't know Arthur like I do. Besides, the two get along about as well as a lion and an injured antelope, with Arthur being the lion." Natasha said as she sat the meats in the buggy and glanced up at Elisabeth who chuckled and shook her head.

"Well, I suppose you do know him better than any of us," Elisabeth said as she told the man what she needed.

Natasha nodded before she made her way down the aisle a bit, looking at the other items they had there. Once Elisabeth had her things the two made their way throughout the store, picking up the things they needed before making their way to the checkout line.

As they walked out once they finished, Elisabeth stopped at her car and said, "We should get together sometime. Here, let me give you my number." She dug a pen and scrap piece of paper out of her pocketbook before handing it over to Natasha who took it with a smile.

"I'll text you later," the redhead said with a smile and nod causing Elisabeth to nod happily.

"See you later Natalie," she said causing Natasha to nod back and make her way to the truck. She loaded the groceries into the back before taking the cart to the return section with a small sigh. She dug the keys out of her pocket before she got in and sighed softly. She petted Winston and Merlin once she was inside before starting the truck and saying, "Alright boy's, let's head home."

As she drove she bit her lip, propping her elbow up on the window paneling of the truck and threading her fingers through her hair. The conversation she had with Elisabeth seemed to be playing on repeat in her head, causing her to bite her lip a bit harder as she remembered that morning like it was yesterday.

_Her eyes fluttered open with a small groan at how bright the room was. She felt someone shift behind her and an arm tighten around her waist causing her eyebrows to pull together slightly confused. She looked back over her shoulder, her eyes going wide when she saw none other than Tony Stark laying there, still asleep and from what she could feel, completely naked next to herself. She didn't know if it was from all the alcohol she had drunk the night before or the implied statement of who she had gone to bed, well, couch with or both, but she felt nausea rise in her throat. She moved his arm away from her waist, hearing quiet mumbles from him in protest before she grabbed her shirt and made a dash to the bathroom. She had barely made it inside the room and to the toilet before the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl._

_She hovered over the bowl for a few moments once she finished, dry heaving into the object before she stood up and flushed the toilet. She went over to the sink and turned the water one, leaning down and getting some of the water into her mouth before swishing it around and spitting it back out. She washed her hands before she slipped her shirt on and went back out to the living room where she got her pants and put them on. She avoided looking at Tony as much as she could, feeling regret and guilt building in her as she reached over and got her bra from the back of the couch. Maybe they hadn't done anything, maybe they had got there and undressed and passed out, but she honestly had no idea. She couldn't remember anything after her third_ _Ţuică, a Romanian drink she had found while traveling, when Tony had shown up looking for her._

_She looked over her shoulder at the stairs leading to the next floor up where the security system was or down to where his suites were. She chewed on her bottom lip before she made her way over silently and started up them, silently thanking any god that was out there that she had been trained in silence. Once she reached the floor she made her way down the hall to a set of glass double doors, pushing them open and walking over to the set of small monitors there._

_"Good Morning Ms. Romanoff, is there anything I can assist you with?" she heard the robotic female voice say causing her to chew on her lip._

_"I need answers for last night F.R.I.D.A.Y. What happened when Stark and I got here?" She asked as she bent down and looked at the screens for a moment, spotting the one for the living room and tapping the screen._

_"Would you like voice or video recording?" F.R.I.D.A.Y asked, earning a quick both from Natasha. The screen went dark before she turned to see it displayed on a larger scale in the middle of the room._

_She watched for a few moments as Tony lead her through the door and into the living room, her heart beating frantically as she crossed her arms and brought her hand up. She started chewing on the nail as she heard Tony ask if she needed anything after sitting her down on the couch, watching intently as she shook her head and stared straight ahead._ _'Okay, nothing yet,'_ _she thought to herself before she watched him sit down beside her. It was then she noticed the tear stains on her cheeks, causing her to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y to zoom in a bit which she did._

_"When are you going to move on Natasha?" Tony asked her as he looked at her._

_She shook her head as she continued to stare straight ahead before she whispered, "It's not that easy."_

_"How? There's plenty of men just waiting for an opportunity to have a shot with you." He said as his hand fell on her knee causing her to look down at it for a moment before her green eyes flickered up to his._

_She remained silent for a moment as she looked at him, watching him inch closer ever so slowly before his lips landed on hers. She could see a slight resistance in her body language through the tears she was fighting back, not because of the sadness but because of the anger she felt at herself for allowing such a thing to happen. When she saw the clothes coming off she turned away from it, covering her mouth as a wave of nausea hit her again._

_"You'll never be able to replace him, no one will," she heard herself breath out almost brokenly after a stretched course of heavy breathing. She turned back to glance at the projected screen finding herself straddling Tony, her back against him as a tear slipped down her cheek._

_"I know," she heard his almost defeated toned voice say as Natasha hung her head._

_"Delete all footage F.R.I.D.A.Y." She said, knowing she had access to do so._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yes, no one can know." She breathed out before she watched as the time frame was deleted. "Delete it from the trash folder," she added once it was successfully deleted, watching long enough to make sure it was no longer in the system._

Natasha forced herself out of the memory as she hit the brakes a bit hard when a little red ball rolled into the road in front of the truck. She looked around and seen a little boy standing on the sidewalk causing her to sigh, putting the truck into park before she got out. She went around to the front, looking underneath the truck before she bent down and got it. "Here you go little man," she said, walking the ball back over to him and giving him a small smile which he returned to her as he got the ball.

"Thank you," he said causing her to smile a bit more and nod.

"You're welcome, just be a bit more careful okay?" She said and earned a nod before she turned and made her way back to the truck and got in. She sighed as she shifted into drive again and started back down the road. She hadn't realized just how close she was to the house until she pulled up to the curb a minute or two later before shutting the truck off and looking over at Winston and Merlin, both looking like they were ready to get out. She smiled a bit sadly before she got Merlin and got out then walking around and opening the door for Winston to get out. "Come on then," she said to him, going over to the gate and opening it, causing the dog to run inside before she gently set Merlin down who shook himself out before following after Winston.

She gave a small half smile before she went back to the truck and gathered the groceries as well as the bowl of now half-empty water. She made her way back inside the fenced in yard, closing the gate behind her and going to the door where she unlocked the front and walked inside, leaving it open as she went and set everything on the table. She knew that she should tell Steve, the guilt of having done it all these years had piled up and where she could usually shove it down and ignore it, the need to confess was starting to get the better of her. Maybe it was from where she and Steve were now back together, maybe not, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she made up her mind to tell him before he heard it from someone else or stumbled upon it himself.

On the other side of town, Steve had started on his mail route for the day. He was about halfway through it though when the bottom of his mailbag ripped open due to the loose stitching and all the mail fell out, thankfully missing the water there on the curb that stretched out into the road. He breathed out a small sigh of relief before bending down and gathering the envelopes up, slightly upset because now he didn't have anything to carry it in beside his arms and the fact that is was all mixed up.

"Right," he said and took a breath before he started going through it, thanking the heavens that there wasn't that much left. It took him about a good ten minutes to get it all sorted through before he started walking again. He barely got a few steps away when an SUV going too fast drove right through the water causing it to splash up and cover Steve. He froze, not out of fear but out of anger seeing that he was now wet from head to toe.

"Bloody mingebag," he said narrowing his eyes at the SUV before looking down at the mail in his hands and huffing. A lot of them had gotten wet which he'd apologize for by pen seeing a lot probably wouldn't be home.

He started walking again, growing more and more irritated with the wet clothes. He'd swing by the store when he finished and buy a new shirt and pants so he wouldn't have to deal with the wet clothing all day.

It took him a bit longer to get to the end of his route, bringing a deep sigh from the blonde before he crossed the street over to a little clothing shop when he was finished, hoping they had his size clothing. Derek hadn't been lying when he said that he was one of the larger people in town, a lot of the men were shorter than Steve, and not as built either. So clothes shopping there wasn't very easy for himself, but he'd make due with what he could.

He went into the shop, giving a small nod to the blonde woman there at the counter, the name tag reading Alexiss, who eyed him in approval for a moment causing him to shift his weight a bit before making his way over to the men's section. He looked around for a few moments, pushing through the hangers on the racks and looking for a simple tee shirt without writing on it.

"Need any help?" he heard a woman say causing him to look over and see the lady from the counter.

"Not really no," he said and moved to another rack and looked through the clothing there until he found a gray tee shirt in his size causing him to hum.

"Alright well if you do just give a shout," she said, hovering near the rack, and earned a nod in return.

Little known to the woman she was riding Steve's last nerve as he walked over to the pants section, he just wanted to finish his day and go home.

Home, the thought of it actually put him in a slightly better mood knowing that Natasha would be there. He bit his lip in thought before he found a pair of sweatpants that would fit. He nodded with a sigh before he went over and got a pair of socks, a single pair of boxers, and a pair of track shoes that he probably wouldn't use after this one time, but his shoes had that squishy feeling in them and would soon rub his feet raw if he wore them much longer.

He made his way to the counter, laying the items down before getting his wallet out of his back pocket.

"Find everything okay?" Alexiss asked as she scanned the items, almost going purposefully slow which caused Steve's jaw to twitch as he gritted his teeth. He was still on the clock, hating having to do it this way but he wouldn't be able to deal with the clothing all that longer.

"Mhm," he said trying not to sound short, but he was getting more and more irritated at the long pauses in between the beeps of the scanner. He didn't want to talk more than he needed to so maybe she would speed up the process. It seemed to work as she finished scanning everything and told him the total, causing him to hand the correct change over and get the bag. He waited for his receipt, taking it when she handed it over before seeing red ink at the top and a series of numbers as she said, "Give me a call later if you need help relaxing. You look like you've had a long day."

His blue eyes looked like the eye of a hurricane as he crumpled the receipt up and laid it back on the counter. "Not interested," he said before turning and walking towards the door, not giving her a chance to reply as the bell above the door signaled his departure.

As he made his way back to the post office rather quickly he gripped the bag a bit tighter and breathing in and out steadily in an attempt to calm himself back down. Today wasn't going well at all, but that was okay he'd be done and home soon enough. That's what he kept telling himself all the way to the door of the office, walking in and seeing a few people inside. "Ah, Arthur, maybe you can help us. Mrs. Johnson and a few others say their mail was wet with "Sorry" written on it. Do you know why?" Betty asked as soon as he stepped inside, making him pause and his jaw to twitch several times.

"Well, some wanker who doesn't know how to do the speed limit hit some water on the curb after my bag ripped from loose threading and soaked me from head to foot. So I wrote sorry on there for their mail being wet and late." He said using his free hand to lift the bag to show them, his temper slightly getting the better of him as he looked from her to the others standing there, seeing them eyeing his still wet uniform. Most of them gained a look of understanding but one still looked rather peeved off.

"I've never heard of such bullocks. You've always delivered my mail late and never shut the lid, not to mention you're always rude!" The man said angrily causing Steve to reach up and pinch the bridge of his nose. He was slowly losing his calmness again.

"I beg to differ Mr. Hargiss. Arthur delivers your mail right after mine, and I watch him the entire time. He's always kind and courteous to you just as he is everyone else, you're the one who's an arse to him just because it's not Brittney anymore." Ms. Johnson said causing Steve to sigh quietly and thankfully, though he found it slightly odd that the old lady watched him. However, it didn't really surprise him, a lot of the women around the town did.

He looked at Betty who nodded to him before motioning with her head to the back causing Steve to nod. "I am sorry again about the wet mail and late delivery," he said to them before making his way to the back, tossing the unusable bag on the table and going back to the bathroom. He quickly changed before he let out a breath of contentment once he had dry clothing back on, bagging his wet clothing and shoes before going out to see Betty standing there looking over the bag.

"Sorry 'bout them, I just didn't know what to tell them," she said as she laid the bag down and looked over at him.

"It's okay," Steve replied as he shook his head a bit and gave her a small smile.

"Go ahead and head on out, you finished everyone else's work plus your own this morning before you left. I'll find them something to do," She said with a chuckle causing him to laugh softly and nod.

"Thanks," he said before making his way to the exit, pausing to clock out before heading out. He sighed softly as he made his way down the sidewalk, steering clear of any street with too much water and active drivers on it.

Steve adjusted the hat on his head before he sighed quietly as he walked to Mrs. Whitmore's house. She lived not far from his house, just a couple blocks over close to Derek's, and had it been any other day he would have considered stopping to see his friend but today wasn't the day. As he approached the house, he saw the elder white-headed woman sitting on her front porch in a rocking chair with her cat in her lap.

"Afternoon Mrs.Whitmore," he called from the gate and gave a small wave to her as he opened the gate and closed it before walking up the pathway.

"Afternoon Arthur, how are you today?" She asked with a smile as he stopped at the bottom step, setting his bag there so he wouldn't forget it.

"I'm good, and yourself?" He lied with a smile in return causing her to nod.

"I'm well," she stated causing him to nod.

"That's good, I'm gonna go ahead and get started mowing alright?" He stated as he started around to the side of the house to go to the backyard where the shed was.

"Alright dear," she called out, watching him go and humming softly in appreciation.

Steve sighed as he went to get the push mower from the shed, starting it up once he got it outside and began the task. It wasn't till he got to the front after finishing the back that he noticed the mower started sounding funny and didn't seem to be mowing the grass evenly. He sighed before he shut the mower off and went around to gently turn the mower onto its side, seeing a lot of grass clippings built up there. He sighed quietly and carefully started cleaning the clippings away, successfully avoiding the blade until he had to get some off around the center where the blade went.

He was almost home free when he his hand got too close and sliced his skin open and a string of colorful swear words to come out as he stood up and held his hand to his chest. ' _Yeah definitely not my day,'_ he thought to himself with gritted teeth.

"Are you alright deary?" he heard Mrs. Whitmore call out and looked back at her.

"I just cut my hand, I'm fine," he replied, watching as the elder lady sat the cat down out of her lap then made her way inside. He sighed quietly before he sat the mower back on its wheels, still cradling his hand to his chest, the gray shirt becoming stained with his blood. Better than letting it drip, he thought to himself before he saw her walk down the steps and come over to him with a small medical kit.

"Here you are dear," she said, opening it up causing him to give her a small smile.

"Thanks," he said before he got some of the rubbing alcohol there and poured it onto the cut to sterilize it. He hissed at the burning before he got some gauze out and laid it on the open wound, grabbing some of the bandage wraps next and wrapping his hand in it before tying it off.

The elder lady smiled softly and nodded before she closed the lid and made her way back to the porch. Steve smiled a bit at the woman's kindness before he started the mower and resumed his mowing, but this time with only one hand. It took him a bit longer to finish then he thought it would just because of his out of use hand but when he had and put the mower away, he grabbed the ladder and a pole then made his way to the front of the house again.

"Oh, you don't have to do that Arthur, I can get someone else to since you cut your hand," he heard her say only earning a shake of the head.

"I'll be okay Mrs. Whitmore, besides I use my right hand more than my left. Plus I told you I'd do it." He said as he set the ladder up at one end and climbed up. He started cleaning out the gutters, being as careful as he could so nothing stupid happened to him.

It didn't take him long to get across the front and to the other end of the house without a hitch before he realized he'd have to move the ladder one more time to get the last little bit out. He chewed on his lip for a moment, debating whether he really wanted to climb down and move the ladder then climb back up then back down or take the chance and try and get it. Not only that, but the rose bush that grew there and around the corner of the house would be in his way either which way he went. He opted for the later causing him to stretch out and get the leaves and such, pulling them out as the ladder wobbled a bit but stayed in place. He let out a small breath of air before he stretched back out and finish up what he was doing.

It was only when he got the last little bit out that he felt the ladder lean too far, causing him to reach out to stabilize it only to be too late as it and he fell. He knew grabbing onto the gutter would rip it completely off the roof with his weight, which in turn would cause him to pay to fix it. He pushed himself away from the house a bit so he didn't land completely in the rose bush but didn't get far enough as half his body landed in the thorns and flowers and the other half on the grass. He felt the wind leave him as his face twisted up in pain and he swore loudly again as he heard Mrs. Whitmore express her worry and hurry over to him. He didn't pay any attention to his hat falling off and his glasses get shuffled about as he laid there for a moment in pain.

"I'm done, I'm so done with today," he said mainly to himself as he rolled out of the thorns and onto his side. His fingers curled up into fists on both hands causing him to hiss at the screaming pain in his hand from the cut.

"Arthur, are you okay?!" Mrs. Whitmore said as she knelt down beside him.

_'Do I bloody well look okay?! I just fell from a fucking ladder at least twelve feet down into half your rose bush!"_ He all but yelled in his head as he sat up and looked at her after a few moments.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good," he breathed out, hiding his aggravation as he gave her a small forced smile. "I'm just gonna head home Mrs. Whitmore," he added as he pushed himself to stand up, smiling at the woman's help.

"I still need to pay you, just wait right here for a moment," she said and hurried off before he could tell her just to keep it. He sighed quietly as he pushed his fingers through hair and tugged sharply at the ends with his good hand before bending down and getting his hat with a small groan.

"Here you go dear, now you just run on home and take care of yourself okay? A nice bath should do the trick," she said once she came back over as she gave him the money and his bag causing him to nod a bit and smile.

"Thank you, I'll see you later," He said to her as he put the money in his pocket before he started to the house with a small limp.

He was beyond done with the day and now all he really wanted to do was get ahold of Natasha and not let go for a few hours.

At the house, Natasha looked over at the clock before wondered briefly how much longer Steve would be away, getting slightly lonely in the house now that she had been there for a few hours by herself again. Her thoughts had all but beat her black and blue and the guilt she had felt seemed to triple within the small amount of time. Then there was also this part of her that was really wanting Steve to claim her again, knowing that it would help take her guilt away not to mention she was beginning to feel a bit needy for him.

She sighed softly as she bounced her leg underneath the table. Yeah, she was feeling needy for Steve, and maybe it was just the fact that she wanted him to make her forget the wrongs she had done. Or maybe it was because she just really missed the feeling of him there with her, connected into one. She didn't know, but the more she thought about it, the more her leg bounced causing her to shift around in her seat a bit from time to time.

It wasn't long though when she heard the door opening causing her to peer around the corner to where she saw Steve stepping into the house, looking worn out. She noticed the change of clothing, the blood stain on his chest, and that he seemed to be moving a bit slow causing her to stand and go over to him.

"Hey, hey what happened?" She asked worriedly as she looked up at him, seeing the anger brewing there in his hurricane like eyes.

"Do you want the whole story or just the highlights of the game?" He asked almost sarcastically which she didn't take to heart but she could see he did. "I'm sorry, it's just been a rough day." He added quietly as he toed off the shoes and nudged them against the wall.

"It's okay," she said as she reached up and plucked a few blades of grass from his hair with a gentle smile. She reached down and started to take his bandaged hand before stopping when she saw it and frowned a bit. She got his good hand before gently tugged him towards the stairs as she said, "Come on then. Let's go get you in a salts bath."

Steve couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips at her reaction to how he was, letting her lead him up the stairs and down to the bathroom. He bit his lip as he watched her let go of his hand before going over to the china cabinet there, pulling open the drawer with the salts and oils in it and looking around for a moment. She got a few bottles out, humming softly to herself when she picked the right ones before she turned and made her way back over to the bathtub. She set the salts and oils down, Steve's eyes flickering over them with a chuckle before he watched her clog the drain then start the hot water.

She mixed some of the salts into the tub before she added the oils that filled the air with the smell of rosemary and peppermint before she added a honey scented soap. She returned the bottles to the draw then walked over to where he stood and gently got the hem of his shirt. "Lift your arms," she said softly as she pushed the shirt up a bit.

"I can undress myself Natasha," he said before shutting up when he saw the look in her eyes that said she wanted to do this. He gave her a small smile as he complied with what she wanted, causing her to stand up on her tiptoes to get the shirt off completely. She let the shirt fall from her fingertips before she let her fingers dance down his skin, making Steve bite back a small hum at the gentle touches. She pushed the sweatpants and boxers down, kneeling down to help him get them and his socks off before she stood back up and took his hand to lead him closer to the bath only stopping when she felt his resistance.

Green eyes turned to meet his softening blue eyes before he used his free and bandaged hand to tug at her shirt. She could see the want in his eyes causing her to nod and start to take the material off, only for Steve to stop her and proceed to do it himself. He bent down, biting back the small groan from the still aching protest in his back from the fall, and gently took the pants and knickers off her. She gave him a small smile and shake of the head before she turned and turned the water off before stepping into the water, gently helping him in before she sat down. "Come here," she said holding her arms out to him, bringing a small chuckle from him as he sat down between her legs before he felt her fingers skimp across the puncture wounds from the thorns that had been pulled out once the shirt was removed on his back. Her fingers ghosted over them and one of his scars from the electric prods from when the strike team had tried to detain him in the elevator of the S.H.I.E.L.D complex, before she stopped at one just under the water where he had landed across a metal pole when he crashed the jet into the Arctic waters. She knew every detail of his scars, just like how he knew almost all of hers aside from one or two new ones.

Her small hands moved back up his back, watching as he leaned back into her touch before she slipped her hands over his shoulders and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and chest. She gently pulled him back so he was leaning against her before she kissed the crown of his head like a silent promise that she was there and wasn't leaving. He laid his head back against her chest and sighed softly as she locked her arms there around him and held him there, Steve relaxing even more into her hold as his eyes fluttered closed. He felt her reach up and brush her fingers through his hair, the gentle pulling of when she would get some grass out of his blonde hair before she asked quietly, "How did you manage to get grass in your hair and all those puncture wounds on your back?"

He could hear her want to laugh at the simple question and it brought a small smile to his face as he reached up and gently laid one of his hands on her hers that laid against his chest. He tilted his head up to look at her with a small smile, his anger and aggravation slowly seeping out into the water just by being like they were. "How about I start at the beginning?" He asked causing her to chuckle and nod as she continued to get the clippings from his hair.

"Well, on the mail route the bottom of the mailbag ripped about halfway through this morning. That wasn't so bad really, so I got it all together and sorted it back out before I started walking again when this wanking mingebag driving hit some standing water causing it to splash up and all over me, soaking me from head to foot as well as a lot of the mail. That's what put me in a bad mood and also made me a bit late, so I wrote sorry on them or told the people what happened before going to the store and buying the clothing I came home in after I finished the route. That's where this blonde bimbo couldn't take a hint that I didn't wanna talk to her or get her number. I politely left my receipt which she wrote her number on and told her I wasn't interested." He said with a smile causing her to smirk making his smile grow when he saw it.

"So then I made my way back to the office where some people who had gotten wet mail and the sorry ones where asking why their mail was late, wet, and had sorry on there. I explained what happened and all but one understood and Mrs. Johnson took care of him," he added with a chuckle as she got a cup there and started to wet his hair. "So I went and changed before clocking out and going over to Mrs. Whitmore's where I ended up cutting my hand on the lawnmower blade cause I had to clean the deck due to too much grass build up. After I finished I started cleaning the gutters and got all the way across to the very end. I didn't want to move the ladder again so I just reached as far as I could with this pole I was using and the ladder wobbled and fell. Instead of grabbing a hold of the gutter and ripping it off or landing completely in the rose bush there, I managed to get myself far enough back to just land halfway in it."

He looked up at her as she reached over and got a bottle of shampoo to wash his hair with, seeing that she had to bite back a laugh before she shook her head. "Why didn't you just flip or something to land on your feet?" She asked with a raised eyebrow as she looked at him, gently massaging the soap into his hair.

"Because normal people, everyday average people, can't do that," he said softly having asked himself that question on his way home.

"Fair enough," she replied as she smiled softly at him. They fell into silence, Steve watching her as she cared for him causing him to smile. Sure he had been on the receiving end of her care like this, but it had been years and it felt really good.

"What about your day? How was it?" He asked her and tilted his head a bit as she started to rinse his hair out. He saw her slight falter causing him to raise an eyebrow before she sighed softly.

"It was okay. I called Fury while I was at the market, pretty sure I pissed him off but oh well. Then I ran into Elisabeth, one of the girls I met at the bar that night we had our fight. Anyways, I ran into her at the grocery store today and we talked while we shopped. There was something I was going to talk to you about, but it can wait." She said and gave him a small smile, his eyebrow arching when he heard the last bit.

"What's going on?" he asked causing her to shake her head.

"Not now, later. You've had a rough day and I'm not going to add to that." She replied as she finished rinsing his hair and set the cup over on the small table there.

"Natasha, you should know that saying that is only going to make me curious and also make me worry that something's wrong." He said as he took her hand in his and started playing with her fingers.

She shook her head before giving him a small smile. "Nothing's wrong Steve, I promise," she said softly as she looked at him, letting her eyes flitter over his face with a smile. It wasn't technically a lie, but it wasn't exactly true either and she knew that Steve would be able to tell. The small sigh he let out told her did, but the gentle kiss to her knuckles told her he wouldn't push it right now.

"Do you still want to call for pizza tonight or risk me making something, cause hey I made a pretty awesome half turkey sandwich for a snack today." She stated as she looked down at him with a smile causing him to laugh before he leaned up and kissed her chin.

"Did you now? Well, I'm very proud of you, but I think pizza and some whiskey would do for the night. I'll let you make me one tomorrow, how about that?" He replied, bringing a laugh from her before she nodded and kissed his forehead.

"Sounds like a plan," she said with a smile before she noticed his fingers were starting to get wrinkly. She gently tapped his shoulder with her free hand before she said, "Let's get you out and put some antibiotics on those thorn wounds hmm?"

He sighed softly and nodded before he sat up, noticing that the ache had pretty much disappeared by now making him smile and hum softly. He motioned for her to go ahead and get out, causing her to chuckle softly before she did so before he got out after her. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself before she got another and started to dry him off. The action caused him to smile softly and shake his head before he stood still long enough for her to finish before she wrapped the towel around his waist and went over to get the medical kit from a draw on the china cabinet.

She got a bottle of the Neosporin out before unscrewing the cap and walking up behind him as she got some on her hand. She gently rubbed it onto the wounds before she said, "Alright then." She put the lid back on before she went and put the bottle back away before she went back to him, pausing long enough to let the plug out of the drain then turned and took his hand. She lead him out of the bathroom and down the hall to the bedroom where she asked, "Pajama bottoms and a t-shirt?"

"Nat-" he started but stopped when she shook her head and went over to his dresser where she got out a pair of his pajama pants. "Yeah," he said with a small sigh before shaking his head, finding the length she was going to rather adorable really.

She nodded as she got a white shirt out before going back over to him and laying the clothing on the bed then taking his towel off of him. She tossed it over into the hamper before getting his pants and kneeling down, holding them open for him as he stepped into them then pulled them up as she stood, her fingers ghosting his skin causing him to focus on not getting any harder then what he was. The simple and loving care that she had given him after the day he had been through made him fall even more for her, not to mention the position they had been in in the bathroom had aroused him a bit.

She looked up at him and saw the almost wantful look in his eyes, causing her to bite her lip as she got his shirt and put it on over his head. He put his arms through and smiled softly before looking down at her and biting his lip. "There we go," she said with a smile and adjusted his shirt and looked up at him when she finished.

"Thank you," he said with a smile before leaning down and kissing her softly. She returned the kiss with a smile, reaching up and cradling his cheek with a smile before he pulled back and said, "Let's go get you dressed then shall we?"

"I can dress-," she started to say only for him to bring a finger up and press it against her lips.

"Hush and just let me do it," he said, watching the green in her eyes flicker through her own want and slight humor before shutting it down with a nod.

He smiled softly before he gently tugged her out of the bedroom and down the hall to her room before he pushed open the door. He lead her inside before letting go of her hand and going over to her dresser. "Seeing that you didn't give me boxers, I think it's only fair that you don't wear these," he said as he held up a pair of her underwear over his shoulder before dropping them back into the draw. She bit her lip with a smile as she looked over his shoulder, well tried before he turned to her with a pair of sleeping shorts and a tank top making her chuckle softly. He walked back over to her before gently taking the towel off of her after laying the clothing over the footboard of the bed. He knelt down and got the shorts before he helped her get them on then stood up as he pulled them up to cover her. He smiled softly down at her before he got the tank top, helping her put it on before gently pulling her hair out of the shirt causing her to return his smile. She couldn't help but like the way he would turn her caring for him around on her and do the same, it was kind of like a take and give type between them. If one gave and the other received, the other would always return the favor.

"Shall we go down or to the craft room and call for that pizza while we have that drink?" She asked raising an eyebrow as she looked up at him.

He smiled softly and nodded in agreement before he took her hand and said, "Let's go to the craft room. I still need to finish the bat and ball and start on a jacket for Brooke. Her dad said something the other day of wanting to get her this French Kiss Vintage aviator jacket for her birthday that she saw online but it was half his car payment."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek before she lead him out of the room as she said, "You're adorable."

He laughed softly as she let go of his hand before going into the bathroom where she got the phone from her jean pocket then went back over to him. "I'll run down and get the drinks if you want to call for the pizza. You can use the internet too if you need a visual idea of what you want." She said as she held the phone out to him. He smiled as he took the phone before nodding a bit and saying, "Sounds good." He leaned down and kissed her on the lips before they moved down the hall, him going into the craft room while she made her way down to the stairs and proceeded down them.

He looked down at the phone before swiping the unlock screen and going over to the little world button, typing in what he needed and finding the jacket. He nodded to himself as he committed it to memory then closing out the browser. He pulled the phone up before dialing for the pizza place down the road, placing the order for the large pepperoni pizza and cheese sticks before he heard a small beep. He raised an eyebrow before he nodded when he heard the total and when it should be there before he hung up only to see an unread message on the screen from none other than Tony Stark.

** "Natasha, come on answer the phone. Are you ignoring me because of what happened? I said I was sorry, I haven't told anyone, what's the issue? Text or Call me back asap. Fury is haunting my ass to find Cap and I can't do that unless I have a little help." **

Steve raised an eyebrow as he reread the message, confusion coloring his face as Natasha came into the room with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey as well as the unlabeled bottle of Asgard Liquor. "Pizza ordered?" She asked as she sat the glasses down on the table there and started to pour the whiskey into both before she mixed Steve's for him.

"Uh, yeah, it'll be here in thirty minutes," he said as he turned to her and held the phone out to her. "Tony texted over the call." He added, watching as her eyes looked at him then to the phone. She held his cup out to him as she took the phone while he took the glass.

Steve watched her eyes fill with what he would call rage before she turned the phone off and tossed it onto the table top. He took a sip of the drink before sitting the glass down and turning to the bat there. He took it out from between the clamps as he chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to figure out what the message meant before he turned to look at Natasha.

"What did he mean?" He asked, looking up at her as he went over and got a can of high gloss paint and a small brush. He shook the cane before he opened it then dipped his brush into the paint and painted the end of the bat that he couldn't get to yesterday.

Natasha looked up at him then away quickly when she saw his eyes searching hers. She felt the guilt and regret surfacing again before she cleared her throat a bit. "It's what I wanted to talk to you about actually." She said quietly, and if he hadn't had the enhanced hearing, he probably wouldn't have heard her.

She looked up to see his curious eyes on her, causing her to look back down.

"Natasha," he said as he sat the brush and bat down then walked over to her. He picked up her hands and looked down at her before he gave them a gentle encouraging squeeze as he laced their fingers together. "I promise, whatever it is I won't get mad and destroy the house." He said, referencing the last time he got mad about something.

She looked up at him before she bit her lip and shook her head. "You'll get mad though, I know it." She said with a slightly shaky voice.

"I'll try my best not to," he said honestly as he looked down at her, watching her internal struggle of whether to tell him or put it off which was slowly causing a worry to set in. She let out a small sigh before she nodded and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment as she looked down then back up at him.

"A few years back, uhm, about five or six years after you left, I went out to have a drink on the day you left. I uh, I had drunk one too many and Tony ended up being the one finding me at the bar. I was at that point where I was right there on the verge of blacking out and knew that I should have cut myself off but I ordered another drink anyway. I, uh," she said, trailing off at the end as she saw a small wavering struggle there in his eyes.

"Continue," he said, his voice was surprisingly even and calm as he looked down at her. But she knew that he was fighting to keep himself calm. He didn't like that she had purposely put herself in a vulnerable position, and she knew that, which made choking the next few sentences out even harder.

"I didn't remember anything after the last drink, until the next morning when... When I woke up at Stark Tower, next to him. I wasn't sure what had happened until I had F.R.I.D.A.Y rerun the camera's where I saw... We..." She trailed off as she felt his hands tighten their hold on hers. She watched his eyes flicker between a hurricane blue and deep sea blue, both not boding well for anyone.

"Was it consensual?" he asked, his voice sounding more like a forced calm than anything. It made a small shiver run down her spine.

"I.. I don't remember. I know... uhm... I could see a resistance in my body language, but I never said yes or no." She breathed out as she looked down at the floor, feeling the shame, guilt, and regret piling up now that the words had finally left the deepest parts of her. She felt his hands tighten even more causing a small hiss to leave her lips at the feeling that her hands would break under his tight hold before she felt him let go. Her eyes snapped up to his only to see his back turn to her and his fingers thread through his hair.

"Just so I have it clear, and you had better be completely and totally honest with me Natalia." He started, his voice dangerously low and with an underlying tone of pure dominance hidden there that had it been any other time, Natasha would have found it pantie soaking sexy. Steve turned back to her and looked her in the eyes as he continued in the same tone. "You went for a few innocent drinks, ended up having one too many, then Tony Stark showed up, you blacked out causing him to take you back to Stark Tower and proceeded to take advantage of you in a vulnerable state instead of letting you sleep it off?"

His blue eyes had settled in on a raging sea blue as he said it all. He was ready to kill the man, and it seemed to be that Stark was now the one and only man that Steve was wanting to commit murder upon. "Yes sir, but I don't know if I would call it being taken advantage of. More like, unaware of the actions around me." She answered, trying somewhat to defend Tony because she really couldn't blame him entirely as she looked up into his eyes, unable to stop herself from addressing him as sir.

His fingers curled in tighter as he tried his best not to get any angrier than what he already was before he heard a loud knock at the door. A sigh came from him, almost thankful for the interruption before he said, "I'll be back."

He walked out of the room before she could respond and made his way to the stairs where he went down and over to the door. When he opened it he saw the delivery boy standing there, his hat tilted to the side a bit and it looked that he was having just about as bad of a day that Steve had had. When they made eye contact, he could see the boy shrink back a bit and assumed his body language and eyes gave off that 'I'll jerk your ass into next year if you don't watch it.' The kid stuttered out the total, prompting Steve to get the money from the little table behind the door and exchange the money for the boxes. "Thanks," he said before closing the door, not worrying about the change, and going back up the steps.

When he walked back into the craft room he saw that she had moved into a kneeling position with her hands in her lap and her head down. When she heard him come back in she found her voice box again as she whispered, "I'd like to submit myself for punishment капитан."

His angry eyes seemed to get even angrier causing him to go over and set the boxes on the table top. He took a few breaths as he moved over to where she was before kneeling down and gently taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger to lift her head so he could look her in the eyes.

"Natalia Alianovna Romanova, you listen to me and you listen to me bloody well. It was not your fault. You are not to blame for what that naff, manky, airy-fairy, knob head of a muppet did. I am not going to punish you for something you had no control over and didn't even know happened until his robot of a security team told you. If anyone deserves to get their arses tanned black and blue into none existence, it's his." He said quietly and seriously, his eyes flickering between hers trying to make her see that he wasn't angry at her even in the slightest. He could see just how much it bothered her, how much the guilt from it all had consumed her but he knew that he couldn't punish her for something she had no control over.

"But I still did it, I still slept with him," she breathed out staring up at him.

"I understand that and yes it pisses me off beyond belief and I probably will end up jerking his ass into the next century the next time I see him. But I can not and will not punish you for his idiotic behavior that night." He stated plainly as day and completely honest.

She looked up at him, finding some peace in his eyes and words but not enough to ease out any of the emotions she felt stirred up from it all. She needed some form of forgiveness, a form that didn't involve so many words, and she was pretty sure that he saw it there too.

"I need you to use another method to make it go away then капитан. I need you to make me forget what I did so I can forgive myself." She said as she looked up at him with slightly pleading eyes.

He arched an eyebrow while looking down at her, knowing exactly what she was saying. There were only two forms they had ever used, sex and spankings, and most of the time if she got a spanking the sex that would follow not long after served as a reminder. If there had been no spanking, then the sex tripled down into both a punishment which was raw and almost completely primal, a reminder which was still raw but with underlining touches of love, and the last round as a gentle forgiveness and soft caresses.

If someone were to learn of it, they would question the two's sanities and their actual love capacity for one another. But to them, it worked and if would more often than not, bring the two closer and a silent and also verbal forgiveness was said between them afterward.

"Please капитан," she whispered barely above a whisper as she stared at him with still pleading eyes.

He let out a deep sigh as his hand moved from her chin to cup her cheek, brushing his thumb over her skin as he stared down at her. "Very well, if it is what you need love. But only after we eat because I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning and it's nearing eight now and I'm starving." He said, watching as a small smile tugged at her lips causing him to smile softly in return before she nodded in agreement. "Come on then," he said before he took her hands from her lap and gently stood up, helping her up as well and smiled as he lead her over to her chair and sat her down with a small smile. He was thankful that he would have tomorrow off, because if the rest of the night was going to happen the way he knew it was going to happen, then there was no chance in hell he would be getting up at the crack of dawn to get ready for work.


	12. Take Me To Church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 'ello everyone, first I would like to say that I'm very sorry for this late update! There's been a lot going on for me lately, mainly my work schedule getting all sorts of screwed up which in turn threw my writing for a loop. I was also going through a mild case of depression there for a while and I couldn't bring myself to write any form of fluff for you all which you've so kindly waited on. However, I pushed through and have FINALLY finished this chapter which I do hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> On that note, readers beware, this chapter is rather... Okay, it's really Mature at the beginning. There are triggers such as restraining, choking, and a few other BDSM yummies, but all is with concent. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
> 
> Enjoy lovelies!!

Chapter 12:  
Take Me To Church.

As the evening dwindled on, well, it seemed to tick by for longer hours for Natasha who had been waiting patiently. They had finished eating earlier, their drinks having been consumed with their foods and yet, they were still in the crafts room, where she had confessed what she had done. She watched him intently as he had cut the pieces of leather fabric for the jacket he planned to make. She wondered why he hadn't proceeded with what she had asked of him before her eyes fell to the empty glasses they had been drinking out of. It then dawn dawned her that he had started, that he was waiting for the alcohol to clear mostly from their systems. It was the beginning of her understanding because as the night dragged on, she started to shift around in her seat a bit more while she thought about where she had gone wrong all those years ago. She should have cut herself off early on so she could have had better senses about herself and surroundings. But the old saying of should've, would've, and could've doesn't do you any good now rang in her head causing her to cross her arms and lean a bit more against the table.

"How long do you think it will take to finish the jacket?" She asked as she watched him stitch the arms together.

Steve looked up at her, taking in her nonglossy eyes and lack of slightly red cheeks before he nodded to himself and finished sewing the arm. "A couple days probably. I'll have to go and buy some wool, add the zippers and waist belt. Should have it finished by next weekend," he said as his eyes lifted to meet hers. He stuck the needle in the pincushion before he crossed his arms to mirror her as he studied her for a few moments, she could see it in his eyes that he was thinking hard on something and she could spot his demeanor shifting slightly as he sat up, still keeping his arms crossed there on the table.

"Are we going by our old rules?" he asked her, the change of topics would have thrown someone else off, but not the nodding redhead.

"Alright then. I want you to take the leftovers and put them away as well as the glasses. Then, you are to go to the living room where you'll kneel in front of the fireplace and wait for me." He said once he saw her nod of approval from the question.

"Yes sir," She said quietly as she nodded before she got up and went to the door then out.

He watched her go out the door before he let out a small sigh, hanging his head a bit as he pushed his fingers through his hair. While he had been sewing he had been thinking of ways he could give her what she wanted. Spanking was definitely off the list, to him the only thing she had done wrong was not stopped drinking when she should have, so he had no reason to spank her. The thought of Stark putting his hands somewhere that they shouldn't have been flittered through his head, which made him really want to track down the man and wring his neck. He sighed as he tugged at his hair again and pull sharply at the ends before pausing when a thought crossed his mind.

_"She's upset because she slept with Stark."_ He thought to himself and arched an eyebrow. That's what she felt guilty about, not that she had drunk too much or anything like that. This brought about another thought to him, prompting him to stand and go to his bedroom where he opened his closet. He looked at the belts that were hanging on his door for a moment before he chose a thick brown leather belt then reached into the closet where he found the hanger with his four ties hanging there. He plucked two black ones from the hanger before he thought for a moment more than nodded to himself as he shut the door. He went out of the bedroom and down to the steps before he stopped there at the top when he heard the shaking of Winston's collar.

"Winston, Merlin, come here," he called out, hearing the gentle tap of Winston's nails against the wooden floorboards coming up the stairs. When he saw them he turned and went down the hall to the bedroom where he went in, letting them follow him in before he bent down and petted them both. "We'll be back later," he said to them before going out the door and closing it behind him. He sighed softly before he made his way down to the foyer and stopped in the entryway of the living room when he reached the bottom. He saw her kneeling there like he had told her to before looking over to the kitchen where he saw she had done as instructed, causing him to nod before he went into the living room and cleared off the padded table there in front of her.

He sat down in front of her before he laid the ties and belt beside him, leaning forward a bit with his elbows on his knees and staring at her.

"Alright Natasha, do you know what you are being reprimanded for tonight?" He asked as he looked at her, tilting his head as he waited for her to respond.

"Yes Sir. I submitted myself for it because I put myself in a vulnerable position and ended up having sex with Tony Stark a couple years ago. And even though you said it wasn't my fault because I blacked out I still feel guilty because I know and knew how you have always felt about him and how he forced us into hiding for three years." She said as she looked up at him, meeting his sea blue eyes and seeing his dominate side there. He nodded when he heard her before he sat back up, still holding her gaze.

"And did you have an orgasm when you had sex with him?" He asked he raising an eyebrow, already having picked the punishment he would use.

"I.. I don't remember sir." She replied and looked back down at the floor feeling shameful of herself.

Steve nodded before he let out a small sigh of dislike. "Just so it is clear between both of us, I already expressed that I would not punish you for Starks selfish decision to sleep with you while you were in the state you were in. What I am going to do is remind you of who your orgasms belong to, who can bring you to your earth-shattering highs. You will not be allowed to orgasm unless I give you permission, if you do, you will kneel on uncooked rice for five minutes every time you do it without permission. Is that understood?" He spoke as he looked down at her, watching her for her reaction. They had done orgasm control once or twice before, but it had been years before and they never had perfected the art which meant that it should be a fitting punishment.

Natasha bit her lip as she looked up at him and listened, her eyes falling to his chest as she tried to hide her worry that she wouldn't be able to control herself. Steve had always had this ability to bring her to her high's so much quicker and easier than anyone that she had ever been with. Then it hit her, that's why he chose the punishment the way he had because it would teach her control both physically and mentally.

"Yes sir, I understand," she whispered with a small nod as she looked up to meet his eyes again. He could see determination there in her eyes which made him hum softly before he got up then held his hands out to her to help her.

"Good girl," he said with a small smile as she took his hands and stood. He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before he turned them so she was standing in front of the table with the back of her legs there against the side of the padded table.

"Do you remember your safe words?" He asked her softly as his fingers danced down her shoulder and to the hem of her tank top.

"Yes sir," she said, biting her lip as she stared up at him feeling the cool air hitting her stomach as he lifted the shirt.

"What are they and when do you use them?" He responded as he pushed the shirt up over her chest, staring down at her for a few moments before he just barely grazed his thumb over her hardening pebbles from the cool air as well as him in general.

Her breath caught in her throat before she breathed out, "Red means stop and I am to use it immediately when I don't feel comfortable with what you're doing, no hiding or exceptions. White is pushing it and I am to use it when I feel unsure about if I won't be able to handle what is going to happen."

He nodded in approval before he finished taking her shirt off, gently tossing it into the chair beside him before he knelt down to remove her shorts, tossing them over to join her shirt when he got them off.

He stood back up and looked down at her as she reached out to take the hem of his shirt, only to stop when his fingers curled around her wrists. She looked up at him before looking back down when she saw the shake of his head, to which he let go of her wrist. "Sit down and spread your legs," he said causing her to bit her lip before nodding and doing as she was told. It was only then that she noticed the ties and belt he had brought, making her bite her lip as he got one of them and moved to tie one ankle to the leg of the table. He repeated the same action with the other tie before he stood back up and got the belt. "Hold out your hands," he said as he watched her closely.

She did as she was told, watching as he wrapped the cool leather around and around and around her wrist before he secured it so she wouldn't be able to move her wrist. "You are not to destroy my belt or ties. If you do, you will have to make new ones, understand?" He asked her and earning a nod and yes sir in response. He nodded before he gently pushed her shoulder to lay back, causing her to bit her lip and look up at him as he moved her bound hands above her head. "Keep them there," he said, his voice holding underlying tones of care and love through the authoritative tone he had with her.

She couldn't help the feeling that consumed her because of him, maybe it was because even when she was tied up and bound by him, he always made sure she could see and feel the love and care he held for her. She watched as he got up before he made his way to the kitchen, leaving her in her exposed and bound position. She wondered what he was doing, unable to see what or where he was going until she heard a door on the refrigerator open then close. She raised an eyebrow before she heard a wrapper open causing her eyebrow to arch a bit higher as curiosity raised higher in her causing her back to bow as she tried to see what he was doing. She bit her lip before she frowned when she couldn't see anything. Then she saw him come around the corner holding a green popsicle making her bite her lip before he looked at her. He stopped beside the table where she was spread out on, his free hand coming down to gently push against the center of her chest so she was laying flat down again. He would be lying if he said that the sight of her bound on his living room table didn't stir up a mixture of feelings of him.

Natasha looked up at him as he lowered the popsicle down, starting at the base of her ear before grazing it down and across her jawline. He took it down the center of her neck before he angled it off to go down to the left. He watched her, biting back a smirk when he saw her back bend into the cold melting popsicle that curved over her breast, coating her skin in a thin light green liquid layer. He smirked a bit when he heard a small whimper as he grazed the popsicle over the overly hard nipple before he asked, "Do you know why I'm using this?"

"N-No sir," she breathed out as he moved to her other breast and repeated the same action as he had on the first. Her lips parted in a small moan as her back arched and her eyes fluttered closed.

"Because it doesn't matter what I use. Whether it is a simple popsicle, a physical part of me, or any other object. I can bring this kind of reaction from you." He said as he looked down at her, moving the popsicle under the curves of her breast before he started down the center of the abdomen.

She nodded as her body bent up into the melting liquid before she felt it press fully against her hips, causing her hips to jerk a bit and Steve to chuckle softly. He moved the popsicle across her hips, dipping down across her V before he took it down to the junction of where her legs and thighs connected. He heard her intake a sharp breath of air, bringing a smirk from him before he bit his lip and coated that side of womanhood in the almost melted syrup.   
Natasha gasped as goosebumps rose on her skin and her already soaked lower half seemed to double it's want in wetness as she tried to close her legs but failed due to the restraints binding them to the table. Her body was coated in the green syrup and she knew if this was the beginning, by the end she would be kneeling on rice for only god knows how long.

Once the Popsicle had been melted against her skin and every inch he wanted to be coated was, he laid the stick down on the table before he moved to where he was straddling her waist. She looked up at him and seen his small smirk before he leaned down and kissed her softly as fingers, barely touching her skin, skimmed up her sides. She smiled softly into the kiss before she felt him kiss up her jawline, following the trail of the apple syrup with a hum as his hands moved over her skin, avoiding the bending of her body to try and get his hands to where she wanted them. He nipped at the skin on her jawline and smirked at her sharp inhale of breath before he started to suck on the soft skin just below her ear.

She hummed softly as she tilted her head a bit for him, his hands finally landing on her chest as he started to massage the soft tissue. A small moan came from her as he moved down her neck, nipping, sucking, and grazing his tongue on the flavored skin and finding it to be his favorite taste so far, his favorite fruit mixed with his favorite human. He smirked against her skin as he left a dark hickey there on her neck while his fingers pinched her nipples bringing a gasp from her followed by a moan as he teased them, rolling, twisting, and pinching them between his fingers. He looked up at her and hummed softly before he reached down into the pocket on his pajama bottoms and got out two old wooden clothespins. He dragged them up her stomach, gently using them to pinch soft spots on her body making her jerk a bit here and there and gasp before he laid them in the small dip between her breast.

She would be lying if she said she could make it through the night without following his order of not having a release unless he said so. It had been ten years since she had his attention like this, since she had had hard loving, and it was like her body knew exactly who was bringing this amount of feelings to her. It was like a slow burning fire was being set under every inch he touched, every space he kissed, bringing a smile to her lips before her lips parted and a gasp followed by another moan came from her when she felt his tongue cleaning away the syrup. She looked down at him to find his sparkling blue eyes looking up at her as a smirk grew on his lips as her back bowed into his touch and his mouth worked one breast and his hand massaged the other, both avoiding the perky pebbles until he was ready. And when he finally took it into her mouth, he heard her release a moan that seemed to drag all of the air out of her.

"Стивен," she breathed out followed by a string of Russian that Steve didn't catch. He smirked around her skin gently, yet still a little rough, grazing his teeth over the sensitive skin before moving to repeat the same action with the other one. He hummed quietly against her skin as he gave attention to the breast while one of his hands moved to get the clothespin before he clamped it around the nipple he had been attending to while his free hand ghosted over her skin. He knew when the Russian language came from her she was feeling really good, which made him chuckle against her skin and in turn made her moan softly.

She couldn't help but arch her back when she felt the small vibrations against her breast, her arms jerking a bit, really wanting to thread her fingers through his hair but she forced them to stay in place until he said otherwise. She looked down at him when she felt him start following the trail down her abdomen after he placed the other clothespin on the other nipple, her cheeks heating up with her moan as his eyes met hers when his tongue pressed against her skin. She felt his hands leaving a fiery trial up and down her sides and then her thighs as she groaned quietly and tried leaning her body into his touch.

That was one of the many things she could say she always felt with Steve Rogers, he always knew how to elevate her to a new high that she hadn't experienced with anyone else. He knew the right places to touch and the right ways to move to make her feel like she was floating on the highest cloud possible. Maybe it was just the amount of trust she gave to him, maybe it was the way he could make her heart hammer against her chest as he did, or maybe it was just everything about him, everything that made him who he was, that did something to her. She didn't know, all she knew was that she was beyond thankful for him walking into her life all those years ago. Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt his hands get closer to the junction between her legs as his tongue danced across her hips and V line. Her body shivered as she let out a gasp and her head fell back against the padded table as her eyes fluttered closed.

"Look at me Duchess," he breathed out against her skin as his hand moved to where she wanted it to go to most of all causing her hips to jerk up into his touch. She forced her eyes open as a moan slipped from her lips when she felt his fingers slip between her wet folds while his mouth moved down to remove the sticky syrup off the skin.

"Пресвятая Богородица," she breathed out as her hips jerked again when she felt him gently begin to rub the area, refusing to touch the sensitive button or the throbbing entrance and instead, dancing around them with his skillful fingers. Moans slipped through her lips as her body withered and shook from his teasing, her hips bending up into his touch. Steve smirked before he brought his free arm up and laid it across her hips before pushing them back down. She whined quietly before her back bent when she felt his mouth get closer to where she wanted it to go, a silent moan coming from her when she felt the pressure beginning to build in the lower part of her stomach. She swore she could break when he finally put his lips on the sensitive skin there bringing his name from her lips in a loud breathless moan. She tried moving her hips a bit to get him to go where she wanted him to be only to gasp when she felt a small pinch on her hip.

"If you don't stop it Natalia you won't be getting a release at all. Is that clear?" He said, lifting his eyes to meet hers as he stopped all his movement's where he was located.

She nodded her head before feeling another pinch against her hip bringing out a gasp. "Y-Yes sir," she hurried out with another nod.

"Good girl," he hummed before he resumed where he had stopped, still not getting close to either throbbing areas.

He couldn't help but smirk a bit as he watched her, humming against the sensitive skin as he worked her up, teasing her and driving her slightly crazy from not giving her what she wanted. Finally though, he decided to give into part of her want, letting his lips fall onto the swollen bud there causing her to gasp loudly before arching her back sharply. He smirked against her as he watched her from the position that he was working her before he let one of his fingers slip into her bringing another moan from her as he started to move his hand slowly at first and gradually building up the speed.

Natasha felt the burning sensation consuming her as she fought to keep her eyes locked on his which was harder than it should have been, but Steven Rogers had the ability to make her fight herself for control to not give into him as well as to give into him all at the same time. She bit her lip hard as he brought another moan from her, her eyes fluttering a bit as her hips bucked against his arm holding her waist down while her fingers gripped the padding and fabric of the table.

"S-Steve that's g-gonna make me c-come," she breathed out as he moved his hand and mouth against her before he added a second finger to the action.

He slowly pulled his head back from her, sucking the sensitive bud on his way away from the spot and letting it go with a small pop. "Did I say you could?" He replied, continuing to move his hand as he looked up at her.

"N-No," she answered with a shake of the head and small gasp mixed with a moan.

"Then you're not allowed to," he said as he turned his head a bit and nipped at the sensitive skin on her thigh. The action caused her legs to jerk against the restraints as a small whine came from her before he did the same thing again, this time sucking on the skin there for a moment to leave a small mark. Her legs jerked again as she sat up a bit, the look of pure ecstasy written on her face as his name tumbled from her lips in a breathless moan.

She felt her walls clamping down around his fingers, which meant he could feel it too, and that made a string of No's to come from her. She tried wiggling her way away from his fingers as she looked down at him to see the look of wonder painted there before she felt the fingers slip out of her and she let out a shaky breath of satisfaction from the loss. She didn't want to disappoint him, and though she knew her orgasming never disappointed him she didn't want to disobey him when he hadn't given her permission.

The loss didn't last too long though before she felt his mouth return to its work, moving and flicking over her sensitive bud expertly. This brought a small cry of pleasure from her as her nails dug into the fabric of the table and she breathed out his name. He smirked against her again, finding her control slipping away and wondered if she would actually let herself come. He moved his fingers back to rub her, finding the reaction she had very addicting which made him hum against her before he felt her get wetter as a half moan half whine came from her when she felt her reaction to him.

"Oh Natasha," he sighed quietly as he pulled back while she writhed beneath him, her body shaking a bit and her cheeks heating up.

"I-I'm sorry капитан," she breathed out as she looked down at his both excited and amused eyes. He pulled back from her before he stood up, reaching back and pulling his shirt up and off of him before he tossed it over to the chair followed by his pajama pants.

She watched him with her bottom lip trapped between her teeth before she watched him take the clothespins away. She let out a small whine at the small throbbing there before feeling his thumb pads gently massaging them, causing her to bow up into his touch. He smiled softly down her as he moved to hover over her, looking down at her as his smile switched to a smirk.

"That's one," he said causing her to nod before her body jerked when she felt him use this above average length to rub between her folds. She was very thankful for the attention he had given to prepping her for his entry because when he finally did slide home she swore she could have come again just from the feeling and the groan that came from him.

He gave them both a moment to adjust, he himself having to mentally count backward as she arched into him and let out a deep moan. After a few moments, Steve rolled his hips down against hers and smirked when she moaned loudly and arched into him again.

"F-Fucking hell," she breathed out as her nails dug into the padding of the table before she felt the wood there. He smirked as he lowered his head to her neck and began to place open mouth kisses along her neck before finding a soft spot that he bit as he started moving his hips slow and hard against hers bringing a loud moan from her.

Natasha was thankful for Steve both taking his time and also not. She had been longing for his touch like that for years, and while he was giving it to her it like he was, it was helping to move the memory out of her head. Between the feeling of their hips crashing into each other when they met while he built up his speed, her legs bound to the table, her hands bound together above her head, and just the general feeling of him where he should be and where his lips were was enough to put her there teetering the edge of coming again but she held back.

Steve hummed softly against her skin as he moved his hips against hers, smirking a bit when he heard the moan that bubbled out of her throat and into his ear. He had always loved when she did that, and maybe it was twisted for him to like pleasing her this way, but it filled this want in him as well. He couldn't explain it, and quite frankly he didn't want to. What he and Natasha did between themselves is what they did and everyone else could just piss off. He smiled against her skin and kissed the dark bruising on her neck as one hand skimmed up her side, taking her breast into his large palm and squeezing it as he brushed his thumb over the sensitive bud before pinching it. His smirk grew when she arched into him and his name fell from her lips in an almost rushed whisper as his hips met hers quicker, his forehead leaning down against hers. Blue mixed with green as he looked down at her while his fingers skimmed up her chest to her neck, his eyes watching hers and seeing the spark of want there. He smiled as he wrapped his fingers around her neck and gently applied pressure to her windpipe and arteries, making sure to watch her closely as her eyes widened and her lips parted while her back bowed up against him. 

He couldn't help it when his hips moved a bit harder and faster when he felt her walls closing down around him again. "M-May I please c-come sir," she whispered out as she looked up at him, trying her best to hold back from the high she knew was coming.

"I don't know. You came without permission a few moments ago." He said applying a bit more pressure to her windpipe as he eased up on the arteries when her face became a bit more flushed.

"P-Please~," she choked out and earning a shake of the head in denial. She whined quietly as his hips ground down into hers causing her to try and gasp and succeeding when he let up on his choking for a moment.

He was proud of her when she didn't let herself come before he leaned down and kissed her lovingly yet rough while he continued to move his hips, feeling his own release beginning to build up after a few moments. He groaned into the kiss as his hand moved from her neck and up to her arms where her wrist were bound together. He fumbled in getting the restraint off, succeeding after a minute or two before he felt her nails leaving a scorching trail along his skin when they landed on his back.

Her nails dug into his skin as her legs jerked against the ties again, hearing a small rip between the heavy breathing and moaning causing her to frown and him to chuckle. "Such a good bad girl," he breathed out before kissing her again.

She kissed him back almost hungrily before he pulled back to look at her. They could both tell that she was teeter-totter on the brink of releasing again, and they were both proud that she hadn't come yet. But Steve wanted to push her a bit further, he wanted to see just how long she could hold out. "Rub yourself Natalia," he breathed out as he looked down at her, watching as her eyes slowly widened while his hand moved back to her neck. She slowly followed his order, her hand sliding between them before beginning to work herself as he moved his hips harder against hers.

A string of broken Russian left her lips as she arched into him while he applied the pressure to her windpipe and felt her walls closing in around him again.

"No no Duchess," he said when he felt her free hand push against his lower abdomen. She looked up at him pleadingly causing him to smirk a bit before he leaned down and kissed her softly again as his name fumbled from her lips in a moan.

She whined as she arched into him feeling like she was going to combust if he didn't let her release soon. It seemed that she would be getting her wish though when she heard him breath out, "Come with me love."

She felt herself relax into the table even more as her fingers and his body moved faster, the skin to skin contact mixing with the heavy breathing and moaning sending both over the edge. Though her hand stopped, his hips continued to move through the convulsing waves of her orgasm and start slowing down as she milked him for all he had.

Her body felt heavy as she relaxed completely against the table, feeling his hips finally stopping against hers. She breathed heavily for a moment as her eyes closed before she felt his hand move from her neck up to cup her cheek and brush his thumb over her cheekbone. She looked up at him and smiled softly, gaining one back in return before he leaned down and kissed her softly and lovingly.

She smiled into the kiss before he leaned his forehead against hers and looked down at her. "Feel better?" He asked her causing her to smile softly before nodding making him smile a bit more and nod. "Good," he said before he leaned down and kissed her again.

"Thank you Стивен," she whispered against his lips causing him to chuckle softly before he shook his head a bit.

"You're welcome Natalia," he replied before pulling back and slipping down to the floor. He untied her ankles chuckling softly when he saw the small tears in the ties then looking up at her. She looked down at him and saw the ripped ties causing her to blush a bit and Steve to laugh. "Sorry about that," she said quietly, Steve smiling as he stood up and leaned down to kiss her softly.

"Don't be, but you will have to make me two new ones." He replied against her lips before pecking them again as she whined. "Come on then Dutchess," he added before scooping her up in his arms and smiling at her soft giggle. She laid her head against his shoulder as he climbed the stairs to the second floor, then made his way down the hall to the bedroom. When he opened the door, they were greeted by Merlin and Winston causing him to laugh as they went past them while Steve walked inside. He gently laid Natasha down on the bed before he got in beside her, causing her to smile and curl up against him as she laid her head down over his heart. She hummed softly at the sound as they wrapped their arms around each other and smiled happily, looking up at him after he pulled the blankets up over them.

He let out a deep sigh as he held her there, looking down at her with a smile as he studied her for a few moments before he leaned down and kissed her head. He kept his lips there for a few moments, wondering if it would be too soon to tell her that he loved her, but then again, he had told her that he hadn't stopped loving her that night at the Art festival. He started to tell her when he heard her speak instead.

"Can I ask you something?"

He pulled back and looked down at her before nodding a bit, slightly confused, as she shifted around and laid her leg over his. "What did you see in me to make you want me all those years ago?" She asked as she tilted her head a bit, her voice starting to sound a bit tired.

He smiled softly as he brushed his fingers through the end of her hair as he looked down at her before he answered her. "I saw a lot actually."

"Yes, I know that. What I meant was what made you want me over everyone else you could have." She said with a small smile causing him to chuckle before sighing softly.

"Well, I saw someone with similar life experiences. I saw someone who I wouldn't have to consecutively save all the time except from maybe herself every now and again, and who could possibly help save me from myself. I saw someone who could hold her own. I saw someone who saw past the shield and suit I carried like an armor to still protect the sixteen-year-old kid inside." He said with a smile as he continued brushing his fingers through her hair. "I saw someone who's eyes matched her heart, secretive, secluded, and who can see through the bullshit. Someone who has ten percent angel and ninety percent devil and could combine them to be one hundred percent mine. Someone who isn't afraid to call someone out, even government officials and get a little blood under her fingernails. I saw you for you, not what you thought I should see or who everyone else painted you out to be. I saw you, all your dark history and the good things you've tried and succeeded in doing to make up for it. I saw how you try to make people feel better and how you took Wanda under your wing with me. I could go on for days, months even, and I'd still find things about you that made me want you sixty years from now." He added as his hand stopped on the back of her neck and gently squeezed it.

She bit her lip as she listened to him before her shoulders pulled together a bit and she laughed softly with a blush then shook her head. "You'll make me swoon even harder if you don't stop talking like that." She said as she placed a small kiss on his chest over his heart. Steve smiled happily as he wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a gentle squeeze causing her to give a giggle before sighing softly. "I always wondered why you didn't try and find a better person than me." She added quietly as she laid her head back down against his chest.

He laughed softly and gave her another squeeze before he said, "Because, there is no one better for me. I'm no angel, and I don't need someone who is."

She giggled sleepily as she curled into him and yawned, earning a small laugh from him before he kissed her head. "Get some sleep love," he whispered against her hair earning a hum and nod. He laid there and watched her for a few moments and bit his lip, smiling when he heard her breathing even off after a few minutes. He continued to watch her as she slept, fighting off his own sleep for the time being. He didn't want to have any night terrors, nor did he really want to have any dreams of what Natasha had told him. This brought about the want to commence murder upon Stark again, but something didn't add up the longer he thought about it. He knew that Tony wouldn't violate anyone, he knew that he wouldn't do something like what had happened which made him wonder just how much Tony had been under the influence.

He knew that after Pepper had been lost to the same fate that Bucky had been fated to, Tony went on a downhill slide of self-destruction. He was abusing prescription drugs, drinking heavily, having multiple one night stands and having one too many bingers. Steve had tried helping him before he had disappeared, and it had helped for a while, but he wasn't sure what had happened after he left. The newspapers didn't really say much about him, aside from that he had re-opened the weapon's manufacturing for S.H.I.E.L.D, he hosted multiple parties and the recipients of the Stark Scholarships and Internships.

The thought brought a deep sigh from Steve as he shifted around a bit only to have Natasha hold on tighter to him and mumble something under her breath. Steve smiled softly as he looked down at her before leaning down and kissing her head softly. He let out a breath before he closed his eyes and slowly let himself drift off to sleep. It didn't take long after he finally let himself start to sleep that he didn't even have time to ask for a peaceful sleep.

~~~

The next morning, the sun floated in through the window of the bedroom and spilled across the bed where the two lovers laid tangled in sheets and limbs. Natasha was the first to wake, her green eyes flickering open and landing on the sleeping blonde beneath her. She smiled softly at the peaceful look on his face, biting her lip as she watched him before turning her head to rest on her chin on his chest as to look at him better. She hadn't seen him that peaceful in a while and it made the redhead smile lovingly at him as she committed the image to her memory along with all the others she had of him. She reached up and brushed her fingers down the growing stubble there on his cheek with her smile still in place before she heard the groggy sound of his voice.

"You know, it's not polite to stare," he mumbled causing her to chuckle softly before a set of liquid sky blue eyes landed on her. He smiled up at her when he saw the light blush on her cheeks then reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I couldn't help it, you have such a peaceful look about you when you sleep," she replied as she leaned into his touch a bit. He chuckled as he leaned up and kissed her lips softly causing her to kiss him back with a hum. He smiled against her lips before he pulled back, laying his head against his pillow again as he looked up at her with a small hum before he spoke. "What do you want to do today?"

She giggled softly as she bit her lip before shuffling around a bit under the sheets with a small groan. The soreness from the night before and ache in her ankles from being restrained to the table she felt was a welcoming soreness to her though. A smile tugged at her lips from the memory and the aches before she looked down at the blue-eyed blonde smiling like an idiot. She couldn't help the swelling feeling of thankfulness and the love that was building inside her again towards the man she had loved for years.

Steve smiled up at her, loving that idiotic childlike grin, as she replied, "I'm feeling adventurous today. How about we go out and explore today?"

"Out and explore you say?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and smiled softly at her as he earned a nod. "Well, there are a couple castles around that I've wanted to go look at. And there's a reenactment of the 1066 Battle of Hastings, we don't have to stay the entire time nor do we have to go to it if you don't want." He said looking down at her with a smile. He watched her bit her lip before she asked, "Will it bother you?"

He had expected her to say something along the lines of that, and it caused his smile to grow on his face. "I'm not sure, but I'm willing to figure it out if you want to go," he said as he brushed his fingers through the end of her red hair. She bit her lip as she looked at him and listened to what he said before a small soft smile formed on her lips as she nodded before speaking, "Alright then, let's do that then."

He smiled up at her as he watched her for a few moments, unable to stop himself from brushing his fingers through her hair and onto her cheeks. She leaned into his touch with a smile before she moved up and kissed him softly yet passionately, a mischievous look in her movements that didn't go unrecognized by him. Steve smiled against her lips as he kissed her back just as much, humming against her lips while she moved on top of him and smirked. A small groan came from him when she moved around on him before he pulled back and looked up at her as he whispered, "If you don't stop we won't be leaving for a few hours."

She chuckled when she heard him and smirked before she said, "That's what I'm counting on." A matching smirk grew on Steve's lips when he heard her before he rolled them over with a chuckle, pinning her hands above her head and looking down at her. "Well, I'd hate to disappoint you then." Natasha laughed softly before leaning up and kissing the corner of his mouth as she whispered, "As if that could happen." Steve laughed softly and shook his head before kissing her softly with a hum as his hands began their fiery trail down her skin.

It was a few hours or so later when they were finally standing downstairs in the kitchen, having taken a bath and got ready for the day after their morning tussle in the sheets. They sat at the table sipping their coffee while Merlin and Winston stood at their freshly fixed food bowls eating, bringing a smile from the blond who watched them. Steve, who wore a long-sleeved back shirt and light washed jeans, smiled softly across the table at her and hummed quietly before setting the cup down next to a medium sized bag sitting atop the table. "So there's the Battle Abbey that I've wanted to go look at. It's a rather consuming day, between the monument, the school, the Dorter, and the battlefield." He commented quietly to her as he crossed his arms on the table and leaned forward a bit.

Natasha, who was sporting a black tank top under one of Steve's dark blue open front button downs that she had tied the ends together and a pair of jeans, smiled softly and nodded before she got up. She went over to the stove and poured herself some more coffee into the caramel colored liquid before she brought it over to refill his cup as well. "That sounds lovely," she said as she leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Shall we get going then? I'm hungry and want some of those danishes from Charles." She asked as she raised an eyebrow, causing him to look at her and smile softly. He leaned up and kissed her with a hum before he replied, "Now how can I say no to you?"

A giggle left her lips when she heard him before she shrugged a bit. "I dunno, but you've done it plenty of times, including last night." She answered, pausing momentarily as her eyes flickered up to his to see if he remembered the punishment.

"Ah yes, that reminds me." He said with a small sigh before he got up, causing her to let out a small "damn" under her breath as he walked over to one of the cabinets. "Roll your jeans up over your knees," he said as he got down an unopened box of rice then turned back to her. She nodded and set her cup down before she did as she was told, watching him go over and open the box. He poured two straight lines of rice out about a foot apart before setting the box down on the table. "Alright then love, get down on it," he said softly yet firmly to her causing her to nod with a yes sir as he looked over to check the time.

At first, it wasn't so bad, but as the minutes ticked on, the pain settled into her skin and was slowly seeping into her bones. Steve timed her five minutes, watching her shift around only to groan a bit as the rice dug further into her skin before he went over to the washroom where he got a broom and dustpan. When he came back over he nodded to her, signaling that her five minutes were up. "Alright then Duchess, you can get up." He said causing her to sigh softly before she pushed herself to stand up. Steve gave her a small smile before he leaned in to kiss her cheek softly. "You did well and all is forgiven," he said softly and gave her a gentle smile and earning one in return.

"Thank you sir," she said with a small smile up at him before watching him kneel down in front of her. He gently brushed off the rice grains that had stuck to her skin then leaned forward and kissed the red and dented in skin softly before he helped lower her the legs of her jeans. He looked up at her to see her smiling down at him, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked before sweeping the rice up then standing and going over to the trash bin where he threw the rice away.

"Even when you punish me, you're always so caring and loving both during and afterward." She stated as he came back over and kissed her cheek.

"That's because even when I punish you I do it out of love. I thought we discussed this a long time ago." He said with a smile as he took her hand and got the bag there on the table. He walked her to the back door before going out it and making sure to lock the door behind them.

"Yes, we did. A few months after we first got together and I saw that you had similar desires that I did when it came to an intimate relationship. Though yours was rather, basic, I was very happy that you were open to learning." She spoke as Steve chuckled with a nod while they walked down the path to the back gate then out.

"Well, would it be too much to say that I only wanted to keep you next to me and make sure you didn't go looking for someone else?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and looked down at her as she looked up at him with a chuckle.

"Steven Rogers, even if you weren't into the same kinks as me and just into plain vanilla sex, I wouldn't be able to go looking for someone else. You're personality and care and love was and has been enough for me. The sex is just a bonus," she replied with a laugh, bumping his hip with hers, and earning one in return before she noticed he wasn't wearing his glasses or hat, bringing a small bite of the lip to her face.

"Well, that's good to know," he stated and gave her hand a gentle squeeze before lifting it and kissing her knuckles.

"You forgot your disguise," she stated as he made sure the gate latched behind them before going over to the truck and opening the door for her.

He hummed quietly when he heard her before looking down at her. "Did I? Oh well then," he said with a small shrug before helping her into the truck, avoiding her curious stare, and closing the door once she was in. He went around to the driver's side and got in, setting the bag down in the floorboard between them before getting his keys and starting the truck as she scooted over beside him.

"So what's in the bag?" She asked as he put his seatbelt on and waited for her to get hers on before shifting the old truck into drive and starting down the road.

"It's a camera, I brought it along so I could get some photos of the scenery." He replied with a smile and looked down at her for a moment then back at the road.

She chuckled softly and smiled before her eyes fell on the photo there in the dash. She stared at it for a moment before she laid her head against his shoulder and smiled. "You're such an artistic person it still amazes me. You don't just do one form of art, you do so many levels of it. Your woodwork, your sewing and stitching, your paintings, your photography and woodburning, it's amazing." She said causing him to chuckle softly and wrap his arm around her waist. She smiled up at him as she curled into his side and looked out the windshield to the passing scenery.

"Well, I mean, before I was enlisted in the army I was in art school," Steve replied with a chuckle as he looked at her and smiled.

She was quiet for a moment, watching him watch the road they drove down before she asked, "Do you miss it? That time period you grew up in? Your parents?"

The question threw him for a loop when he heard it, though it really shouldn't have seeing that people constantly asked him it all those years ago. However, it wasn't that easy to answer really. He let out a small sigh before looking at the road, wondering how to answer it.

"Yes and no," he finally said, feeling her questioning eyes turn to him. "I miss the people, my mother mainly and Bucky. I was born prematurely to my, at the time, recently widowed mother a few months from the end of the first World War. Then growing up through the Prohibition, the Great Depression, and the Dust Bowl all while having a long list of medical issues weren't so easy either. My mom nearly lost her job at the garment factory because of the economic situation and started offering laundry and seamstress services while she was home just to make ends meet and keep a roof over our heads. I remember a few nights, where I would crawl out of bed with this little stuffed bear she had made me when I was born and go to the living room where she would be either folding, ironing with a cast iron skillet she would stick in the fireplace, and or sewing the clothes she had washed that morning before her shift by a few candles all to keep the electric bill down. She would always welcome me when I attempted to help her, but I could see that she didn't want me up at such late hours or to see the tears there on her cheeks. So I did what I could to make her smile or make her workload less stressful and hard. It's actually how I met Bucky, his mom would send their clothes over or I'd take my wagon and go pick them up along with the others depending what day it was. It wasn't until we both got in school that we got as close as we did because of the kids that use to pick on me and try to take my lunch money."

Natasha listened to him talk about his childhood, her heartbreaking for him and his mother. It may have been terrible of her to think it, but she couldn't help but think that him as a child would have been adorable, especially pulling a little wagon behind him. She wrapped her arms around him, bringing a small smile to his face when he felt her give him a squeeze. "I'm sure she smiles down at you every day in pride at the man you've become Steve." She said quietly causing him to and lean down to kiss her head softly.

"For most of my life yes. Though, I'm unsure of the other parts," he replied and gave her a small squeeze in reply.

She looked up at him before poking his side sharply, making him lean away from her with a "Hey!"

"Now you listen here Steven Rogers. No other mother could be any prouder of her son then your mother, you hear me? Sure you have made some mistakes along the way, but look at all the good things that you've accomplished too. You've done, so much good that it outweighs the bad. I promise," she said looking up at him with a serious look in her eye. She didn't like that he put himself down like he did, that he saw the bad that he had done instead of the good.

Steve sighed softly and gave her a small smile as he nodded after a few moments. She nodded with a small hum before she leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Silly man," she whispered causing him to chuckle as she laid her head back against his shoulder until he pulled up to the curb at the bakery. "I'll be right back, you want a coffee too?" He asked causing her to smile and nod at the question. He got out of the truck before walking up to the door, all the while Natasha watching the surroundings closely. Maybe it was just force of habit for so long, but she couldn't help but feel like she had to be on guard. She pushed her fingers through her hair before she sighed quietly and shook her head. She reached out and turned the radio on to a contemporary channel, chuckling when she heard the Scottish folk music. She smiled and sat back into the seat as she looked towards the door with a smile when she saw Steve through the window. The sight brought a small sigh from her before an idea came into her head causing her to reach down and get the camera from the bag.

She easily turned it on before adjusting the sight a bit and lifting it up to look through the lens. She smiled to herself as she focused in for a moment before taking the picture just as he looked over through the window. A smile colored both of their faces as she took another then lowered the camera, still looking at him and giving him a wiggly finger wave. She could see him laugh and shake his head before he looked back over the counter and took the small boxes from Charles as well as the cup carrier before he made his way towards the door. When he came out, she had lifted the camera again and took his photo causing him to laugh as he walked over to the truck. "Alright then Dorothea Lange, wanna take these for me please?" He asked holding the boxes of the baked goods out to her. She laughed softly and laid the camera back down in its bag before taking the boxes from him.

He smiled softly before he got into the truck, sitting the cup carrier on the dash before he put his seat belt back on. She smiled as she sat the boxes in the seat beside her before she pulled the little cup holder attachment out and sat the coffee's down in it.

"You know, you're very photogenic," she said with a chuckle as she got their boxes and opened them, setting one on each of her legs with his being on the left so he could reach his cinnamon rolls easier.

"Am I?" He asked as he pulled away from the curb and started down the road before reaching over and getting one of the rolls from the box in her lap.

"Mhm," she hummed as she took a bite of the danish and chewing it. "I don't know what it is about you that makes it that way, but seriously. Maybe it's your strong jawline or the way you smile with your eyes. I don't know," she added after swallowing the food and smiling when she heard him laugh softly.

They fell into a comfortable silence as they drove and ate, her green eyes flickering between the passing scenery and foliage as well as the very content blonde beside her as he sipped his coffee after finishing the rolls from the box.

"How much longer till we get there?" She asked after a few moments as she wiped her hands off on a napkin before she got her coffee and took a sip.

"We should be there in about ten more minutes," he said as he passed a road sign with the mile marker on it.

She nodded as she looked out the windshield before she asked, "So, you forgot your glasses and hat on purpose?"

"Yes," he said causing her to raise an eyebrow, silently asking him why when he looked down at her. "I don't know. I started wearing it when I first moved to Rye, then it just sort of became a habit. Not to mention that I didn't want someone from S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers showing up who wasn't a friend."

"Why?" She asked and tilted her head a bit.

"Because, you know just as well as I do that no matter where they go they always leave a path of destruction and chaos. And no matter how much Stark puts into his Iron Legion or his relief foundation, he can't bring back those who are killed or hurt, he can't repair the broken homes or businesses. They just go in and do what they have to do, then leave the cleaning up to the people who's world just got torn apart. I don't want that for Rye or any other place to be honest." He said quietly and shrugged a bit as he looked at her only to see her smiling softly.

"Well, just so you know, we only go as the Avengers when we are invited. S.H.I.E.L.D is the ones that you have to watch out for, they've gotten crafty over the years, especially since you left." She said as he made a turn to go into the town.

"I'd figure so. Either way, I decided somewhere between the art festival and getting dressed this morning, I couldn't really be with you fully if I'm running around pretending to be someone else. Plus you always told me I'm a terrible liar." He said as he looked down at her and smiled softly as she looked up at him from the festive filled street. A smile curved her lips before she leaned up and kissed his cheek and whispered, "Steve Rogers, you are by far one of the most over thinking people I've ever met."

He laughed softly and shook his head before giving her a gentle squeeze and sighing. "I think you've called me by my full name more in the past few hours then I've ever heard anyone use it." He said bringing a laugh from her as he pulled into a parking lot and found a parking spot. He smiled softly as he shut the truck off before he looked down at her fully now and smiled happily. "Shall we get going then?" He asked, earning a nod and a smile before he opened the door and got out. He held his hand out to her to help her get out and smiled softly when she took it with her free hand before climbing out, holding the camera bag in her free hand.

"You know, I do have to say, I love it when you wear my clothes," he said offhandedly as he looked at her while they made their way down the bustling street towards the large skeleton ruins of the Abbey sitting off in the distance.

"And why is that?" She asked as she gently swung their hands back and forth between them. He laughed softly at her childlike antics of swinging their hands before he shrugged a bit and said, "Well, I'm not sure really. I guess because it sends a message to any other guy who looks at you that you are taken by me. Or maybe it's just all psychological and I just really like it for my own selfish reasons."

She laughed when she heard his explanation before shaking her head as she leaned into him. "Either way, I just like wearing your clothes. Something about the too big fit and the scent of your cologne that seems to be woven into the threads just makes me happy." She said with a chuckle and turned her head to kiss his shoulder as they walked. He smiled softly and kissed her head with a hum before he said, "Well, on that note, feel free to raid my closet and dresser draws any time you'd like."

"Oh, I had every intention of doing that anyways whenever I felt like it." She replied with a laugh bringing a full body laugh from Steve who nodded a bit. "Fair enough," he commented as they walked up the sidewalk to the ruins of the Abbey before they went through the archway gate as Steve pointed off to a larger building. "That's Battle Abbey School, it was built in 1922 and has since been one of the best schools in East Sussex. I'm not sure why they built it so close to the battlefield but I suppose it doesn't have to make sense to me." He said with a chuckle as they walked towards the Abbey ruins. Natasha nodded a bit as she took the camera out of the bag and turned it back on, humming softly as she lifted the camera and took a few photos of the building.

Steve smiled as he watched her, leading up to the entrance before going in and looking around with a hum. "This is amazing," she breathed out as she looked around, smiling happily as they slowed their gates to admire the building.

Steve bit his lip as he looked around, his eyes turning and falling on her as a smile painted his face. "That it is," he said quietly as he stared at her for a few moments. He couldn't help but find her adorable, standing there looking at the ruins with interest and as if she was committing it to memory. He watched as she lifted the camera, adjusting the lens a bit before he heard the familiar clicking of the pictures being taken.

It was in that moment that Steve wished he had another camera with him, the way that the light came in over the open roof and through part of the arched window there, how focused she was on taking the right picture. It made him smile as he committed the sight to his memory, tucking it away in the front of his mind before she turned and looked up at him. A light pink color painted her cheeks when she spotted the way he was looking at her before she looked down at her feet with a small smile.

"It's not polite to stare," she commented, repeating his words from that morning back to him.

He laughed softly when he heard her before wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her further into the Abbey.

"What if I can't help myself? You're just so," he paused to find the right word before chuckling and shaking his head. "There is no word to describe you, my dear," he said as he leaned down and kissed her head softly.

"Sheesh, you really have a way with words there капитан," she said with a laugh as she gently elbowed him in the side and leaned further into him. The comment brought a laugh from him before he shook his head and sighed softly.

"So I've been told," Steve replied jokingly, brushing his fingers up and down her side with a smile.

They continued on their journey through the Abbey, even going over to the visitors center where they read up on the Abbey and the battle that had taken place there. "England is just full of bloodshed and war isn't it?" Natasha said as they started on their trek to the battlefield, an hour or so later, where the reenactment was to take place.

"Well, in all fairness, each country has its own fair share of war and bloodshed. The older colonized ones just tend to have a longer history of it," he replied with a small shrug before sighing softly.

"Well said for a patriotic man," she said with a chuckle causing him to smile and shake his head.

"Depends on how you look at it," he replied with a small shrug.

"Oh come on, we both know you'd defend your homeland to a tee if it came down to a verbal debate on its right and wrongs." She spoke as she looked up at him and earned a nod in return as they fell in line with a string of people making their way to the scene.

"I'm not denying I would. However, my homeland has had a fair share of misdoings and mistakes in its history. And I'm not going to stand here and say that it has been the innocent one out of them all. I respect the founding fathers for standing for their rights and freedom, but some of the things that American and its leaders have done since, I can't and won't try to justify." He said as he reached over and gently took the camera from her before lifting it off to where he could get a good picture of the battlefield without all the people in it.

Natasha looked up at him with a small smile before chuckling softly and nodding. "Fair enough," she said with a smile as she leaned into his side a bit. She loved how Steve always spoke his mind with her, how both his patriotic side and sensible side blended together and made him who he was. She supposed that was part of her attraction to him, that he didn't try to be something he wasn't and that's when it all clicked together in her head. All those years ago, he had been trying to be what S.H.I.E.L.D and the team wanted him to be, their leader, their go to, the one who could push through anything without so much as a batted eye. When in the truth no one, not even herself at first, had stopped to think that he needed more time then what was given to him to adjust to the life he was brought into. He had woken up in a different century, with new things surrounding him, a whole new lifestyle, and with no one he knew around. They didn't give him time to process through his first wave of PTSD from the first war before thrusting him into another then another and another. He was different from all of them, he wasn't an agent or a spy or a freelance agent or just someone who stumbled into that life by accident, he was a soldier who had volunteered for the second World War, who had volunteered his life for an experiment that could have killed him. They just assumed with his serum it wouldn't affect him, where in reality, it seemed to affect him worse than anyone else especially seeing that he pushed it down and kept mum about it for years. Hell, even she didn't know about it until he had opened up to her about it after they had gotten together and he had been woken up by her one night.

"Is here good?" He asked, pulling her from her thoughts, as he stopped at a large boulder not far from the fight that would be taking place, but far enough that they wouldn't be in the crowd.

"Yeah," she said with a smile before she stepped up onto the back of it and sat down before holding her arms out to him, waving with her hands for him to sit down in front of her. The sight brought a chuckle from him before he leaned forward and kissed her cheek then sat down there between her legs. "You're adorable," he commented as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him back against her, a smile painting both of their lips as she held him there. "You realize you're the only one who can call me that a still be able to talk right," she replied causing him to laugh and nod with a yes.

A small sigh escaped the blonde's lips as he leaned back into her, thankful for the comforting embrace against the slight tremors of uncertainty within himself. He didn't know how this would affect him, what kind of games it would play within his head, seeing that it was the first time back around anything to do with fighting in years. He knew it would be just a reenactment, but he didn't know if he could trust his own mind with it all. And though he knew it wouldn't hold many things even close to what he was familiar with, it didn't matter when it came down to the powerful muscle known as the brain. It could take something innocent like a plastic bag blowing in the wind and shift it into a flying alien or something with the right prodding.

"What do you want to do after this?" She asked as she leaned her head against his with a smile.

"Whatever you want to do is fine with me," he replied bringing a hum and smile from her before she nodded.

"How about we see how you feel afterward and if you're up to it then we can decide?" She replied causing him to smile and nod before leaning up and kissing her jaw.

"You're so considerate," he whispered softly and nuzzled her neck for a moment as he closed his eyes and inhaled the soft yet musky sweet scent of her perfume. It made Steve smile even more when he noted it was one of the scents he had bought her as a Christmas present one year before they had even gotten together. He had overheard her talking with Wanda about needing to get some more one day, and decided it was as good as a gift as any. Of course, he had gotten her a few other things as well, a knife and gun set as well as a care kit. He found it hard to shop for her before they had gotten together because he didn't want to let on to how he really had felt about her, but that didn't mean he didn't put any thought into it.

"You are when you love someone," she whispered softly to him as she gave him a squeeze as if to say something words couldn't form. A smile colored Steve's lips when he heard her, his hand coming up to lay over hers before he looked up at her. He loved it when she let those words fall from her lips, knowing that it had taken her such a long time to actually say them.

"I love you too," he replied with one of those innocent and sweet smiles that melted Natasha to the core. She laughed softly before kissing his forehead, starting to say something before they both turned to look towards the field when they heard the PA system come on.

Steve raised an eyebrow as he listened before looking up at Natasha who seemed to be trying to hold back her laughter as the man continued to talk. He smiled and looked back ahead before he felt her body gently shake, her face turning to hide in his neck when she couldn't contain it any longer. "Ten buck says this is going to be the cheesiest thing we've ever seen," she whispered to him causing him to laugh and gently pat her wrist.

"I'll double that and say we don't even make it all the way through this without leaving or having aching sides from laughter." He replied as he leaned his head back so he wouldn't have to shout over the slight yelling of the man and cheering of the crowd.

"You're on," she replied with a nod before they both returned their attention to the speaker, listening as the person started telling the story of the battle and the story of how both sides came there. They both listened and watched as the two "army's" filed in intently, Natasha a bit more than Steve simply because she wasn't that familiar with the story and what had caused it all. She got a bit distracted when Steve brushed his thumb over her skin, bringing a small smile when she realized that he really couldn't sit completely still at any given moment. Even in his sleep he would fidget and move around a bit.

As the "battle" commenced, she kept a close watch on him to make sure he was okay, having learned his body language over the years. But as the time went on, she only felt his muscles tense up once or twice before relaxing again after a few moments. She smiled a bit proudly as she switched between watching him and the reenactment, both laughing more at the man's commentary than the battle itself which was good seeing that so much work went into it.

All too soon though the Normans won signaling the end of it before they heard the end of the story, how King Harold's lover tried finding him in the mix of bloodied bodies and such. The words were both sickening just from the bad acting, but also very understandable and relatable to an extent.

When people began to file out, Steve looked back at Natasha with a smile before he asked, "So whatever shall we do now Ms. Romanoff?"

She laughed softly before thinking a bit and sighing softly. "I'm not sure Mr. Rogers," she replied, whispering the last bit softly before she continued. "What would you like to do?"

He hummed in thought for a moment before looking around then replying, "Well, I think there's a theater over in Hastings if you'd like to go for a film, if not we could go to the beach or find another historical landmark. I think Camber Castle is actually not far from home and we should be back in time for the last tour."

She thought about his options before smiling as she said, "Let's do Camber Castle. We can go to a film another day."

Steve smiled and nodded before he gently patted her arm to let him up, only for her to laugh and shake her head no. She wrapped her legs around his waist, locking them there and laughing softly as he looked back at her. It had been years since he had seen her this carefree in public, and it made him happy to know that she hadn't lost that side of her in the separation. He let out a small sigh before he slipped the strap of the camera over his head to rest around his neck before his hands came down to lift her up as he stood, holding the back of her thighs as he hoisted her up a bit with a chuckle.

"Good?" He asked looking back at her and earning a nod in return.

"Always," she replied as she leaned her head against his with a smile. He chuckled again and nodded before he started walking towards the ruins of the Abbey at the top of the hill. He smiled softly as he walked, passing by people, some aweing and others just gawking at his speed up the hill while carrying her. It was rather funny to be honest but in truth, he was moving quickly so no one would notice him. It wasn't even because he didn't want someone to call in his appearance, it was just because he didn't want people to make a huge fuss about him being there.

"You know, with as many cameras and such that were out today, someone was bound to have got us in a picture or on video." She said quietly to him after a few moments causing him to sigh and nod.

"Yeah, I know," he replied after a few moments, his voice quiet and a bit unsure.

"It'll be okay," she whispered to him, causing him to sigh softly and nod.

"I know," he said as he looked back at her for a moment and smiled once he got on level ground. She stared at his face for a moment before giving him an encouraging smile and leaning forward a bit to kiss him as his gate slowed down a bit. He smiled and kissed her back softly as she squeezed him around her shoulders as she whispered, "I'll be right there with you, I promise."

He smiled happily up at her before kissing her quickly again and whispering, "Thank you."

She nodded with a smile as he looked back ahead of them and walked to the truck with a rather content and happy smile on his face. He loved how Natasha was willing to jeopardize her job to stay with him, but it wasn't something that he wanted her to do. He knew just how much S.H.I.E.L.D and the Avengers meant to her. Fury had brought them all together, giving her people she could trust and depend on and be there for her when she needed them, and Steve wasn't going to make her throw all that away. Yet, was going back to Avenging something he really wanted to do? 

He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind once they got to the truck. He decided to think more on it later at another time to carefully assess his options. He opened the door and turned around before he squatted down a bit as to sit her down inside, bringing a laugh from her as she said, "Well thank you my kind sir."

"You're most welcome my dear," he replied with a smile down at her before he leaned down and kissed her lips softly with a hum. She giggled against his lip as she kissed him back before he pulled away with a smile and gently closed the door after stepping away after a moment. He walked around to the drivers side and got in where he took the camera off from around his neck and set it in the bag again in the floor before he dug his keys out of his pocket. Once he found them, he started the truck and gave it a moment to warm up.

"Is there anywhere else you'd like to go before he head over to the Castle?" He asked her and looked over to her, raising an eyebrow as he let the truck run for a moment.

"Not that I know of, I'm still rather full from those danishes earlier," she answered and earned a nod. Truth was, ever since her little bad habit of not eating properly, she hadn't been able to eat as she should have. Though really, she hadn't been able to ever since the Red Room which Steve knew and rarely questioned. He had made sure though that she was well nourished, even if she ate multiple snacks a day and one big meal.

He smiled when he felt her scoot over beside him causing him to look down at her as she curled into his side before she took his free hand after he switched the gears to drive. She laced their fingers together while holding his hand in her lap before she laid her head against his shoulder with a small content smile. She was quiet for a few moments as they made the short drive towards the Castle before she finally asked, "Why me?"

Steve looked down at her and raised an eyebrow when he heard her before he asked, "Why you what?"

"Why did you pick me?" She asked him as she looked up at him from her spot on his shoulder. He tilted his head a bit before looking back at the road while letting out a small sigh.

"Okay first off, you make it sound like there was a string of girls lined up and I had to pick from all of you," he said and let out a small chuckle as she laughed softly. "And second off, I didn't pick you, you slowly pulled me in until you were all I could think about. Besides, we've already had this conversation last night."

She smiled softly when she heard him before she shook her head and replied, "Maybe I just like hearing you say it. To know why you picked me out of everyone else because technically there was a string of girls lined up. There was Lilian from accounting, Julian from forensics, Sharon from no man's land, pretty sure Agent Hill even had a thing for you there for a bit, then there was that girl from the cafe, as well as me and every other girl that you came in contact with. Not to mention the memory of Peggy Carter. So I'll ask again, what made a red, cold-blooded killing Russian so special?"

He couldn't help the small laugh before he gave her hand a gentle squeeze, bringing it up and kissing her knuckles softly.   
"Because none of them have what you have Nat. They all try to be what Captain America would want, not someone that Steve Rogers would want, better yet, someone that both want. You happen to fit both wants," He said with a smile as he looked down at her for a moment before he held her hand against his cheek.

She smiled softly at him before leaning up and kissing his cheek lovingly. "You're a man of many mysteries Steven Rogers. Nevertheless, I love you all the same, and I'm forever thankful that you want me just as much as I want you." She said softly earning a happy smile in return before he kissed her cheek.

"As am I Natasha, as am I." He replied back to her with one of the most honest and happiest smiles that he had ever worn within the last ten years as he continued to drive.

~~~

It was well past dark when they finally got home hours later, Steve pulling the truck up next to the curb and smiling softly as he looked over at the woman beside him who was forcing her eyes open. After they had reached Camber Castle, they spent the rest of the daylight hours exploring every inch of the castle ruins and land surrounding it which wasn't much but they did get to see and pet some sheep. After that they had gone and got some food at one of the pubs and had a few drinks, making the day of walking and exploring finally settle into Natasha alongside the alcohol.

She smiled tiredly up at him, causing him to chuckle before he shook his head a bit and said, "Come on then sleepy girl. Let's get you inside and in bed hmm?"

She smiled up at him before nodding in agreement causing him to get out as she scooted over to the door. He held his arms out to her before she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling tiredly as he lifted her out of the truck and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Steve smiled softly as he hoisted her up a bit before he made his way to the gate, after shutting the door with his butt, and into the backyard. He walked up to the door and unlocked it after finding the right key before going in and using his butt again to close the door. She smiled softly as she leaned against him, thankful for the man who supported her like he did before she mumbled, "Thank you for today."

Steve smiled softly at her sleepy rambling before he turned his head and kissed her forehead gently while he went towards the stairs. "There is no need to thank me love," he said softly as he climbed the stairs carefully, not wanting to slip or drop her, before he went down the hall once he reached the second floor. He paused at her door before feeling her shake her head and say, "I wanna sleep in your room."

"Do you want to change clothes?" He asked with a smile, finding the trained assassin adorable as she tried not to fall asleep there on his shoulder. He earned a shake of the head before she said, "One of your shirts."

He laughed softly and nodded before he said, "Very well then Duchess." He made his way down to the bedroom where he spotted Merlin and Winston laying there asleep on the bed, bringing a smile to the man's face as the pair looked up at them when they came in. He went over to the bedside and gently sat her down as he said, "Get undressed while I find you a shirt alright."

She nodded much like a sleepy child before she began to take the clothing off while he went over to the dresser and found her a grey t shirt. He nodded to himself before getting his own set of pajama bottoms as well as a tank top then going back over to her. He laid his clothes down then looked at Natasha who was fully undressed and held up her arms for the shirt to be put on. He smiled softly and shook his head before he helped her get the shirt on. "There we go love, now get under the blankets," he said causing her to nod as she did so, quickly apologizing to Winston when she accidentally hit him. He watched as she stroked the fur on his head quickly earning a few licks to the palm before he got up and curled up against her, bringing a round of quiet laughter from her.

Steve smiled softly at the sight before he got changed, gathering all the dirty clothes and tossing them into the rather full hamper. He made a mental note to do laundry tomorrow before climbing into bed and getting comfortable. He let out a deep sigh before Natasha curled up against him, causing Merlin to get up and climb atop of Steve's stomach, curling up there as Steve wrapped his arms around Natasha, pausing to pet the cat with a smile.

"Goodnight Natasha," he whispered quietly to her with a hum causing her to smile with closed eyes. He reached over and petted Winston who leaned into his touch a bit before fixing his arms around his lover.

"Goodnight Steve," she whispered as she got comfortable, laying her head on his chest over his heart and let out a sleepy sigh. She loved falling asleep to the sound of his beating heart as well as waking up to it. The steady thump had been missed by the woman who longed to hear it for ten years, and now that she had her lullaby back she wasn't going to let it go ever again.

Silence passed between the two for a few moments as they laid there, sleep slowly claiming both of them before he heard Natasha mumble a near asleep filled, "я люблю тебя."

Steve smiled loving yet sleepily down at her, his sleepy blues turning down to look at her before he kissed her head softly and replied, "I love you too Natasha."

She snuggled down into him, her arms around him tightening a bit causing him to smile and close his eyes. It took a few more minutes as he laid there for her breathing to even out signaling that she was finally asleep. He smiled softly as he held onto her tightly as he focused on her breathing and the way that Merlin and Winston slept peacefully around him before he finally let sleep claim him, sighing softly as he fell into the blackness of sleep with a smile on his lips. 


	13. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay! Things got really messed up at work and yeah, it's just been crazy! However here is a update and I hope you all enjoy!

**_Chapter 13: Light._ **

Two weeks had past causing the settled in Autumn season to drift further into the later month of October. The leaves had changed into deeper shades of mosaic reds, oranges, and golds over the time following the trip to the Battle Abbey and reenactment, which in turn lead to more trips out to landmarks and historical visits. Each passing day, each trip they took, found the couple becoming more enthralled with each other. It was like no time had passed within the ten years of being separated. Daily and nightly outings found the couple wrapped in each other, laughing, acting like teenagers in their first real romance just like it had been before he left. Every other day, on his way home from work, Steve would stop and purchase flowers from the market or even make a special trip over to Mrs. Whitmore's or Mrs. Donnelly's, Charles's wife, and pick a special bouquet for her. And each time he brought them home to her, he would watch her face light up with a smile that matched her eyes every single time.

Natasha was no different, she always found a way to surprise the man. She had even gone to Charles one day and asked him to help her learn to cook, which in turn lead her to take cooking classes. Sure she could have asked Steve for help, but she didn't want to trouble him with it especially after he would work all day at the post office and or at one of the elderly people's house. So now, when he came home, she would have dinner prepared and waiting on the table for him which in turn had brought a very proud filled smile to his face. She had even received a very, vigorous, reward for it once she had told him how she had managed it.

The thought alone brought a tiny smile to the otherwise gloomy looking redhead who was curled up in the corner on the couch watching the fire slowly burn the log there as she waited for Steve to get home. She bit her lip as her thumb ghosted over the scar there on her stomach, that was covered by his white button-down with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows that she wore along with a pair of black yoga pants. The house was filled with the scent of zucchini lasagna that was finishing baking in the oven, yet, it wasn't making a rumbley in her tummy like it usually did. She had slipped into her rather unhappy mood when she saw what day it was, an hour or so after Steve had left to go to work, and it wasn't like she tried to stay within the mood. She had tried to get herself out of it by taking Merlin and Winston out for a walk through the park but that just seemed to make her heart hurt even more when she saw what she could have had. So she went home and worked on her Halloween costume that Steve was helping her make, which was Daphne from Scooby Doo, but even that didn't work.

So instead she just decided to do some housework to get her mind off of the looming spiders that slowly began to weave her insecurities, her self-hatred, her pain, within her head. She washed, dried and put away all the laundry, changed the bedsheets and washed the used ones, scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen from top to bottom, as well as the living room. After she finished all that she had taken a shower then made their dinner and had nothing really left to do which was why she found herself sitting on the couch.

She was thankful when she heard the front door open, looking over to see Steve come through the door with a small bundle of Kaffir Lilies and Anemones in his hand with a smile on his lips. But the smile soon disappeared when he saw the look she wore, instead a worried look crossed his face causing him to close the door and walk over to her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, laying the flowers on the table there in front of them as he sat down beside her and took her hand. She looked over at him and gave him a small unconvincing smile before shaking her head. "Nothing," she said before she heard the timer for the lasagna go off. She looked over his shoulder to it for a moment then looked back at him as she gave him a small smile and spoke before he could say anything. "Why don't you run up and get changed and I'll get the rest of supper ready?"

Steve looked at her for a moment before nodding a bit then leaning over and kissing her cheek. "Alright, I'll be back in a moment," he said which made her smile grow a bit more while she nodded a bit. She watched him get up and go to the stairs before climbing them, causing her to get up and get the flowers he had brought her. She smiled softly and made her way to the kitchen where she turned off the timer before getting the vase of dying flowers there. She took the old ones out, laying them on the counter before pouring the old water into the sink then putting fresh in. She carefully put the new ones in and smiled softly, feeling a bit better now as she leaned in and smelled of them for a moment and nodded a bit before she got the old flowers and went to the back door where she tossed them over towards the fence with the others that lined the fenceline. She made her way back inside where she got her oven mitts and pulled the glass pan out from the oven and turning it off after sitting the pan on a wire rack to cool.

Upstairs, Steve had noticed the changed sheets and fuller dresser and closet, and not just solely for the fact that her clothes now mixed with his. He looked back towards the door for a moment and bit his lip, wringing his brain for anything that could be wrong but she hadn't let on to anything the past few days. Maybe she felt too domesticated, he knew she had never been this long without a mission in all the years he had known her. This brought a deep, troubled sigh from the blonde as he changed into a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Once he tossed the dirty clothes in the hamper he made his way back down the stairs and into the kitchen where he saw Natasha finish setting the table. He watched her for a moment before he saw the small smile as she looked up at him and said, "What would you like to drink?"

"Water is fine," he said earning a nod before she went over to the fridge and got a glass pitcher of the water out. She grabbed two glasses from the shelf then made her way over to the table where she sat the glasses down and poured their drinks then sat down across from him after putting their glasses down in front of their plates.

"How was your day?" She asked as she picked up her fork and began to cut her food up like he was.

"It was rather boring, though, I did see this rather cute redhead this morning in the park while I was walking past it. She was walking a cat and a dog and had this sad look about her. I felt like going over and asking her what was wrong but I had this feeling that she wouldn't tell me because she doesn't want to upset me. Just like she always does," he replied, looking up from his plate to her and smiling softly at her.

Natasha lifted her eyes from her plate to meet his with a murderous look in them when he said that he saw a cute redhead until he continued talking and she figured out that he meant her. A blush colored her cheeks when it all clicked before she looked down at the plate again and bit her lip.

"Because she doesn't want to bother you with her silly emotions." She replied quietly and lifted her eyes again up to look at him. Steve let out a small sigh before he reached over and took her free hand in his, lacing their fingers together and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Natasha," he started softly and gave her a small smile, "that's what I'm here for. I want you to bother me with them. I want you to tell me when somethings wrong so I can help you feel better or fix whatever it is. No matter what it is, alright? Because here's the thing, anything bothering you bothers me."

She bit her lip as she listened to him before biting her lip and nodding a bit. "Okay," she said and gave him a smile as she returned the gentle squeeze to his hand.

Steve smiled and nodded a bit, waiting for her to say something but only earning silence instead as she began to eat. He let out a small sigh and looked down at his plate before he started to eat as well, noticing that she was pushing her food around more than actually eating which brought a small frown from him. He just really wished that she would open up to him and tell him what was bothering her.

He was about halfway finished when he finally got his wish, seeing her look up at him out of his peripherals. "Ten years ago today I lost her," she said quietly as she looked at him, watching as his ocean blue eyes found her emerald green ones. His frown seemed to deepen on his face when he heard and registered what she meant before he gently tugged at her hand and scooted back away from the table some. She got up and went around to him where she sat down across his lap and curled into his hold. Steve wrapped his arm around her and kissed her forehead softly when she laid her head against his shoulder, letting go of his hand only to wrap her arms around his waist.

He didn't say anything for a few moments, unsure of what to say to her to make it better seeing that he was also part of the reason that she had lost their baby.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly to her as he pressed his lips to her forehead again.

"Me too," she said just as quietly as her fingers gently curled into fists around his shirt.

They went silent again before he said, "Maybe one day, we can try for another." He hoped to be encouraging but the shaky breath she inhaled said that he wasn't.

"The doctor said that the chances of me ever getting pregnant again, even by an enhanced individual, would be a half a chance in a billion. He said that the surgery they did on me in the Red Room, though very efficient, had somehow begun to heal itself. He also said that either way the chances of carrying full term would have been difficult. Something about how my cervix is still weak or incompetent and could lead to either an early birth or late miscarriage, again." She explained, the last bit coming out a bit more quiet than the rest of it. She looked up at him to see the sadness there in his eyes and frowned, not liking that she had made him upset.

"Well, even if there is just a half a chance for you to get pregnant again, if that's what you want then I'll do what I can to see to it that you get what you want. Even if that means another form of making sure that you get children. I'm no medical expert, but I've heard that there's this thing called surrogates, or where they can take an egg and sperm from the mother and father and kinda make one that way or something. There's even adoption too," he said as he looked down at her, holding onto her tightly while smiling softly and a bit encouragingly.

She gave him a small smile, finding his lack of knowledge and want to make her feel better rather sweet and adorable, as she looked up at him before gently shaking her head. She loved that he felt the want to do anything for her to make sure that she could have a child, but she knew that if she carried a baby again and lost it then she wouldn't be able to handle it. "Steve, as much as I love that you would do anything to see to it that we could have a child, I don't think that I could handle it. I would hate the thought of another woman carrying your child, and the thought of them growing our baby in a test tube like a lab experiment is just insane. And besides, who would let me of all people adopt a child? No matter how many times I've helped save the world, people can't look past the Black Widow, the actual killer, that I am ever since I released S.H.I.E.L.D's files into the internet. Even with you as the other parent, I don't think it would be very easy for us." She said sounding more deflated than anything.

Steve sighed and looked over to the window over the sink, her words hitting him a bit harder than he expected them to. It was true, that even though he had told Tony all those years ago that he didn't want a family or stability, it was for Natasha because he had thought that she couldn't have them. That she couldn't give them a child, but she could give them stability and that was enough for him. Yet, he had always entertained the thought of having a child around. To hear the little pitter patter of feet running down the hall, seeing a perfectly combined mixture of Natasha and him, raising it to be respectable and honorable. But when it came down to Natasha, he was willing to let all of that go and just have her. So, he did what he did best and clamped a lid down on the thought, locking it tightly away and looking back down at her with a small smile.

"If that's what you want Nat," he said softly to her, earning a small, teary-eyed smile. She knew that Steve was willing to let go of any chance of a family for her, that he would shove down his own wants and give her what she wanted. She knew that she was being selfish and inconsiderate in a way, asking him to do that, but she knew she herself wouldn't be able to. She knew that she wouldn't be able to raise someone else's child while she couldn't have one of her own. She knew that even if they could do a lab pregnancy, she wouldn't want it to grow up being experimented on like a lab rat. Even if she could have a child, she would keep it off of S.H.I.E.L.D's files so they wouldn't try to run any sort of test on it simply for being the second generation, by genetics, super soldier.

She buried her face in his neck as a tear slipped down her cheek before she let out a small and shaky breath. She felt Steve's hand come up and comb through her hair before he whispered, "It'll be okay Nat. Maybe not today or a few months from now but one day, I promise, it will be okay."

She nodded against his neck a bit as she held onto him a bit tighter, not really saying anything because she didn't know what to say. But really, what could she say? That she agreed with him? Well she kinda did, but it had been ten years since the death of their baby girl and yet it still hit her hard as if it had just happened. The scar tissue still hurt as well as the mental memory of knowing she could have had what she always wanted, yet she lost it due to both of their faults.

Steve pressed his lips to the top of her head as he let out a deep sigh. He could only imagine how hard it was for Natasha, having to have gone through it all alone yet still be in love with the man who halfway caused it. For that, he couldn't help but break himself apart for bringing such heartache and pain to her. But then, in the middle of his self-hatred, a thought popped in his head, something to possibly cheer her up and even himself.

"Say, I wanna take you somewhere, it's not far really, give or take thirty minutes. I was going to take you tomorrow, but I think today might be a better day for it." He said as he looked down at her and raised an eyebrow to see if she was up for it.

She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow, wondering what he had planned and why he thought today would be a better day for it. She didn't think he was stupid or being insensitive, but was just curious as to why. She finally let out a small sigh before she nodded and replied, "Okay, but I'm not going to change. I'm comfy."

He laughed softly before he nodded a bit, leaning forward and kissing her head with a smile. He thought it was absolutely adorable that she used comfy instead of comfortable and her refusal to change out of her outfit was just as adorable if he was being completely honest with himself. "That's completely fine love. But you will need shoes and probably a jacket." He said with a smile as he looked down at her only to earn a smile and nod. "Come on then, you run on upstairs and get your shoes and a jacket while I clean up real quick okay." He said softly before helping her up then getting up himself. She nodded without saying anything before she turned and walked to the stairs, climbing them one at a time and disappearing up them.

Steve started clearing the table with a small sigh, biting his lip as he cleaned the plates off then washed them and put them away. He got a roll of saran wrap down and covered the leftovers before he put them away in the fridge as well as the pitcher of water. He stood there for a moment, his head trailing off with the thought of him having a little girl that didn't even get a chance in this world because of both of her parents. He looked down at his feet for a moment as guilt and sadness swelled inside of him, but his brain wondered if and how he could ever make it up to Natasha. She never asked for anything, never let on to anything she really wanted. She had told him once that as long as she had him, there was nothing more that she could want. He reached up and pushed his fingers through his hair with a small sigh before he remembered something Derek had told him years ago from a funeral service he had attended of one of his friend's from the army.

"Hey Natasha?! Where's your phone?" He called out as he went to the foyer where he got his keys, wallet, and brown leather jacket while listening for her reply.

"On the washer!" She called back as he heard her walking down the hall.

"Thanks!" He shouted back to her then walked to the fridge where he got a list of numbers then walked over to the washroom as he put the jacket on. He got the phone before he unlocked it and pulled up the phone where he entered Derek's number then held it to his ear.

He waited for a moment, listening to the ringing before it was answered.

"Hello?" Derek said, sounding a bit confused causing Steve to smile a bit.

"Hey, it's Steve. Listen I got a favor to ask. Does your mum still have that butterfly farm?" He asked as he looked back over his shoulder to make sure Natasha didn't sneak up on him. He couldn't help but want to surprise her and possibly make the trip a little more special and personal.

"Bloody hell, you finally got in the loop of society did ya mate?" Derek replied first with a laugh, knowing that Steve didn't keep a cell. Hell, he didn't even know that Steve still had the one that he had used all those years ago for Tony, except it was buried in the bottom of a steamer trunk in the attack. "And yeah she does, why?" He added after a moment causing Steve to let out a small sigh of relief after a laugh.

"Not really, it's Natasha's. I was asking because I need you to get ten of them, doesn't matter the species or color, and meet me at the Skybus launch field in Ashford. I'll give you the money for it as well." He said quietly as he heard Natasha enter the kitchen. He turned to her and gave her a small smile as she raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"Alright, I'm over here anyway. What time do I need to be there?" He asked causing Steve to smile as he held his hand out to her, beckoning her closer.

"Well, we're fixing to leave now so maybe about twenty, thirty minutes? And make sure that their covered, I want to surprise Natasha." Steve replied in a hushed whisper into the mouthpiece earning an unseen nod and okay. They said their goodbyes before he hung up the call and looked down to Natasha who was looking at him with an arched eyebrow.

"Who was that?" She asked him as he opened the door for her to lead her outside. He made sure the door was locked before walking her down the sidewalk and to the truck with a small shrug.

"It was Derek, I had a favor to ask him," he replied with a small smile as he looked down at her.

"What kind of favor?" She asked causing him to shrug a bit as she looked up at him.

"Well, it's kind of a surprise. You'll see when we get there," he replied as he looked down at her with a smile before they reached the truck and he opened the passenger door for her. He helped her in, bypassing the curious look she gave him before leaning down and kissing her cheek. She gave him a smile in return before he shut the door and walked around the front as he pulled out his keys then got in. He started up the truck and let it run for a moment before turning the heat on low. He looked over at her as she scooted over beside him causing him to wrap his arm around her before he shifted the truck into drive and pulled away from the curb.

They spent the ride in silence, letting the radio play dull background music as she looked out the window to the passing scenery. She could honestly admit, that the countryside Steve drove through as well as the part of England he decided to reside in was honestly one of the most beautiful sceneries she had ever been witness to, including Wakanda's and her own homelands. She bit her lip as she looked off to the slowly lowering sun, finding the colors it painting the sky an absolutely gorgeous. She bit her lip as she leaned into Steve a bit more causing him to look down at her and smile a bit when he saw a small smile there on her face. He brushed her fingers over her side with a hum causing her to chuckle softly before laying her head on his shoulder.

"How much longer till we get to where we're going?" She asked after a few more moments passed and he made a turnoff.

"Well, about a minute or two," he said with a smile as he drove the old blue truck down the paved road. She raised an eyebrow at him before she looked out to the scenery, trying to see past the trees there. What she saw when they finally went through the opening caused her eyebrow to raise even further when she saw the large baskets and large quantities of colorful fabric stretched across the field. "What's this?" She asked bringing a small chuckle from him as he pulled up beside a very familiar car causing Natasha to look from the odd scenery and see Derek there getting out. "What's he doing here?" She asked before he could respond to the first question as he shut the truck off.

"This is a hot air balloon field, and he is here because he's bringing me something," Steve answered with a smile before he got out then held out his hand to get her out. Her eyes lit up a bit when she heard him before she got out and looked off to the field asking, "What's he bringing you?"

"You'll see soon enough," he said softly and kissed her head. "You stay right here and I'll be right back." He added as she nodded and went towards the end of the parking lot where she leaned a bit over the white wood fence to get a closer look. Steve smiled softly as he shut the door before going over to Derek who got a small cage that was covered with a white sheet out of the backseat of his car.

"Here you go mate, ten multi colored, uhh, you know whats." Derek said quietly to him as his eyes darted over to Natasha who was looking at the field full of baskets.

"Thanks mate, did you tell your mum hello from me?" Steve asked as he got his wallet out and got a few bills out.

"I did, she said hello and that you're welcome to as many butterflies as you need, no charge since you're pretty much family." He said with a chuckle and waved the money off with his free hand.

Steve let out a small sigh before shook his head and smiled softly. He folded up a bill and held it out to him as he said, "Tell her I said thank you. I look forward to seeing her come Christmas. And this is for you, gas money for coming all the way out here for me."

Derek handed the cage over to him with a smile, taking the bill from him knowing that Steve wouldn't take no for an answer.

"I'm actually going back over, Tatiana and I have some exciting news for her and you as well. We got engaged the other night," Derek said with a smile before he saw Natasha come over to join them. " 'ello Natasha," he added with the same smile and nod in her direction.

"Hello Derek," she said with a smile and nodded back to him.

"That's great to hear Derek, I'm happy for you," Steve replied with a smile and clapped him on the shoulder with his free hand. Natasha looked up at him curiously before looking to Derek with a raised eyebrow. "Tatiana and I are engaged," Derek explained bringing a smile from Natasha.

"That's great, congratulations," she said as she shifted a bit closer to Steve who moved the cage to his other hand so he could wrap his arm around Natasha.

Derek nodded happily to them both before he back up towards the still open driver's door. "Thanks, but hey, I really need to get going. Mums cooking tonight and it's been forever since I had her shepherd's pie," he said causing Steve to laugh and nod.

"Don't forget to tell her thanks for me," he called out causing Derek to reply with an okay before getting into his car as Steve started leading Natasha to the door of the building there.

"So when are you going to tell me what's under the sheet?" She asked as she looked up at him with a smile. She was feeling a bit better, having seen part of this surprise Steve had brought her to even after hearing about Derek and his now fiance's engagement. She had always wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride but never really had the chance to. She knew it was probably a silly thing seeing that she flew on jets and planes, paraglided, hang glided, and skydived, but never not once had she ever been up in a hot air balloon. So yeah, she was rather excited about it.

Steve chuckled when he heard her before shaking his head a bit and leaning down to kiss her head. "Soon enough love," he replied to her and smiled lovingly down at her. He couldn't help the happiness that filled him at knowing that he was making her feel better. Who knew, maybe this would help her find peace in what had happened and allow her to step forward. He had no intentions of wanting her to forget, no, he wanted to help her overcome the crushing feeling of loss on this day. Kind of like a memorial for them, for them to both grieve, together, over what was lost to them because of their bad decisions.

She opened the door for him with a small smile before following him and looking towards the middle-aged woman who greeted them. Natasha noticed that she eyed Steve a bit longer than she needed to, causing the redhead to step closer to Steve almost in a possessive way as they walked towards the counter.

"Hello there, and what can I do for you?" The woman asked as she looked at Natasha then the cage and back up to Steve. He sat the cage on the counter before he answered her with a small almost charming smile. "I had a reservation for tomorrow to take my girl air ballooning but something came up that I have to take care of at the same time. I was wondering if there was any chance that there might be a spot open for today that we could do instead of having to cancel completely?"

A smile tugged at Natasha's lips at both the accent and the way he called her his girl as well as the fact that he was laying it on thick to get his way. She'd be lying if she said that it didn't make her feel warm and fuzzy on the inside when he called her his, letting everyone he told it to that he was off the market and hers. She leaned further into him with a smile as she looked up at him then over to the lady who seemed to be slightly glossy eyed from staring at him which made her feel a bit more possessive.

"Well, actually we had a cancelation for a ride. Let me go check and see if the pilot would be willing to take you on up. But first, I must ask, what's under the sheet?" The woman replied causing Steve to lift the sheet and show the woman who got a huge smile on her face before looking to Natasha.

"You got yourself a keeper don't you," the woman said with a smile causing Natasha to smile and nod in agreement.

"Yes, yes I do," she said and looked up at Steve who looked down at her at the same time. The pair smiled softly at each other as the woman said she would be right back before disappearing through a door behind the counter.

"I suppose I could show you what's in here now," Steve said as he took the sheet off carefully causing Natasha's wondering eyes to fall onto the cage.

"Steven," she whispered softly in awe as she looked at the ten colorful butterflies there fluttering about in the cage. She looked up at him with a soft smile, her heart skipping several beats when she saw them and getting the general idea after counting each different butterfly.

"I thought we could release them while we were up in the air, kind of like a memorial service of sorts. Derek told me about how he went to this funeral for one of his army friend's and they released a lot of butterflies at the end. That's why I called him and had him bring these from his mum's, so we could do something like that for her. I mean, I know its~" He explained to her before being cut off by her lips coming up to meet his while her hand rested gently on his cheek. Steve smiled softly against her lips and kissed her back before she pulled back and looked up at him with tear stained eyes.

"You are the sweetest and most amazing man that I know, and I love you so much for it along with everything else that makes you, you." She whispered, her voice thick with the tears she was fighting back only to have one fall out of the corner of her eye. Steve reached up and gently swiped it off her cheek as he smiled softly down at her and whispered, "I love you too Natasha."

"Good news! The pilot said that he'd take ya up," the woman said as she came back in before pausing when she saw the two there. She bit her lip as her cheeks heated up a bit from interrupting them and rocked back on her heels a bit as the pair looked over at her.

"Great," Steve said with a smile before he gently tucked Natasha back into his side. Natasha smiled as she wrapped both arms around him, staring at the butterflies with her soft green eyes and feeling her heart swell with love for the man she held as he got his wallet out to pay. She really couldn't have asked for a better man than him, he was everything she needed and wanted and so much more. Yes, she may have believed that he was too good for her and that she didn't deserve him but she wasn't stupid enough to let him go again. Steve Rogers had worked his way so far into her system that she knew she would never be able to let him leave her again and if by chance something did cause him to leave, it would be the death of her. He was the good to counteract the bad she had both been through and committed. He was her strength when she was weak and her protector when she could not protect herself.

"Come on then love," Steve whispered to her, pulling her from her thoughts, as he got the cage before leading her over to a door that opened up to the field where the deflated balloons and baskets sat. She smiled as she followed him, looking around as he lead the way to where a man who looked to be in his late fifties or sixties squatted next to a large basket and was turning a huge flame on and off. A few others were seen helping the man as they stood back and watched the already half full balloon slowly inflate causing both to smile. She noted it to be rather loud, but not overbearingly loud as they watched before she heard someone call out to them from the side, "Hi there. Are you two the ones going up?"

They turned to see another gentleman coming over to them as Steve responded with a, "Yes sir."

"Great, well, it'll be a few more minutes till they get 'er all the way inflated. Is this your first times?" He responded and earned a nod from them causing the man to nod before he launched into explaining the do's and don't while being in one. If only the man knew what Steve and Natasha had done for work, he probably wouldn't have been going over all the safety precautions he was. However, by the time he finished, the balloon was inflated prompting them to go over and get into the basket.   
"Ya ready?" The man asked as the others let go of the basket and it slowly started to scoot across the ground while the two nodded. Natasha moved to the front of the basket as Steve came up behind her after sitting the cage down beside her and wrapped his arms around her waist, both smiled happily when she laid her hands over his.

The sound from the burners when the pilot turned the flame on reminded Steve of a blowtorch, but it didn't have any bad reaction from him which was good. He smiled softly as they slowly lifted into the air, Natasha biting her lip as she watched the ground slowly leave them as they were lifted into the air.

Within a few moments, they were floating over the treetops and floating higher into the air. "This is amazing Steve, thank you," she said quietly to him when the burners went on and looked over at him seeing that he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"There's no need to thank me love," he said quietly as he looked over at her and smiled happily, enjoying the smile there on her face and in her eyes. It made him happy to know that he could make her feel better by a small simple thought and activity. He gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed her cheek before the pair rested their heads against each other and looked back out over the scenery of upcoming farmlands and fields.

Natasha's eyes took in everything and smiled softly as she thought about just how lucky she was to have a man this obsessed with making sure she felt loved and happy. It even made her think about what she had said earlier to him and question whether or not she could really make him sacrifice not having a family if he wanted one. She knew he had lost his parents due to war and a failed economy that lacked medical resources both available and not available at that time. That he lost Bucky and Peggy which were his only attachment to his past and people he held close to him. He had lost his makeshift family when he and Tony had their falling out, only to get another makeshift group of people that he considered family. But when the snap was delivered by Thanos, that took a lot of them away from him. Even after they brought as many as they could back from the quantum realm, and he had his family back, it wasn't the same and he ended up losing them again when he disappeared.

She knew that Steve had sacrificed more in his short-lived life than anyone else, from the time he was a child till now. He had put his life on the line multiple times, had lost so many people he cared about, and even had his own country that he loved turn their backs to him and call him a war criminal. He had been torn apart, beat down, rejected, bullied, forced to go against everything he knew was right, put in too many compromising situations because he was doing what he thought was right, outcasted, and experimented on. Yet, no matter what happened, he always got back up even when he didn't want to, he always found a way, and he was always there when people needed him.

But then she thought about the lack of his presence for ten years, how he had gotten as far as he could to a safe place to lay low and get everything sorted back out. He left to protect everyone, from himself, and in turn, left himself truly alone beside from the occasional visit he said he had from Thor. Sure he had his two friends there in Rye, acquaintances just from day to day life, yet no one but Derek and Tatiana knew who he was and she was sure they didn't know all of him. So how could she be as bold as brass to even think for a second that she could deny him his own family, even if it was adoption?

Her eyes fell to their overlapping hands, causing her to bit her lip as she thought for a few moments longer on it. Would, no could was a better word, she be that selfish?

"Whatever it is you're thinking about, stop," she heard him say quietly causing her to look over at him only to find that he had been watching her.

Her cheeks heated up a bit before she looked down slightly and sighed softly. "I was thinking about our conversation earlier at the house, and how I'm being selfish by denying you a family." She whispered as she leaned back into him, his arms tightened around her a bit more as she looked out over the air and ground then felt him kiss her shoulder gently. "Natasha, you're not denying me anything I haven't denied myself for over a hundred years. The man who wanted all that went into the ice all those years ago." He whispered quietly to her as the pilot turned the burners on for a moment then back off.

"Don't repeat that bullshit you fed Tony to me," she scoffed quietly and looked up at him with a serious look in her eyes. "You can't stand here and tell me that since you found out that I carried your daughter, you haven't thought about having a little one running around, being called daddy or dad, threatening to seriously injure anyone who didn't treat her like you would treat her, and all that. Because you'd be a liar if you said you haven't." She said, watching as the blonde sighed and his eyes moved down a bit to look at her cheek instead of her eyes.

It was true, he had thought about it a lot more than he probably should have. Some might even say that he had an unhealthy obsession with the thoughts, but he didn't care. He would ask anyone who questioned his thoughts at that point what would they do? Just move past it? Ignore the thoughts and go on? Pretend that what had happened didn't happen? Maybe someone else could have, but not him. He couldn't ignore it and pretend. Sure, he may have not have known about it when it first happened but damn it, it was his child too that was lost and he was allowed those thoughts and moments to feel a loss.

"Okay fine, yes I'd like to have a family. But seriously Natasha, I won't ask you to see if we can have that half a chance just to risk losing another child. I won't ask you to have it be conceived in a test tube and lab and have them run test after test on it. I won't ask you to raise someone else's when you can't have your own. What you went through, I might not understand it completely on the same level or have known about it all that long, but I do understand because it was my child too. And knowing that the woman I have loved for years both carried and lost it, and could possibly have a repeat, I'm not going to ask you to do that. I can't ask you to do that. Maybe we're both being selfish for our own reasons, but I promise, you're not asking me to sacrifice anything that I wouldn't sacrifice willingly for you anyways." He said as he looked back up to her eyes, his firmness in the situation showing there in his blue hues through the hint of sadness that rested there mixed within all the other emotions.

She searched his eyes before she turned around in his arms, wrapping her own arms around his waist and burying her face into his neck. He reached up with one hand and held her head where it was, brushing his thumb over the red hair as his other arm tightened around her. It was like before, where neither had to say anything yet they both knew what would be said if words could be formed between them. He turned his head a bit and gently kissed the side of her head as he squeezed her gently. He knew what he was willingly giving up for her but he'd give up anything for her, all she had to do was ask. That thought alone prompted him to think about going back again, the same thoughts that had been going through his head for weeks now. He was better yes, he wasn't having constant night terrors, and it had been a long time since any day terrors had come about. So what was he waiting for? Had he just became so used to the domesticated lifestyle that he lived? Not constantly throwing his life out of a line unsure if he would be able to come back, not running around as a government clean up groupie, not having to follow anyone's orders? What was keeping him from going back with her?

"I don't mean to interrupt the little moment you two are having," the pilot said considerately causing Steve to look back at him, being pulled away from his thoughts, and raise an eyebrow. He noticed the small red on his cheeks and wondered if it was from the heat from the flame he turned on and off again or if it was from interrupting them. "We'll be coming up over Leeds Castle here in a few moments, I thought the lassy would like to see it." The pilot said almost bashfully causing Steve to nod before looking down at Natasha who smiled softly and nodded a bit before turning around again.

Steve smiled softly before looking off over the treetops, able to see over them to the slowly approaching castle before he asked her, "How about we release them over the castle?"

Natasha smiled up at him, enjoying the thought before nodding a bit. She couldn't help but think of it like him calling her his little princess which made her squeeze his arm and hum softly. She looked back out over the land and hummed softly as she watched as the grey blocks of the castle approached. She leaned out just a bit, looking at everything as it passed under them before she felt Steve let go of her waist, causing her to look at him as he bent down and got the little cage. He stepped over to the side, looking at her as she came over beside him and took his free hand. "Unhook that latch while I do this one?" He asked as he looked at her, receiving a nod in agreement before she reached around to the front, unhooking the latch at the same time he did on his side. She leaned into him as they watched the butterflies flutter out of the cage, catching the wind and gliding off back over the castle, causing a smile to rise on her lips and a small sigh to come from her.

"I love you Steve," she whispered softly as she watched the butterflies fly away, disappearing into the multicolored sky of the slowly disappearing sun.

"I love you Natasha," he replied, giving her hand a squeeze as he watched the butterflies before looking down at her and giving her a gentle smile. She looked up at him and smiled happily as she leaned up and kissed him softly. Steve smiled against her lips before kissing her back with a small hum, giving her hand another gentle squeeze as they kissed before pulling back after a moment and resting their foreheads together. "And I always will," he added softly with closed eyes until he looked down at her to find her looking up at him, her eyes holding more happiness in them then they had earlier which made him much happier. He set the cage back down before they moved back to where they had been, still holding hands as Steve wrapped his free arm around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. She smiled as she leaned back into him, letting out a relaxing breath and closing her eyes for a moment to enjoy the peacefulness between them. She opened her eyes and looked back out over the scenery, feeling like she was seeing it all with new eyes and smiling happily before looking at the man behind her that was both leaning against her and supporting her. She watched as he looked over at her, prompting another bright smile from her before she felt him squeeze her gently.

The moment that passed between them was one that the pilot could honestly say he never saw so powerful before. It was pure, raw, and unconditional, and it was truly moving to him to be witness to it. It was something that even the movies or books couldn't write and get even close to what he watched. There was nothing that could come close to it, and if he was being honest, he felt like he was watching a private moment that he shouldn't have been witness to, but felt so captivated to watch. Like one of those reaction videos you would find on YouTube when you know there are other things you should be doing or had originally gone over to watch. He looked down at his feet and shuffled them a bit before looking back up at them and smiling softly. But there was also something about the two that was familiar like he knew them from somewhere but he couldn't place it. He mentally shrugged before turning the burners on then off again and biting his lip as he looked off over the scenery while it passed below them.

"We'll be coming up to the landing sight here in a few miles," he said to them after a little while longer causing them to look back at him before nodding.

"What do you want to do when we get home?" He asked causing her to smile a bit before shrugging.

"Doesn't matter, whatever you want to do is fine with me," she said to him causing him to nod with a smile. They watched as the ground came in closer, seeing a van with the company logo on the side and a large trailer behind it there waiting, before feeling the light impact of touching down. The two men there waiting got ahold of the basket to help it come to a stop and telling Steve and Natasha to get out which caused Steve to set the cage out before getting out himself then turning to help her out. She smiled at how easy it was for him to lift her out, causing a giggle to rise out of her before she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

"Thank you Steve," she whispered to him, bringing a smile from the blonde as he leaned forward and gently kissed her.

"You're welcome Natasha," he whispered against her lips causing her to giggle softly before hugging him. He hugged her back gently before she unwrapped her legs and arms from around him after a few moments. He noticed just how much happier she was, which made him smile happily before he took her hand with a smile and led her over to the van.

"You know what we are missing?" She asked as she looked up at him, gently swinging their hands which made his already wide smile grow a bit more.

"What?" He asked, looking down at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Halloween movies," she said causing him to chuckle and nod a bit before thinking.

"Well, if you'd like, there's an electronic store in town but their probably closed by now. We can go by tomorrow and buy a television as well as movies." He replied with a small shrug as he looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. She smiled up at him and nodded in agreement as she curled into his side. "That sounds lovely actually, but only if you're okay with getting them. I know how you feel about modern technology," she said with a nod and small hum.

"Alright then," he said causing her to giggle before they leaned against the van and waited for the others.

Once the balloon was deflated and loaded up onto the trailer, they all got into the van before making their way back to the launch field. Most of the trip was spent between asking them how they liked it and silence, which sat just well with the two as they watched the passing scenery until they got back to the field they had left from. They filed out of the van, Steve giving Natasha the keys to the truck as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. He got a few bills from the spot he kept them in before handing them over to the pilot. "For doing this for us and an excellent flight," he said as he handed them over to him only to have the man hold up his hands and deny it.

"It was a privilege Captain Rogers," the man said quietly, having finally figured it out right before they had landed.

Steve's eyes went wide slightly before he looked around then back at the man, who just smiled at him. "I'm sorry, I think you got the wrong man," Steve said trying to play it off only for the man to shake his head.

"No I don't think I do lass, you're him. But don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone." He said to Steve who glanced around again then looked at the man. He bit his lip before he folded the bills up and reached over to put them in the man's shirt pocket.

"Look, what you saw today and whatever you might have overheard, you can't tell anyone." He said causing the man to sigh before taking the bills out of his pocket and putting them back in Steve's hand.

"Captain Rogers, you have my word, I won't tell a soul. Even if it kills me," he replied to Steve as he watched the blonde look down for a moment. The blue eyes that found his again made him bite his lip before he nodded a bit and reply, "I'm going to hold you to that."

The pilot nodded with a smile before Steve put the money back in his wallet and put it away. "Now get going," he said causing Steve to give him a slightly weary smile and nod. He bit his lip before he turned and headed towards the truck with his lip trapped between his teeth. When he got into the already running truck, Natasha looked at him for a moment before raising her eyebrow.

"What?" She asked him as she scooted over and put the seatbelt on at the same time he put his on.

"He knew who I was," he said almost stoically as he shifted the truck into reverse and backed out before he shifted to drive and started back the way they had come.

"What do you mean he knew who you was? I thought everyone knew you as Arthur Kingsley?" She replied as she looked up at him with a confused look on her face, watching as he shook his head a bit.

"No, he called me Captain Rogers," he said as he looked down at her causing her look of confusion to disappear and worry to replace it.

"Did you deny it?" She asked, turning and looking back towards the building they drove away from.

"I did, I said he had the wrong guy but he said he didn't and that I was who I was," Steve replied as she looked back up at him before chewing on her lip. She wondered what was going through his head and what he was going to do. He hadn't said anything recently on going back into their work, which made her want to hide him away so he wouldn't be found until he was ready.

"What are you going to do?" She asked after a few moments and looked up at him, watching the man as he thought.

He took a deep breath before shaking his head a bit and looking down at her. "Nothing. There is nothing I can do. Besides, I went out without my glasses and hat so it really is my fault, well, that and what I told you when we went to the Battle reenactment. I can't be anyone but myself if I wanna be with you, and yes I know I'm still Steve Rogers under this persona I have created but, you deserve someone who's not having to hide." Steve said before looking back at the pavement and turning onto the main road.

"But, what if someone sends the information back to S.H.I.E.L.D and they come looking too close to home?" She asked, bringing up a very good point which caused him to sigh quietly and shake his head a bit.

"I, well, I'm sure Fury will tell you if anyone does. Besides, aren't you the one supposed to be finding me?" He asked and raised an eyebrow as he looked down at her with a smile joking smile. A smile tugged at her lips before wrapping her arms around him as she leaned into him before she said, "I am, and I have."

Steve laughed softly before leaning down and kissing her head with a smile. "Yes you have," he said quietly before looking back at the road with the same smile coloring his face.

Natasha smiled happily before she laid her head against his shoulder as he drove, letting her eyes flitter over the passing scenery while her thoughts ran wild with the wonder of what would happen if someone actually told S.H.I.E.L.D where he was. She didn't know what they would do, but she did know that she would do anything for him, even if that meant running with him. She knew that she shouldn't have been thinking that way especially if she was trying to get him to go back with her, but in all reality, she had become accustomed to the life she had been living over the past few months. Yes, she missed her missions and her work, but she honestly missed Steve more than she could ever miss her work. He was her home, somewhere she knew that she would always have a place in this world.

Steve, on the other hand, had returned to his thoughts from earlier, asking himself if he could go back into working as an Avenger and for S.H.I.E.L.D. If he could revert back to being a lackey who did everyone else's bidding and wasn't allowed to make his choices. Sure he could pull the seniority card and say that he knew what he was doing, that he was doing what he believed was right, but was he really? Maybe he had the most common sense out of everyone else, not having been corrupted completely by the politics, greed, money, and even the technological advancements of the modern society. But even then, after all the years that had passed, the words of Ultron echoed in his ears.  _"Captain America. God's righteous man. Pretending you could live without a war."_ Was it true? Every time he donned the suit, put the helmet on, and holstered his shield, people seemed to die around him, no matter how much he tried to save them. Ever since that day in the old cargo ship, it echoed in his head making him wonder if the artificial intelligence was right. Could he live without a war while being Captain America?

He brushed his fingers over her side with a small sigh as he thought about everything, not realising that Natasha had been staring up at his slowly growing troubled face. "Whatever you're thinking Steve, stop." She whispered, using his own words against him, as she laid her hand over the man's heart and looked up at him.

He blinked a few times before looking down at her, a small smile tugging at his lips when he registered what she had said before he shook his head with a small sigh. "How do you know I'm thinking something that's bothering me? What if I need to think about it? To make the right choice?" He asked with a raised eyebrow and looked down at her for a moment, tilting his head a bit causing her to give him a small, tiny, smile and shake her head as she reached up and brushing her finger over a small line just above his eyebrow. "Well, aside from having known you for years and seen you at your worst, you always get this little worry line right here and these three little lines right there between your brows. And to answer your other questions, you once told me that talking about it out loud was easier for you because your head was rather loud sometimes and it confused you." She said softly bringing a smile from him before he looked back at the road and let out a small sigh.

His eyes searched the road for a few moments, his thumb continuing to brush over her side causing her to bite her lip. All too soon though they arrived back in Rye, driving down the now darkened street towards the house.

"Thank you for today," she said softly and looked up at him, watching as he smiled happily down at her before shaking his head a bit. "There's no need to thank me love. I'd do anything to make sure you're happy," he said as he leaned down and kissed her head then looked back at the road. "You know I'd do the same for you right? Do anything to make you happy?" Natasha replied and smiled as she curled into his side bringing a smile and nod from the man.

"Yes I do," he responded and gave her a gentle squeeze before he leaned down and kissed her head softly. They arrived at the house a few moments later, Steve parking on the curb before he shut the truck off and handed the keys over to Natasha who smiled as she took them.

"You run on ahead and unlock the gate and door," he said causing her to smile and nod before leaning up and kissing his cheek.

"Yes sir," she said with a hum and giggled before they got out, Natasha heading to the gate as Steve got out then followed after her. He smiled softly as he watched her cast a look back over her shoulder, bringing a small giggle from her when she saw him watching her.

"Remind you of anything?" She asked causing him to chuckle and nod in response.

"The first time we met on the Helicarrier and you led Banner and me into the panel room." He called back to her as she unlocked the door and laughed softly as she nodded in agreement.

"I had eyes for you while you had eyes for the amazement of everything around you." She laughed, bringing a laugh from him as she pushed the door open before going in and holding the door open for him, hearing the tapping of Winston's paws coming down the stairs. He went in and to the living room where the foxhound greeted him and the cat went off to the kitchen where Natasha smiled and bent down to pick him up.

They both loved and petted the animals, chuckling when they nuzzled and licked their faces before the dog and cat switched to get more loving from the other. Steve chuckled softly as Merlin crawled his way up into his arm before nudging at his cheek, bringing a laugh from him as he petted the cat. He looked over to Natasha who was smiling happily and petting Winston, a sight that Steve couldn't help but find absolutely adorable. He bit his lip and smiled when she looked up at him, the two sharing a loving smile before Merlin climbed down out of Steve's lap and made his way to the back door with Winston following after him. The two stood up, Steve making his way over to her and smiling lovingly down at her before he took her hand causing her to look up at him with a slight tilt of the head. She saw a slight look of want there in his eyes causing her smile to grow as she watched him before being caught slightly off guard when he gently spun her around and pulled her closer.

She laughed softly as she stepped closer to him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders as he wrapped his arm around her waist almost possessively before they began to gently sway back and forth. "Dancing with no music Rogers? That's a first for you," she said causing him to chuckle and shrug a bit.

"Who said you have to have music playing? Why can't I just dance with my girl without it?" He asked raising an eyebrow causing her to laugh softly and look down for a moment so he didn't see the light pink rise up on her cheeks. She'd never get tired of the way he called her his girl, or his Dame, remembering when he had called her it a few times during their first year together trying to find the right pet name to call her. Terms like princess or baby just really didn't sit well with either, but more regal titles like Dutchess and Dame stuck like glue. However every time he called her his girl, it would make her feel like a blushing teenager in her first real relationship and maybe that was what it was. Maybe it was because being with Steve was her first actual real relationship that wasn't just about the sex or trying to get what she wanted or being used. Steve had always treated her like an equal, like a Queen. He didn't try to undermind her or overrule her, he always tried to make sure she was well prepared for whatever it was she was going to do whether it be a simple romp or a mission for work. He didn't shower her with expensive or meaningless gifts, usually, they were simple little things that she needed or had wanted or even just little things that he himself had made that reminded him of her. He was always that person she could turn to when she needed love and support, or even when they weren't a couple she could turn to him for comfort and honesty as well as being someone that she needed, no matter what it was. It may have been cliche of her to say it, but he was literally everything that she had ever wanted and needed. He was her everything, even someone she could say she hated for a small period of time. But then again, Love and Hate did go hand in hand with each other.

"I like it when you do that," he said quietly to her and smiled softly when she looked up at him with a small confused look.

"Do what?" She asked and tilted her head a bit as they swayed gently back and forth in a circle there in the foyer.

He laughed softly before gently spinning her then pulling her back into him, his hold growing more possessive and protective. "Try to hide your blush, it's cute. Reminds me of a school girl," he said with a chuckle only making her cheeks heat up a bit more as she looked down with a small smile. The action only caused Steve's smile to grow, peace finally settling in him and his mind temporarily forgetting the parking lot incident as he looked down at the happy woman in his arms. It put his old soul at ease knowing that he could make her feel better, feel loved and wanted after everything she had been through in her lifetime.

"Compliments only get you so far Rogers," she whispered, her green eyes flickering back up to meet his and hold them as she seemed to get lost in the gentle waves of blue there. They only seemed to get gentler as they looked over her face and she swore she could feel them caressing her skin as if his hand was touching her.

"Well, then let them go as far as they can Romanova," he said quietly, meeting her field of greens again. She stared up at him while their movements becoming a bit slower as she leaned up, having to stand up on her toes, and kissed him softly with a smile while her eyes fluttered shut. Steve smiled against her lips, kissing her back happily as he held her there, keeping his eyes open to watch the masterpiece in front of him. He knew that he was the only one in the world that could call her by her full and correct name and not get punched into next year.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips before she pulled back just a bit and looked up at him with a smile.

"And I love you," he responded, smiling happily down at her before leaning down to kiss her gently again real quick. She giggled softly as she kissed him back before she lowered herself back down onto her feet. She laid her head there over his chest, right where his heart was, as her arm around his shoulders moved down his arm and wrapped around his middle before she let out a quiet sigh and closed her eyes. She felt him rest his cheek against the top of her head, causing her already happy smile to grow even more at the feeling of being completely wrapped into him. Telling him that she was in love with him, no matter how many times she said it to him, had never been truer. It was probably the only thing in this world that she could say and mean one hundred and twenty percent, and yes one hundred and twenty percent because she was that type of person to go those extra miles for those she loved which was literally Steve, Clint, Clint's wife, and kids, and occasionally Fury when he wasn't pissing her off. Her arm tightened a bit around him as she stepped up on his toes, laughing softly when she heard him chuckle as she let him lead them in their small circles.

"You finally stepped on my toes instead of me stepping on yours," she heard him say causing her to nod a bit.

"I've still got so many more to get you for," she said with a sleepy chuckle causing him to smile softly. She felt a small kiss against the crown of her head before he whispered, "How about we go on up and get ready for bed hmm? We can continue the stepping on each other's toes tomorrow."

She nodded a bit before pulling back to look up at him with a smile as she said, "Sounds good to me."

He smiled and kissed her forehead before he whispered, "Go ahead and head up. I'll be up in a minute after I put some food in Winston and Merlin's bowls."

"Alright, I'll see you in a few minutes," she said with her gentle smile, leaning up and kissing him softly before she pulled away from him slowly. He held onto her until her fingertips brush away from the hand that held hers' as she went up the stairs, smiling back at her when she cast him a smile over her shoulder. He let out a small hum of happiness then turned and made his way into the kitchen where he put the dry food into the bowls. He saw the two furry four-legged children come back inside and shake out their furs before coming over to him for more petting. "We'll be upstairs alright boys," he said to them as if they could understand. He stood up after a few more moments, watching as they went to their bowls and began to eat causing him to turn and make his way to the stairs.

He went up to the second level and down the hall to their room where he saw her slipping on one of his shirts that fell mid-thigh on her. He smiled softly as she pulled her hair out from under the shirt and turned around, watching as the redhead turned around to him and smiled up at him. He walked over to her, smiling lovingly at her before he leaned down and kissed her gently only for her to return the kiss with a small hum. "You're so, amazing," Steve whispered against her lips as his fingers came up and tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ear.

She laughed softly with a small blush before she kissed him quickly again and whispered, "I could say the same about you." He laughed softly before he stood back up and she watched for a moment as he turned to the dresser where he got out a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. "Can you sleep without your shirt on?" She asked him causing him to look back at her with a raised eyebrow before he smiled and nodded causing her to smile a bit more. She went over to the bed and crawled under the blankets then watched as he began to change into the sleeping pants, her eyes trailing over the man's back, a few deep scars there causing her to bit her lip. She didn't like that he was scared up like he was, but she loved seeing them nonetheless because it proved that he was a survivor. That thought alone caused her to bit her lip and wonder if that was what he saw about her scars, but it was cut short when he came over after turning the lights off and crawled under the blankets beside her. She smiled happily as she curled up against him after they laid down, laying her head against her pillow of his chest over his heart and resting her leg over his.

"Goodnight Steve," she whispered softly as she placed a soft kiss there on the skin where she planned to sleep which brought a smile to the man's face. He leaned down and kissed her head softly once she had her ear over his heart, wrapping his arms around her and letting out a relaxing breath.

"Goodnight Natasha," he whispered to her with a smile before he heard the door open a bit and the tapping of Winston's nails against the floorboard. They felt the end of the bed dip down twice, Natasha feeling Winston come up behind her and curl up there against the small of her back as Merlin perched himself there on Steve's stomach causing them to chuckle softly. Natasha reached back and petted Winston's head for a moment, hearing the foxhound let out a small sigh before reaching over and petting Merlin who leaned into her touch a bit. "Night boy's," she said quietly as she returned her arm back around Steve as she listened to her favorite lullaby of his heart beat gently ease her into sleep, unknowingly that Steve was following quickly behind her.


	14. Where Do We Even Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so sorry for the late update. I had a severe case of writer's block and then once I got it back, my file got deleted by accident. Then I just got busy with work and personal life because I wrecked my car. The good news is that I got it fixed so I should be able to update more frequently. 
> 
> Anywho, here is chapter 14, enjoy and leave your reviews!

**_ Chapter 14: Where Do We Even Start. _ **

A few days had passed since the air balloon ride and Steve had found Natasha in much better spirits when he would come home from work. But as the morning of All Hallows Eve arrived, Steve was the first to wake with the sun fluttering in through the window and across the bed. He looked down to find Merlin perched on his stomach and Natasha curled up against him while using his chest as a pillow, exactly how they had gone to sleep the night before. The sight caused him to smile softly, hiding a laugh at the thought of the two teaming up against him so he couldn't move, not that he would want to anyways. He gently reached down and brushed a strand of hair back out of Natasha's face and smiled happily as he watched her sleep, having always loved the peaceful look that cloaked her face while she slept, of course, he thought she looked good no matter what. He noticed that her hair had gotten a bit longer, something that he had been noticing recently but didn't say anything, rather liking it when she wore it a bit longer but loving it when she wore it short too. Maybe it was because when they first got together was right after she had chopped the red locks off and dyed it blond.

He bit his lip and stopped his movement when he heard her hum and shift around a bit. A smile curved his lips for a moment as he watched her before his head shot in the direction of the door when he heard a knock, Winston's head popping up and growling causing the sleeping redhead to groan quietly and curl up a bit tighter against Steve. He smiled gently before he leaned down and kissed her head as he whispered, "I'll be right back love, someone's at the door." Natasha huffed quietly in her sleep before scooting off him a bit causing Steve to laugh softly then shake his head. "Adorable," he whispered bringing a small groan from her only to make him laugh even more. He gently moved Merlin off of him, putting the cat next to Natasha who wrapped her arm around the cat and let out a small hum of satisfaction while the cat looked rather annoyed at being moved. He smiled as he got out of the bed, covering Natasha back up before he went over and got a tank top out of his drawer then made his way out of the bedroom while he put the fabric on with a sigh, Winston following him then going around him to get to the door first. He made his way down the stairs and into the foyer as whoever it was knocked loudly again bringing a bark from the foxhound who stood at the door and barked again, this time on repeat.

"Shh buddy, don't wake Natasha," he said and patted the dog's head with a small chuckle. He reached out to open the door, the conversation with the pilot not even crossing his mind as he pulled the wooden door open and looked up at the face there.

"Thor?' He said to the tall blonde standing there wearing a hood pulled up over the locks, slightly surprised and also a bit worried.

"Ah, good your home and awake," Thor said as he went in causing Steve to step back out of the way then looked around outside for a moment before he moved back in and shut the door. "How are you Steve?" Thor asked, taking his jacket off and hanging it up on the coat rack before toeing off his shoes.

"Yeah well, you kind of finished waking me up," Steve laughed, watching as Winston went over a bit prancy causing Thor to smile and pet the dog. "And I've been good. Carrying the mail like normal, making the toys, oh and someone moved in with me." Steve said with a chuckle before making his way over to the kitchen, Thor following close behind him and raising an eyebrow when he heard his last comment.

"Who?" He asked curiously, wondering if the man had managed to move on from Natasha as Steve started making coffee. He knew how much she had meant to him, and how much he had meant to her, and he could see just how much it had torn them apart when Steve left.

"Natasha," Steve replied casting a look back over his shoulder at the man with a smile before he set the canister on the stove and turned the burner on. Thor raised an eyebrow when he heard him before tilting his head a bit in thought. A slightly worried look crossed his face, knowing how his friend had wished to stay hidden and off the radar before he spoke. "How and when did she find you?"

Steve smiled a bit as he turned and leaned against the counter before shaking his head a bit. "It's been a couple of months now. To be fair I don't know how she found me, I never asked. But she hasn't told anyone that I'm here other than Clint as far as I know. They are the only ones who know, even though Fury apparently has half of S.H.I.E.L.D out looking for me." Steve responded as he crossed his arms and shrugged a bit, the last comment bringing a nod from Thor.

"That he does, which was part of the reason of my visit today," the demigod said bringing a raised eyebrow from the supersoldier. "Fury went to T'Challa personally and was asking questions. Had I not been there myself I wouldn't have believed it, but he was there. Of course, T'Challa didn't give anything away, said he hadn't seen you since the war there. Not to mention, he was trying to get him to go out and find you, but T'Challa said, and I quote, 'If the Captain does not wish to be found, you should respect his wishes. The man deserves to be left alone after all he has been through.' The look on Fury's face was absolutely priceless, then he turned to me to see if he could get me to look for you which I declined as well, siding with T'Challa. It didn't seem to sit well with Fury, saying his best agent was on and off the radar which meant that either she had found you and was hiding it from them, or that she was closing in on you. He also mentioned having sent out Stark and Carter, and if they didn't find you he had one more trick up his sleeve that might get you out of hiding." Thor said as he looked up to Steve who was processing it all, the last bit bringing an arched eyebrow from him.

"What could he possibly have to get me out of hiding?" He asked with a tilt of the head as he looked to Thor earning a shake of the head.

"I'm not sure, but where Carter and Stark are involved, anything is possible. But there's been murmurs around the base, something about someone they never thought they would see again." Thor replied earning a nod of the head. Though Thor held some respect for Tony, he still wasn't in the demigod's best graces and Sharon, well, it was easy enough to say that Thor just didn't like her point blank. She had played one too many dirty tricks on Natasha, tormenting her and talking about her behind the back. Had Thor been a woman, or Sharon a man, he would have loved to get his hands on the foul-mouthed woman who seemed to like hurting Natasha. And yet, Thor had never seen Natasha do anything to Sharon, never stand up to her and never confront her, instead, she always turned a blind eye and deaf ear to her.

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure I can handle it. Besides, it's probably nothing worse then what I've already been through." Steve said as he pushed away from the counter and went over to the china cabinet where he got down two coffee cups when the coffee finished. He poured both of them a cup, handing one over to Thor who took it with a smile before nodding in thanks as they both moved to sit down at the table.

They both sipped the hot liquid in silence for a moment before Thor looked over at Steve when he let out a small sigh. He noticed the man seemed to have a wondering look on his face causing him to ask, "What has your thoughts jumbled?"

Steve reached up with his free hand and pushed his fingers through his hair before he shook his head. "I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest with me," the blonde said quietly and looked over at him.

"Of course, what is it?" Thor replied, setting the cup down as he leaned against the table and tilted his head a bit.

"If Jane had asked you to live on earth with her, or for her to live on, in, Asgard with you, would you have done it?" Steve asked causing Thor to raise an eyebrow before he let out a small sigh and looked down at the table.

"That's a hard one to answer to be honest my friend. If I was to have lived here with her, I wouldn't have been able to become King, and I love my brother but trusting Loki to it was out of the question simply because of his own self-serving issues. On the other side of that coin, the human body would not be able to handle Asgard for a long period of time simply because of the basic human make up and going into another realm. Not only that but it was a law that no human could physically be there if by chance they did make it there. However, now that we are in Oklahoma, if she was here with us today, I would not hesitate to bring her there to live with me." He said as his eyes finally lifting to meet Steve's, the super soldier able to see the hurt and loss in his light blue eyes there. He knew just how much losing Jane had hurt Thor, and the saddest part was that it was a pure human death by a car wreck. "Why do you ask?" He added with a raised eyebrow, part of him wanting to change the subject but also wanting to know why he was asking.

Steve let out a sigh as he lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip then sat the cup back down before cradling his head in his hand and threading his fingers through his hair as he spoke. "When Natasha first came here, she came to bring me back and she told me that she wouldn't leave until I came back with her. I denied her, on multiple occasions, and said I left that life. But here lately, I haven't been able to get it out of my head. And I don't know if it's because I want to make her happy or if it's because, hidden down under everything, that I want to go back." He said as his eyes stared down at the table for a few moments and tugged at the strands before he looked back up at Thor as he dropped his hands to cross his arms again on the table.

The man breathed in a deep breath as he stared at Steve for a few moments before he asked, "What does your heart say?"

"That's the thing Thor, I don't know. Half of it wants to stay here, far away from that life and continue living the way I have with Natasha. The other half has slowly been getting louder, saying go back and restart my life as an Avenger and soldier. It's confusing because I know she probably wants to go back, she hates domestic life, I mean, she hasn't shown that much dislike of the life here so far but still, I know her. Not to mention that she said she couldn't stay here forever. I don't want to suppress her, but I don't want to lose her either." He replied as his eyes flickered over to the window and he let out a small sigh. "Not to mention, I don't know if I could do it either. It's not because I've been out of it for so long, but because of my head. I left to keep from going down a worse path then what I was going down because everything was starting to blur together and make my days a living nightmare. Now, I'm better, but I'm not and haven't been around it for years, so I don't know what would happen if I actually set foot back into that lifestyle."

Thor watched and listen to him talk before he sighed and shook his head, his hand lifting the cup to take a drink of the coffee. He didn't know what to tell his friend to ease his worrying mind just because he wasn't a man of helpful words, well, not for this type of conversation anyways. But then again, he knew what it was like to be Steve, to have everything taken away from him and feel like nothing was going for him.

"After my father died and my sister Hela destroyed Asgard, I didn't know how to feel on everything either. I didn't know where to take my people, how to handle the loss of my father and my home. But everything got so much worse after Thanos killed literally everyone on the ship aside from Banner and myself. I felt like a complete failure. I knew that I wanted revenge, but in the end, it did no good because I couldn't bring my people back from the dead because they hadn't been sent into the soul stone. Well, besides Loki, I got Loki back because he had used his magic. But that was it," Thor said, trying to sound helpful but even his own words bothered him a bit causing him to give an apologetic smile to Steve who wore a slightly bothered but also amused smile. "I mean, what I'm trying to say is that even with all that bad that happened, I still found a way to come back from it," Thor added, trying to make up for the words he had used.

"How?" Steve asked with a tilt of the head, his hand wrapping around his coffee cup before he lifted it to his lips and took a sip.

"By being surrounded by people who I knew would always be there for me if I needed them. I mean, I know it sounds like something you would hear on one of those television shows, but it's the truth. Having you, Clint, and Natasha around as well as Loki, it helped greatly. Not to mention the young spiderling boy, and T'Challa. Stark and Banner too, but their scientific talk is still too advanced for me. But nevertheless Steven, you have people here to help you when you need it," he replied bringing a smile from Steve as well as a nod in understanding. Steve bit his lip as he thought for a moment, unknowingly that Natasha was sitting on the steps listening to them. She had heard most of their conversation, slight wounded that Steve hadn't talked to her about his thoughts and feelings on going back yet. But, then again, she guessed that she could see why Steve hadn't said anything to her yet. He did know her best, knowing that she would either tell him she would leave for him, or that she would try and get him back no matter what.

"Thor, I have something else to ask you, something that doesn't need to circulate at all so keep it to yourself. You can't mention it to anyone, including Natasha." He said as Steve looked to Thor who nodded with a confused look on his face, Natasha wearing one too as she picked Merlin up when he came over and rubbed up against her. She sat the cat on her lap and petted him, a bit of curiosity and worry simmering beneath her skin. What did he want to ask Thor that he didn't want her to know about? "Do you know if Natasha saw anyone while we were apart?" She heard Steve ask causing her blood to chill a bit, biting her lip hard as she listened intently for Thor's answer. Maybe she should have told Steve who she had sought comfort in during Steve's absence.

"When you say saw, do you mean intimately or just as friends or what? " Thor asked Steve, looking at him and noticing that Thor's eyes wouldn't meet his own which didn't sit well with the supersoldier.

"I mean as someone that either slept with her or went steady with her for a while." Steve said as he got up to refill his coffee, turning his back to the God whose face flickered into worry for a moment as the blond held the cup and handle on the coffee canister tightly.

Thor looked into the nearly empty cup, his thoughts rather clustered with answers. "I mean, I heard rumors that she may have seen someone but I didn't really look into it because she seemed too closed off and too... depressed when I was around or saw her in the complex. I think I tried to ask her once but she gave me this look that said both to back the hell off as well as to ask again before she said that it was a ridiculous question." He finally replied as he looked up at his friend to see a rather calm expression there on his face, but then again Steve usually wore a calm expression. It was his eyes that always gave away what he was feeling.

Natasha felt the worry building up higher inside of her causing her to set Merlin down and get up, deciding to make her appearance now and keep Steve and Thor's relationship on good terms. She controlled her face a bit so it looked like she had just woke up before she made her way the rest of the way down the steps. She went into the kitchen, a sleepy smile on her face as she looked over at Thor then Steve as she went up to her lover and leaned up to kiss his cheek. Steve smiled softly down at her, his worry disappearing for now as he looked down at her and returned the kiss as he whispered, "Good morning." He could tell that she had been awake for a while, which he didn't like that she was lying to him about, but didn't say anything about it.

"Good morning,' she whispered back to him before going over and getting a coffee cup to get some of the still warm liquid. "It's good to see you Thor, how are you?" She asked, turning back to the God who sat there and smiled gently at him, a comforting look on her face to him as he smiled back at her and nodded.

"Good to see you as well Natasha. And I am well, how are you?" He replied, thankful for her having interrupted at the time she did.

"I'm good," she said with a smile as she went over to the back door and let Merlin and Winston out then made her way over to the table where she sat down across from him. She sipped the coffee as Steve went over to the fridge to make breakfast for them before looking to Thor who smiled at them then finished off his coffee.

"That's good to hear. It makes me happy to see two of my favorite humans happy and together again." He said looking up at them as he sat the cup down, Steve smiling and nodding happily in agreement temporarily forgetting about the question that he had asked. Natasha's smile and nod matched Steve's which made the god rather happy to see his friends the way they were.

"How's everyone been lately?" Natasha asked after she sipped her coffee and folded her arm across, holding onto her upper arm before she bit her lip.

"Well, Fury has been going crazy trying to find Steve and now you since you've been in and out in responding to him. Clint is still his usual Clint self, but not running around with bow and arrows. He's completely retired now which I'm assuming you already knew seeing that you and him are as thick as that stuff they make roads out of." Thor said with a small wave of the hand at the end causing the two to chuckle at his comparison before he continued. "Banner is still, well, Banner. He took a job in California with Shuri a couple months ago, says it's less stressful than working at S.H.I.E.L.D which I agree with. T'Challa is still King of Wakanda and doing well. Last time I talked to Sam and Wanda, they were going out to try and find Steve and was somewhere in France. Stark is, well, last I talked to him he wasn't doing so well to be honest." Thor said with a small sigh and shook his head as he looked down at the table for a moment.

"What do you mean not doing so well?" Steve asked as he looked over at him with a raised eyebrow from the potatoes he had gotten out to cook, along with some sausage and eggs, concern coloring his face which brought a small smile to Natasha's face. She knew his anger was still in him, but the fact that he was able to push all that down and find concern for the man who was his friend touched her.

Thor let out a small sigh before shaking his head and saying, "Well, the last time I stopped by the tower he hadn't gotten any sleep for three days. There were multiple empty glasses everywhere and he was slurring his words. He hasn't worn the suit in years that I know of. Said he doesn't feel deserving of it or safe in it anymore."

Steve looked to Natasha who looked down at the table, having known it all. "He says with us all divided out around the globe, he doesn't feel like he has someone watching his back. As for the deserving, I'm sure you know part of why, but the other part is because of how he's been drinking and carrying himself. I'm sure opening the weapon's company again didn't ease his mind at all either." Natasha added in a whisper as she looked up at Steve who looked down at the potatoes he cut up a bit troubled by the admittance.

"Well, the weapon's company was and is the government's top manufacture, it has been since his dad started it during the second world war. However, I think there's more to it than just all of that." Steve said with a small shake of the head as he went over to get a frying pan. He sat it on the stove before turning it on then getting the sausage package and opening it so he could crumble the sausage up into the pan.

"He did mention something about a new shield and suit for you," Thor said as he got up, going over to the stove where he poured himself some more coffee and looking to Steve. The statement only brought a raised eyebrow from the blonde who looked over at the god.

"He's right," Natasha said quietly and bit her lip when Steve looked back over at her. "I saw the blueprints for it, and there were small droplets on them that had dried." She said, hoping that he would understand what she was saying.

Steve looked down for a moment to the frying sausage before he got a spatula and stirred the meat. "I think he misses you Captain," Thor whispered not so quietly which brought a small tug of a smile to Steve's face as he shuffled it over in his head.

He hated that Tony was going through this phase of his life again, but now more than ever he could understand where he was coming from. There were several things that Steve wanted to say to him, that he wanted to do but he knew that doing any of them could give his location away quicker than anything. He thought for a few moments as he added in the potatoes to the pan, stirring them around before going over and getting an onion from the fridge that he sat on the counter then got a knife.

"Natasha," he said as he peeled the onion and began to cut it. "How wide of a search would they put out if he sent in that he saw me?" He asked and looked back at her after tossing the onions into the pan with the mixture and stirring it all together. He turned around and leaned his hip against the counter as he lifted the cup and took a sip of the coffee, Natasha looking at him a bit confused before it registered what he was wanting to do.

"Steve, I don't think that's a smart idea, especially if you don't want to go back yet. Fury would do anything to get you to come back, even if that meant taking you back against your will," she replied as she sat the cup down. Her eyes were slightly filled with worry as she looked at him, not wanting any harm to come to anyone especially him. If he was still indecisive about going back, she didn't want anyone to force his hand. She wanted him to make the choice for himself, not because everyone else wanted him to go back, but because he himself wanted to go back. She watched as he arched an eyebrow, not taking no for an answer before Natasha sighed and replied. "They'd probably set up roadblocks in whatever city you choose to meet him in. They'd then set up roadblocks out of the city so you wouldn't be able to leave without them catching you. If that didn't work then they'd put up a search probably fifty or a hundred miles outside of it." She replied with a small huff as she sat back in the chair a bit while she looked at him. She could see the wheels turning in his head before he turned away from them to stir the potato and sausage mix and think for a few moments.

Thor went back over to the table and sat down as Merlin jumped up in Natasha's lap after coming back in from outside along with Winston via the pet door. "Thor, how does the Bifrost work exactly?" They heard Steve ask as he cracked the eggs into the pan then mixed it together so they would fry. Both Natasha and Thor looked over at him confused for a moment before it really registered to them causing him to look down at the table as he thought about it for a few moments while Natasha put Merlin back down and stood to her feet. She went over to him, looking up at him before she whispered, "Steve, what are you planning?"

He looked down at her before sighing softly and replying, "I'm just thinking about something."

"Bullshit Rogers, you're planning something," she accused him causing the man to arch a brow, his eyes speaking the words he couldn't seeing that Thor was in the room.

"We'll discuss it later," he stated quietly to her as her lip got trapped between her teeth and she looked down at the floor mumbling a quiet sorry. "Go sit back down," he whispered to her earning a nod as well as a huff before doing as she was told.

Thor, who had remained quiet through it all finally looked back up to him. "Well, it transports a person between two points. I no longer have to have Stormbreaker to accomplish using it either so," he said, shrugging a bit and a smile which caused Steve to nod a bit then turn back to turn the stove off. He got down three plates, plating the food on them then skillfully bringing all of them over after getting forks and setting them in front of them.

"So say I wanted to go to Saudi Arabia and get out real quick," he said as he sat down and looked over at him.

"It could be done," Thor replied as he picked up his fork and began to eat.

Steve nodded, looking over at Natasha who was looking at him slightly worried before looking down at her plate after a moment when she saw him look to her. She didn't like the way he was talking, then again, she really did want him to go back with her one day. She just didn't want anyone to force his hand because she herself knew what that was like. Her eyes flickered back up to look at him before a small blush colored her cheeks when she saw him still staring at her. She gave him a small smile before he reached over to take her hand, lacing their fingers together with a smile in her direction and a gentle squeeze.

The time that followed consisted of the three eating in silence, and when they finished Steve took all their plates to the sink before he began to wash them. "Well, I best be off, Steve if you need me you know how to get ahold of me." Thor said as he stood, bringing his coffee cup over to the sink to be washed.

Steve laid the cloth down before he turned towards the god and smile as he reached over and got a hand towel. He dried his hands off and tossed the towel onto the counter before he held his hand out causing the blonde to reach out and shake Steve's hand as the soldier replied, "I'll be in touch in a few days."

"I'll listen for your crow," Thor answered causing the three to laugh.

"I'll walk you to the door," Steve said only to earn a shake of the head.

"I'll just go out the back," he said bringing a small shrug from the man and a nod. Thor looked back at Natasha and smiled before he said, "I'll see you later Tasha."

The redhead gave him a smile as she got up to hug him, giving him a gentle squeeze before letting him go. "I'll see you around Thor." She replied with a smile as she got her cup and took it over to the sink to be washed. The pair watched as he went and got his shoes and jacket to put on then turned and walked out of the kitchen, through the back door and into the backyard where he looked to the sky before a rainbow-colored light absorbed him and he was gone. Steve hummed softly then looked down at Natasha who smiled up at him only for it to disappear when she saw the look of deep thought on his face.

"Steve?" She whispered and laid her hand on his shoulder as she looked up at him.

He didn't look at her at first, instead staring off out the window and tilting his head a bit. "There are several things going on inside my head at the moment," he finally said as his blue eyes turned onto her. Natasha raised an eyebrow in his direction causing him to turn fully towards her, his hand moving to take hers as he spoke. "Why were you eavesdropping on mine and Thor's conversation?"

She looked up at him, feeling his eyes bore into hers, also as if he was searching her soul for the answer. She shifted around some, looking down at their joined hands for a moment before she finally looked back up at him and answered. "Why didn't you tell me you've been thinking of going back?"

The answer wasn't one he was expecting, yet it still tugged a small amused smile at his lips. He hung his head with a small sigh before shaking his head and replying, "Fair enough. I guess I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel like you were interfering with my decision." He looked back up at her as his shoulders slumped a bit and he reached up with his free hand to tuck a strand of her red hair behind her ear. "I'd do anything for you Natasha, even if it killed me. And I know that it might be something you don't want to hear or something that you don't want to acknowledge, but it's the truth. I've lost everything, everyone, that I ever cared about just about every way someone could lose it. Losing you again, whether it be to death or to you going back without me, would end badly for me. But also on the flip note of that, I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to stay or that I'm holding you down from going and doing what I know you love to do. That's why I've been thinking about things to myself lately because I didn't want you to feel like, like you're the main cause of all my confusion." Steve added quietly as his hand rested on her cheek, his thumb brushing over her skin as he told her what had kept him from telling her his thoughts.

She smiled up at him lovingly, her hand coming up to cup his cheek in her hand before she whispered, "You silly silly man." She leaned up and kissed him softly, earning a small hum and kiss back. "I know you'd do anything for me Steven, but here's the thing. I'd do anything for you too, no matter what it was. If you fight, I fight. If you stay, I stay. If you die, I die too because I'm with you till the end of the line. No matter what. Whatever you decided to do, whether it be going back or staying here, I am with you. Okay? So take as long as you need to decide, because I'm gonna be right here with you until we get released from this imprisonment of life we've been stuck in for decades." She added as she looked up at him and smiled gently, her words unknowingly soothing every spasming nerve he felt going off in his body. He leaned down and kissed her again softly as his hand that held hers let go and found it's way to her other cheek and cupped it to hold her there.

"I love you too Natalia," he whispered into the kiss with a smile causing her to grow one as well. He kissed her lips real quick again causing her to let out a small giggle before they pulled back, Natasha letting out a small happy sigh. She loved that he could still tell exactly what she wanted to say without actually having to say it even after all this time. She smiled lovingly up at him before biting her lip as she let her hand trail down his cheeks and to his shoulders then skimmed down to the waistband of his pants as she whispered, "Would you care to trick or treat with me Мой капитан?"

Steve hummed softly as her fingers trailed down his chest and stomach before he chuckled softly when he heard her. "I'd love to but first," he replied with a smile only for it to slowly slip off his face as he looked down at her. "What did Thor mean when he said that Fury had another trick up his sleeve to get me out of hiding?" He added causing her confused look to flicker quickly from worried to impassive.

"I'm not too sure," she replied causing Steve to raise an eyebrow and give her what she had called "the eyebrows of disappointment." She looked down at her feet before she bit her lip, her fingertips toying with the waistband of his pajamas for a moment as she felt his eyes boring into her.

"Natasha?" He questioned causing her to look back up at him with slightly worried eyes.

"I, I don't know for certain on what it is, but I know of something. They found it a few years after you left, well, Tony and T'Challa found it. They didn't say exactly what it was for whatever reason, but I do know that it was, is, important to you." She said quietly, not exactly telling the truth but not lying either. The look she received from the answer caused her to look back down at her feet and let out a small breath.

Steve tilted his head as he thought about it, wondering on possibly what it could mean. Natasha though wanted to get his mind off of the thought, not wanting it to turn around onto her but also knowing that she should tell him on what was going on.

"Let's go shower and we can think about it later hmm? Besides, it's our favorite holiday," she said smiling as she slowed walked them back towards the stairs then up them, Steve smiling softly and deciding to let her do as she wanted. He put the thoughts on the back burner as he wore the same smile while she lead him into the bathroom and over to the shower where she stopped and reached into the enclosure to turn the water on. Once she had it to a temperature that she wanted, she turned back to Steve with a cute little smile that he found rather, enticing, before she began to undress him. Steve moved when she needed him to, watching her with a hum as she let the tips of her fingers gently caress his skin here and there as a smirk colored his lips. He caught onto the game she was playing causing him to stifle a chuckle before he reached out to help her get undressed, only to have his hands smacked away which brought a raised eyebrow from him. She smirked softly up at him before gently pushing him back into the shower, causing the man to follow her guidance with a smile as his eyes watched her every movement while she undressed.

When she finally joined him under the steady stream of hot water, he wrapped his arms around her bare waist from behind and pulled her flush against him. She smiled and tried to wiggle away from him only for his arms to tighten around her waist and a small giggle came from her.

"You know, you're a sly little fox, asking me to trick or treat with you then smacking my hands away when I try to help you." He whispered in her ear as his fingertips trailed over her skin slowly.

She couldn't help but leaned back into him, feeling the effect that she had caused from the wiggling and lingering touches before she bit her lip and looked up at him,

"I told you I wanted to trick or treat with you though," she replied causing him to chuckle as he leaned down and kissed her neck.

"Yes I know Duchess, but what if I wanted to trick or treat you hmm?" He asked with a hum against her neck causing her to bite her lip and shrug a bit.

"Well, I guess we could compromise," she finally replied when she felt his fingers dancing along the skin of her hip.

"Yes we can love, yes we can," he replied and playfully bit her neck bringing a laugh out of her.

It was a little while later when the two were found downstairs, Natasha dressed in a mid-thigh purple long sleeved dress and a pair of lavender pantyhose paired with a pair of purple heels, a green ascot, and a purple headband. Steve was sitting on the couch lacing up his light brown boots and wearing a pair of light blue slacks, a matching light blue button up under a white sweater and an orange ascot around the neck. Steve stood up once he finished and smiled as he went over to Natasha before leaning down and kissing her cheek softly. "I gotta say, that dress does look rather lovely on you," he said with a smile as he took her hand and laced their fingers together before he lead her towards the door.

"Thank you, you look rather dashing yourself if I do say so myself," she replied with a chuckle as she followed him out of the door, pausing as he turned around and locked the door. Natasha looked up then down the street, not seeing really any marks of her most loved holiday causing her to frown a bit as they started walking towards Derek's seeing that Steve and Natasha both agreed to come over early to help them set up for their party a few days prior.

Steve noticed Natasha's look of unhappiness causing him to tuck her into his side and smile softly. "I know it disappoints you that they really don't decorate or do anything like that around here for Halloween." He said and kissed her head as she slipped her hand into his back pocket and let out a small sigh.

"It's okay I suppose, besides I got to see some decorations when we went to London the other day." She replied with a smile as she laid her head against his shoulder causing him to smile softly. She smiled happily as they walked, getting a few chuckles from passing people as well as a few comments on their costumes.

It didn't take long for them to get to Derek's prompting Steve to reach up and knock on the door with his free hand. When the door opened though, his eyebrow arched when he saw his friend standing there dressed in a homemade version of Captain America's uniform with a "shield" on his back and a blonde wig on his head.   
"Well, I didn't know we were expecting Fred and Daphne, is Shaggy, Velma, and Scoobert coming too?" Derek laughed out causing Steve to shake his head with a laugh as he looked at him.

"I didn't know you invited Captain America to said party," he replied as Tatiana came up behind Derek dressed in a skin-tight black leather jumper and a red-headed wig causing Natasha, who was finding Derek's costume rather funny, to look at her slightly shocked.

"Or Black Widow," she said quietly, noticing how spot on the costume was. It made her wonder just how she had gotten an almost identical copy of her suit seeing that even Derek's Captain America costume had a few flaws that didn't match Steve's.

"What can we say? We like our heroes," Tatiana said as she came out to hug Steve who returned it with a smile before turning to Natasha to do the same but then stopped midway, unsure of how she would react. She settled on holding out her hand and smiling softly at the woman, waiting for her to shake her hand which Natasha gave into with a fond smile.

It touched her that Tatiana called them their heroes, and when she looked up at Steve she wasn't sure how he took it but saw a faint smile there on his lips. The sight caused her to smile softly, liking how the smile almost touched his eyes and having this small hope inside her that maybe it would give him a gentle push in the direction he wanted to follow.

"Well come on in then, can't have you two drawing too much attention here. We wouldn't want those Yank's thinking I'm the actual Captain and ruin all the fun." Derek said with a laugh as he and Tatiana stepped back out of the way to let them in. Steve nodded in agreement and laughed softly before letting Natasha go in first, turning and looking around for a moment to make sure no one was following them since Thor had arrived out of the blue, then walked in behind her into the house that she was slowly looking around.

Natasha could definitely see hints of Steve within the house, and it wasn't personal items but more so the little knick-knacks and paintings that were scattered rather tastefully around the living room. She smiled softly at the warm welcoming feeling of the house before looking up at Steve who was looking down at her with a smile. He was glad she seemed to be comfortable in his friends' house, but the feeling was short lived at Derek started listing off things that they still had to finish within a half hour, which was heavy lifting, setting things up outside, and cooking.   
"I can help you with the moving and outdoor stuff," Steve replied before looking to Natasha who smiled happily up at him with a nod in agreement.

"I can help cook, though, I'm still learning so," she said with a chuckle as she looked to Tatiana who laughed softly and nodded.

"You'll do fine. It's nothing fancy, just finishing up frosting the cupcakes and cookies." She said before waving for her to follow her which Natasha did, smiling softly as she looked around the rather nice kitchen with some foods already prepared on the granite countertops by the stove.

"This is lovely," she said with a smile as she took in the white counters, the center island and open shelving against the stone plastered walls as well as the black and silver appliances.

"I thought so too. Steve helped Derek remodel while he was rooming with him. He actually helped remodel the entire house believe it or not," Tatiana said as she went over to the oven and pulled out a large baking sheet with smokies in a blanket on them that looked rather more like mummies.

"Really?" She asked as she went over beside her and raised a brow.

"Yeah, said he didn't like not being busy on his days off, which after the first night Derek found out why. He'd work on his days off, helping here or find little odd end jobs around town so he didn't have to be cooped up and letting his head get the best of him. Derek said he actually woke up multiple times to him working in the backyard, putting all the tile on a sheet of wood to go up, and other little things." She said with a hint of sadness in her voice causing Natasha to bite her lip and look down for a moment. Tatiana looked over at her for a moment before she spoke quietly, "I'm glad he has you back. He's happier, more lively."

Natasha looked up at her and gave her a small smile before she said, "Me too." She thought for a few moments, on how she had first felt jealous of the women but could now see the innocent feelings of friendship stitched into her care for Steve which made her chew on her inner cheek a bit as she watched the woman get a bowl from the fridge then go to the island where a large pan of cupcakes sat. But that didn't stop her from feeling something off about the woman, whether Tatiana was Steve's friend or not.

"Wanna help me frost?" She asked causing Natasha to nod before she walked over to her. She got a butter knife and a cupcake before she began to frost the small cakes, a question coming from her lips before she could stop it. "So, how did you two meet Steve?"

Tatiana chuckled softly before letting out a small sigh as she worked then replied, "Well, at the time Derek and I weren't together and were just friends. He had put in the paper that he was looking for a roommate and Steve showed up. At first, he didn't know who he was but soon realized it. I didn't actually meet Steve till a few weeks later when Derek sent him to me to see if I could help."

"What do you mean to help?" Natasha asked curiously and tilted her head a bit.   
"I'm a therapist for veterans and military personnel and families," the woman replied with a small smile. This brought a surprised and a shining of respect from Nat who nodded a bit before the woman continued. "Anyways, Steve came to see me pretty much on a regular basis for a few months. He didn't like the, and I quote, "sitting in a shrink's office and feeling judged" so we would take walks, play little yard games, build little things, go paint, anything to keep his hands or body moving so he felt comfortable. Our friendship just kind of blossomed from there."

Natasha couldn't swallow down the feeling of jealousy that coated her, not because she was another female in her lover's life but because she had gotten close to Steve during one of his weakest point. She felt like she should have been the one that he had gotten close to like that. She sat the frosted cupcake down before she got another and began to frost it, looking over at Tatiana before she said, "Steve said that you two helped him through some of the darkest times he went through, to which I thank you for greatly. After losing everything he had, he needed people in his life that would help him when he needed it."

The woman smiled softly at her before shaking her head as she looked to the living room where they could see the boys talking while moving some of the furniture around so they could carry out the farmhouse table. "A lot of men and women who are in the service have different levels of posttraumatic stress disorder, but his was the worst I had ever seen and I think it was because he didn't have the proper time to adjust to waking up in the time he did, especially with his enhancements. He didn't have the time to sort through his first war before he was thrown into more." Tatiana said as Natasha looked over to the boys just as Steve caught eyes with her, smiling lovingly at her before winking then going back to his work.

"Do you know if he ever tried moving on with anyone?" She asked quietly and looked back to the woman who's face shifted a bit to one of thoughtful. She noticed her motion in frosting seemed to slow down causing Natasha to raise an eyebrow before her eyes narrowed a bit.

Tatiana looked up at her then back down, feeling a bit uncomfortable in the way she stared at her in her questioning gaze. She bit her lip before letting out a small huff and nodding a bit. "It was three or four years ago, after he came out of his funk of not eating and sleeping and letting himself go. He tried dating, but they never got past the first date, some even didn't pass the date itself. He said none of them was what he wanted or needed, which was you." She finally replied causing Natasha to bite her lip to hide her smile at the fact that he hadn't gotten anywhere with anyone. She wasn't possessive or crazy in thinking that, just that she herself had wormed her way into his soul so, perfectly, that he couldn't move on from her.

"So, tell me about you and Derek," Natasha said after a few moments, deciding to steer the conversation away from Steve and herself when she saw the rather simple engagement ring. She didn't know why she felt this odd offset beat within her heart at the sight but pushed it down for the time being as Tatiana launched into her story.

In the other room, Steve and Derek had finished moving the furniture about causing Steve to look towards the kitchen where he could see Natasha chatting away and listening to Tatiana. It made him feel good that she seemed to enjoy the other woman's company. "What do you think they're talking about?" Derek asked as they made their way to the dining room to get the table.

"Knowing Natasha she's probably learning everything she can about you and her. I know it might sound odd but its the way her brain works, to learn about every possible threat whether it could become a threat or not." Steve replied causing Derek to chuckle then shake his head.

"It's understandable mate. She wants to protect you, even if she is an active duty non-combat at the time being." He spoke and motioned for him to pick up the table causing Steve to do so before the pair made their way to the back door, having to go through the kitchen where Derek sent a wink at Tatiana who smiled softly. Steve blessed Natasha with a charming smile, who grew a soft pink tint to her cheeks and smiled back at him before the pair disappeared out the door.

"Well, I wouldn't call it that so to say, but it is a factoring cause," Steve said as he looked around the backyard, seeing square hay bales sitting at the back as well as quite a bit of pumpkins and gourds. Purple, orange, and white lights were strung over the yard by the trees as well as a lot of pillar candles, all different sizes.

"Bullshit, it's one of the main factors. The first is probably to make sure Ana hasn't had any feels for you other than friendship." Derek laughed causing Steve to shake his head a bit before he let out a small sigh and nod.

"You're probably right," he replied as they sat the table down in the middle of two fold away ones with black tablecloths over them that sat under a tree.

"There is no probably about it. That woman oozes with underlying jealousy," Derek said as he got a spare tablecloth and tossed it over the table while Steve laughed.

"Trust me, I know," he said as the pair went over to get the hay bales and set them around the stone firepit near the other tree.

It didn't take long for them to finish setting up the backyard before the girls came out, carrying platters and bowls with all sorts of goodies on them. Derek went over and placed a loving kiss on Tatiana's cheek as Steve went over to Natasha with a smile. He looked down at the platter of cupcakes she carried with what looked like shards of glass sticking out before looking up at her and smiling softly. "These look great love," he said softly and leaned down to give her a kiss which she returned happily.

"Thank you, but all I did was frost them and put the candy glass and red food coloring on them." She said with a chuckle as she looked down at them for a moment then back up to him after she set them down on the table.

"Do you need any more help?" He asked her earning a nod causing them to head into the house again where he saw multiple bowls of candy, a bowl of marshmallows, a bowl of Hershey bars, and some graham crackers. "Tatiana said something of popping popcorn and that Derek was going to make some butterbeer, which is rather funny if I do say so myself." She said causing Steve to laugh softly before he leaned down and kiss her cheek.

"Do me a favor love, don't drink too much of whatever Derek makes. He always makes his drinks stronger than the recipe calls for and I'd hate to hurt someone for trying to get fresh with you," he said earning a small laugh. She nodded with a smile and leaned up to kiss his cheek as she said, "I promise that I won't drink much."

He smiled softly down at her before he leaned down and kissed her cheek lovingly causing Natasha to smile and close her eyes for a moment as she leaned into his touch. They smiled lovingly at each other before Derek and Tatiana came in causing them to look over as Derek said, "Alright, potion time. Say Steve, would you mind going up to the attic and get the cauldron down?"

Steve nodded with a laugh before he kissed Natasha's cheek again then said, "I'll be right back."

"I'll go with you," Tatiana said with a smile only for Natasha to wave her off. "I'll go with him," She said earning a hesitant nod from her, something that didn't go unnoticed by Natasha before Steve reached out and took her hand. He lead her out of the kitchen to the staircase before Tatiana looked to Derek a bit worried. "Are you sure sending him to the attic is a good idea Derek? You know that's where I put my files and such about him." She asked and bit her lip for a moment while she looked at her soon to be husband who was getting out several bottles of alcohol from under the kitchen island.

"Of course, Steve isn't one to snoop around. Natasha though, I'm not so sure about. Either way, I'm sure he wouldn't be too upset. I'm sure he'd rather you keep them hidden away here than in an office somewhere where someone with a court order could search and find them." Derek said as he sat the bottles in a wicker basket that he had gotten from the pantry.

"True," she said with a small sigh as she turned her eyes to the stairs, her dear fiance not knowing there was more than just Steve's files hiding upstairs in the attic. She moved to the fridge and got out trays with different jello shot cups on them.

Steve led Natasha up to the attic where he looked around for a moment trying to find the cauldron. He bit his lip as he moved a few boxes, Natasha on the other side doing the same but accidentally knocking a box off causing the content to spill out on the floor. She hurried to put everything back into the box but paused when she realized that she was picking up hidden weapons that looked a lot like her own. Her brows furrowed even more, storing the thoughts farther into her brain until her fingers grabbed a small leather-bound notebook after she continued to put the items back into the box. She cast a glance over her shoulder to Steve, biting her lip as she saw him move further into the attic before she looked back to the book and opened it. It was written in code, but being the woman who could read and write in multiple, multiple different languages, it would take her no time to figure out what was actually written in the book after she saw Steve's name there. It seemed to have a mix of Latin and a few other languages in it from the quick glance she got before Steve called out, "Got it." She quickly stashed the book down the front of her dress under her ascot, making sure that it was secured between her breast and her bra before she stood and smiled sweetly at him as she looked at him and the large cauldron he carried as well as what looked to be a stand for it.

"Is he going to fill all that up with alcohol?" She asked a bit in disbelief only to earn a laugh and small nod of the head from him as he motioned for her to go ahead of him.

"Having known him for ten years, probably yes. And it wouldn't surprise me if he has more alcohol laced things on those tables outside," Steve replied, following behind her with a laugh as she laughed too. They made their way back downstairs to the kitchen then out to the backyard, seeing the pair there finishing setting up two of the tables in the final rays of sunlight and under the lights stretched across the yard. The tables were filled with the witches finger cookies, the glass cupcakes, too many little different types of jello cups, a few different non-sugary foods, and several candy bowls. The other was set up with paper plates, mugs, and napkins as well as several boxes of pizza causing Steve to chuckle before he called out for Derek who turned to him and smirked devilishly before he said, "Over the fire pit!"

Steve nodded and made his way over, seeing that one of the hay bales was set up to hold the Hershey bars, graham crackers, and marshmallows. "Will you set this up for me real quick?" Steve asked Natasha as he held out the tripod for her causing her to smile and take it from him before she set it up. He went over to where the water hose was hooked up before sitting the cauldron down and went over to turn the hose on, getting ahold of it then spraying the inside out. Once he was sure it was good he turned the water off then picked the cauldron up and poured the water out where no one would step in it. He took it back over to where Natasha had set the tripod up, smiling softly before he slipped the handle onto the hook so it hung in the center of the pit and still had some room.

"Thanks mate," Derek said as he walked over to him with the basket that was filled with bottles of cream soda, vodka, and butterscotch schnapps as well as a rather large wooden spoon looking thing.

"No problem, anything else?" He replied as Derek sat the basket down with a too happy of a look on his face.

"No, no, I've got it from here, everyone should be arriving soon." He replied as he got some wood and tossed it in under the hanging cauldron before sprinkling some fallen leaves and hay in with the wood. Steve chuckled and shook his head before he looked to Natasha who was watching the man as he struck a match and tossed it under into the wood, repeating it a few times until the fire was going well.

Natasha tilted her head a bit as she watched him get two bottles at a time of the cream soda and poured them in, followed by two more cream soda's, two bottles of the vodka and two of the schnapps. Natasha bit her lip, glancing up at Steve who watched in amusement rather use to his friends' seemingly alcoholic tendencies.

"Is he planning on killing everyone?" She whispered to him causing him to burst out laughing before shaking his head.

"Not hardly. If he wanted to do that he would have made his twenty-one witches brew," Steve said after a moment as Derek got the large spoon and started mixing together the liquid. He let go of the spoon and got a jar before he started pouring in the golden colored liquid then stirring it again.

"Twenty-one witches brew?" Natasha asked slightly confused causing Steve to chuckle and nod.

"He pretty much takes twenty-one rums and mixes them together. It's strong enough to probably knock Thor off his feet but it's sweet surprisingly." Steve replied in a whisper as they heard some chattering enter the yard, causing the two to look back and spot people coming out of the house dressed in all sorts of different costumes.

"I think I'll stick to whatever it is he's currently making. At least it has Vodka in it," Natasha said earning a laugh from Steve before wrapping his arm around her waist when he saw a few guys dressed in different military costumes, from British Navy to the Air Force, look at Natasha and nudge one another.

Natasha saw it as well and giggled quietly before leaning into him and sighing softly. "At ease soldier," she said with a smile before leaning up and kissing his cheek as Halloween music cut on from some speakers near the house.

"Natalie! Oh my gods I love the costumes!" a woman dressed in a costume that resembled Belle, from Beauty and the Beast, said as she came over to them.

It took Natasha a moment before smiling happily as she said, "Elisabeth, thank you. You're is adorable and suiting."

"Thank you," Elisabeth said with a laugh before looking to Steve. "Ah, hello Arthur, it's nice to finally meet you besides just being the mailman and Rye's no longer eligible bachelor." She said to Steve causing him to laugh as his arm tightened around Natasha a bit.

"And you, Natalie has mentioned you a few times. It's nice to know that she has made a friend since she's been here," he replied using the accent he always used around people.

Elisabeth chuckled and nodded before she looked around and said, "I should probably go find Alexiss before she gets too far gone this early on. I'll see you two later." The pair gave her a wave as the name struck a chord with Steve but he couldn't place a name with a face, Natasha, on the other hand, groaned internally and scanned the crowd. After the last time Elisabeth and she had spoken and she had been told of Alexiss's tendencies, she would be keeping a rather close eye on Steve. Not that she was worried he would do anything stupid, but for those who she thought would try something stupid.

"Here mate, give this a try and tell me what you think," Derek said appearing beside him and handing him a mug with a honey color liquor inside with a white foam on top. Steve took it and took a sip, humming softly and nodding before handing it over to Natasha to try. "It's good, really good actually," he said earning a very pleased smile. Natasha hummed happily at the warm drink before nodding in agreement. "He's right, that's really good," she said earning a small air pump from Derek.

"Well, I must go socialize now, enjoy yourselves. And no standing around crowd watching like in previous years. I wanna see booties shaking and laughter tonight," Derek said as he backed away from them and laughed softly when Steve gave him the bird.

"Ah piss off," Steve said as Derek waved him off before turning and walking off.

As the party dwindled on into the night, the party goers were getting intoxicated, dancing, and mingling with everyone. Steve and Natasha had stayed together for most of the night, talking with those who stopped to chat with them about their costumes and a few other things as well as dancing in the group of people that had designated a section of the yard as the dance floor. Natasha had kept her promise to Steve on not drinking too much, but she did indulge a bit on the different jello shots, having never really experienced them before. It was only when her blatter became heavy that she kissed his cheek and said she was going to go use the bathroom before leaving his side.

Steve looked around for a moment as he sipped his butterbeer, spotting a blonde woman wearing a provocative circus ringleader costume with several guys watching her walk past them. She paid no attention to them though as she came to a stop in front of her intended target.

"Well hello there Fred," she said to him, Steve finally recognizing her as the cashier from the store the day he stopped to get a change of clothes.

"Ma'am," he said nodding to her and backed up a bit only for her to step forward.

"I've got a mystery that needs solving and I was hoping you could help," she said, batting her eyelashes causing Steve to shift a bit uncomfortable and shrug.

"I'm not sure, but I can try," he said inching back again.

"Well, there's this guy who I've had my eye on for a while but he doesn't seem interested. He has his sights set on something else more, way lower than the league he's in. How would one going about getting him to become interested in the one that is in his league and very much his type?" She cooed, inching closer to him as he narrowed his eyes a bit at her. He didn't like how she assumed that Natasha was out of his league and that she herself was.

"Well if he's not interested, he's not interested and there isn't anything you could do to make him interested. I would suggest stop trying to get with someone who obviously doesn't want to be with you in the first place." He replied as his eyes flickered around for a moment, long enough for Alexiss to press herself up against Steve and smirked up at him.

"Oh please, stop playing hard to get Arthur," she said, the super soldier caught completely off guard by both the woman and the fact that she spilled his butterbeer down the front of his white sweater when she moved as close as she did to him.

"I'm not~" Steve started only to be cut off when she reached up and pulled his head down to crash her lips against his.

Natasha had just walked back out when Tatiana cut her off with a smile that seemed way too friendly for the woman, even if she was intoxicated. This put Natasha on edge while she painted a smile back at her when the want to be Black Widow asked, "How are you enjoying yourself?"

"I'm having a good time actually," she replied and started to step around her only for Tatiana to cut her off again. This brought a raised eyebrow from Natasha and a small tilt of the head before she asked, "Do you need something else? I'd like to get back to Steve." Natasha could see the haziness in her eyes telling the redhead that the woman had had more to drink than she should have had, and to be honest Natasha was feeling a rather good buzz herself.

"I wanna talk to you, see what's so special about a broken then super glued back together little orphan girl from Russia who got turned into a cold-blooded killer then locked in a psych ward." She said, looking at Natasha with a tilt of the head and a small smirk. Natasha felt a chill go down her spine before she narrowed her eyes in the woman's direction, wondering just how she knew these details about her. Even S.H.I.E.L.D didn't know about her record in the orphanage or the psych ward. The only people who knew about her time in there was Fury, who never put any of that into his files, Steve, and Clint and she knew that they wouldn't tell anyone, there were things that they had sworn to keep secret about each other and that was one of them.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," she finally replied, her voice devoid of any emotion as she moved around her successfully this time. She gently pushed her way past a few people before she heard Tatiana call out to her by her Russian name causing her to stop but not face her. "It's only a matter of time before something happens to steal him away from you again. Whether it be outside forces, inside ones, or you in general, a life with him is undeniably suicidal. You're only going to get hurt in the end." She said, Natasha's head slightly turned towards her a bit and her face sketched an emotionless canvas. She looked to the woman there for a moment, holding her drunken gaze in one that could only be described best by Clint as "the Widower" stare, before she walked off to find Steve.

But what she found floored her, her step going back once instead of forward as she saw the woman planting a huge lip lock on a rather startled Steve. She felt anger flare up inside her, her sights narrowing in on the girl as Steve pushed her back and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "What the hell?!" She heard him say without any accent, the scene causing the few people around them to turn and look at them.

Natasha walked up behind the woman before grabbing her shoulder and turning her around. A small breath and shake of the head came from the redhead as the blonde looked at her a bit startled before she started to stumble over her words.

"Natalie.. I.. I tried to st~" she started but stopped when Natasha grabbed the back of her head before bringing it down and connecting her knee with Alexiss's face. She pushed, tossed her away after the connection causing Alexiss to fall to the ground as Natasha spoke. "Don't try your bullshit with me Alexiss. If you were smart, you'd take this as a warning and not look or try and touch him again. Because the next time you do, I'll do more than just break your teeth." she said before looking to Steve who was looking at her with both shock and underlying lust in his gaze brought on by her sign of jealousy and possessiveness. She moved passed him, their shoulders brushing with a bit more force than should have from her, and made her way to the gate at the back of the yard.

"Shit~," Steve mumbled as people were commenting on what just happened and or posting it to their social media's. He handed his glass off to some random stranger before chasing off after Natasha, her name falling from his lips but not catching her ears over the Addams Groove by MC Hammer. He ran out onto the back street and saw her up ahead having already gotten a few yards away from the house.

"Natasha!" He called out again and ran after her when she didn't stop, instead she turned down a sidewalk and continuing on her way. He felt a bit wounded that she didn't stop, but instead continued on her path a bit faster. Worry and wonder chewed at him as he thought about what was bothering her, could it have been the fact that someone she knew kissed him? Or maybe it was that someone had kissed him and he hadn't reacted fast enough. He didn't know, but he had every intention of finding out.

He stayed back as he followed after her, making every twist and turn she made and knowing that if she wanted him to catch up to her then she would have slowed down. When the salty air became stronger and he felt the shifting of the sand under his feet along with the sound of the gentle pull and tug of the water was when he realized that they had come to the beach side. His eyes combed the beach until he saw a figure down a little ways in the moonlight, her hair gently blowing in the wind. He walked over slowly to her, standing behind her silently for a few moments before he reached out and gently touched her hip. He felt her lean into his touch some causing him to let out a small sigh of relief then move closer to wrap his arms around her waist which in turn caused Natasha to lean back into him for support.

They were silent as they stood there, watching the water move in and off the packed sand of its path as he held her against him. She welcomed the warmth his body put off in contrast to the chilly seaside air as her thoughts swam through her head, her eyes fluttering shut when she felt him place a small lingering kiss to the back of her head. She loved that he followed after her, that he hadn't asked any questions yet while she sorted them out. She didn't want to come off as jealous or rude towards one of his friends and his therapist, but she didn't want him to trust her blindly anymore, not with what had been said to her at the party.

She turned around in his arms, laying her head against his chest and listening to his heartbeat for a few moments as her arms found their way around him and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly after kissing her head again, earning a shake of the head from her.

"Don't be, it wasn't your fault, I saw enough and know you well enough to know that." She replied back to him, leaving her ear against his chest but closing her eyes to let it settle in and calm her haywired emotions. They lapsed back into their silence for a little while, Steve's fingers beginning to dance back and forth across her lower back as he held her there and let his own thoughts run on why she was upset if it wasn't about the woman that she seemed to know and that had kissed him.

"She knew I came from an orphanage before the Red Room. She knew about the psych ward too," She finally whispered, unknowingly answering his questions that ran through his head, causing Steve to look down at her both confused and worried.

"Who?" He replied as he leaned back a bit to look down at her.

Her ocean green eyes lifted to meet his, showing him that there was an underlying turmoil going on inside her and that, mixed with the new information that was given to him, didn't sit well with him.

She searched his eyes for a moment, mentally arguing with herself on whether or not to tell him before she let out a small breath with the name clinging to the whisper as if it was something to deal with the national security. "Tatiana."

She watched as he was unfazed for a moment before she saw confusion sketch the outskirts of his face. She chewed on her lip as he processed what she had just told him and looked down at his chest as she added, "I know it sounds ridiculous, but she knew it. All of it. None of it was things she could get off the internet from where I put all of S.H.I.E.L.D's Intel all those years ago either. Fury never put those in the files. And I know you didn't tell her because even if you hated me, I know you wouldn't go to those levels to try and get back at me."

While she talked, Steve stood there thinking hard for a few moments and chewing on the inside of his lip. Tatiana was one of his close friends in Rye, she knew him just as well as Derek did because of time spent in therapy with her. He trusted her, but here Natasha stood telling him things that Tatiana had knew that she shouldn't have. "There's something off about her Steve. When we were up in the attic I accidentally knocked a box over and all these small weapons like mine fell out. This did too," Natasha said as she stepped back, reaching into her dress and pulling out the little leather-bound notebook then holding it out to him. Steve raised an eyebrow when he saw it before he let go of her and took the book, looking at her slightly confused for a moment then looking down at the book as he opened it. His eyes scanned over the language he didn't know, causing him to let out a deep sigh before his eyebrows pulled together when he saw his name. "What language is this?" He asked, looking back up at her to see that she was biting her lip and staring up at him hoping that he would believe her.

"Latin and a few others, or I'm pretty sure. I only got a quick glance at it, but it's a mix of a few different languages." She replied, still feeling nervous as she watched him watch her.

He closed the book before handing it back to her after a few moments and let out a sigh. He didn't know what to do. This threw a huge wrench into an already kinked up knot and none of it was things he wanted to deal with. He didn't want to believe that Tatiana had been spying on him all this time, but he didn't want to not believe Natasha seeing that she had never given him a reason to not believe her or trust her. Then there was Derek, did he know of it? Was he in on it too? There were too many questions buzzing through his head that he almost didn't hear Natasha when she whispered his name to get his attention. He focused in on her, seeing the worry there on her face causing him to step forward and take her face gently in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead with a small sigh before he let out an over held breath through his nose.

"Thank you for telling me," he said quietly as he felt her hands hold his sides and an almost deflated sigh come from her.

"You don't believe me," she whispered and started to pull away only for his hands to fall to her shoulders to stop her from moving.

"It's not that Natasha," he said as he looked down at her. "You're one of the only people I would ever believe, it's just hard to wrap my head around something that's giving me evidence that one of the people I trusted is an agent or whatever. That there is a possibility I'll have to leave a place I've gotten use to again," he added quietly as his eyes fell to her neckline. She reached up and cupped his cheek, looking at him as she brushed her thumb over his freshly shaven skin and gently nudging him to look at her which he granted her.

"Hey, it's okay, we'll figure it out alright. No one is going to make you leave your home unless you want to." She said, her ocean green mixing with his ocean blue ones, trying to make him see that it would be okay.

He was silent for a few moments as he looked down at her, finding comfort in her eyes that wrapped him in a blanket of love and affection. He reached up when a clump of her hair blew into her face and brushed it back, his eyes flickering between hers for a moment before he whispered, "Nothing is going to make me leave you again. And I'm not leaving Rye either. We'll figure it out, one way or another."

She felt her breath hitch in her through when he pretty much called her his home, her lips parting a bit as she looked up at him. A smile painted her lips after a moment before she leaned up and kissed him softly yet lovingly, humming against his lips when he kissed her back with a matching smile.

They pulled away after a few moments, Natasha leaning her forehead against his chin causing him to gently kiss her forehead as she whispered, "I love you Steve."

"And I love you Natasha," he replied quietly before she looked back up at him with a bright smile.

He smiled happily down at her, his heart fluttering at her smile while he stared at her for a few minutes. Every time she said that she loved him, it made his heart swell and emotions he had only ever felt with her stir inside him. He tilted his head a bit as he looked at her before he asked in a whisper, "How about we head back to the house and end this night properly hmm?"

A small giggle came from her as she bit her bottom lip and nodded happily in agreement. Steve smiled at her response before he reached down and took her free hand, moving back a bit then starting back the way they had come down the beach and headed to the house. 


	15. Making Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my lord, I am so sorry guys!! Everything has been so crazy lately. My car got wrecked, work has been crazy af, my computer went wonky and deleted all my files so I had to rewrite this chapter and its not as long as it originally was, and my personal life took a huge hit as well. Not to mention I had a huge case of writers block. I am so sorry! So, just so you know, this chapter isn't so long, but it's something for yall!!
> 
> ________________________________________________________________________________

****Chapter 15:

As the days dwindled further on into the chilly month of late November, Steve and Natasha didn't go near Derek's or around Tatiana. It was harder than they thought seeing that they all lived in the small town and that they were two of Steve's friends. Derek had even called the day after asking when they had left and why, and all Steve had said was that Natasha had gotten sick from all the sugar and they had to leave early. When he was asked if they all could hang out sometime, Steve simply stated he'd have to see how work went seeing that the holidays were approaching and work would become more demanding. Natasha was rather impressed with his lying skills and how he had improved over the years, but she hated that he had to lie to his friend now. She could see it etched on his face as well, that he hated having to stay away and lie to Derek, but he had told her that until they found out if he was working with Tatiana and if they were a threat, he'd stay away from them.

She looked down at the book that she had been deciphering while she sat in the bay window of the living room under a white afghan blanket. As she had thought, there were several different languages in the book and it would change page to page but that didn't stop her. But she was distracted by her thoughts that were circling around Steve and how he was seemingly losing everything again slowly. Was it too much to ask that the man who sacrificed everything, his home, his love, his life, didn't need to sacrifice his happiness once again?

She huffed loudly and shut the little book rather forcefully before tugging her fingers through her hair harshly as anger and sadness coursed through her, the sudden noise causing Winston to jerk awake on the couch and look over at her. She needed a break from these inescapable thoughts, but it didn't seem to matter when she heard a small chime come from her phone. She picked it up and looked at it, seeing a message from Clint which in turn made her let out a small sigh and lift the device to open the message.

**_"Look what's trending."_  **

The message read with a link underneath bringing a raised eyebrow from her. She sighed softly before clicking the link which redirected her to youtube with a title that read "Possessive/Pissed Off Girlfriend At Halloween Party." When the video cut on, a sharp intake of breath echoed in the room as a chill went down her spine. It was of the party at Derek's with someone panning around the backyard before landing on Steve as Alexiss approached him after someone said,  _"he's right there."_  

She watched on with held breath as the camera zoomed in on them and heard a quiet _"this outta be good."_  

The comment brought a raised eyebrow from Natasha before she saw Alexiss kiss him, setting a fire in her body to the already burning anger she felt. That's when she saw herself, from behind, come into view then and the scene of Alexiss getting kneed in the mouth followed by a  _"holy shite!"_  

Her eyes narrowed at the screen before she let out a deep breath and rewatched the video again, and again, and again before she threw the phone halfway across the room, the device landing in the foyer, in a small cry of anger. She was beyond pissed now thanks to the video, causing her to toss the blanket off of herself and stand. She went to the stairs and climbed them, making her way into the art room then over to the "closet" door before she went up the stairs there and into the little makeshift gym. She reached up and tied her hair into a messy bun, making a mental note to get it cut soon seeing that it was getting too long. She looked up at the encased shield that hung on the wall, unsure of why her anger flared again before she hit the punching bag causing it to swing harshly from the force.

Why was it always him having to sacrifice everything he held dear to him? Why was it always him laying down on the wire to let the other guys crossover? Didn't his happiness matter too? His want of a simple life after everything he had been through in such a short amount of time, they meant something to her. And she hated that every time he thought he had something worth caring and loving and protecting, something had to come along and ruin it. She hated that people wouldn't mind their own business and let the man have a life without chaos in it. She hated it all, and it showed with each blow she landed against the bag, letting her anger out in one of the two ways she knew how to. This went on for a good hour or so, not hearing when Steve came in downstairs or when he called out for her.

Steve had finished taking off his boots and hung his jacket up, tossing his glasses into the little bowl there and hanging his hat on the hook then petting Winston and Merlin when they came over. He had started wearing the glasses and hat again since the party, not knowing who would be lurking around the corners of the street. "Hey boys, did you have a good day hmm?" He asked with a smile before he looked around the living room, his heart jumping to his throat when he didn't see Natasha but instead the disheveled bay window. His head turned towards the kitchen next, finding it empty as well before he heard a creak upstairs causing him to raise an eyebrow. He started towards the stairs, calling out for her and getting no response, but paused when he felt something odd under his foot causing him to back up and look down, seeing the phone laying there with a video pulled up on the screen. His brow arched as he bent down and picked it up, hitting play and watching. His eyes grew wide as he watched, his heart beating erratically in his chest as his throat closed up a bit. The person who filmed it had a rather clear view of his face but when Natasha came into view, it made him feel a bit better that they couldn't see her. He didn't want her getting in trouble with Fury if he had seen the video. But now, if he had seen the video, he would have a general idea of where he was.

This brought his already erratic heartbeat even higher, knowing that he could be found anytime now. His thoughts drifted to Tatiana, his grip tightening on the phone that it cracked the screen a bit. He looked down at it before his eyes lifted to the creaking sound again when it traveled down the stairs. He made his way up the steps, following the sound of the thudding then making his way into the craft room. He went to the closet and traveled up the stairs then pausing in the doorway when he saw Natasha beating the punching bag. He watched her for a moment and had he not been in the current slightly panicked feeling that he felt, he would have found it rather enticing. She stopped hitting the bag after a moment before looking over at him, her eyes not as angry as they had been, and let out a small sigh when she saw the phone in his hand.

"I suppose you saw the video?" She asked as she moved to push a strand of hair that fell from her bun but winced with a small hiss when she felt the sting in them.

He nodded and made his way over to her, the phone going into his pocket before he picked up her hands and looked down at them. He let out a small sigh at the sight of her bruised knuckles before lifting them to kiss each knuckle. She bit her lip and let out a small hiss when she felt the contact, looking up at him and giving him a small smile through the pain.   
"Is that what got you so upset?" He asked as he raised an eyebrow

She sighed softly and nodded when she heard him, looking down for a few moments before finally looking up at him. "Yes," she finally said and let out a small breath. "And it's not just because someone got a video of it, but because they had a perfect view of you. Almost like it was planned." She added, giving his hands a gentle squeeze and biting her lip. He sighed softly and shook his head before he replied, "I don't know why someone would plan to film her do that."

"Steve, I've been thinking, don't you find it a little odd that Alexxis went up to you right after I left? That Tatiana stopped me and said all those things and that whoever filmed it had a perfect view of you? Not to mention the comments," She stated as she looked up at him and shifted her weight a bit.

He let out a small breath of air and looked away from her for a moment as he thought. "I'll agree, it is a bit odd. But it still doesn't explain why they would do all this. She could have reported me to S.H.I.E.L.D a long time ago. My question is, why now? Why is she choosing now to do all these things?" He replied as he looked back at her, his eyes finally showing the worry that he felt inside. Natasha sighed softly and shook her head as she looked down at his chest before she said, "I don't know, but I do know it's not in our favor."

Steve sighed softly and nodded in agreement as he looked down at her then asked, "Did you get anywhere with the book?"

She let out a small huff before she shook her head and looked away from him. "It's nothing of importance really. Not yet anyway, I've still got quite a bit to go through." She replied, not liking that she wasn't able to help the man she wanted to protect more than anything. She took a deep breath as she felt him brush a strand of hair back out of her face before he said, "Maybe we're just overthinking it Nat. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't believe you on it, I'm just saying that maybe, she's not a threat."

She looked up at Steve, her eyes flickering between confusion and anger for a moment before she pulled back away from him. "Are you going to stand there and tell me that she just happened to guess that I was in an orphanage and psych ward?"

"What? No, Nat, I'm just saying that maybe she isn't the one behind it. Maybe she's just a middle man for someone else. You spied on Stark for how long before everything came out in the light?" He replied as he looked down at her, raising an eyebrow as he tilted his head a bit. She looked up at him for a few moments, letting what he said sink in for a few moments before she nodded in understanding. It made sense, but she was still wondering as to who Tatiana was a double agent for.

"Come on, let's get some ointment on those hands of yours then I'll make dinner. I skipped lunch today and I'm starved." He said, trying to make her smile which worked out well when she laughed.

"Okay okay, let's go," she said smiling then nodded in agreement. He chuckled softly before leading her out of the room and down to the bathroom where he gently lifted her up and sat her on the sink counter which brought a giggle out of her. She bit her lip as she watched the man she admired and love get the medical kit out from the small china cabinet, sitting it beside her and opening it up with a small chuckle.

"What?" She asked and tilted her head a bit causing him to shake his head as he got out some ointment and a bandage wrap.

"I was just thinking, I've not had to use this medical kit, or any medical kit for that fact, all that much until you came along." He said with a smile as he gently applied the ointment to her knuckles, pausing for a moment when he heard her hiss and jerk her hand back a bit. He looked up at her, earning a small apologetic smile before when mumbled a sorry. He shook his head a bit and smiled softly before he said, "Don't be."

She watched him tentatively apply the medicine to her hands before wrapping them with the bandages and smiling softly. "Have I told you I love you today?" She whispered to him when he finished wrapping her hands, causing him to look up at her and smile softly.

"Maybe once or twice, but it never hurts to remind me," he replied with a chuckle causing her to laugh and lean forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and smile up at him. She pressed her lips to his and smiled happily when he returned the kiss, humming softly before pulling apart after a moment. They leaned their foreheads against each other's, her green eyes finding his happy and content blue eyes. "I love you," she said softly, bringing a bigger smile to his face before he leaned down and kissed her softly again. "And I love you," he mumbled against her lips which made her smile even more, temporarily forgetting everything that had gone on recently and just lived in the moment.

When they pulled away, Steve smiled happily down at her as she smiled up at him. "Come on then, let's go make something to eat shall we?" He asked causing her to nod with her smile before letting her hands slip down his shoulders and take his hands, lacing their fingers together and gently getting down off the counter. She followed him out of the bathroom and bit her lip as she stared at his broad shoulders for a few moments, mesmerized by the way he moved and held onto her hand like she would disappear, not too tight but not all that gentle. When they finally reached the kitchen he turned to her with a playful grin before he picked her up and sat her on the counter bringing a laugh from the red head and a small shake of the head.

"I think you just like picking me up," she said as she watched him go over to fridge and open it. He looked inside for a moment before he got out an object wrapped in brown paper and brought it over to the counter next to her and unwrapped it with a chuckle.

"Maybe, maybe not, who knows," He replied, leaning over and kissing her cheek as he got a knife out of the knife block after unwrapping the brown paper to reveal a deer tenderloin. He proceeded to cut a few pieces off of it before he began to cut those pieces into smaller pieces all while Natasha watched with a gentle smile.

"What are you making?" She asked after a few moments, biting the corner of her bottom lip and looking at him.

"Deer stew," he replied with a smile making Natasha nod a bit and study him, noticing the little wrinkles there on his forehead that signaled that he was thinking. She bit her lip as she watched him, moving her hands to sit on her hands before she asked, "What are you thinking about?"

Steve got down a pot from the shelve before he started putting the cut pieces into the pot. He rewrapped the rest of the meat before he got a box of dried onion soup down and a bowl to which he emptied the contents of the box into the bowl followed by some warm water. He mixed the two together before pouring them into the pot and turning the stove on. When he heard her ask the question, he sighed softly as he went over to the fridge and got out some carrots then some potatoes before he finally answered her.

"I think I'm going to meet with Tony," he said as he washed the carrots and potatoes under warm water. The confession brought a small gasp from her before she asked, "Why?"

"Because, if he's really going down the path that he is, he needs to be turned around and sat back on the right path. I might not agree with him or see eye to eye with him, but I knew his dad and I know that he wouldn't want to ruin his life this way. Plus, I can relate to him even if he thinks that I can't." He replied as he dried the vegetables off with a napkin before he began to cut them.

"How?" She asked with a raised brow, slightly confused.

"Because, he lost the one person he actually cared about and who had been beside him through everything. Losing the people you love is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. Not to mention the people that you call family and friends." He said quietly, looking over at her, his eyes showing the love he held for her. It clicked together as to what he meant, but she was still confused as to why he wanted to meet with someone who had caused him so much despair in the past.

"But why now?" She asked after a few moments as she watched him cut the vegetables up.

He let out a small sigh and shook his head before he looked over at her and stopped cutting. "Because I'm tired of looking over my shoulder. I'm tired of you worrying on whether or not we'll be found. Not to mention I don't want you to get into trouble with Fury if he finds out that you've been with me all these months. I've been thinking about it a lot lately Nat. If I could meet with them, on my own terms, my own grounds, then I wouldn't feel as cornered. If they came here, you and I both know that they wouldn't come peacefully. I don't want Rye to become like all those other places that we had a hand in destroying. That's why I'm going to take my vacation time that I've been saving up. I'm not taking all of it, instead, I'll be taking two weeks. I just need to find the right place that is also not on their turf." He replied, watching his words settle into her and the slight worry to begin to manifest in her. "What?" he added as he tilted his head a bit and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just worried that they'll trap you and make you go back," she said, shifting around and looking at him with her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

He smiled gently at her, laying the knife down before moving over and taking her face gently between his hands. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, smiling softly against her skin before he pulled back and looked down at her. "They won't make me do anything love. Trust me, I'm thinking this through very carefully." He said with a smile, brushing his thumb over her cheek as she leaned into his touch. She sighed softly before nodding as she replied, "I do trust you, it's them I really don't trust. Not after everything that they've done or had a hand in doing."

He nodded and kissed her forehead again before he moved back to finish cutting the vegetables and adding them into the pot.

"Also when I take my vacation time, instead of staying here and being a sitting duck, I think I'm going to take you away for holiday." He said, his smile having double in size as he looked over at her only to see that she had raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really? And where are you taking me?" She asked as she picked up a cut carrot and popped it into her mouth.

"Well, I was thinking either Russia or China," he said causing her to smile a bit brighter before she hopped down off the counter. She moved over to wrap her arms around his middle, smiling happily up at the man who had brought her so much happiness in her life as well as pain. But, to her, the good outweighed the bad.

"How about China? I've seen Russia, both professionally and personally, but I've only seen China for business purpose. Not to mention I wouldn't want you becoming a capsicle on me seeing that it can get pretty cold in my homelands. Maybe we can go during the spring. Besides, that was always my favorite time as a child." She said, stretching up to rest her chin on his shoulder with a smile as he looked at her with a chuckle before settling with a smile.

"Alright then, we'll go to China. We'll book the flights later if you want." He said as he finished putting everything into the pot then sighed softly as he turned to look at her. They stared silently at each other for a few moments, their smiles growing on their faces as he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned down to place a small kiss there on her forehead right between her eyebrows.

She let out a small breath as her eyes fluttered closed. She loved the small moments like this between them, when there wasn't anything to disturb them or ruin anything. She lifted her head, looking up at him for a moment before their lips caught each other in a loving embrace. She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, their body's leaving no space to breathe as the kiss slowly began to grow more heated.

"We should stop," he whispered after a few moments when they pulled back for air, her lips moving down to a spot on his neck.

"Why?" She cooed, her eyes flickering up to his for a moment as her hands moved down his chest and stomach before slipping under his shirt. She smirked a bit against his soft skin when she heard him groan softly as he tried to answer.

"Because, dinner will be done in a little bit," he finally got out, his body language and thoughts the exact opposite of wanting to stop.

"Then turn the burner down and stop denying us soldier," she breathed out as her nails gently curved against his skin bringing a small groan from him as he leaned into her touch.

"Yes ma'am," he replied, causing her to smirk when he pulled back from her a bit and reached back to turn the burner down to medium heat. He turned back to her, his smile growing as he bent down and picked her up by the back of her thighs causing her legs to wrap around his waist as she leaned down and kissed him as if she had been starved of his kisses for months.

He moved over to the table as he kissed her back, humming against her lips before placing her down there. The kiss seemed to drive their hands faster in fumbling to get each other's clothing off, pulling away long enough to toss the offensive materials to the side before he pushed her back down against the table. He leaned down and kissed her hotly again, and this time sliding into her bringing a groan from both of them.

It didn't take long really for both to hit their highs, laying there against the table staring at each other and breathing heavily in their afterglow when there was a rather loud knock at the door. Both heads shot towards the door, confusion coloring their faces for a few moments before Steve pulled back from her earning a small whine of protest. He chuckled softly before leaning down to steal a quick kiss from her. "Come on then," he whispered to her before he got his pants, putting them on and looking around for his shirt that was hanging over one of the chairs with her bra. He laughed softly before he grabbed it and slipped it on, looking back at her as she slipped her shirt on followed by her pants after hopping down off the table with a content sigh. 

He smirked a bit, seeing the puddles of water on the table and floor before he said, "Make sure you clean your mess up Dutchess."

"Technically you made me make the mess," She retorted with a playful smirk after grabbing her bra as she went over and tossed it into the washroom then went to get some paper towels.

"You were asking for it," he responded before turning to the door when another knock came. He sighed and brushed his fingers through his hair to tame it a bit before he opened the door to find Thor and T'Challa there.

"About time you opened the door Steven," Thor said with a laugh as he walked in, T'Challa following after him with a smile as he held his hand out to shake hands with Steve. He felt his already warm cheeks heat up a bit before he motioned back toward the kitchen. "I've been cutting meat and such and haven't had a chance to wash my hands yet." He said bringing a nod of understanding before he added, "Not that I'm not happy to see you two, but what are you doing here?" He asked, closing the door and following after them as they walked into the kitchen, where Natasha had reluctantly finished cleaning up, with a confused look. He had sent a letter saying they needed to meet, but that wasn't till the weekend unless something came up and or something was going on.

"Forgive us for showing up without advanced notice, but this weekend is Shuri's birthday so I wouldn't be able to make the meeting. Thor said you wouldn't mind us showing up today." T'Challa said as he looked at him then Thor then back again. Steve looked back over his shoulder to see Natasha's back turned to them while she stirred the pot before he looked back at them and cleared his throat.

"Well, I can't say no now, however in the future a warning would be nice." He said with a chuckle, praying to god that they hadn't heard his and Natasha's, activities.

"Fair enough," T'Challa said with a smile before Thor spoke.

"It smells rather good, what are you two making?" He said as Natasha finally turned, smiling at the two a bit. Steve looked over at her, not seeing a trace of their previous activities aside from the light pink on her cheeks but he could see it in her eyes that she was slightly embarrassed.

"Deer stew," he said causing Thor to clap his hands together and nod.

"Sounds like a lovely meal, may I sit in?"

Steve laughed before nodding then went over to wash his hands, leaving the water on and making a motion with his eyes to Natasha to do the same as he grabbing a dish towel to dry his hands. He then went over to the cabinet and got down four bowls which he sat on the counter next to the stove. "Nat, would you slice the bread there in the bread box please," he said looking over at her with a small smile. She nodded a bit before she moved over to the box and got out a loaf of bread while Steve checked on the stew which with just about finished.

"Tell me Captain, what is the reason for you asking us here?" T'Challa said as he sat down in one of the chairs, folding his hands together as he looked up at him.

"I plan on meeting with Tony," Steve replied calmly as he stirred the stew.

T'Challa and Thor both looked at each other and then to Natasha who gave them a slight nod that meant he was serious. "How do you plan to go about meeting Stark? Their gonna be looking for you if you call him prior to it, and even if you tell him not to bring anyone, he probably would." The Wakanda King asked as he folded his fingers together after leaning forward on the table.

"Well, that's where I thought you two would be useful. You two can blend into the public eye without drawing too much attention." He said bringing a hum from Natasha. He looked over at her earning a smile before looking at the other two who nodded in agreement then heard T'Challa ask, "When do you plan to do this?"

"Monday morning in London, then we are leaving for a few weeks." He said as he spooned the stew out into the bowls before he took them over and sat them down. "Leaving? Why, where will you be going?" Thor asked causing Steve to left out a sigh before he spoke.

"I don't want him, them, to come here and destroy this place. You two have seen the destruction that they can cause when enhanced individuals fight. I've realized in my time as a civilian in a quiet place like this just how much people disliked us for destroying the places they called home. As for where we are going, it's best if you two don't know. That way in case they ask if you have seen us or know where we are, you won't be lying, again." He answered as he moved about the kitchen and got the spoons as well as napkins. Natasha brought the bread over on a plate then went over to get four glasses from the shelf, a small smile on her face for the simple fact of his consideration for his friends. She sat them down before sitting down across from Thor as she looked to Steve and asked, "So what exactly are you planning to do?"

Steve brought the items over and sat down before he looked at them as he handed the items out to them. "Well, I'll meet with him in London, in a little bar that I know. We'll have a chat and you three will be stationed around whether inside or out in case they decide to corner us. If not, then you'll just keep a low profile." He said rather simply as Thor began to eat and nod. T'Challa looked to Steve and nodded a bit as he stirred his food before taking a bite of it. He was silent for a few moments as he chewed on his food and swallowed then asked, "So, what happens if you do get cornered? Do you plan to just fight your way out of there?"

The question brought a sigh from Steve before he shook his head. "If I do manage to get cornered, I'll go with them." He said as he looked to each of them, pausing on Natasha when he saw the concerned look in her eyes.

"I've thought about it, they can't make me go back into active duty combat. They can take me back, lock me up, do whatever floats their helicarriers, but they can not force me into going back into active duty combat until this," he said as he paused to tap his head, "gets a hundred percent better. I'm not going to risk someone getting hurt because of me again."

The three nodded their heads in understanding, though, Natasha was still worried. She knew Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D better than anyone. She knew that he would be trying everything in his power to get the man back into the field without any consideration of whether or not it would affect him even worse. She held in her sigh, eating her food instead so Steve wouldn't ask what was wrong just because she didn't want to lie to him or make him think that maybe she didn't like his plan.

The three continued to eat and conversate, even after all the dishes were put away and they were having an after dinner beverage. Stories of everything ranging from their past times together to individual times made up most of the night until T'Challa was the one to say just how late it had gotten. "I should be going, Shuri will begin to worry seeing that no one knows I left." He said as he stood, followed by Thor who nodded in agreement.

"Same, I don't need people out looking for me," he said causing Steve to laugh softly before nodding. Natasha smiled sleepily at them before getting up as well, hugging both men in a friendly manner before Steve walked them to the door, shaking both of their hands and closing the door behind them. He let out a small sigh before he turned to Natasha, finding her leaning against the staircase and yawning which he found absolutely adorable. He smiled softly at her as he walked over to her causing the red head to lean against him instead of the casing.

"Come on then my sweet little assassin," he said with a chuckle as he bent down and scooped her up into his arms.

"I'm not sweet," she mumbled, lightly tapping his chest as he made his way up the stairs while she laid her head against his shoulder.

He laughed softly before leaning down and kissing her forehead as he whispered, "Of course you're not."

When he reached the bedroom he went over to the bed and laid her down before he pulled back and covered her up. He smiled softly down at her, finding her absolutely heart melting as she cuddled up under the blankets, Merlin moving over and wrapping himself up in her arms causing him to let out a content sigh. He couldn't help but watch her for a few moments longer, admiring her as she slept peacefully. He leaned down and kissed her forehead with a small sigh as he sat back up and reached up to brush her hair back out of her face.

"I love you," he whispered quietly to her and smiled softly. He sat there for a few more moments before he got up and moved to get ready for bed himself.

Once he was changed he moved to get under the blankets and smiled softly as he wrapped his arm around her. He tucked her head under her chin, pulling her close while not seeing the smile growing on her sleeping face but hearing the quiet murmur of "I love you too" come from her. He smiled contently when he heard her before kissing the top of her head with a loving smile and slowly falling asleep.


	16. I Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay! Had a lot going on! Here's 16! Leave your comments and let me know what you think.
> 
> ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 16: I Promise.

When Monday morning came, the early morning rays of the sun found Steve leaning against the counter of the little English kitchen. The golden rays slowly danced their way up from his brown boots to the pair of jeans he wore and onto the dark blue and white flannel he had tucked into his jeans. He sipped his coffee slowly as he thought, his eyes flickering to the stairs when he heard one of the doors close upstairs. He watched and waited until he saw Natasha walk down the stairs wearing an all black outfit, from the leather jacket to her black skinny jeans and knee high boots. He couldn't help but chuckle softly and shake his head causing the woman to raise an eyebrow as she walked over to him. "It's a simple meeting Nat, not a mission." He'd say as she leaned up and kissed his cheek softly at the same time that she took the cup of coffee from his hands and raise it up to her lips to take a sip even though it was black. She'd chuckle softly when he raised an eyebrow and gave her a look that called her a smart ass, and though the smile would say one thing, her eyes said a completely other. He'd let out a small sigh as she'd start to go to the table but stop when his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back against him. "Talk to me Natasha, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He'd whisper to her, resting his chin on her shoulder and looking at her as she held the cup there in her hands.

She'd let out a small sigh as she'd lean back into him silently, thinking for a few moments while she stared at the painting hanging on the wall in the living room. She would be silent for a few moments, trying to find the right words to use until she finally turned her head to look at him. She stared at him for a few moments, her hand coming up to his cheek to brush the tips of her fingers across his smooth skin more before she'd whisper, "I had a dream last night. They brought a strike team in and tried forcing you to leave with them. But instead of blaming Tony, the look you gave me as you walked past was almost like you were blaming me for it. Like you thought I did it even as Tony arrested me for insubordination and failing to bring you in when I found you."

He'd study her face, noticing the worry lines deepening there on her forehead causing him to reach up and gently brush them away. He'd lift his head and kiss the spot between her eyes softly, hoping that she would feel just how much he loved her and could never blame her for someone else's actions. "Has anyone ever told you that you worry too much?" He whispered softly against her skin after a few moments, pulling back after he finished speaking to look down at her with a slightly amused smile and an arched eyebrow.

She'd smile softly at what was said before she'd shake her head a bit with a small sigh. "I worry because I don't want to see the man who means everything to me get taken away from men or blame me for something. I can't lose you, not again. The last time almost killed me, and after having you back now, it would kill me if I lost you." She'd say quietly as she'd turn in his arms and look up at him. Steve would reach up and gently take her face in his hands, brushing his thumbs over her cheek bones then lean down and kiss her forehead. He stayed there for a few moments, feeling her eyelashes flutter against his jaws when she'd close her eyes, hate inching its way into his bloodstream because of the fact that he was the cause for such worry. Even if she said he wasn't, he knew that he was just because he had left the way that he did. The disappointment in himself for leaving like he did still gnawed at him, even if she told him not to let it.

"I promise Natasha, no one's gonna take me away. Besides, I already told you. He's not gonna know he's meeting me until he gets to the table." He said quietly against her skin then looked down at her after pulling himself away from his thoughts a few moments. She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked up at him, her eyes flickering between his blue hues that showed nothing but honesty which caused her to nod after a few moments with a small sigh. "All right, but it doesn't mean I have to like it." She finally said causing him to smile softly as he nodded.  
"I know, but it needs to be done," Steve responded while he let his arms fall back around her waist with a smile. Natasha smiled softly back at him while she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist after reaching over and sitting the cup down on the counter. "I know it does, but still. If he tries anything, I'll kill him." She mumbled, laying her head against his shoulder causing Steve to chuckle softly then shake his head a bit then kiss the top of her head softly. He'd stare at her for a few moments, reaching up and running his hand over her silky red hair and tucking it behind her ear gently. He always loved the feeling of her hair, how soft it was against his skin, whether it be his chest, cheeks, or his calloused hands. It didn't matter, he just loved the feeling of her in general against him. He'd try to keep his thoughts pleasant for as long as he could, but her dream pulled at his thoughts a little more then it should have.

"You can't let them know that you're with me. If they find out, they'll go after you too just like in your dream. Fury would be beyond livid for not reporting it sooner if he found out you, Thor or T'Challa are there too." He said quietly as his hand rested on the back of her head. "I really don't want us to have to fight our way out of this one. And if they go after you, that's what it'll end in. Besides, I don't want them to destroy Hermione's coffee shop." He'd add as he looked down at her for a moment causing her to look up at him. They had decided that maybe a bar wasn't the best idea to meet at so he had talked to his friend Hermione in London who owned a coffee and book store. The pair had met when he first moved to England and hit it off really well.

She'd stare up into his ocean blue eyes for a moment, letting out a small breath in a huff and nodding finally as she whispered, "Alright."

He'd give her a gentle smile before kissing her forehead again, her eyes closing for a moment as she exhaled slowly. Though her heart was racing at the thought of something going wrong, she'd take a few calming breaths to steady herself. "Okay, I'm gonna go down to the bakery and give him a call. You want something to eat?" He'd say, a smile appearing on her lips at his still very attentive side to making sure that she took care of herself. He made sure she ate at least twice a day, sometimes even three times, and little snacks when she was hungry but didn't want a full meal. He was very much the person who cared for her more than anyone, who took care of her, who loved her more than words could ever explain. There were words she could use to describe it, her капитан, her caregiver and so many more, but she knew people's thoughts on it, on the fact that their Captain America wasn't a "daddy" or dominant, that he couldn't be. But there was more to the man then anyone could even imagine.

"Natasha?" She heard him ask and looked up into the curious blue eyes that were awaiting her answer. A small blush would color her cheeks before she'd clear her throat and answer him.

"Maybe a couple of danishes?" She replied causing him to chuckle softly with a nod and agree to get her some.

"I'll be back then," he said, leaning down and kissing her softly with a hum. She smiled against his lips as she kissed him back happily. When they pulled apart the pair gave each other small smiles as Steve slowly unwrapped his arms from around her. She watched him make his way towards the front door, her heart stuttering for a moment as she watched him walk out. She'd mentally curse herself, hating that she still had that fear that maybe he wouldn't come back. But, she remembered when they were together the first time, and she'd help him suit up then watch him leave, how her heart would stutter then too. She had told him then that when every woman see's the man she loves suiting up to go to fight a war, they always wish the man wouldn't have to wear the armor and leave. And even though he wasn't wearing any visible armor, she knew that he had already put on his mental and emotional armor. To be fair, after being there with him for so long, she never wanted him to have to suit up again. She wanted to take him away and never let him get tangled back in with S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers, to be honest. She had even thought of giving up S.H.I.E.L.D and the Avengers to live a quiet life with him, start up a small business of self-defense and or dance school. Have dinner on the table and waiting for him when he got home from work, spend the evening with him and the days he had off. Give him the life he never really had all those years he was frozen, all those years he spent fighting for a country who turned against him then welcomed him back before pushing him to his breaking point and forcing him into hiding so he could get his head back together. Every time she thought about the later facts, she felt her blood boil. No matter how much they said they loved and respected Captain America, she'd call bull because if they had loved and respected him, they would have listened to both him and her and everyone else when they said he needed time to recuperate.

Steve made his way down to the end of the street, partially in a hurry and partially not. He wanted some time to think if this was actually a good idea. If meeting with Tony was really worth the run of exposing himself and Rye. He didn't have a bad feeling about it, but he wasn't exactly happy about it either. Yet, he couldn't let Tony continue down the same path that he was going. Even if he wanted to put his teeth down his throat for what he did to Natasha and the stupid fact of what he was doing now. He wasn't angry at him, in fact, he could relate with him. They both had lost too many people over the course of their lives, they had been beaten down, broken, experienced near death experiences, lost the women they loved, lost their best friends. The list went on. He guessed though, it was the difference in their era's, the difference in themselves and the way they carried themselves, that made them act differently after the outcomes. Tony, the genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist, carried himself completely different then Steve did. Steve was still the kid from Brooklyn, who didn't have much growing up, who cherished the little things he had, who worked hard to become who he was, who fought equally as hard for the things he believed in, who stood up for things he believed where right even if it was going against everyone who said it was wrong, who sacrificed himself over and over again for millions of people who didn't even know him. He wasn't saying the Tony didn't have those same beliefs now, but it had been a long road for him to come down to gain all those things and see things the way that Steve did.

He'd let out a small sigh as he cleared his worries from his thoughts as he neared the bakery. His thoughts would drift then to Natasha, a small smile painting his otherwise stoic face at the thought of his redheaded love. He would have never thought in a million years that he would fall in love with a woman like her, that he would change some of his ways for her just because it was what she wanted, what she needed. And he'd never regret it, for as long as he lived because he knew that even she had changed for him. It was kind of a give and take relationship, they changed for each other to fit what the other wanted and needed, yet, they still stayed the same, stayed true to themselves because, at the base root of it all, that's what the other had fallen in love with, what the other needed. They needed each other. He needed her rough and tough ways where she needed his soft and gentle ways. He needed her detachment and uncaring ways where she needed his caring and nurturing ways. What one needed, the other had and they were always willing to give it to them.

His only regret in life was that he had left her, for ten years, when she needed him the most. Maybe if he hadn't had left, they would have had a little one running around the clocktower, watching as it grew up. That thought alone slowed the man down. He would never forgive himself for causing her so much pain and anguish, for causing her to lose their baby. It would haunt him forever, yet, he knew that he would do whatever he could to make sure that she was happy for the rest of her days. Whatever it was that she wanted he would do his best to give to her. He would make sure, until his last breath.

Before he knew it, Steve would be standing in front of the bakery, causing him to push the thoughts away and walk into the bakery. He'd cast a smile at Charles when he called out a good morning to him from the back and then over to the other men in the back. He'd give a wave to the group, returning the good morning as he walk up to the counter and said good morning to Charles as he came around to the front.

"Where's Ms. Natalie this morning? Is she not feeling well?" The elder man asked, concern coloring his voice and face causing Steve to smile softly before shaking his head. It was touching to him to know that Natasha had made an impression on Charles for him to care for her like so.

"No, no she's alright. She's just at the house finishing packing. We're going away on holiday for a few weeks." Steve replied causing Charles to smile brightly and nod.

"That's good! You need a break, you haven't had one since you moved here have you? Say, where are you going?" He replied as Steve leaned against the counter and smiled.

"No, I haven't. And we're going to Scotland, visit some family that I have there," the blonde replied causing Charles to laugh and nod. He didn't want to tell him the truth of where he was going just in case anyone came asking questions.

"Good, good. I've got some family there too, they live in Argyll. If you're around there you should stop in at the little diner the cousin owns. Now, what can I get you this morning? The usual for you both?" The elder man asked causing Steve to nod.

"Definitely, if I get that way I will. And yes please," he would say with a smile earning a nod from the man who started towards the back. "Say, can I use your phone to call them and tell them we will be leaving here soon?" He asked as Charles disappeared into the back.

"Go ahead, you know, I don't understand why you won't get you one of those cell phones. Their very useful," Charles would say from the back causing Steve to laugh softly and shake his head as he reached over and got the wireless phone that laid there. He'd pull a small scrap piece of paper from his pocket before he'd dial the number he had written down. He'd press the phone to his ear and listened to the ringing, inhaling a shaky breath before hearing a groggy answer of Hello as he walked over to the pictures that were hanging on a wall.

"Is this Tony Stark?" He asked quietly as he looked around the dining room to make sure no one else heard him then turned back to look at an old picture from World War One.

"M'yeah, who is this?" He responded with a groan and slightly slurred, letting Steve know that he was waking up to a hangover.

The super soldier would let out a deep breath before shaking his head at the sound before he'd say, "Let's just say I'm someone who has some sensitive information pertaining to a certain super soldier that you're looking for." He said as he listened to the other end of the line, hearing quick rustling about.

"Really? What is it? Do you know where is he?" Tony asked rushed causing Steve to shake his head again before he'd respond.

"I only feel safe telling you this in person and just you. No one else. I work at a place called Granger's in London. I go on break at nine am, can you meet me there then?" The blonde would ask him as he moved down to a picture of when Charles's grandfather first opened his bakery in eighteen ninety seven when he was just eighteen years old with a baby in his arms, a five year old boy who was Charles father, a three year old little girl, and his wife. Steve would smile softly before he'd move down to look at the other pictures. He had looked at them so many times and heard the story's of them that he knew them almost inside out. "I can agree to those terms. I'll be there at nine. How will I know it's you?" Tony replied rather quickly bringing a small nod from Steve.

"Ask the owner for the person who knows where Steve Rogers is. I look forward to meeting you Mr. Stark. Don't break your word." Steve would say, staring at the photo of when Charles took over the bakery in nineteen sixty five when he was twenty years old. He smiled at the young Charles, standing amongst his five older siblings, his mother, his father, along with his just married wife.

"I promise, I will keep my word," Tony said causing Steve to feel a slight wave of relief but not enough to fully comfort him. He was still afraid of if Tony would actually keep his word and if this would go how he hoped it would. He'd nod to himself before he'd lower the phone and hang up as Charles brought the order out from the kitchen.

"Here we are Arthur," He said as he put the containers into a paper bag while Steve walked over and handed the phone back to him.

"Thanks Charles," Steve would say as he got his wallet out to pay for it. He took the bag and made his way to the door with a smile as Charles made his little fussed about not taking his change. "Keep it for the phone call," Steve said, turning around for a moment to look at him. He'd laugh when Charles waved him off, saying how it wasn't long distance or that long of a call before he'd go back into the kitchen while Steve made his way outside. He'd let out a small sigh as he walked back to the house, shoving his free hand deep into his pocket. He still felt worried about the meeting with Tony just because he didn't want anything to go wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe it wasn't, but he couldn't continue to let Tony move down the path he was on. He never understood why Tony would let himself be washed up into a position that he was in, returning to being a playboy, a weapons manufacturer, an alcoholic, things that Steve wanted to beat the hell out of him for it but didn't because everyone had the right to their own lives. Yet it still pissed him off, and one way or another Steve would get Tony turned around and on the right path again.

Back at the house, Natasha had taken Steve's words to heart about this simply being a meeting, that they didn't need to alert everyone to her being with him just so she didn't get in trouble. So instead of staying in her current clothing, she had gone up and changed her jacket out for one of Steve's flannels. She even changed her boots to a pair of sneakers before looking in the mirror there for a moment. She'd stare at herself for a few moments before hearing the door downstairs open and a small chime went off on the phone that was currently in her pocket. Steve had bought her a new one the day before along with the system for while they were away. They both guessed that Fury would expand his search of England once Tony said that he had met with him, and if anyone in the town was to tell that yes, Steve Rogers lived in the town and where he lived, they'd be able to see everything.

She took the phone from her pocket and opened the app, smiling softly when she saw Steve as he called out that he was back while entering in the security number which was his month and Natasha's day. Her smile would grow a bit more before she'd go back downstairs after putting the barely worn shirt up and her boots back into the closet. The red headed woman would look over at him as he went to the table and sat the bag down then over to get more coffee since she had taken his earlier. "How'd it go?" She asked him as she walked into the kitchen while he went back over to sit down at the table.

"As far as I know, he didn't know it was me so that's always a plus. But other than that, I think it went rather well," He replied as she started to go sit down in the chair beside him but stopped when he pulled her down onto his lap. She'd let out a small giggle and lean back against him as he tickled her side a bit causing the spy to curl up in an attempt of a weak protection. He'd smile at her giggle, her eyes matching the sparkle that was there in her laugh which made the super soldier tickle her more. His arm tightening around her waist when she tried to wiggle away from him and though they both knew she could get away easily if she wanted to, she didn't which only made them both smile more. After a few moments though he finally stopped, looking down at the woman who he loved more than anything. He watched as she caught her breath, looking up at him with her sparkling blue-green eyes and that smile that caused his heart to stutter like a vehicle that took a moment to start. He'd reach up and brush a strand of her red hair behind her ear, letting his fingertips trail down her cheek and brush his thumb across the bottom of her lip as he smiled peacefully at her.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you look with a smile like that?" He asked her quietly as if it was a secret between just the two of them. He always loved it when she wore his clothes, but her smile was everything to him and more appealing than any outfit she could ever wear.

The question seemed to make her smile double in size before she'd reply, "I'm not sure. You should though just in case you haven't."

He'd make a small "oh" sound before nodding with a smile and leaning down to kiss her lovingly. She'd kiss him back as the palm of his hand rested against her cheek, his fingertips just within her hairline, then pulled back after a few moments. "You're absolutely stunning with a smile that lights up your face like that." He whispered as he looked at her, taking in all of the little details that he knew like the back of his hand, but he swore he always found something new about her every time he looked at her. It wasn't huge things, but little things that he found new about her like the flakes of blue in her eyes that shimmered when she was happy. Or the differences in her smile and how they would reflect through her eyes.

His smile would grow when he saw the blush on her cheeks rise bringing a small chuckle out of him as she tried hiding her face in his chest. He stopped her, gently forcing her to look up at him, holding her chin firmly as he whispered, "Don't hide from me. I know I shouldn't have hidden from you all these years. Believe me when I say that I regret it deeply. Probably more than I regret anything. But I promise you, I won't ever hide from you again."

She looked up at him with her bright eyes that misted up for a moment, yet no tears fell before she leaned up and kissed him as her hand came up to rest on his cheek. Both sets of eyes would stay open, watching the other while tangled in the kiss like a pair of newfound lovers, committing the moment to memory just like every kiss they shared before she'd say softly against his lips, "I promise, I won't."

He smiled softly when her words reached his ears causing the blonde to lean in and kiss her gently again rather happily, pulling away after a few moments. He'd look at her, as if studying her features to paint onto a canvas, before he'd reach over and pull the bag of sweet breakfast items from Charles over to them. He'd get out the treats, tightening his arm around her waist when she went to move again before he said, "You're not allowed to move."   
She'd curl into him as a smile painted her face at the possessive yet caring tone he gave her which caused her to respond with a nod. She'd adjust herself a bit so she was sitting across his legs then reached over and got one of her danishes. He'd get a cinnamon roll with his free hand while the other stayed wrapped around her waist while the pair would begin to eat in silence for a moment before she'd say after swallowing the food in her mouth, "The new security system works by the way."

He'd look down at her and nod as she'd take a bite of her danish and he'd say, "Good. I noticed when I came in that unless someone is looking for it, they won't see the box. Didn't even make a sound either so that's a good thing."

She'd nod in agreement as she chewed her food before she'd look over around with a small sigh. "It's so quiet without Merlin and Winston," She commented causing the super soldier to nod in agreement.

"It would have been too much of a hassle trying to load them into the truck and everything." He commented to the nodding woman who grabbed her coffee and got a sip of it.

"I know, either way though, I'm glad Thor agreed to keep them until we get back as well as your gear." She said after sitting the cup down and looking up at him as he sipped his own coffee. She knew how much he'd miss his four-footed babies, having had them with him since he first got there. But they both agreed that if anyone was to search the house, it would be best if they weren't there so they didn't get hurt or run off and so there wasn't any evidence or anything they could use against him.

The rest of their meal would be followed with silence as they ate, both in their own little worlds before they finished. Steve would finish off his coffee before he looked down at her and smile at the way she wiggled her feet around while sipping her coffee with the milk and sugar in it. He let out a small chuckle and shook his head before leaning down and kissing her forehead gently. She'd smile as she looked up at him, staring at the man she loved for a few moments as he said, "We should get going."

She'd nod her head in agreement before he'd let her waist go and gently help her up after which he'd get up as well. Steve would clean up the table then wash their cups and put them away as Natasha went to make sure the front door was locked as well as all the windows. Steve felt around in his pockets for his keys when he finished and when he felt them in his pocket, he'd look to Natasha and smile as she came back into the kitchen and took his hand and asked, "Shall we then?" She'd nod in agreement prompting the blonde to lead her to and out the back door, pausing for a moment to lock the door before they made their way to the truck. He'd help her into the cab and close the door, pausing for a moment to make sure their suitcases were still in the back then going around and getting into the truck with a small sigh.

The ride there would find the couple making small talk about little things, nothing of real importance, as Steve drove to the heart of London and to the little coffee book shop. When they arrived, he shut the truck off and checked the time, seeing they still had about thirty minutes before Tony was supposed to be there. He'd let out a small shaky breath causing Natasha to look over at him. She could see his uneasiness bringing the redhead to give his hand a gentle squeeze seeing that she had already been holding his hand for the entire ride. "It's not too late to just forget it," she whispered to him, already knowing his answer before he even shook his head. She'd give him a smile before she leaned up and kissed his cheek softly as she said, "I know. It'll be okay."

He'd look down at her and nod with a small smile, leaning down and kissing her forehead for a moment and sitting back up as he took a deep breath. "Come on," he said before getting out and gently helping her out as T'Challa walked over to them. He was dressed in more laid back clothes, a pair of jeans and a brown Henley instead of his Wakanda clothing so he didn't stand out so much.

"Your Highness," Steve said as he held out his hand, the pair shaking hands as T'Challa shook his head and laughed. "There is no need for formalities Steve," he said causing the super soldier to look away for a moment, a faint smile playing at all their lips before he nodded in agreement. Steve looked around for a moment as T'Challa said, "I've been here since they opened. I haven't seen anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D but that doesn't mean that there isn't anyone here that's from there."

Steve would nod as they walked towards the entrance, Steve letting Natasha's hand go just in case before he looked down to her and said, "Go on in. We'll be in a few." Natasha looked at him for a few moments, hiding her worry well before she nodded in agreement and made her way inside. Steve watched her go inside, biting his lip for a moment then turning to T'Challa as he said, "Whatever happens, you got to make sure she's safe. Don't let her stick around and get caught if they do show up. I'm not saying I don't trust Tony not to bring in anyone else, but still. If he does, and this goes any other way then what we planned, don't stick around for me. I've got other ways to get out. You take her and go to the rendezvous point, and don't let her come back." He'd look to the King and friend who he had counted on many times with so many things.

"Don't worry, nothing will go wrong. But nevertheless, I'll keep her safe." T'Challa said which earned a nod from Steve before the pair made their way inside.

It was really a rather cute little place, roof to floor walls with books, little knick knacks and historical artifacts sitting on the shelves, the red and gold accents really pulling everything together with the magnolia tables and floors and big fluffy chairs that were scattered about. The tables weren't all crammed together but instead spread out very nicely so the room seemed a bit bigger than what it actually was. There was a room to the back as well, but it had their own color scheme and furniture. It was a dark green and silver, with black leather and dark walnut flooring and tables. There was also two rooms above that were blue and silver as well as yellow and a dark brown almost black color. Steve looked around for a few moments, a faint feeling of nostalgic of when he first arrived in England and went there. It's where he met Hermione and her boyfriend, now husband, Draco.

He'd look around the place and see Natasha sitting at a table who looked at him when the little bell above the door chimed as they came in. He gave her a small smile causing her to get up and walk over to them before he made his way towards the little counter where the coffee machines were as well as Hermione who was walking around behind the espresso counter. He chuckled to himself as he reached over and tapped the little bell that sat on the counter.

"Just a moment," she said, her back to them as she finished off one of the two cups of coffee that was there. "Number nine," she called out as she turned and sat the cups on the counter. "What can I g- Oh! St-- Arthur! It's you," she said as she turned to face the group standing there.

"It's alright, they know who I am," he said in reference to the two beside him. This caused the woman to let out a small sigh and nod before she looked around them as Steve introduced them, beginning with Natasha.

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you," Hermione said, her eyes landing on Natasha.

"I wish I could say the same about you," the red headed woman said as she looked at her then up to Steve with curious eyes. He really hadn't told her anything about Hermione aside from the fact that he had met her when he first landed in London and stopped at the bookshop on his way passing through. He knew he'd have to tell her more but then wasn't the time as Steve's watch beeped at him signaling it was ten minutes till.

"How about I come over and talk to you while he talks with Tony?" Hermione asked Natasha who arched an eyebrow as she looked back over at her. She'd nod after a moment as she said, "Sure. That sounds good to me, but you might want to get him a coffee first." She'd laugh after the comment as she thumbed at Steve who chuckled with the small group and shook his head. Hermione would nod and turn back around to pour him a cup then looked at T'Challa and raised a brow, silently asking him what he wanted to drink. He responded with just a cup of green tea which Hermione set about preparing as Steve turned to Natasha. "I'll see you in a bit alright. If anything goes down, don't try to help me. If he lied and brings people, and they take me that's one thing. But you went against orders, you would get in more trouble than anything if you tried. Promise me, you'll keep yourself out of trouble." He whispered to her, watching as her green eyes flickered between his blue ones. He could see the struggle in her eyes to say no, but he watched as she finally succumbed to his wishes and nodded in agreement. "Alright fine, I promise." She finally said in a tone that said she really didn't want to agree causing Steve to nod a bit with a small chuckle before leaning down and kissing her forehead. "I love you," he whispered softly against her skin as he felt her eyelashes flutter against his skin telling him that she had closed her eyes. "And I love you," she whispered back to him, looking up at him after a moment, swallowing down her fear and worry of something going wrong.

He gave her a small smile before he let out a small breath and turned to get his coffee cup. He'd make his way to the back into the green and silver room, finding a spot in the very back where he sat down facing the room. He got comfortable, shifting around for a moment while he looked around the room and took in the exits. He'd reached over and get a random book from the shelf after setting his coffee cup down on the small coffee table there between him and the other chair that sat there. He'd look at the cover finding the title rather amusing seeing it was called  _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_. He'd let out a small sigh as he flipped open the cover and skimmed over the book, yet he couldn't get his thoughts to focus on the stories as he began to bounce his leg, due to his nerves being twisted up. His eyes would float around the room, spotting Natasha sitting there listening to Hermione talking in the other room. When she saw him staring at her, it prompted her to give him an encouraging smile which in turn caused him to smile back at her.

He'd find peace in her eyes, the way they were calm and soothing to him, even when he heard the tinkling of the bell above the door. The way her eyes were telling him it was okay, even if she didn't fully believe it herself. He'd smile a bit at her as he watched the man he was waiting for, walk up to the little counter with Hermione following closely behind him. He'd lift the book in front of his face, pausing for a moment to give Natasha a wink, and listening to the hurried foot fall once Hermione had given him the location of the man he had spoken to earlier. It was then that she would close the door behind him, causing Tony to look back for a moment before looking back to the man sitting there reading.

"Are you the one that called me earlier?" He heard Tony ask, feeling his eyes peering into the cover of the book. Steve looked at the page of the book, finding a quote in particular fitting for everything Tony had been doing to himself and those around him.

_"Humans have this knack of choosing precisely those things that are the worst for them."_  Steve read out loud, letting the words settle in and feel Tony's uncertain look as he scanned the faceless person for a moment.

"Did you bring anyone else with you?" Steve asked, keeping the book in front of his face as he waited for Tony's answer.

"No, no one came with me," Tony replied, knowing he knew that voice but his brain was so jumbled that he couldn't place a voice to a face, bringing an unseen nod from the supersoldier. Finally, after a few moments, Steve finally closed the book and lowered it to look up at the man who looked almost like a shell of himself, yet the man's eyes would go wide when he saw Steve sitting there staring back at him. "Hi'ya Tony," he'd say as he pushed himself up out of the chair and looked at him. He really had changed, he was thinner, his face was a bit sunk in, dark bags colored under his eyes, his once fitted suite didn't fit him like they use to. And it scared the supersoldier, but he didn't show it.

"S-Steve?" Tony asked barely above a whisper, staring at the man who had been missing for more than a decade now. He didn't know if it was his eyes and mind playing tricks on him or if Steve Rogers was actually standing in front of him.

"Yeah Tony, it's me," Steve replied quietly with a nod, yet not really getting it all out as Tony all but launched himself a Steve catching the supersoldier off guard at the tight embrace from the broken man.

"It's really you," Tony halfway sobbed out, holding onto Steve for dear life like Banner had done to him all those years ago when he had come back from wherever he had been. It broke Steve to see the man like this, but nevertheless, he wrapped his arms around him and returned the hug. "Where have you been? Everyone's been out looking for you! Even Natasha and she's been going on and off the radar with Fury and not answering me. I've been looking for you for ten years, doing satellite scans and running ip's and Fury put Sharon with me to do a foot search. Why have you been hiding all this time? Why haven't you come home? You're not a wanted man or anything." Tony rushed out, looking up at the man after stepping back from him and holding his shoulders.

Steve let out a small sigh before he stepped back from him, motioning for him to sit down in the chair next to him as he sat down himself. He watched as Tony sat down as well, noticing how he sat there on the edge of the seat and leaned forward like an eager kid awaiting its treat after being good all week.

"I've been here and there, on the move all the time so no one could find me." Steve started as he looked at the man sitting there across from him.

"Why didn't you want to be found?" Tony asked with a tilt of the head bringing a sigh from the supersoldier who shook his head and looked down.

"I hurt people Tony, innocent people because no one would let me have time off to get my head right. You all thought I could push through it and keep my head down like a good little boy because to you all thought I was this perfect soldier who followed orders. But then when you all saw that I wasn't perfect, I got labeled as a fugitive, as a wanted man, as someone who turned their back against their country and who was selfish for wanting to save the last thread of home he had left. YOU labeled me as those yourself and you can't deny that. After fighting Thanos and bringing as many as we could back, everything that I had been through, every fight and war and minute of being frozen in the ice came back ten times as bad. Yet, when I told you and Fury neither of you would listen. Even when Natasha," he'd pause to make it seem like he hadn't been with her for the past few months and that saying her name hurt him still. "Even when Natasha said something to you all, you ignored her and said that I would be fine. Just put me in a few more missions and a few more hours at work, hand me a bottle full of medication that won't work and everything would be okay. Well guess what Tony? It wasn't okay, I wasn't okay, I snapped. Captain America snapped and lost his mind for a little while because he didn't have the opportunity to heal properly and get his head back on right!" He said, unknowingly letting his voice rise a bit at the end of his speech. He could see the way that Tony flinched a bit at his words, knowing full well that he had indeed been the cause of some of Steve's troubles.

"I didn't think that you were a good little boy Steve. Yes, I thought you could pull through, but I didn't know. No one knew what would happen with you because you are the one and only perfect creation of the supersoldier." Tony said trying to reason with him before he earned a shake of the head as Steve stood up and took a few steps away. He'd put his hands on his waist as he tried finding the right words to use before he turned back around and looked at him with the most serious look that he could muster up. "Tony, I'm still only human. I still bleed when I'm shot or stabbed. My bones still break. My emotions can still go haywire. My head can still play mind games with me. But everything about me is enhanced, including having post traumatic stress. What you dream while you're asleep, I can see while I'm out walking around in broad daylight in a street full of people and see it as if it's happening all over again. Every soldier has some form of it, but mine is worse because of being super juiced." Steve said, trying to make him see where he was coming from and supposing that he got it across when the man hung his head in what seemed like shame. He would look away for a moment, trying to find the right words to continue with.

"I'm sorry," he heard Tony respond causing Steve to look over at him. "I knew you were getting worse, but Fury wouldn't listen. He kept pushing, kept saying no, kept making the calls. I thought he knew what he was talking about but apparently, neither of us knew what we were talking about, and those calls cost people to get hurt and one of Earth's best defenders to not only get emotionally hurt, but mentally as well, and I take responsibility for that."

Steve watched as Tony would look up at him, the man's eyes showing just how much his decision had affected him as well. Steve shook his head before he let out a sigh and hung his head a bit. He'd stare at the floor for a moment before he heard Tony say, "Come home Steve. We need you, Natasha needs you. She's been through a lot-"

"How dare you. How bloody well dare you. How dare you sit there and use her against me like that. How dare you say she's been through a lot when I know damn well that you, you did something with her when she was in such a state of weakness! Yeah, I know about you being a lounge lizard and taking her back to your place to "sleep off" the alcohol she consumed Stark. I still have connections to people who watch over her for me. You blighter, you have some big bollocks to sit there and pull that propeller wash with me. You're a glitterati. An armored cow who can't even fly straight because of all the jungle juice and roots you've put in your system these past years!" Steve shouted at the man, jabbing his finger in his direction angrily. Oh, he was pissed that Tony would even try to use Natasha against him as leverage to get him to come home. He turned away from the man as his fingers curled into fists, his nails biting into his skin as he tried to find a quiet place in his head so he wouldn't punch him.

Tony, on the other hand, sat there slightly dumbfounded, embarrassed, and to be quite honest a bit afraid. He knew Steve only ever used his old terminology when he was beyond angry. He watched as the supersoldier paced back and forth, his fingers curling and uncurling into the fist to try and calm himself down.

"I'm sorry," he whispered but that only seemed to piss Steve off even more as he hit one of the tables with his palm. The force of the hit made the wood whine as Steve turned back to Tony and spoke.

"You're sorry? You're sorry? Did you tell Natasha that? Did you go to your parents' graves and tell them that? How about Peppers' grave huh? How about all those other people who look up to you to be better then what you've been Tony? Did you tell them you're sorry for letting them down? Huh?!" He shouted at the man who looked like a scolded child. Steve shook his head as he turned away from Tony again to try and calm back down. He closed his eyes and thought of the redhead sitting outside the room, the way she smiled at him, her laugh, the sparkle in her eyes when she was happy. He felt himself calming back down which brought about a small sigh before he turned back to the man sitting there and looked at him. He'd shake his head and walk over to kneel down in front of him, looking up at the man who looked worse than when the arc reactor was failing. He'd let out a sigh as he spoke softly, "Tony, words are useless until you actually prove that you're sorry. And I'm not just talking about the thing with Natasha. I'm talking about you abusing the alcohol and drugs again, about you opening the weapons manufacturer again, about going on all weekend and week long benders. I'm talking about all of it. You gotta stop this or you won't be around to see me come back."

The two men looked at each other for a few moments, Tony's eyes glistening a bit with tears before he nodded, the gentle jerking motion causing a few of his tears to fall.

"Promise you'll come back?" He asked him like a broken child who didn't know exactly how to speak to its parents who just gave him a spanking.

"Only if you promise to stop all this bullshit Tony." He responded and raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Because I'm not going to come home just to watch you kill yourself. I can't. You're my friend, and I won't just stand by and let you do this. But, if you stop all this partying, the weapons, the drinking, the drugs, I'll come home." He said softly looking up at the man with soft gentle eyes. He watched as Tony processed what he said, each word going through his thoughts quickly but also slow as if analyzing everything he said.

"I promise," Tony finally said, meeting his ocean blue eyes with his dark brown ones. The pair looked at each other as Steve nodded in agreement before he said, "Then I promise to come home. But not right now. There are some things I've got to take care of before I can go back, and I'll only go back on my terms. Nobody else's."

The look on Tony's face was enough to make the man smile just a bit, knowing that it would make them all happy. Yet, could he really be happy going back into such a world after living his life the way that he had been? Could he go back to New York and pretend that everything was back to normal? "When will you come back then?" Tony asked looking at Steve for a few moments and waiting for his answer.

"I don't know, I've got to sort some things out before I can." He said as he stood up, righting his jacket before he held his hand out to Tony. "Do you trust me?" He asked, waiting for the man to take his hand as they had done all those years ago. When he did it eased the man's mind as Tony stood with a nod and said, "I do."

Steve nodded as they shook hands before he continued talking, "I'll give you a call in a few weeks. Tell Fury to call off the manhunt. I'll get in contact with him sooner or later."

Tony would nod in agreement, a hurried agreement as he said, "I'll be waiting." Steve nodded before he made his way to the door leaving a very confused Tony looking at him. "Wait, where are you going?" He asked, looking more like a wounded animal than a human at that moment.

"I told you, I got some stuff I got to take care of. The sooner I can get it taken care of, the sooner I can come home." Steve replied, pausing at the door with his hand on the handle.

Tony would nod slowly, pushing down his disappointment in not getting to spend more time with him before he walked over to him and said, "Okay." Steve would nod his head in agreement before he opened the door and motioned for him to go on out. His eyes scanned the room quickly, spotting the little group sitting in the corner, Natasha's wide eyes eagerly awaiting. He could see that she was as stiff as a board, like a lioness ready to pounce at any given moment, yet when she saw him and that he was okay, he could see her relax a bit into her chair.

"I'll see you later Steve," Tony said as they walked to the door, earning a nod from Steve who agreed to call him in a few days while he opened the door for the man and motioned him to go on out. He'd watch as he walked over to an Audi Q7 before leaving the parking lot. It was only then that the group would come over to him, Natasha hugging him tightly which made the man smile softly as he hugged her back.

"How did it all go?" She asked him causing the man to smile and nod a bit.

"Well enough, I'll tell you later but for right now and for safety reasons, we should leave." He replied earning a nod from the others. Steve turned to Hermione and gave her a smile before he bent down and hugged her gently. "Thanks again Hermione," He said as she hugged him back, gently patting his back before they would pull away from one another. Natasha would smile at Hermione before she'd nod her head to the woman and say, "Thank you. It was good talking to you, I hope that we can meet up and talk some more in the future."

Hermione would nod her head in agreement before watching as the three of them left, Steve, Natasha, and T'Challa walked towards the truck and Range Rover parked side by side. T'Challa got into the car beside the truck while Steve helped Natasha into the truck after getting his keys out of his pocket.

Once the pair was in the truck, Natasha nestled herself into Steve's side and wrapped her arms around his waist while he followed the Rover to where the jet was. "I heard your voice get loud," she said quietly to him which in turn earned her a nod. "He tried to use you as leverage to get me to go back." He said softly which in turn caused her to nod a bit.

"What did you tell him? To going back?" She asked as she looked up at him with curious eyes.

"I promised that if he stopped all the crap he was doing that I'd go back." He replied before looking down at her when they came to a stop at a red light.

Her eyes went wide, her mouth opening just a bit in surprise before she asked, "Are you going to keep that promise?"

"I am, but there are some things I want to settle first before I even consider going back. Plus, he's got to show that he actually means what he said. I also told him that I'll go back on my own terms and nobody else's." He added, seeing that spark come into her eyes which melted his heart. A wide smile painted her lips before she leaned up and kissed him softly. "I'm proud of you Steve." She whispered against his lips causing him to smile before hearing a horn honk from behind him due to sitting still at a green light.

Natasha laughed softly as he started forward, tucking herself into his side again and letting out a small content sigh. She was glad that he was going to go back. But to be fair, she wondered if he would actually enjoy it and be able to settle back into the old lifestyle and if he would miss Rye. She knew she would miss the little place, even just having been there for the short amount of time, she had become accustomed to the little town, liking it probably just as much as he did. It was peaceful and quiet, no noise, no fighting, nothing. It was like a page from a Home and Garden magazine, and she loved it, even if she didn't say it out loud. It was then that an idea popped in her head causing her to bite the inside of her cheek as she thought for a few moments on it as they rode in silence. She decided that she would bring it up to him later once they were far away from London, where he could think about it and they could talk about it in more detail without the thoughts from the day getting in the way.

It didn't take long for them to get to an old abandoned warehouse where T'Challa drove to one of the main doors and parked. He got out and went over to open the large sliding door, revealing the jet as well as a carrier jet. "Drive the truck over there and they'll get it loaded for you." He said to Steve who nodded and did as he was told. He'd shut the truck off before he got out, helping Natasha out and smiling softly down at her then going around to the back to get their suitcases out of the bed. He pulled his arm back when she went to get her bag, earning a smirk and a kiss to the nose as she huffed up a bit. He'd laugh softly as he said, "This way Ms. Romanoff." She'd laugh softly at his playful tone and shake her head before walking over with him and into the smaller jet that would take them to China. He'd let out a small breath, his nerves finally calming down a bit as they sat down side by side and buckled themselves in while T'Challa went up to the front and sat down in the pilot's seat.

Natasha would reach over and take his hand, lacing their fingers together with a smile as she laid her head against his shoulder. Steve would smile and rest his head against hers with a small hum while the jet began to move and before they knew it, they were in the sky.


End file.
